View Full Version : A Honeymooners New Year's Day:


Frank Gannucci
12-29-2012, 08:00 PM
(Everyone is in Times Square.)

All (yell): "HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

(Everyone starts kissing their loved ones as confetti falls.)

Ralph (yells): "MMMMMMMMMMMMM BOY! ALICE, YOU HAVEN'T LOST YOUR STROKE. HA HA HA HA!"

Ed: "Happy New Year Ralph. Happy 2013 Alice. I have a feeling that this year will be a lucky one for me. It's lucky 13."

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: "Yeah, this will be your LUCKY year Norton."

(Everyone resumes yelling: "Happy New Year.")

(Later on, the Kramdens and Nortons are at the Hong Kong Gardens.)

Ralph: "My resolutions are to not get into any fights, not open my big mouth and not to dream too big."

Ed: "That is going to be quite a challenge for you Ralph."

Ralph: "It will be easy Norton. I will never open my BIG mouth every again. I will shout this from the rooftops."

(Ralph goes on a stage at the Hong Kong Gardens and grabs a microphone.)

Ralph (into mic, yells): "ATTENTION EVERYONE! EVERYBODY IN THE BUILDING! HERE THIS! MY RESOLUTIONS ARE NOT TO GET INTO ANY FIGHTS, NOT OPEN MY BIG MOUTH AND NOT TO DREAM TOO BIG."

Harvey (yells): "I BET YOU CAN'T RALPH. I BET YOU $2,000 THAT YOU WON'T."

Ralph (yells into mic): "THE BET IS ON. YOU WILL LOSE YOU BIG MOUTH."

Harvey (yells): "YOU WANT TO TAKE THIS OUTSIDE."

Ralph (yells): "CERTAINLY. I WILL BEAT YOU UP. I JUST GOT SOME KARATE TRAINING."

(Later on, everyone is helping Ralph get home. His face is all bruised and his eyes are swollen.)

Ed: "So much for your resolutions Ralph."

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT! GET OUT! GEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUT!"

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience applauds.)

Jackie: "How sweet it is."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "I meant it when I said that the Miami Beach New Years are the BEST"

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "First of all, let's bring out Al Roker."

(Audience cheers as Al walks on stage and shakes Jack's hand.)

Al: "Folks, that is what is going on around here. I am going to see what is going on in my neck of the woods."

(Everyone laughs.)

Jackie: "You must love being a weatherman. Jean Kean."

(The audience applauds as Jean comes on stage and kisses Jackie.)

Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."

(The audience applauds as Audrey comes on stage and kisses Jackie.)

Jackie: "Art Carney."

(The audience applauds as Art comes on stage and shakes Jackie's hand.)

Jackie (yells): "GOOD NIGHT!"

(Audience cheers.)