Friend, when you are sad, I will get you drunk and help you plot
revenge
against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

When you are blue, I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile, I'll know you finally got laid.
When you are scared, I will rag you about it every chance I get.

When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much
worse
it could be and to quit whining.

When you are confused, I will use little words to explain it to your
dumb
ass.

When you are sick, stay away from me until you're well again. I don't
want
whatever you have.

When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath, I pledge until the end. Why you may ask? Because
you're my
friend!

A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move
a
body.

Keep saying that and you'll have a million friends dontcha think? ;)