(Two people venture onto Ralph's bus.)

Man: "Let's put this fake treasure map here. This idiot driver will be foolish enough to believe that Captain Kidd has his treasure on Long Island."

Man #2: "This will be a great scam man."

(They put the map on Ralph's seat. No one notices. They leave. Ralph gets on the bus. He sees the map and his eyes are wide open.)

Ralph (yells): "OH BABY! OOOOOOOOOH BABY!" (normally): "How ironic that this ahppened to me with St. Patty's Day nearby."

(Ralph leaves his stop. Later on, at the Kramden apartment, Alice is cooking dinner. Ralph comes home.)

Ralph: "Alice, you will never believe what happened to me today. I found a map where Captain Kidd has his treasure. He has a trillion dollars worth of gold on Long Island. Me and Norton are going to go down on Long Island after our lodge meeting tonight to dig up the gold."

Alice: "Wait a minute! This whole thing seems pretty fishy to me. You found a 'real' treasure map. I am telling you this must be a scam."

Ralph: "Are you an idiot Alice? Don't you want to have a mansion, a yacht, a limo? This is our chance Alice to strike it rich. I am getting Norton's help after I agreed to split the money with him. I get 98%. He gets 2%. All I need is $5 to get two shovels."

Alice: "You are not touching the money."

Ralph: "Alice, this is our chance to make it rich. PLEASE! I GOT TO HAVE THE MONEY!"

Alice (yells): "YOU ARE NOT GETTING THE MONEY!"

Ralph (yells): "I AM! I'LL GET THE MONEY FROM ED." (normally): "Soon after we buy the shovels from Sears, we are going to strike it rich. Our estate will be like the Jackie Gleason estate."

(Audience cheers.)

(Later on that night, Ralph & Ed are out on Long Island with shovels in tow.)

Ralph: "All right Ed, here is the spot."

(Ed turns around and accidentally hits Ralph with the shovel.)

Ralph (yells): "OOOOOOOOOOOOOW! WHAT'S THE MATTER YOU MORON?"

Ed: "I'm sorry Ralph. I thought a saw a rabbit."

Ralph: "Never mind that. We are right next to the street here. I think that this treasure is right here. Let's dig."

(They do. Ed accidentally throws his dirt on Ralph.)

Ralph: "Norton? Do you want me to bury you alive?"

Ed: "No."

Ralph (yells): "THEN DON'T THROW THE DIRT ON ME. IT'S BAD ENOUGH I HAVE A WIFE WHO IS TOO STUPID."

Ed: "I know. Trixie is stupid too when I told her about our plan. How ironic that we are doing this with St. Patty's Day coming up."

(Ralph & Ed sing a song about treasure.)

(They continue digging. It is now 3am and of course, they haven't found the treasure.)

Ed: "Hey Ralph, I just noticed that X on the street. Maybe that is where the treasure is located."

Ralph (yells): "YOU STUPE! YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT EARLIER? COME ON. HOW ARE WE GOING TO DIG OVER THERE WHEN WE DON'T HAVE THE TOOLS FOR IT?"

Ed: "Ralph, we are in luck. That tool that those construction workers use for digging through the asphalt is over there. Let's use it."

Ralph: "I got to hand it to you. You come up with an idea now and then."

(Ralph gets the tool and starts drilling. Water shoots up and hits Ralph & Ed in the face. The two men who put the map on Ralph's bus laugh.)

Man: "Hey fatso! It looks like you felt for our trick. There is no treasure."

Ralph (yells): "WHY YOU? LET'S BEAT THEM UP ED."

Ed (crying): "I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE."

(A riot forms. The cops come and after hearing the news, they arrest everyone.)

(A still soaked Jackie Gleason comes out.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT."

(Audience cheers.)