Chocoholic
04-02-2002, 12:59 AM
>If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
>If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
>If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
>If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the
>line so we can trace your call.
>If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the
>mother ship.
>
>If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell
>you which number to press.
>If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
>press--no one will answer.
>If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
>If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a
>representative comes on the line.
>
>If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number,
>date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
>If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press
>000.
>If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or
>before the beep. Or, after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
>
>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>
>If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too
>busy to talk with you.
>
>If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
>If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
>If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the
>line so we can trace your call.
>If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the
>mother ship.
>
>If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell
>you which number to press.
>If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
>press--no one will answer.
>If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
>If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a
>representative comes on the line.
>
>If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number,
>date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
>If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press
>000.
>If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or
>before the beep. Or, after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
>
>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>
>If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too
>busy to talk with you.
>