Frank Gannucci
12-27-2012, 05:08 PM
(MeTV):
Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Audrey Meadows as Alice Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Joyce Randolph as Trixie Norton.
All times are Eastern.
All episodes are in CC.
This schedule is for some MeTV affiliates due to the fact that some local stations in some markets may also broadcast the Honeymooners and they may take exception to MeTV wanting to show the show as well as the fact that they may want to show other things.
Sun. Dec. 30, 2012 5a #59 (aka #102) - *“One Big Happy Family”: In an effort to save money, Ralph and Ed decide to share an apartment. But life is not so sweet with Ralph and Alice and Ed and Trixie all under the same roof.
(WCiUDT4) (MeTOO in Chicago)
All times are Central.
(CC?)
Mon. Jan. 7, 2013 2a #84 (aka #72) - *“The Next Champ”: Ralph becomes the manager of a boxer he believes will be the world's next=2 0heavyweight champion.
Mon. Jan. 14, 2013 2a #85 (aka #41/#64) – “‘Anniversary Gift’/‘Finger Man’”: (For “Anniversary Gift”): Ralph is embarrassed when the anniversary gift he bought Alice is the same one Trixie bought for her. (For “Finger Man”): Ralph heroically catches a murderer on his bus, but fears for his life when the murderer escapes from jail and vows to "get the man who put the finger on him."
(WPIX) & (WPIXD) [aka New York feed of CWHD]:
(Note: The Honeymooners is not available in HD. So WPIX puts a black picture frame around the show on it's HD feed.)
(CC?)
Sun. Dec. 30, 2012 2:30a #67 (aka #69) – “Cottage for Sale (Part One)”: The Kramdens and the Nortons want to buy a summer cottage, but it's too expensive. The seller convinces them that by removing a few luxuries from the cottage, they can afford it. Ralph and Norton immediately accept the offer.
3a #68 – “Cottage for Sale (Part Two)”: Ralph and Norton soon find out that the cottage they bought is not the one they got. Alice and Trixie refuse to help fix it up. Both families blame the other for the mess that they are in. Ralph and Norton try to sell the cottage and both families make up.
3:30a #75 (aka #156) - *“Catch a Star”: At a Raccoon Lodge meeting, Ralph lies that he knows Jackie Gleason and can get him to appear at the Raccoon's annual dance. Desperately, Ralph and Norton go to the hotel where Gleason is staying and try to convince "The Great One" to appear. FUN FACT - Jackie Gleason, Art Carney, Audrey Meadows and Joyce Randolph play dual roles in this episode.
11a #013 (aka #121) - "'Twas The Night Before XMas": The Kramdens exchange presents in a Christmas episode with an O. Henry twist. Ralph is particularly proud of the gift he has for Alice: a hairpin box made of 2000 matchsticks that, he's been told, was smuggled from the palace of the Emperor of Japan.* DON'T MISS - This classic retelling of "The Gift of the Magi."
*
11:30p #014 (aka #122) - "The Man From Space": Intending to take home first prize at the Raccoon Lodge's costume ball, Ralph---unable to wangle a loan from Norton---puts together his own costume and dubs himself "The Man From Space" in a memorable episode that was originally telecast Dec. 31, 1955. Angry with Norton (who's going as the Frenchman who "built the sewers of Paris") and obsessed with winning, Ralph appropriates an assortment of household items---including a faucet, a pot, a radio tube and the icebox door---to create a costume that will, he says, make Norton's rented outfit look like "a piece of French cheesecloth." The episode contains a classic example of Jackie Gleason's gift for ad-libbing when, unexpectedly; a piece of Ralph's costume falls off. "Let me have that," he improvises to Alice. "That's my denaturizer."
Tue. Jan. 1, 2013 12a #008 (aka #116) - "Pal O' Mine": A great friendship is strained after a ring t hat Norton had planned to give a co-worker winds up stuck on Ralph's finger. The episode concludes with a classic hospital scene that contains a memorable one-word ad-lib by Norton, who's saying good-bye to a doctor. Teddy Oberman: Ned Glass. Doctor: John Seymour. Nurse: Abbie Lewis.
*
12:30a #009 (aka #117) - "Brother Ralph": A layoff at the bus company prompts Ralph and Alice to add up their total savings from all of their accounts ($12.83). That's reason enough for Alice to get a job, leaving Ralph to take care of the cooking and cleaning. But Ralph becomes really steamed after he discovers that her boss looks like a matinee idol---and that Alice told him that Ralph is her brother.
1a #010 (aka #118) - "Hello Mom": Ralph and Alice Kramden (Jackie Gleason, Audrey Meadows) squabble over the impending arrival of Ralph's mother-in-law in this classic, and ultimately touching, episode. The king is told that his castle is soon to be invaded by Alice's mom. Ralph painfully remembers how his mother-in-law said at his wedding, "I'm not losing a daughter, I'm gaining a ton," and refuses to let her visit. But when Alice stands up to him and insists her mother's coming, Ralph decides to move in with the Nortons until the visit's over. Humor and poignancy meet in a conclusion that once again shows Alice, who sees beyond Ralph's insecurities, to be the bigger person.
1:30a #017 (aka #125) - "The Baby-sitter": Ralph signals his displeasure when he learns that Alice had a telephone installed in the apartment. Then later, when he calms down, he overhears a telephone conversation and thinks that she is having an affair.
2a #021 (aka #129) - "A Dog's Life": Ralph gets another one of his half-baked ideas after he samples a tasty dish he found in his ice box in "A Dog's Life," which was originally telecast Feb. 18, 1956. Convinced that the unusual cracker-spread will satisfy the public's appetite for a snack that's new and different, Ralph asks his boss, Mr. Marshall, to taste the dish in the hope that he'll bankroll production. Ralph's even cooked up a name for the culinary delight: "KramMar's Delicious Mystery Appetizer." Marshall tries it and likes it, and asks Ralph if the recipe is exclusively his wife's or if Alice's mother helped out. "Anything she'd cook I wouldn't give to a dog," Ralph replies. But Marshall wants some other opinions, so he calls in his assistants for another taste test. After two of the assistants reveal the food to be dog food, Ralph is convinced that Alice got a dog and tries to put it back in the pound...only to fall in love with it and take possession of the other dogs who were over their respective limits and were going to be killed.
2:30a #025 (aka #133) - "House Beautiful" (aka "Pardon My Glove"): Alice accepts a department store's offer to redecorate their apartment for free. She wants to surprise Ralph, so she arranges to secretly meet with the decorator---who then makes the mistake of leaving one of his gloves in the flat. When Ralph finds the glove, he suspects Alice of having an affair. Andre: Alexander Clark.
3a #027 (aka #135) - “Ralph’s Big Mouth” (aka "Head of The House"): In the hilarious "Head of the House" (originally telecast March 31, 1956), Ralph marks his "emancipation" as king of his castle by sitting down with Norton to finish a bottle of wine that is "a little strong but good." Their first toast, Ralph says, is "to my wife, who has finally found her place." Actually, what Alice found was a bottle of grape juice, which she substituted for the wine. When the men get plastered and pass out, Trixie and Alice pour their own drinks and make their own toasts. "I give you our husbands," says Trixie. "You can have 'em," says Alice. The wine-and-grape-juice scene, Art Carney recalled, was one of his favorites. "We really were laughing at each other...because we were supposed to be laughing...crocked and everything. Funny scene."
3:30a #039 (aka #147) - "Alice & The Blonde": Audrey Meadows said that she "loved" the episode titled "Alice and the Blonde" (originally telecast June 2, 1956), and it's easy to see why. For once, it's Alice who's fuming. It's all because of what happens at the home of one of Ralph's co-workers. Trying to ingratiate himself with Bert Weedemeyer (who Ralph thinks may become the bus company's new general manager), Ralph---with Norton by his side, naturally-heaps compliments on the man's wife, a ditsy platinum blonde who calls her husband "Twinkles." Ralph's fawning and flattery isn't amusing Alice, who'll have her revenge. Rita Weedemeyer: Freda Rosen. Bert: Frank Behrens.
9a #001 (aka #109) - "TV or Not TV": Ralph and Norton go partners on a new TV, but Ralph rigs a coin toss so the set stays in the Kramden apartment. It's not long before Ralph becomes a total zombie to the new medium, and all Norton wants to do is don his space helmet and watch "Captain Video."
*
9:30a #002 (aka #110) - "Funny Money": Ralph finds a suitcase filled with money, enough, Norton says, to "keep him in pizza for the rest of his life." There's one slight problem: the money is counterfeit, and the gangsters who printed it want it back. Alice's Mother: Ethel Owen. Boss: Boris Aplon. Ziggy: Frank Marth.
*
10a #003 (aka #111) - "The Golfer": Hello, ball! That memorable salutation---delivered by Norton (Art Carney) as he shows the proper way to "address the ball"---has made "The Golfer" (first aired on Oct. 15, 1955) a favorite in the series canon. Ralph's trying to impress his boss by offering to join him in a foursome. Problem is, Ralph's never picked up a club in his life and learning to play in two days, he concedes, won't be easy---"It'd take me at least a week." That doesn't stop him from turning his kitchen into a fairway, using a pin cushion as a ball and, unforgettably, getting into the mood by donning an outlandish golfing outfit that is, to quote Norton, "dee-vine." DON'T MISS – Ed addressing the ball.
*
10:30a #004 (aka #112) - "A Woman's Work Is Never Done": Tired of Ralph's complaints about household chores not being done, Alice convinces him to hire a maid. But the new domestic is rapidly getting fed up taking orders from Norton and Ralph, or as she calls them, "the simp and the blimp." Thelma: Betty Garde. Wilson: Frank Marth.
11a #005(aka #113) *- "A Matter of Life & Death": Ralph gets the idea in his head that he has six months to live, so he decides to sell his story to a magazine. But when he learns it's all a mistake and that he can be prosecuted for fraud, he enlists Norton to pose as a doctor ("don't touch me, I'm sterile") who can cure him of the dreaded "arterial monochromia." Publisher: George Petrie.
11:30a #006 (aka #114) - "The Sleepwalker": Norton's sleepwalking becomes a waking nightmare for Ralph, who can't get any sleep because he's been asked to keep his pal from wandering off on late-night strolls around the neighborhood. Doctor: George Petrie.
12p #007 (aka #115) - "Better Living Through TV": In a classic episode, Ralph and Norton go on live TV in an attempt to sell the Handy Housewife Helper. The inspired (and ad-lib laden) "Better Living Through TV" (originally telecast Nov. 12, 1955) finds Ralph talking Norton into buying TV time so the two of them can go on the air and sell 2000 of the kitchen gadgets. The idea is for "Chef of the Future" Ralph to demonstrate to "Chef of the Past" Norton the many things the gizmo can do, such as open cans, remove corns and, of course, "core a apple." In the rehearsal, Ralph is the picture of calm, but as they prepare to go on the air, panic sets in and he warns a worrisome Ed: "Stop talking like that, nervous, you're going to get yourself all Norton." CLASSIC QUOTE - "Can it core a apple?"
12:30p 015 (aka #123) - "A Matter of Record": In "A Matter of Record" (originally telecast Jan. 7, 1956), Ralph surprises Alice with tickets to a hit Broadway mystery, but with her mother coming "all the way from Bensonhurst" for a visit, she won't go. " Where's Bensonhurst, in New Zealand or something?" Ralph snaps back, upset that Alice is forsaking him for a visit from his nemesis. "She won't be in this apartment three minutes before she starts an argument," Ralph says. With that, Alice's mother arrives and Ralph proceeds to set an alarm clock for three minutes. Sure enough, she quickly insults Ralph about his weight, chides Alice for not marrying "a good provider" and, as the final straw, spills the beans about the ending of the play. Just as the alarm clock rings, Ralph erupts ("You are a blabbermouth!") and throws his mother-in-law out. But Alice leaves with her, prompting Ralph to take Norton's suggestion and record an apology to Alice in hopes of winning her forgiveness.
1p #018 (aka #126) - "The $99,000 Answer": Ralph Kramden's get-rich-quick schemes were a Honeymooners staple, but the pipe dream in "The $99,000 Answer"---which originally aired Jan. 28, 1956---may be the funniest. Convinced that he'll triumph on a quiz show, popular-music expert Ralph (Jackie Gleason) intensely prepares at home, aided by piano-playing pal Norton (Art Carney), who warms up for each song with a few bars of a familiar Stephen Foster melody. Of course, the second he's on live TV, Ralph's bravado vanishes. Going into the classic Kramden meltdown---the eyes bugging, the lips quivering, the tongue stuttering "hummina-hummina"---he's asked, for his first question, to identify the composer of "Swanee River." DON'T MISS - - Norton's introduction to every song on the piano.
1:30p #023 (aka #131) - "Mama Loves Mambo": A dance teacher moves into the building and has all the husbands kicking up a fuss. Ralph and Norton had the idea that Carlos Sanchez was an old man who might like to relax with a game of checkers. He's not---bachelor Carlos is suave and handsome, and worse, is giving their wives mambo lessons in the Kramdens' apartment. Sanchez: Charles Korvin.
*
2p #024 (aka #132) - "Please Leave The Premises": Ralph refuses to pay a rent increase of $5 a month and, to avoid eviction, barricades himself, Alice and Norton in the apartment. Its war, says Ralph, and he's the general of their army. But after a few days without heat, and the food supply reduced to only celery, General Kramden hatches a plan to get fresh grub from the neighborhood delicatessen. Mr. Johnson: Luis Van Rooten.
2:30p #028 (aka #136) - "The Worry Wart": Ralph's nerves are taxed when he gets a letter requesting his presence at the IRS office. Alice tries to calm him by reminding him that many people have their returns reviewed. "You're darn right," Norton agrees. "The jails are full of them." Norton, in fact, is helping Ralph review the business deductions he made on his returns and then lends his buddy moral support by accompanying him to the IRS office.
3p #035 (aka #143) - "Unconventional Behavior": Ralph and Norton become joined at the wrists when Norton tries out his "trick handcuffs" in "Unconventional Behavior," which originally aired May 12, 1956. Aboard a train en route to the lodge's convention in Minneapolis, the guys look forward to "five days of hilarity" and try out some of the novelty items that Norton's brought along. But when Norton's handcuffs won't unlock (there is no key), he and Ralph become closer than they'd like. This scenario yields some memorable physical humor, including Norton trying to take his coat off and the guys trying to figure out some way to sleep in upper and lower berths. It also provides one of the series' all-time lines. "Mind if I smoke?" Norton asks a frustrated Ralph. "I don't care if you burn," Ralph fires back.
3:30p #032 (aka #140) - "Dial J For Janitor": Ralph can't seem to pipe down about the failures of his building's janitor. Then he finds out that the position pays $150 a month with free rent---and decides to take the job himself. Now the most gripes are coming from Norton, who says he hasn't had water in his apartment for so long that he's beginning to "see mirages." Mr. Johnson: Luis Van Rooten. Mrs. Manicotti: Zamah Cunningham.
4p #034 (aka #142) - "A Man's Pride": Ralph is too proud to tell a seemingly successful old friend that he drives a bus, so he says he "runs things" at the company in the last Honeymooners episode of the "classic 39," which originally ran from 1955 to '56. CLASSIC KRAMDEN- Ralph's reaction to the dinner check.
4:30p #020 (aka #128) - "Young At Heart": Ralph wants to prove to Alice that he's still young at heart by learning dances like the Big Apple and the Suzie Q., which prompts Norton to ask: "How can anyone so round be so square?" But he's still determined, so the Kramdens and the Nortons decide to make a night of it by going roller-skating. Ralph on wheels at the rink makes for one of the series' classic scenes. Another has Norton teaching Ralph how to do the Hucklebuck.
Mon. Jan. 7, 2013 2:30-4, "No Episode Title": Ralph schemes to improve his lot in life.
(WLiW) & (WLiW HD):
Pioneers of TV (Sitcoms)
TV-G
Sun. Jan. 6 9p-10p, Mon. Jan. 7 5p-6p & Thu. Jan. 10, 2013 2p-3p Joyce Randolph provides insight into Jackie Gleason; Marlo Thomas reminisces about her father, Danny; Andy Griffith on what made his show work; Mary Tyler Moore and Dick Van Dyke recount their work together.
*: This episode has been edited HEAVILY.
Credit goes to sitcomsonline.com, zap2it.com, the Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD Box Set, the honeymooners.net, tvland.com & John K's Book To The Moon.
Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Audrey Meadows as Alice Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Joyce Randolph as Trixie Norton.
All times are Eastern.
All episodes are in CC.
This schedule is for some MeTV affiliates due to the fact that some local stations in some markets may also broadcast the Honeymooners and they may take exception to MeTV wanting to show the show as well as the fact that they may want to show other things.
Sun. Dec. 30, 2012 5a #59 (aka #102) - *“One Big Happy Family”: In an effort to save money, Ralph and Ed decide to share an apartment. But life is not so sweet with Ralph and Alice and Ed and Trixie all under the same roof.
(WCiUDT4) (MeTOO in Chicago)
All times are Central.
(CC?)
Mon. Jan. 7, 2013 2a #84 (aka #72) - *“The Next Champ”: Ralph becomes the manager of a boxer he believes will be the world's next=2 0heavyweight champion.
Mon. Jan. 14, 2013 2a #85 (aka #41/#64) – “‘Anniversary Gift’/‘Finger Man’”: (For “Anniversary Gift”): Ralph is embarrassed when the anniversary gift he bought Alice is the same one Trixie bought for her. (For “Finger Man”): Ralph heroically catches a murderer on his bus, but fears for his life when the murderer escapes from jail and vows to "get the man who put the finger on him."
(WPIX) & (WPIXD) [aka New York feed of CWHD]:
(Note: The Honeymooners is not available in HD. So WPIX puts a black picture frame around the show on it's HD feed.)
(CC?)
Sun. Dec. 30, 2012 2:30a #67 (aka #69) – “Cottage for Sale (Part One)”: The Kramdens and the Nortons want to buy a summer cottage, but it's too expensive. The seller convinces them that by removing a few luxuries from the cottage, they can afford it. Ralph and Norton immediately accept the offer.
3a #68 – “Cottage for Sale (Part Two)”: Ralph and Norton soon find out that the cottage they bought is not the one they got. Alice and Trixie refuse to help fix it up. Both families blame the other for the mess that they are in. Ralph and Norton try to sell the cottage and both families make up.
3:30a #75 (aka #156) - *“Catch a Star”: At a Raccoon Lodge meeting, Ralph lies that he knows Jackie Gleason and can get him to appear at the Raccoon's annual dance. Desperately, Ralph and Norton go to the hotel where Gleason is staying and try to convince "The Great One" to appear. FUN FACT - Jackie Gleason, Art Carney, Audrey Meadows and Joyce Randolph play dual roles in this episode.
11a #013 (aka #121) - "'Twas The Night Before XMas": The Kramdens exchange presents in a Christmas episode with an O. Henry twist. Ralph is particularly proud of the gift he has for Alice: a hairpin box made of 2000 matchsticks that, he's been told, was smuggled from the palace of the Emperor of Japan.* DON'T MISS - This classic retelling of "The Gift of the Magi."
*
11:30p #014 (aka #122) - "The Man From Space": Intending to take home first prize at the Raccoon Lodge's costume ball, Ralph---unable to wangle a loan from Norton---puts together his own costume and dubs himself "The Man From Space" in a memorable episode that was originally telecast Dec. 31, 1955. Angry with Norton (who's going as the Frenchman who "built the sewers of Paris") and obsessed with winning, Ralph appropriates an assortment of household items---including a faucet, a pot, a radio tube and the icebox door---to create a costume that will, he says, make Norton's rented outfit look like "a piece of French cheesecloth." The episode contains a classic example of Jackie Gleason's gift for ad-libbing when, unexpectedly; a piece of Ralph's costume falls off. "Let me have that," he improvises to Alice. "That's my denaturizer."
Tue. Jan. 1, 2013 12a #008 (aka #116) - "Pal O' Mine": A great friendship is strained after a ring t hat Norton had planned to give a co-worker winds up stuck on Ralph's finger. The episode concludes with a classic hospital scene that contains a memorable one-word ad-lib by Norton, who's saying good-bye to a doctor. Teddy Oberman: Ned Glass. Doctor: John Seymour. Nurse: Abbie Lewis.
*
12:30a #009 (aka #117) - "Brother Ralph": A layoff at the bus company prompts Ralph and Alice to add up their total savings from all of their accounts ($12.83). That's reason enough for Alice to get a job, leaving Ralph to take care of the cooking and cleaning. But Ralph becomes really steamed after he discovers that her boss looks like a matinee idol---and that Alice told him that Ralph is her brother.
1a #010 (aka #118) - "Hello Mom": Ralph and Alice Kramden (Jackie Gleason, Audrey Meadows) squabble over the impending arrival of Ralph's mother-in-law in this classic, and ultimately touching, episode. The king is told that his castle is soon to be invaded by Alice's mom. Ralph painfully remembers how his mother-in-law said at his wedding, "I'm not losing a daughter, I'm gaining a ton," and refuses to let her visit. But when Alice stands up to him and insists her mother's coming, Ralph decides to move in with the Nortons until the visit's over. Humor and poignancy meet in a conclusion that once again shows Alice, who sees beyond Ralph's insecurities, to be the bigger person.
1:30a #017 (aka #125) - "The Baby-sitter": Ralph signals his displeasure when he learns that Alice had a telephone installed in the apartment. Then later, when he calms down, he overhears a telephone conversation and thinks that she is having an affair.
2a #021 (aka #129) - "A Dog's Life": Ralph gets another one of his half-baked ideas after he samples a tasty dish he found in his ice box in "A Dog's Life," which was originally telecast Feb. 18, 1956. Convinced that the unusual cracker-spread will satisfy the public's appetite for a snack that's new and different, Ralph asks his boss, Mr. Marshall, to taste the dish in the hope that he'll bankroll production. Ralph's even cooked up a name for the culinary delight: "KramMar's Delicious Mystery Appetizer." Marshall tries it and likes it, and asks Ralph if the recipe is exclusively his wife's or if Alice's mother helped out. "Anything she'd cook I wouldn't give to a dog," Ralph replies. But Marshall wants some other opinions, so he calls in his assistants for another taste test. After two of the assistants reveal the food to be dog food, Ralph is convinced that Alice got a dog and tries to put it back in the pound...only to fall in love with it and take possession of the other dogs who were over their respective limits and were going to be killed.
2:30a #025 (aka #133) - "House Beautiful" (aka "Pardon My Glove"): Alice accepts a department store's offer to redecorate their apartment for free. She wants to surprise Ralph, so she arranges to secretly meet with the decorator---who then makes the mistake of leaving one of his gloves in the flat. When Ralph finds the glove, he suspects Alice of having an affair. Andre: Alexander Clark.
3a #027 (aka #135) - “Ralph’s Big Mouth” (aka "Head of The House"): In the hilarious "Head of the House" (originally telecast March 31, 1956), Ralph marks his "emancipation" as king of his castle by sitting down with Norton to finish a bottle of wine that is "a little strong but good." Their first toast, Ralph says, is "to my wife, who has finally found her place." Actually, what Alice found was a bottle of grape juice, which she substituted for the wine. When the men get plastered and pass out, Trixie and Alice pour their own drinks and make their own toasts. "I give you our husbands," says Trixie. "You can have 'em," says Alice. The wine-and-grape-juice scene, Art Carney recalled, was one of his favorites. "We really were laughing at each other...because we were supposed to be laughing...crocked and everything. Funny scene."
3:30a #039 (aka #147) - "Alice & The Blonde": Audrey Meadows said that she "loved" the episode titled "Alice and the Blonde" (originally telecast June 2, 1956), and it's easy to see why. For once, it's Alice who's fuming. It's all because of what happens at the home of one of Ralph's co-workers. Trying to ingratiate himself with Bert Weedemeyer (who Ralph thinks may become the bus company's new general manager), Ralph---with Norton by his side, naturally-heaps compliments on the man's wife, a ditsy platinum blonde who calls her husband "Twinkles." Ralph's fawning and flattery isn't amusing Alice, who'll have her revenge. Rita Weedemeyer: Freda Rosen. Bert: Frank Behrens.
9a #001 (aka #109) - "TV or Not TV": Ralph and Norton go partners on a new TV, but Ralph rigs a coin toss so the set stays in the Kramden apartment. It's not long before Ralph becomes a total zombie to the new medium, and all Norton wants to do is don his space helmet and watch "Captain Video."
*
9:30a #002 (aka #110) - "Funny Money": Ralph finds a suitcase filled with money, enough, Norton says, to "keep him in pizza for the rest of his life." There's one slight problem: the money is counterfeit, and the gangsters who printed it want it back. Alice's Mother: Ethel Owen. Boss: Boris Aplon. Ziggy: Frank Marth.
*
10a #003 (aka #111) - "The Golfer": Hello, ball! That memorable salutation---delivered by Norton (Art Carney) as he shows the proper way to "address the ball"---has made "The Golfer" (first aired on Oct. 15, 1955) a favorite in the series canon. Ralph's trying to impress his boss by offering to join him in a foursome. Problem is, Ralph's never picked up a club in his life and learning to play in two days, he concedes, won't be easy---"It'd take me at least a week." That doesn't stop him from turning his kitchen into a fairway, using a pin cushion as a ball and, unforgettably, getting into the mood by donning an outlandish golfing outfit that is, to quote Norton, "dee-vine." DON'T MISS – Ed addressing the ball.
*
10:30a #004 (aka #112) - "A Woman's Work Is Never Done": Tired of Ralph's complaints about household chores not being done, Alice convinces him to hire a maid. But the new domestic is rapidly getting fed up taking orders from Norton and Ralph, or as she calls them, "the simp and the blimp." Thelma: Betty Garde. Wilson: Frank Marth.
11a #005(aka #113) *- "A Matter of Life & Death": Ralph gets the idea in his head that he has six months to live, so he decides to sell his story to a magazine. But when he learns it's all a mistake and that he can be prosecuted for fraud, he enlists Norton to pose as a doctor ("don't touch me, I'm sterile") who can cure him of the dreaded "arterial monochromia." Publisher: George Petrie.
11:30a #006 (aka #114) - "The Sleepwalker": Norton's sleepwalking becomes a waking nightmare for Ralph, who can't get any sleep because he's been asked to keep his pal from wandering off on late-night strolls around the neighborhood. Doctor: George Petrie.
12p #007 (aka #115) - "Better Living Through TV": In a classic episode, Ralph and Norton go on live TV in an attempt to sell the Handy Housewife Helper. The inspired (and ad-lib laden) "Better Living Through TV" (originally telecast Nov. 12, 1955) finds Ralph talking Norton into buying TV time so the two of them can go on the air and sell 2000 of the kitchen gadgets. The idea is for "Chef of the Future" Ralph to demonstrate to "Chef of the Past" Norton the many things the gizmo can do, such as open cans, remove corns and, of course, "core a apple." In the rehearsal, Ralph is the picture of calm, but as they prepare to go on the air, panic sets in and he warns a worrisome Ed: "Stop talking like that, nervous, you're going to get yourself all Norton." CLASSIC QUOTE - "Can it core a apple?"
12:30p 015 (aka #123) - "A Matter of Record": In "A Matter of Record" (originally telecast Jan. 7, 1956), Ralph surprises Alice with tickets to a hit Broadway mystery, but with her mother coming "all the way from Bensonhurst" for a visit, she won't go. " Where's Bensonhurst, in New Zealand or something?" Ralph snaps back, upset that Alice is forsaking him for a visit from his nemesis. "She won't be in this apartment three minutes before she starts an argument," Ralph says. With that, Alice's mother arrives and Ralph proceeds to set an alarm clock for three minutes. Sure enough, she quickly insults Ralph about his weight, chides Alice for not marrying "a good provider" and, as the final straw, spills the beans about the ending of the play. Just as the alarm clock rings, Ralph erupts ("You are a blabbermouth!") and throws his mother-in-law out. But Alice leaves with her, prompting Ralph to take Norton's suggestion and record an apology to Alice in hopes of winning her forgiveness.
1p #018 (aka #126) - "The $99,000 Answer": Ralph Kramden's get-rich-quick schemes were a Honeymooners staple, but the pipe dream in "The $99,000 Answer"---which originally aired Jan. 28, 1956---may be the funniest. Convinced that he'll triumph on a quiz show, popular-music expert Ralph (Jackie Gleason) intensely prepares at home, aided by piano-playing pal Norton (Art Carney), who warms up for each song with a few bars of a familiar Stephen Foster melody. Of course, the second he's on live TV, Ralph's bravado vanishes. Going into the classic Kramden meltdown---the eyes bugging, the lips quivering, the tongue stuttering "hummina-hummina"---he's asked, for his first question, to identify the composer of "Swanee River." DON'T MISS - - Norton's introduction to every song on the piano.
1:30p #023 (aka #131) - "Mama Loves Mambo": A dance teacher moves into the building and has all the husbands kicking up a fuss. Ralph and Norton had the idea that Carlos Sanchez was an old man who might like to relax with a game of checkers. He's not---bachelor Carlos is suave and handsome, and worse, is giving their wives mambo lessons in the Kramdens' apartment. Sanchez: Charles Korvin.
*
2p #024 (aka #132) - "Please Leave The Premises": Ralph refuses to pay a rent increase of $5 a month and, to avoid eviction, barricades himself, Alice and Norton in the apartment. Its war, says Ralph, and he's the general of their army. But after a few days without heat, and the food supply reduced to only celery, General Kramden hatches a plan to get fresh grub from the neighborhood delicatessen. Mr. Johnson: Luis Van Rooten.
2:30p #028 (aka #136) - "The Worry Wart": Ralph's nerves are taxed when he gets a letter requesting his presence at the IRS office. Alice tries to calm him by reminding him that many people have their returns reviewed. "You're darn right," Norton agrees. "The jails are full of them." Norton, in fact, is helping Ralph review the business deductions he made on his returns and then lends his buddy moral support by accompanying him to the IRS office.
3p #035 (aka #143) - "Unconventional Behavior": Ralph and Norton become joined at the wrists when Norton tries out his "trick handcuffs" in "Unconventional Behavior," which originally aired May 12, 1956. Aboard a train en route to the lodge's convention in Minneapolis, the guys look forward to "five days of hilarity" and try out some of the novelty items that Norton's brought along. But when Norton's handcuffs won't unlock (there is no key), he and Ralph become closer than they'd like. This scenario yields some memorable physical humor, including Norton trying to take his coat off and the guys trying to figure out some way to sleep in upper and lower berths. It also provides one of the series' all-time lines. "Mind if I smoke?" Norton asks a frustrated Ralph. "I don't care if you burn," Ralph fires back.
3:30p #032 (aka #140) - "Dial J For Janitor": Ralph can't seem to pipe down about the failures of his building's janitor. Then he finds out that the position pays $150 a month with free rent---and decides to take the job himself. Now the most gripes are coming from Norton, who says he hasn't had water in his apartment for so long that he's beginning to "see mirages." Mr. Johnson: Luis Van Rooten. Mrs. Manicotti: Zamah Cunningham.
4p #034 (aka #142) - "A Man's Pride": Ralph is too proud to tell a seemingly successful old friend that he drives a bus, so he says he "runs things" at the company in the last Honeymooners episode of the "classic 39," which originally ran from 1955 to '56. CLASSIC KRAMDEN- Ralph's reaction to the dinner check.
4:30p #020 (aka #128) - "Young At Heart": Ralph wants to prove to Alice that he's still young at heart by learning dances like the Big Apple and the Suzie Q., which prompts Norton to ask: "How can anyone so round be so square?" But he's still determined, so the Kramdens and the Nortons decide to make a night of it by going roller-skating. Ralph on wheels at the rink makes for one of the series' classic scenes. Another has Norton teaching Ralph how to do the Hucklebuck.
Mon. Jan. 7, 2013 2:30-4, "No Episode Title": Ralph schemes to improve his lot in life.
(WLiW) & (WLiW HD):
Pioneers of TV (Sitcoms)
TV-G
Sun. Jan. 6 9p-10p, Mon. Jan. 7 5p-6p & Thu. Jan. 10, 2013 2p-3p Joyce Randolph provides insight into Jackie Gleason; Marlo Thomas reminisces about her father, Danny; Andy Griffith on what made his show work; Mary Tyler Moore and Dick Van Dyke recount their work together.
*: This episode has been edited HEAVILY.
Credit goes to sitcomsonline.com, zap2it.com, the Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD Box Set, the honeymooners.net, tvland.com & John K's Book To The Moon.