Okay I guess this is a relationship question but it is so bizarre.

Guy #1: I have this guy friend who I am attracted to but right now has a slew of problems, including the fact he keeps getting in trouble. I want to be with him but unless he gets his life together I can't. His baggage is a lot, financial problems, addictions and so much more. I'm glad he's not a father because for now he'd make a horrible one. He's not a bad boy, just with problems.

Guy #2: This guy is friendly to me at church but hasn't asked me out so he could be friendly and not interested. I think he's much older than me but never asked. I don't know anything about him. I'm not attracted to him in anyway. This guy is strange, one week he's trying to corner me, the next seems to avoid me. Of course that could be for awhile he kept trying to talk to me but I didn't want to talk to him. I realized that was mean but didn't want to encourage him.

Guy #3: Never met this one but I have a free profile on Match and this guy emailed me. Normally I ignore the messages since I can't read them and this profile goes back years. He had his photo, I Googled and found out he is in the choir of a local church that several I know sing at. I am thinking of asking them if he knows him.

I wish things would be more simple. I really like guy 1 and I hope guy 2 isn't interested. I am afraid to contact guy 3 because that might be crazy, not to mention being obsessed with guy 1 (though that is fading).

Okay I guess this is a relationship question but it is so bizarre.

Guy #1: I have this guy friend who I am attracted to but right now has a slew of problems, including the fact he keeps getting in trouble. I want to be with him but unless he gets his life together I can't. His baggage is a lot, financial problems, addictions and so much more. I'm glad he's not a father because for now he'd make a horrible one. He's not a bad boy, just with problems.

Guy #2: This guy is friendly to me at church but hasn't asked me out so he could be friendly and not interested. I think he's much older than me but never asked. I don't know anything about him. I'm not attracted to him in anyway. This guy is strange, one week he's trying to corner me, the next seems to avoid me. Of course that could be for awhile he kept trying to talk to me but I didn't want to talk to him. I realized that was mean but didn't want to encourage him.

Based on what you've written.... Especially with #1.


http://loveforsuccessfulwomen.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/RedFlags.jpg

It is weird and people ask me what my relationship is with guy 1 because we act like a couple (or did until he got moody lately). I have no relationship with guy 3 and guy 2 only see him around town and we don't talk that much. I looked up the third guy and if it's true on a search site he's 10 years older than what his profile says. I wouldn't just contact 3, that would appear stalkerish.

It is weird and people ask me what my relationship is with guy 1 because we act like a couple (or did until he got moody lately). I have no relationship with guy 3 and guy 2 only see him around town and we don't talk that much. I looked up the third guy and if it's true on a search site he's 10 years older than what his profile says. I wouldn't just contact 3, that would appear stalkerish.

Number 3 seems a bit creepy. Saying he is 10 years younger than his real age? So, if he is really 40, he is saying he is 30? O.O

My brother's FB relationship status is "It's Complicated" for awhile....now he's back in a relationship with Yoko!

I might as well face it...they're gonna get married and I'll have someone when Cleveland wins a Championship. Yoko caught the bouquet and my brother got the garter.

Looks like there's no one for me in the cards that I hold, and I know that my brother will propose to her this Christmas and get married next St. Patrick's Day...only one song I will play when that happens...

1Wn04VG_D3g

I will also have to face Yoko throughout 2016...I expect the worst next year!

Number 3 seems a bit creepy. Saying he is 10 years younger than his real age? So, if he is really 40, he is saying he is 30? O.O

I don't know. He says he is 50 (I am 44)but when I Googled him I found a search site that says he's between 60-64. Could be wrong or he could be. I've found a lot of guys who lie on dating sites which is why I generally don't do them.

My brother's FB relationship status is "It's Complicated" for awhile....now he's back in a relationship with Yoko!

I might as well face it...they're gonna get married and I'll have someone when Cleveland wins a Championship. Yoko caught the bouquet and my brother got the garter.

Looks like there's no one for me in the cards that I hold, and I know that my brother will propose to her this Christmas and get married next St. Patrick's Day...only one song I will play when that happens...

1Wn04VG_D3g

I will also have to face Yoko throughout 2016...I expect the worst next year!

That's sad. I'm not going to say you'll find someone because I hate when people say that, but you seem cool. Maybe you'll meet someone or eventually won't care. I forget, how old are you? I never thought I would be 44 (45 in January)and still single. I was so sure I'd get married around 30 or so once I was finished with all my schooling (I got my masters at 33 though). It really is slim pickings as one ages, guys I never considered 10 years ago are often what I find. That and guys I'd never date.

That's sad. I'm not going to say you'll find someone because I hate when people say that, but you seem cool. Maybe you'll meet someone or eventually won't care. I forget, how old are you? I never thought I would be 44 (45 in January)and still single. I was so sure I'd get married around 30 or so once I was finished with all my schooling (I got my masters at 33 though). It really is slim pickings as one ages, guys I never considered 10 years ago are often what I find. That and guys I'd never date.

I won't doubt that I'll be the last to get married...some logic...I'm the oldest sibling yet the last one to have his life together and probably get married...

WHERE'S THE LOGIC?!

I'm better saying this...

jixeE8gkT-s

And yes...I am very charismatic, though I feel that I've hurt a friend I want to mend bridges even once they're burnt. But I feel that I'm a bad Christian or like Robin Williams...making everyone happy but me.

I know how you feel. My brother is 4 years older yet has been married 15 years. My cousins are mostly married and all are younger. Even my much younger cousins are getting married now. It's frustrating when I'm seeing people young enough to be my kids get married now too.

Forgive me for being totally blunt, but Guy#1 sounds like a loser. Why would you be remotely interested in anyone who is getting trouble and has both addiction and financial problems? Move on, and focus on someone else; someone who doesn't have a lot of "Red Flags"attached to him.

Guy #2, if he is interested, and you are not, just politely tell him that you are not, and also move on.

Why are you afraid to contact Guy #3? Out of the men you mentioned, if seems to be the best one of the bunch. What do you have to lose? Go for it :)

Also if you are obsessed with Guy#1 that is not healthy, and makes life more complicated. I will start erasing him from your life, and stop looking for someone whom is a perfect match for you; it might not happen over night, but it might happen sooner than you expect. Anyway, I apologize if I was harsh in my opinion of about Guy #1, but he sounds like a total mess, and you do not want to get involved with someone like that, because he will make your life a mess too. :wave:


Yeah he is a mess which is why we are friends only. I'm not interested in being his mom (he has one). He's actually a good guy when sober so hoping he goes back to that again. The reason I am leery about contacting guy 3 is because I don't have online so I'd have to contact him another way. This may appear stalkerish saying "hey I Googled your photo and found your Facebook page). Unfortunately my age is the reason finding a man is pretty hard.

I help him to the best I can. He's a sweet guy just messed up. I always had trouble finding men due to my standards.

I would try to contact guy 3. Maybe exchange emails back and forth for awhile no harm in that. If you do meet, meet somewhere like for coffee or someplace in public so if things don't click you can always "use the bathroom" and never come back. Guy 1 scares me more than the rest to be perfectly honest.

I know how you feel. My brother is 4 years older yet has been married 15 years. My cousins are mostly married and all are younger. Even my much younger cousins are getting married now. It's frustrating when I'm seeing people young enough to be my kids get married now too.

I'm 33 and I haven't found someone to call my own...people say "put yourself out there" and others say "don't even look".

I feel God cursed me to be alone until I die!

I may even ask to have an arranged marriage...

There is nothing wrong about having standards. Lowering your standards so you can be in a relationship is always a bad move. IllinoisTVFan, I hope that you will find someone special and soon. I believe everyone has someone "special" out there; a little patience and an open mind goes a long way; and sometimes when we are not even looking is when we find the right person. :)

Thanks. Yeah sometimes it does happen when we aren't looking. I've got a lot going on now.


I would try to contact guy 3. Maybe exchange emails back and forth for awhile no harm in that. If you do meet, meet somewhere like for coffee or someplace in public so if things don't click you can always "use the bathroom" and never come back. Guy 1 scares me more than the rest to be perfectly honest.

The only thing is that I would be looking for him on other places. Meaning I may contact him online. I don't do online dating because of my bad experiences.

Okay an update: I asked friends of mine about guy #2 at church. I wasn't sure of his intentions so I asked them what they knew of him. Turns out he is mentally challenged and is friendly to everyone. I actually feel bad thinking mean thoughts but have had many men creep me out so I am leery.

I want guy #1 but he's not relationship material now. I am trying to let it go and see where it leads but am scared. I think part of it is because of I failed in other ways and I hope it becomes more because not many good men.

Guy #3 I decided not to contact. The reason is because I don't know anyone who knows him. I found his resume online and asked a few people if they knew him but no one does. I'm afraid if I contact on Facebook I'll look like a stalker.