Frank Gannucci
03-21-2014, 07:15 AM
Episode Reviews: “I Remember Mau Au” & “Six Months To Live” (’52 version):
Episode #164
DVD: Attached to “Mad Dogs & Englishmen”, “Curse of The Kramdens”, “Framed In Spain” & “Manager of The Baseball Team” (’57 version.)
At a shop in Spain (I think), everyone is buying sporting equipment or doing other things sports-related. They dance as they sing to: "Everybody Lives In A World of Sorts." After that, the Kramdens and Nortons enter. The girls want to buy some bathing suits. They plan to go to the Riviera. Ed wants a bathing suit with strips with chartreuse and fuchsia with sequins. Ed: “I am the Liberace of the sewer. In 1937, I introduced the dootskin (sp?) boots lined with pussycat fur.” Ralph thinks that Ed is nuts. The man shows them a very small box that has six bathing suits inside that are popular in the Riviera. The audience laughs. He shows them a very revealing bathing suit that would still be revealing today and Ralph objects to it. Ed: "Get with the times Ralph. If Alice wants one, get her one." Trixie: "Can I get one two?" Ed: "You do and I will break your arm." Alice: “They are called bikinis.” Ralph: “I think I know why. It was left over after they dropped the bomb.” Ralph says that she will wear one of those one piece bathing suits or she will wear the one the one I gave you last year." Alice: "I can't wear the latter Ralph. It has a hole in the knee." The man (played by George Petrie) shows the girls where the dressing room is. They go to try them on. Ed goes to buy a bathing suit. The man asks Ed what his measurement is. Ed says that he doesn’t know but he remembers that he wears a 36 inch cummerbund. The man measures Ed and it is determined that his measurement is 36.5 inches. The man goes to measure Ralph since he wants a bathing suit too and the man's measuring tape doesn't even fit around Ralph's waist. The man goes to find a bathing suit for the boys. Ralph & Ed look around. Ed picks up a cricket bat. Ed: "What is it used for?" Ralph: "To kill crickets." Ed takes a sword out and Ralph tells him to watch it with that thing. Ed doesn’t and accidentally breaks a female mannequin. Ralph “repairs” it. He has the upper body facing the opposite way of the lower body. An old lady (played by Zelma Cunningham) sees this and Ed explains that it is the latest thing for swimming the backstroke. She leaves.
A game hunter (played by Frank Marth) comes in with his game hunting attire. He lives in Africa. He takes hunting expeditions and safaris into the jungle. He goes somewhere else in the shop. Ralph is all happy. He wants to go on a safari. They talk about the possibility of bringing to the Raccoons the head of a tiger that they caught. Ed then reveals a small piece of history about the Raccoons. It was called the Raccoons because one of the members ran over one with his car. The boys say that since they won the Flakey-Wakey slogan contest and because of that, they have the final say over where they should go. I don't know about you but I rather go to the Riviera than on a safari. They sing: “We Are A Couple of Hunters.” The man that did the measuring comes back and Ralph tells him the news that they are now going to Africa. Ralph instructs the man to get the big game hunter that is around because he wants to talk to them. They leave as the June Taylor Dancers sing “"Everybody Lives In A World of Sorts."
At a hut, the girls are bringing stuff in. Trixie and Alice are very tired. Ed scares the girls by wearing a witch doctor's mask. Ralph is busy talking to the natives. The natives don't like the idea of carrying Ralph over the rough spots. Ralph comes in with a ridiculous looking coat on. Ralph says that he wanted to become a big-game hunter and he explains what it would be like for him to catch an animal and when he gets to the part about him shooting an animal up in the tree, Ed says: “Don’t shoot Ralph. It’s me.” Ralph is not amused. The girls say that for them, going into the safari is dangerous. Ralph says it is not. He has taken all the precautions. Ralph says that one woman had bagged an elephant. Ralph "Would you like to bag an elephant Alice?" Alice: "I already did." Ralph says that, according to his guide, they have to be at the Whambezi River by nightfall. Ed: "Why? I will tell you why. Because if you want to take a bath in the Zambezi River, you should do it while the crocodiles are sleeping. It is not dangerous. But, if you lose the soap, don’t look for it." Looks like Jackie said Whambezi instead of Zambezi. Trixie says she can’t go because she has a headache. Ed tries to get rid of it by scaring her with the mask again. That doesn’t work. The girls leave the room. Ralph practices using his gun while not shooting it. Ralph: "Did you oil your gun?" Ed: "I didn't have to. It wasn't squeaking." Ed checks to see if it is loaded. He points the gun at Ralph which scares Ralph. Ralph: "You carry only the camera since if I miss anything, you can take a picture of it and run away." The guide comes to get everybody for the safari. Ed claims that the gun is not loaded. Ralph: “If it was, you could have blown my head off.” Ed: “You heal fast. You could grow another one.” Ralph finally lets Ed carry a gun that Ed claims is not loaded. As Ed has the gun, you can see a boom camera appear on screen for a few seconds. When Ed pulls the trigger at the ceiling, it is revealed that it WAS LOADED. The gun shot scares Ralph but the "bullet" touches nobody and only damages the hut.
At the camping site, the girls are tired of having to cook and do all the other things that Ralph and Ed tell them to do. They are scared of all the sounds of the jungle. Ralph, Ed and the guide are out hunting. Ralph & Ed have also been eating and sleeping and hunting while the girls do all the work as well. I would love to see an actual hunting scene with Ralph and Ed. The girls sing: "We Must Be Out Of Our Minds." Ralph and the big game hunter come back. Ralph says that the girls have been bored stiff. Ralph claims that he had a big day. He talks about hunting an animal. He killed it…a rabbit. A rabbit that doesn't even look like it was real, but one that you would find in a kids' bedroom. Alice: "You could have gotten that in Disneyland?" Ralph says that the rabbit lost a lot of weight when he was chasing him. Alice: "The chase didn't make you lose weight." Ralph goes to the natives with the rabbit to make sure they will skin it and stuff it. A gun shot is heard. It came from Ed's gun. Ed: "Is Ralph back from camp yet?" Ralph: "Yes." Ed: "Oh that was an elephant I shot." When Ralph hears that Ed killed an elephant, he gets jealous. Ralph and Ed want to get some sleep before dinner. Alice then says to Trixie to help her put the wet leaves on a grill that is right near Ralph's tent so they can blow smoke in Ralph's direction. Question: How could Ralph not hear Alice when Alice is a few feet away from him? I guess that we were supposed to believe that Ralph goes to sleep very fast. Ralph is coughing because of it. Alice says to Ralph that she is cooking. Ralph: "Watch out! I'm not on the menu." Alice pours water over Ralph's legs. Alice claims that she slipped. Alice: "Look out Trixie! There's a snake!" Ralph wakes up and accidentally forces the tent to come down. Alice: "You must have scared the snake away. Alice: “You are living just like Clyde Beatty.” Ralph: “If I was, I would be glad to be dragged in a cage of lions just to get away.” Alice and Trixie leave. Ralph and Ed say they are miserable here too. Ed: "Let's leave before the girls get back." Ralph concocts a plan to get them to leave here. Since the big game hunter shot a gorilla the other day, Ralph says he will disguise himself as a gorilla suit that will scare the girls. He leaves. Ed goes into another direction. Ralph comes back with the gorilla skin and wonders where Ed is. He leaves the site.
A "real" gorilla shows up. It is so obvious that the "gorilla" is not a real one. Ed comes by and thinks somehow thinks that the gorilla is Ralph. Boy is Ed dumb. Ed thinks that Ralph is hot in that costume and tries to get the “mask” off by wrapping his arms around the gorilla’s head. He can’t. The gorilla “lifts” Ed off the ground by a few inches a couple of times. The “gorilla” makes noises. Ralph comes by. Ralph: “There you are Norton.” Ralph is scared because he sees a gorilla. Ed hears Ralph but somehow doesn’t notice that Ralph is behind him until he turns around and gets scared. The girls come by and get scared. They scare off the "real" gorilla. Ralph says that they are leaving because he says he wants to protect the girls and because all of them are scared. He says that is the dumbest thing he has ever done. They all sing: “We Must Be Out Of Our Minds.” After that, they embrace.
At the curtain call, Jackie sets up a chair and says that he is dead. Jackie: “Did you see me climbing out of that tent? That tent for a guy my size, it is like a girdle. Last time, I figured wasn’t coming out.” Jackie introduces the “gorilla.” The “gorilla” comes out costume and all and walking and standing like a gorilla. Jackie: “This is not a gorilla. It is a new comedian that CBS is grooming. He is the only one strong enough to do this every week. You can go back. There will be peanuts and coconuts in the back for all.” The “gorilla” leaves. Jackie introduces the main cast. They leave with Art taking the folding chair. Jackie introduces Ray Bloch, the orchestra leader. The camera zooms in on Ray. Jackie introduces Lyn Duddy and Jerry Bressler. They come out and leave. Jackie introduces Marvin Marx, Walter Stone and Herb Finn. Jackie says that Marvin Marx is now a father to Gregory Marx and he and his wife are “now” in St. Michael Hospital in Newark, NJ. Jackie wishes them happiness. Jackie and the audience give them a round of applause just to show them how happy they are for them. Jackie also calls out Stanley Poss (who off-camera, is saying that Jackie has one minute) who him and his wife “just” had a kid. Jackie wonders if Stanley told the doctors had one minute left. Jackie: “I know I have a minute. A minute can be a long time when you have nothing to say. A funny thing happened to me and I wish I can think of it.” Audience applauds. Jackie says good night.
The announcer says that next week, Old Gold Cigarettes are going to sponsor the first half of the Jackie Gleason Show. The Glea Girls come out one by one as the announcer attempts to say EVERY NAME on the credit roll.
This episode is very similar to "Vacation at Fred's Landing." That episode was done twice (or three times if the Lost Episode DVD booklet and wikipedia.org are to be believed) as a lost episode, again as a 1957 Trip to Europe episode so to speak and again as a color Trip To Europe episode. No wonder Jackie didn't do an official color remake of "Vacation at Fred's Landing." By the end of the color versions of the Trip To Europe episodes, he may have gotten tired of remaking the episode after technically four or five times.
I should also mention that after this episode, Jackie said no more countries and that the main characters are back to Brooklyn.
Credit to tv.com
Episode #165
DVD: Still lost.
I haven't seen this version, but I do have the earlier version. I am assuming that it's one and the same for the most part.
Alice is home. Trixie visits. Alice is talking about her mother's dog being sick and having to be taken to the doctor. It costs Alice $10. It was more expensive to have the doctor give the dog a check-up then it did Ralph when he recently visited the doctor.
Ralph and Ed come in. Ed wants a kiss from Trixie. But she says no. One of the reasons is that he worked in the sewer all day. Trixie goes upstairs. Ralph tells a story that while he was on the bus today, he met a man who said that he was George Washington. The man annoyed Ralph and the customers for a while so Ralph got him off the bus by stopping sand saying: ‘This Is Valley Forge.’” Alice leaves to go get the wash. Ed asks Ralph if he wants to go see a movie tonight. Ralph says no. He thinks that there is something wrong with him since he went to the doctor. The telegram is sent in. Ralph gets the telegram from the delivery man and when the man holds out his hand expecting a tip, Ralph says: "Your hand is very dirty." Ralph: “I hope there is something wrong with me. That way, I can go down to Paul’s Landing and do some fishing.” Doesn’t Ralph know that when you are sick and have to stay at home from your job, you shouldn’t go on vacation? Ralph reads the telegram aloud to Ed. Ralph: “A severe case of manochromia exists. This is the type of disease that normally affects Boxers. The signs are: blue tongue, hair falling out and irritability. Keep him away from your mother as people will become vulnerable to the disease he is carrying." He continues reading the telegram. Ralph thinks that the letter is about him and he is dying. Ed: "Doctors can be wrong to you know. Take a friend of mine, the doctor gave him six months to live. He lived for almost eight months." Ralph blames the disease on his job. Ralph: “I am headed up to that big bus depot in the sky.” Ralph thought he would never go out this way. It’s been a real struggle ever since he was born according to him. He can’t believe the way he is going out. Ed leave, but not after asking Ralph what size bowling shoes he wears.
Alice comes down. She sings: “I am walking alone.” Ralph (yells): “WILL YOU STOP SINGING THAT SONG?” Alice doesn’t comply and if she wanted to, she will sing it for the next six months. Ralph looks at his tongue in the mirror to see if it is blue. Ralph: “I just want to look at my tongue.” Alice: “Why don’t you go down to the butcher’s? They have a lot of them.” After that, he asks for a saucer of warm milk and he wants it in his bedroom. Alice: “One of these days, they are going to take you away.” Ralph: “That is right.” Ralph wants Alice to sit down. Ralph wants to talk to her. Ralph: “I want a man-to-man conversation with you. He talks about would she marry another guy if Ralph died. Alice: “No, unless the right guy came along and I was lonely.” Ralph can’t blame her because she is in the prime of life and he is going to die soon. He then talks about what it would be like if she met another guy after Ralph died. Ralph: “When I die, bury me in my overcoat.” Alice: “Don’t worry. You are strong as a horse.” Ralph: “I suppose you never saw a dead horse.” Alice: “Now that you mentioned it, there is a resemblance.” Ralph: “You try to steam me. YOU GOT ME STEAMED. I tried to save you some aggravation. Read that (the telegram.)” She does. She laughs uncontrollably while Ralph thinks that she has no heart. Alice tells him that he is not dying and this telegram is for mom's dog. She explains the significance of the telegram. Ralph is happy that he is not dying after all. He and Alice laugh together. Ralph: “You are married to the World’s No. 1 Maniac.” Alice: “I love my maniac.” They hug and kiss.
Episode #164
DVD: Attached to “Mad Dogs & Englishmen”, “Curse of The Kramdens”, “Framed In Spain” & “Manager of The Baseball Team” (’57 version.)
At a shop in Spain (I think), everyone is buying sporting equipment or doing other things sports-related. They dance as they sing to: "Everybody Lives In A World of Sorts." After that, the Kramdens and Nortons enter. The girls want to buy some bathing suits. They plan to go to the Riviera. Ed wants a bathing suit with strips with chartreuse and fuchsia with sequins. Ed: “I am the Liberace of the sewer. In 1937, I introduced the dootskin (sp?) boots lined with pussycat fur.” Ralph thinks that Ed is nuts. The man shows them a very small box that has six bathing suits inside that are popular in the Riviera. The audience laughs. He shows them a very revealing bathing suit that would still be revealing today and Ralph objects to it. Ed: "Get with the times Ralph. If Alice wants one, get her one." Trixie: "Can I get one two?" Ed: "You do and I will break your arm." Alice: “They are called bikinis.” Ralph: “I think I know why. It was left over after they dropped the bomb.” Ralph says that she will wear one of those one piece bathing suits or she will wear the one the one I gave you last year." Alice: "I can't wear the latter Ralph. It has a hole in the knee." The man (played by George Petrie) shows the girls where the dressing room is. They go to try them on. Ed goes to buy a bathing suit. The man asks Ed what his measurement is. Ed says that he doesn’t know but he remembers that he wears a 36 inch cummerbund. The man measures Ed and it is determined that his measurement is 36.5 inches. The man goes to measure Ralph since he wants a bathing suit too and the man's measuring tape doesn't even fit around Ralph's waist. The man goes to find a bathing suit for the boys. Ralph & Ed look around. Ed picks up a cricket bat. Ed: "What is it used for?" Ralph: "To kill crickets." Ed takes a sword out and Ralph tells him to watch it with that thing. Ed doesn’t and accidentally breaks a female mannequin. Ralph “repairs” it. He has the upper body facing the opposite way of the lower body. An old lady (played by Zelma Cunningham) sees this and Ed explains that it is the latest thing for swimming the backstroke. She leaves.
A game hunter (played by Frank Marth) comes in with his game hunting attire. He lives in Africa. He takes hunting expeditions and safaris into the jungle. He goes somewhere else in the shop. Ralph is all happy. He wants to go on a safari. They talk about the possibility of bringing to the Raccoons the head of a tiger that they caught. Ed then reveals a small piece of history about the Raccoons. It was called the Raccoons because one of the members ran over one with his car. The boys say that since they won the Flakey-Wakey slogan contest and because of that, they have the final say over where they should go. I don't know about you but I rather go to the Riviera than on a safari. They sing: “We Are A Couple of Hunters.” The man that did the measuring comes back and Ralph tells him the news that they are now going to Africa. Ralph instructs the man to get the big game hunter that is around because he wants to talk to them. They leave as the June Taylor Dancers sing “"Everybody Lives In A World of Sorts."
At a hut, the girls are bringing stuff in. Trixie and Alice are very tired. Ed scares the girls by wearing a witch doctor's mask. Ralph is busy talking to the natives. The natives don't like the idea of carrying Ralph over the rough spots. Ralph comes in with a ridiculous looking coat on. Ralph says that he wanted to become a big-game hunter and he explains what it would be like for him to catch an animal and when he gets to the part about him shooting an animal up in the tree, Ed says: “Don’t shoot Ralph. It’s me.” Ralph is not amused. The girls say that for them, going into the safari is dangerous. Ralph says it is not. He has taken all the precautions. Ralph says that one woman had bagged an elephant. Ralph "Would you like to bag an elephant Alice?" Alice: "I already did." Ralph says that, according to his guide, they have to be at the Whambezi River by nightfall. Ed: "Why? I will tell you why. Because if you want to take a bath in the Zambezi River, you should do it while the crocodiles are sleeping. It is not dangerous. But, if you lose the soap, don’t look for it." Looks like Jackie said Whambezi instead of Zambezi. Trixie says she can’t go because she has a headache. Ed tries to get rid of it by scaring her with the mask again. That doesn’t work. The girls leave the room. Ralph practices using his gun while not shooting it. Ralph: "Did you oil your gun?" Ed: "I didn't have to. It wasn't squeaking." Ed checks to see if it is loaded. He points the gun at Ralph which scares Ralph. Ralph: "You carry only the camera since if I miss anything, you can take a picture of it and run away." The guide comes to get everybody for the safari. Ed claims that the gun is not loaded. Ralph: “If it was, you could have blown my head off.” Ed: “You heal fast. You could grow another one.” Ralph finally lets Ed carry a gun that Ed claims is not loaded. As Ed has the gun, you can see a boom camera appear on screen for a few seconds. When Ed pulls the trigger at the ceiling, it is revealed that it WAS LOADED. The gun shot scares Ralph but the "bullet" touches nobody and only damages the hut.
At the camping site, the girls are tired of having to cook and do all the other things that Ralph and Ed tell them to do. They are scared of all the sounds of the jungle. Ralph, Ed and the guide are out hunting. Ralph & Ed have also been eating and sleeping and hunting while the girls do all the work as well. I would love to see an actual hunting scene with Ralph and Ed. The girls sing: "We Must Be Out Of Our Minds." Ralph and the big game hunter come back. Ralph says that the girls have been bored stiff. Ralph claims that he had a big day. He talks about hunting an animal. He killed it…a rabbit. A rabbit that doesn't even look like it was real, but one that you would find in a kids' bedroom. Alice: "You could have gotten that in Disneyland?" Ralph says that the rabbit lost a lot of weight when he was chasing him. Alice: "The chase didn't make you lose weight." Ralph goes to the natives with the rabbit to make sure they will skin it and stuff it. A gun shot is heard. It came from Ed's gun. Ed: "Is Ralph back from camp yet?" Ralph: "Yes." Ed: "Oh that was an elephant I shot." When Ralph hears that Ed killed an elephant, he gets jealous. Ralph and Ed want to get some sleep before dinner. Alice then says to Trixie to help her put the wet leaves on a grill that is right near Ralph's tent so they can blow smoke in Ralph's direction. Question: How could Ralph not hear Alice when Alice is a few feet away from him? I guess that we were supposed to believe that Ralph goes to sleep very fast. Ralph is coughing because of it. Alice says to Ralph that she is cooking. Ralph: "Watch out! I'm not on the menu." Alice pours water over Ralph's legs. Alice claims that she slipped. Alice: "Look out Trixie! There's a snake!" Ralph wakes up and accidentally forces the tent to come down. Alice: "You must have scared the snake away. Alice: “You are living just like Clyde Beatty.” Ralph: “If I was, I would be glad to be dragged in a cage of lions just to get away.” Alice and Trixie leave. Ralph and Ed say they are miserable here too. Ed: "Let's leave before the girls get back." Ralph concocts a plan to get them to leave here. Since the big game hunter shot a gorilla the other day, Ralph says he will disguise himself as a gorilla suit that will scare the girls. He leaves. Ed goes into another direction. Ralph comes back with the gorilla skin and wonders where Ed is. He leaves the site.
A "real" gorilla shows up. It is so obvious that the "gorilla" is not a real one. Ed comes by and thinks somehow thinks that the gorilla is Ralph. Boy is Ed dumb. Ed thinks that Ralph is hot in that costume and tries to get the “mask” off by wrapping his arms around the gorilla’s head. He can’t. The gorilla “lifts” Ed off the ground by a few inches a couple of times. The “gorilla” makes noises. Ralph comes by. Ralph: “There you are Norton.” Ralph is scared because he sees a gorilla. Ed hears Ralph but somehow doesn’t notice that Ralph is behind him until he turns around and gets scared. The girls come by and get scared. They scare off the "real" gorilla. Ralph says that they are leaving because he says he wants to protect the girls and because all of them are scared. He says that is the dumbest thing he has ever done. They all sing: “We Must Be Out Of Our Minds.” After that, they embrace.
At the curtain call, Jackie sets up a chair and says that he is dead. Jackie: “Did you see me climbing out of that tent? That tent for a guy my size, it is like a girdle. Last time, I figured wasn’t coming out.” Jackie introduces the “gorilla.” The “gorilla” comes out costume and all and walking and standing like a gorilla. Jackie: “This is not a gorilla. It is a new comedian that CBS is grooming. He is the only one strong enough to do this every week. You can go back. There will be peanuts and coconuts in the back for all.” The “gorilla” leaves. Jackie introduces the main cast. They leave with Art taking the folding chair. Jackie introduces Ray Bloch, the orchestra leader. The camera zooms in on Ray. Jackie introduces Lyn Duddy and Jerry Bressler. They come out and leave. Jackie introduces Marvin Marx, Walter Stone and Herb Finn. Jackie says that Marvin Marx is now a father to Gregory Marx and he and his wife are “now” in St. Michael Hospital in Newark, NJ. Jackie wishes them happiness. Jackie and the audience give them a round of applause just to show them how happy they are for them. Jackie also calls out Stanley Poss (who off-camera, is saying that Jackie has one minute) who him and his wife “just” had a kid. Jackie wonders if Stanley told the doctors had one minute left. Jackie: “I know I have a minute. A minute can be a long time when you have nothing to say. A funny thing happened to me and I wish I can think of it.” Audience applauds. Jackie says good night.
The announcer says that next week, Old Gold Cigarettes are going to sponsor the first half of the Jackie Gleason Show. The Glea Girls come out one by one as the announcer attempts to say EVERY NAME on the credit roll.
This episode is very similar to "Vacation at Fred's Landing." That episode was done twice (or three times if the Lost Episode DVD booklet and wikipedia.org are to be believed) as a lost episode, again as a 1957 Trip to Europe episode so to speak and again as a color Trip To Europe episode. No wonder Jackie didn't do an official color remake of "Vacation at Fred's Landing." By the end of the color versions of the Trip To Europe episodes, he may have gotten tired of remaking the episode after technically four or five times.
I should also mention that after this episode, Jackie said no more countries and that the main characters are back to Brooklyn.
Credit to tv.com
Episode #165
DVD: Still lost.
I haven't seen this version, but I do have the earlier version. I am assuming that it's one and the same for the most part.
Alice is home. Trixie visits. Alice is talking about her mother's dog being sick and having to be taken to the doctor. It costs Alice $10. It was more expensive to have the doctor give the dog a check-up then it did Ralph when he recently visited the doctor.
Ralph and Ed come in. Ed wants a kiss from Trixie. But she says no. One of the reasons is that he worked in the sewer all day. Trixie goes upstairs. Ralph tells a story that while he was on the bus today, he met a man who said that he was George Washington. The man annoyed Ralph and the customers for a while so Ralph got him off the bus by stopping sand saying: ‘This Is Valley Forge.’” Alice leaves to go get the wash. Ed asks Ralph if he wants to go see a movie tonight. Ralph says no. He thinks that there is something wrong with him since he went to the doctor. The telegram is sent in. Ralph gets the telegram from the delivery man and when the man holds out his hand expecting a tip, Ralph says: "Your hand is very dirty." Ralph: “I hope there is something wrong with me. That way, I can go down to Paul’s Landing and do some fishing.” Doesn’t Ralph know that when you are sick and have to stay at home from your job, you shouldn’t go on vacation? Ralph reads the telegram aloud to Ed. Ralph: “A severe case of manochromia exists. This is the type of disease that normally affects Boxers. The signs are: blue tongue, hair falling out and irritability. Keep him away from your mother as people will become vulnerable to the disease he is carrying." He continues reading the telegram. Ralph thinks that the letter is about him and he is dying. Ed: "Doctors can be wrong to you know. Take a friend of mine, the doctor gave him six months to live. He lived for almost eight months." Ralph blames the disease on his job. Ralph: “I am headed up to that big bus depot in the sky.” Ralph thought he would never go out this way. It’s been a real struggle ever since he was born according to him. He can’t believe the way he is going out. Ed leave, but not after asking Ralph what size bowling shoes he wears.
Alice comes down. She sings: “I am walking alone.” Ralph (yells): “WILL YOU STOP SINGING THAT SONG?” Alice doesn’t comply and if she wanted to, she will sing it for the next six months. Ralph looks at his tongue in the mirror to see if it is blue. Ralph: “I just want to look at my tongue.” Alice: “Why don’t you go down to the butcher’s? They have a lot of them.” After that, he asks for a saucer of warm milk and he wants it in his bedroom. Alice: “One of these days, they are going to take you away.” Ralph: “That is right.” Ralph wants Alice to sit down. Ralph wants to talk to her. Ralph: “I want a man-to-man conversation with you. He talks about would she marry another guy if Ralph died. Alice: “No, unless the right guy came along and I was lonely.” Ralph can’t blame her because she is in the prime of life and he is going to die soon. He then talks about what it would be like if she met another guy after Ralph died. Ralph: “When I die, bury me in my overcoat.” Alice: “Don’t worry. You are strong as a horse.” Ralph: “I suppose you never saw a dead horse.” Alice: “Now that you mentioned it, there is a resemblance.” Ralph: “You try to steam me. YOU GOT ME STEAMED. I tried to save you some aggravation. Read that (the telegram.)” She does. She laughs uncontrollably while Ralph thinks that she has no heart. Alice tells him that he is not dying and this telegram is for mom's dog. She explains the significance of the telegram. Ralph is happy that he is not dying after all. He and Alice laugh together. Ralph: “You are married to the World’s No. 1 Maniac.” Alice: “I love my maniac.” They hug and kiss.