Frank Gannucci
10-28-2012, 05:56 AM
A Honeymooners Halloween:
(Alice is waiting in the kitchen. She is dressed as a basketball player.)
Ralph (from bedroom, yells): “GET READY! I’M COMING OUT.”
(Ralph comes out dressed as a martian.)
Ralph: “Didn’t think that this costume that I bought would fit huh? Can you see the faces on those Raccoons when I walk in with this? Well, what do you think?”
Alice: “Actually, I think that that costume looks great on you. The only trouble is that I heard a rumor down at the beauty parlor that Ed Norton was dressing up as a martian too.”
Ralph: “Really? I don’t think so Alice. I told him that I was going as a martian. He told me that he was going as a MMA fighter. Can you imagine a weakling like him, an MMA fighter? HA HA HA!”
(Trixie comes down. She is dressed as Lady Gaga. The audience applauds.)
Ralph: “And who are you supposed to be?”
Trixie: “Ralph, I am going as Lady Gaga?”
Ralph: “Who? I never heard of her.”
Alice: “Ralph, are you that out of touch?”
Ralph: “Don’t start with me Alice. I know who Lady Gaga is.”
Alice: “What is she?”
Ralph: “I’ll tell you…I’ll tell you…I’ll tell you.”
Trixie: “Well, go ahead.”
Ralph: “I wouldn’t give you two the satisfaction.”
Trixie: “Ralph, did Ed tell you who he was going as? Ed is going to be late. He has to work in the sewer.”
Ralph: “He did. I told him that I was going as a martian. Let’s go.”
(At the Raccoon dance, there are about five couples dancing. All are in costume.)
Head Raccoon: “Well, we are now going to decide who is the winner for best costume. The prize is a trip to Miami Beach.”
(Audience cheers.)
Head Raccoon: “As well as a big screen HDTV. The winner is…”
(Ed Norton comes in. He is also dressed as a martian much to Ralph’s chagrin.)
Ralph (yells): “NORTON! YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU WERE GOING AS AN MMA FIGHTER.”
Ed (yells): “I CHANGED MY MIND. I HONESTLY FORGOT YOU WERE GOING AS A MARTIAN.”
Ralph (yells): “YOU DID THIS TO MAKE ME LOOK BAD. PUT ‘EM UP YOU BUM!”
Head Raccoon: “Well Ralph & Ed may have the same costume but since Ed’s costume is just slightly better, he wins.”
(Ralph is even more upset. He chases Ed. Everyone tries to make peace.)
(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience applauds.)
Jackie: “Thank you. I just want to wish everyone a happy and safe Halloween. To all the kids out there, don’t eat too much candy. Remember, the Miami Beach Halloweens are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”
(Audience cheers.)
(Alice is waiting in the kitchen. She is dressed as a basketball player.)
Ralph (from bedroom, yells): “GET READY! I’M COMING OUT.”
(Ralph comes out dressed as a martian.)
Ralph: “Didn’t think that this costume that I bought would fit huh? Can you see the faces on those Raccoons when I walk in with this? Well, what do you think?”
Alice: “Actually, I think that that costume looks great on you. The only trouble is that I heard a rumor down at the beauty parlor that Ed Norton was dressing up as a martian too.”
Ralph: “Really? I don’t think so Alice. I told him that I was going as a martian. He told me that he was going as a MMA fighter. Can you imagine a weakling like him, an MMA fighter? HA HA HA!”
(Trixie comes down. She is dressed as Lady Gaga. The audience applauds.)
Ralph: “And who are you supposed to be?”
Trixie: “Ralph, I am going as Lady Gaga?”
Ralph: “Who? I never heard of her.”
Alice: “Ralph, are you that out of touch?”
Ralph: “Don’t start with me Alice. I know who Lady Gaga is.”
Alice: “What is she?”
Ralph: “I’ll tell you…I’ll tell you…I’ll tell you.”
Trixie: “Well, go ahead.”
Ralph: “I wouldn’t give you two the satisfaction.”
Trixie: “Ralph, did Ed tell you who he was going as? Ed is going to be late. He has to work in the sewer.”
Ralph: “He did. I told him that I was going as a martian. Let’s go.”
(At the Raccoon dance, there are about five couples dancing. All are in costume.)
Head Raccoon: “Well, we are now going to decide who is the winner for best costume. The prize is a trip to Miami Beach.”
(Audience cheers.)
Head Raccoon: “As well as a big screen HDTV. The winner is…”
(Ed Norton comes in. He is also dressed as a martian much to Ralph’s chagrin.)
Ralph (yells): “NORTON! YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU WERE GOING AS AN MMA FIGHTER.”
Ed (yells): “I CHANGED MY MIND. I HONESTLY FORGOT YOU WERE GOING AS A MARTIAN.”
Ralph (yells): “YOU DID THIS TO MAKE ME LOOK BAD. PUT ‘EM UP YOU BUM!”
Head Raccoon: “Well Ralph & Ed may have the same costume but since Ed’s costume is just slightly better, he wins.”
(Ralph is even more upset. He chases Ed. Everyone tries to make peace.)
(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience applauds.)
Jackie: “Thank you. I just want to wish everyone a happy and safe Halloween. To all the kids out there, don’t eat too much candy. Remember, the Miami Beach Halloweens are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”
(Audience cheers.)