View Full Version : A Honeymooners President's Day:


Frank Gannucci
02-15-2013, 06:58 PM
(Ralph is getting ready for Presidential plays that the Raccoons are putting on. He is playing George Washington.)

Ralph: "Boy, we are going to be a smash Alice. I can feel it. I hope Norton got his lines ready. He is playing Abe Lincoln."

Alice: "I think this play will be great Ralph."

Ralph: "That Mr. Faversham is going to be in the crowd tonight. Tonight, might be my big ticket to Holloywood Alice. Just think, Ralph Kramden: Actor. I will become an actor that is so smart that he doesn't rehearse and will put on shows in Miami Beach."

(Audience cheers.)

Alice: "Ralph, don't get your hopes up."

Ralph: "I am not. I am going to do George Washington proud. He would love the fact that I am playing him even though I am a couple of pounds overweight...DON'T SAY IT ALICE."

(Ed comes down dressed as Abe Lincoln. The crowd applauds.)

Ed: "Ralph, slavery is wrong. Abe Lincoln said that. Why do you have Alice at your beck and call?"

Ralph: "Oh, you are a riot Norton. I just hope that you don't screw up your lines like you always do. You better make all our presidents proud. They might all be watching. Some may be watching on the web stream."

Ed: "How could they see us through a stream? They will see themselves if they do."

Ralph: "I meant seeing us on the Internet."

Ed: "Oh!"

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: "All I know is tonight, I will make our presidents proud and tonight might be my ticket to Hollywood."

(At the end of the play, Ralph & Ed come backstage. Ralph is all upset and looked nervous while Ed is happy and calm.)

Ed: "Boy, Ralph like George W. Bush, you really laid a bomb as a President. You forgot all your lines and moved your mouth like a fish. I can't believe that you said 'I don't posses a mansion, a villa in France, a yach or a string of poloponies (polo ponies mispronounced).' That Mr. Faversham said that I had real talent and I can become a big star. I meant even follow in the footsteps of Ronald Reagan and become THE President of the USA."

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT! GET OUT! GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUT!"

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience applauds.)

Jackie: "Thank you. The Miami Beach audiences are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Audience cheers.)