Frank Gannucci
12-30-2011, 08:39 AM
Episode Reviews: “Fortune Teller” & “Letter To The Boss” (’55 version):
Episode #71
TV: Not shown on TV since its original airdate.
DVD: Attached to “Lawsuit”, “The Next Champ”, “Stand-In For Murder” (’54 version), “Move Uptown” & “The Man In The Blue Suit.”
Alice & Trixie and all their girl friends, which are her club members, are at the Kramden apartment and their getting their fortune told by Madam Zelda. Madam Zelda tells Mary via palm reading that she is going to have 8 kids. She already has 7 so she has one more to go. Trixie is next. She uses a deck of cards to have her fortune told. Madam Zelda looks at the cards and thinks that Trixie has had hard times and thinks that there are a lot of bumps in the road. Trixie: “That must have been when I was in burlesque.” Madam Zelda looks at some other cards and she sees a lot of water. She says that the Jack of Spades is her (Trixie’s) husband and asks if her husband has been on an ocean board. Trixie says no. Trixie: “You are close. He works in the sewer.” Ralph & Ed come in. Alice introduces Ralph to Madam Zelda. Alice mentions that when Zelda read her hand, she says that her and Ralph were going to go on a big European trip. Well, they did go on a European trip technically two times. Ralph: “Well, I guess you forgot to wash your hands after you ate that pizza last night.” As most of the girls leave, Ralph asks if Madam Zelda said that there was a tall dark, handsome man in anybody’s future. One of the girls says yes. Ed says that it must be him. The girls leave. Alice says that she was more than satisfied with Madam Zelda. She pays her the money. Madam Zelda wants to wash her hands. Alice hands her a towel and Madam Zelda heads to the bathroom. Alice says that Madam Zelda only charged $3 and change. Ralph: “FOR THAT PHONY?” Alice says that Zelda was wonderful and not a phony. Ralph still believes that what Zelda says is mumbo-jumbo just like all those other fortune tells out there. Ed says that you can’t be too sure. Ed: “I had my palm read once. The teller said that I wasn’t meant for the world of business. I got a scientific mind. I was going to be a doctor and I was going to be famous for inventing some type of syrup.” Ralph: “That proves it. They are nuts.” Ed: “Give it a chance. I’m still young.” Trixie: “Let’s go upstairs Dr. Kildare. You got a rough day in the sewer tomorrow.” Ed: “Don’t get wise Trixie. Next time you got your fortune told, the teller won’t have to read your palm, she can read the bumps off of your head.” The Nortons leave. Alice says that it is amazing what that Madam Zelda can read just by looking at the palm of your hand. Ralph says that they are real phonies. Alice says that they got her because of Blanche. Zelda said that Blanche would be married within a year and she was. Ralph: “Blanche’s dad had more to do with it than she did.” Alice: “If she was such a phony, how could she tell me all that stuff that she did?”
Zelda comes back out. Alice asks Zelda to have a cup of coffee with her and Ralph. She complies. Ralph gets talked into having his fortune told via a stack of cards. Zelda looks at the cards and assumes that Ralph is very satisfied with his job. Ralph: “Boy, you got the wrong number.” Zelda looks at more cards and assumes that Ralph is a leader of men that commands respect of all who know him. Ralph: “So you finally hit on something.” Zelda then reads Ralph’s palm and after a few seconds says that she can’t read his future. Zelda leaves. Ralph tries to go to bed. He goes into the bedroom and comes back out. Ralph: “WHAT DID THAT DAME SEE IN MY HAND?” Alice and Ralph look at Ralph’s palm. Alice can’t tell. Alice tries to remind Ralph of what he said about fortune teller's giving fake fortunes. Ralph blames Alice and says that if he can’t get any sleep, it’s Alice’s fault. Alice says for Ralph to not get so dramatic. Alice: “Maybe you are right about her being a phony. Ralph: “Didn’t she tell Blanche about her upcoming marriage? Those are facts. Alice suggests him going over to Madam Zelda after work and having her tell him that is nothing. Ralph says that that is what he will do. Alice goes into the bedroom.
The next day at Madam Zelda’s headquarters, Madam Zelda and her assistant are talking about Ralph coming. Zelda says that Ralph is gullible. Zelda: “When I refused to tell him his fortune, I knew that I had him. He didn’t get a wink of sleep last night. I am going to have him come back here for 5 or 6 visits.” A knock on the door is heard. She assumes that it is Ralph. He tells her male assistant to tell him that she is busy with a client and for him to wait. Zelda goes into another room to change. Ralph and Ed come in and get told that Zelda is busy and for them to wait. Ed: “That might be too much, he might drop dead any minute.” Ralph: “Will you shut up?” The male assistant goes to get Zelda but he says that she can’t be rushed. Ed says that these tellers don’t give accurate fortunes all the time. Ed: “I once knew a guy who went to a fortune teller and she told him that he has six months to live. She was wrong. It took him a whole year to die.” Both of them look at the hand on the wall and Ed studies it and then looks at Ralph’s palm and closes it. Ed: “I don’t know the first thing about reading palms.” Ralph asks Ed to leave him alone. Ed thinks that Zelda thinks that Ralph is losing his mind. Ed takes a small crystal ball and makes like he is going to use it as a bowling ball. Ed & Ralph look at a picture of a person’s brain that is on the wall. The picture has all the areas of the brain. Ed takes off his hat and touches a part of the drawing of the brain and after examining the picture and feeling his head says that he has all the parts of the brain. Ralph: “That is what you think.”
Zelda comes out. Ralph pays her to tell him his fortune. She says that he will not die. Ralph is relieved. She then says that he will commit a murder within a week. Ralph is now upset. Ralph: "I couldn't harm a fly." Ed: "You have quite a temper." Ralph (yells): "I HAVE NOT!" Ralph asks her who he will murder and agrees to pay her $5 more. She looks into her crystal ball. Madam Zelda: "In my crystal ball, it's cloudy. Cloudy." Ed: "Ralph, who do you know with the name Cloudy?" Zelda: "The image will not come through." Zelda says that she can’t do anything for now and maybe tomorrow, she will get the answer. She leaves. Ralph ahs to come back tomorrow even though all of those visits will cost him money. Ed agrees. He will need the money.
Later on in the Kramden apartment, Alice is putting things away. Ralph comes home. Alice asks if Ralph went to Madam Zelda and he lies by saying no. Ralph: “Me and Norton just had a couple of beers.” Ralph is very uppity. Alice wants Ralph to rub her neck. He goes to rub her neck but stops himself. He says that he rather not rub her neck. After Ralph says that there is nothing wrong with him, Alice asks Ralph to rub her neck. Ralph rubs her neck. Alice asks him to rub her neck harder. He rubs her neck too hard. Alice: “WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, KILL ME?” Ralph: “DON’T SAY IT!” Ralph says that there is nothing wrong. Mrs. Manicotti comes by. She is making a cake and she is a little short on sugar. She tells Alice of the correct fortune that Madam Zelda predicted about a friend of hers. Ralph is now more worried. Mrs. Manicotti: “Madam Zelda is never wrong.” Ralph: “GET OUT!” She does. Alice tells Ralph to tell her what the meaning of that was. Ralph says that he doesn’t know and he’s hungry. Alice: “I will fix your supper.” Ralph: “I am not hungry.” Alice: “You just said…” Ralph: “ALL RIGHT THEN FIX IT!” Alice asks Ralph to cut some bread. Ralph goes to cut the bread in very thick pieces. Alice reprimands him for that. Ralph: “MUST YOU ALWAYS FIND SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME.” Ralph shows Alice the knife and yells at her to leave him alone then drops the knife. Ralph asks Alice to get out of here while it is still safe. Alice doesn’t understand. Ralph says for Alice to go to her mom’s. She says that she can’t because she is having the place painted so she suggests having her come here for a week. Ralph doesn’t like that idea. Ralph: “If there is anyone that I am libel to, it’s her.” Alice says that she is not leaving. Ralph says that if she doesn’t go, he will put her out. Alice: “You will put me out over my dead body.” Ralph: “DON’T SAY THAT!” If she doesn’t leave, Ralph will go to his room and he says that he won’t come out. She doesn’t want to leave so Ralph goes to his room and says that he will stay there for the time being. Ralph will not eat his dinner. Ralph comes back out and asks if Alice will leave. She says that she won’t. Ed comes down. Ed sees Alice on the ground trying to catch a cockroach and assumes that Ralph killed Alice and gets scared. He gets scared further when Alice comes back up. Alice goes into the bedroom to wash her hands. Ed suggests for Ralph to spend the week at his place and he will send Trixie to her mothers. Ralph likes that idea. Ralph calls Ed a real pal. Ed leaves.
Norton's apartment's bedroom is shown for the first time. They are ready to go to bed. The bedroom looks different then it did in "The Sleepwalker." Ed comes out with a very loud nightgown. He is too nervous. He won’t even undress. He can’t take the brace that is under his pants off his leg anyway because the doctor told him it’s too soon. The last episode before this was “Lawsuit.” That episode revolved around Ralph’s broken leg. A story that was inspired by Jackie’s real-life broken leg that he suffered a couple of months prior to that episode. Ed says that his bed with the doll is his. What a surprise. Ed says for Ralph to relax. They try to go to sleep. Ed is whistling loudly and asks if Ralph wants a snack. Ralph says no. He doesn’t want to go up and go to the kitchen. Ed says that they don’t have too because he keeps a lot of food in his nightstand. Ha! Ed starts to eat his food and doesn’t make a sound yet Ralph still asks him to take it easy. Ed: “I’m sorry that you can hear the noise.” I guess that that may have been a blooper. Ed reads a Donald Duck comic book and laughs at what he is reading much to Ralph’s chagrin. Ralph mentions that Ed likes those crime books. Ed: “Those crime books are very educational. They say that the murderer is always caught.” Ralph gets upset. Ralph worries about murdering someone while sleepwalking. Ralph then asks Ed to put rope around each other's wrists to prevent Ralph from sleepwalking. He should of thought of that in "Pal O' Mine." They put the rope on. They go to sleep but with the rope is causing trouble. I thought it would be even funnier if they did some sort of reenactment of "Unconventional Behavior" when they had handcuffs on. Ralph then says that one should be awake while the other one sleeps. They try to get into each other’s bed but can’t due to the rope. So they switch beds. The same thing happens so Ralph suggests that they sleep on each other’s backs. Ed complies. Ed then gets up and accidentally drags Ralph off the bed. Ed says that he forgot to open the window. Ed has to open the window that wide because he sleeps in the sewer. According to the “Peacemaker”, isn’t there a rule that is against that? Ralph says that he doesn’t want the window open that wide and because he is a guest, he demands that Ed close the window. Ed accidentally slams the window on Ralph’s hand. Ralph: “WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?” Ed thinks that Ralph s being ungrateful. Ed: “You kill me.” Ed gets scared that Ralph will kill him so he says that he is leaving and tries to defend himself against Ralph. Ed leaves much to Ralph’s chagrin.
The “Dragnet” theme plays as we cut to the police station. Ralph comes in and asks the cops to arrest him. He says that a fortune teller says that he will commit a murder within a week. The cops don't believe him and think that he is drunk and orders him to get out or he will lock him up. Ralph: “DON’T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! MY TAXES PAY YOUR SALARY! YOU WORK FOR ME.” Another cop comes by with a drunk and disorderly person. He is arrested for striking an officer. He will be in jail for 10 days. Ralph gets an idea. Ralph doesn’t listen to the cop when he asks him to get out. Ralph “hits” an officer. Ralph is grateful when he learns that he will get 10 days. Madam Zelda and her accomplice come by with a police officer. They are going to be arrested. They are charged with defrauding the public. Ralph: “You mean that she is a phony.” Madam Zelda realizes that Ralph is sharper than he thought. Madam Zelda and her accomplice go to jail. Ralph says that he is not guilty and is now elated that he can go home and explain it to Alice and everything will be all right. Ralph forgot that he is now arrested. Ralph goes to jail as the “Dragnet” theme plays.
Episode #107
TV: Only shown once on TV.
DVD: Attached to “Boys & Girls Together”, “Principle of The Thing”, “Songs & Witty Sayings”, “Stand-In For Murder” (’55 version), “Double Anniversary Party”, “The Check-Up” & “Forgot To Register.”
Alice is home and Trixie stops by to borrow a cup. Alice is taking out the right sleeves in Ralph's underwear. His right arm gets hot in the bus. His left one doesn't, because that's the arm he puts out the window. After Alice and Trixie make plans, Trixie leaves. Ralph come home and says that he's not hungry because he's just been fired from the bus company after ten years. Ralph complains about all the inconveniences he had to put up with as a driver like drunks trying to get on the bus without paying, old women yelling at him etc. Alice: "Don't worry Ralph. You'll get another job." Ralph: "Sure, I will but not a good one like this one." Ha! He also brings up some job ads listed in the paper, but they are all for women. Alice: "Swell. That will take care for tonight, but what about tomorrow?" Ha! Ralph says that they will have to change their style of living and move out of here into a cheaper apartment and sell this furniture and get some second-hand stuff. Ha!
Ralph mentions that they should live with Alice's parents for the time being but Alice nixes that idea. Ralph mentions that he only quit school during the sixth grade. It would have been worse if he continued his schooling because it would be embarrassing if he, as a college graduate, being fired from a bus company. Ed Norton comes down, expecting to go bowling. Ralph says that he lost his job. Ed tries to cheer Ralph up, but only makes Ralph feel worse. Ralph hits on the idea that he will write a nasty letter to Mr. J.J. Marshall. Alice objects but her opinion falls on deaf ears. Ralph tells Norton to write what Ralph says. Here is the letter:
"Dear Mr. Marshall:
You dirty bum! You are a miserable low-life. You ought to turn in your membership card to the human race. After nine years of loyal service, I can truthfully say that you are the world's meanest man. You dirty bum!"
MPI Video says that this is a classic Kramden letter. Honeymooners.net said that the line of: "You dirty bum!" is delivered with such conviction that it looks like Ralph invented the insult for the occasion. This should to be shown to every getting a job-related class under the heading: "What not to write to your boss after you get fired." Both claims are probably correct. Ralph: "Sign it!’ Respectfully yours: Etc. Etc.'" Ed puts down S.W.A.K. on the letter which means “Sealed With A Kiss.” Ha! Ed goes out to mail the letter and says that he could get Ralph a job in the sewer. All he has to do is pass the floating test. Ha! Ed leaves. Ralph says to Alice that he used to get little kids on the bus and that he would let them pretend that they are driving the bus. Ralph: "Wait a minute! It's probably one of those brats that is taking my job." Freddie Muller comes by and says that Ralph hasn't been fired, but promoted. Ralph leaves to go get Ed before he mails the letter but not before he accidentally hits himself by walking into the door. Ha!
At the bowling alley, Ed fools around the custodian. He says that since he forgot to mail the letter and asks the custodian to mail it. What does the custodian get in return? Advice from Ed which is always look before you cross the street. Ha! Ralph comes in and finds out that his letter has been mailed and is worried that he will be really fired. Ed: "If he fires, you, send him another nasty letter." Ha! Ed is wearing his traditional Ed Norton outfit. Ralph says that a person like Mr. Marshall has buttons. One button so a secretary can come in with water. Another one in which a secretary comes in with mail. Ed: “Who wants that job? I will settle for those buttons.” Ralph hatches a plan to get the letter out of the mailbox. Ed: "What do I get in return?" Ralph: "That's a very selfish thing to say after what I did for you. Remember that race last year? You needed money to bet on that horse." Ed: "You didn't give me the money?" Ralph: "Yeah, the horse lost didn't he?" The policeman hears their plan. Ralph and Ed lie to him saying that they are rehearsing for a play. Ed (to the policeman): "Remember that 3rd grade class play and you were a tree?" Ralph says that he will give the policeman tickets. He leaves. Ed says that they have to get his address so they can send him the tickets. Ralph: "Only I have got a bosom friend like this."
They go outside to get the letter out of the mailbox. Ralph tells Ed to keep a look out in case someone comes by. Ed: "If you are worried about people seeing you getting a letter out of there, how do you think they will react when they see you climbing into it?" Ralph tries to get the letter out, but Ed says that someone is coming and scars Ralph and in the process, Jackie accidentally falls backward into the obviously fake background that was nothing more than sheets. Ed says that he was just practicing. Jackie covers for the blooper by saying: “What are you trying to do, give me a heart attack or something? For a while there, everything started to swim.” The crowd applauds. Ed examines the problem and ahs a solution which is he can’t get the ladder out. They try to pick up the mailbox and shake it. A mailman comes by. Ralph tries to cover it up. Ralph says that he has a letter in there and he needs the mailman to get it out. The mailman says that he can’t. The mailman gets the mail out of the box and the custodian comes by and says that he just gave the letter that Ed gave him to the mailman.
The next day, Ralph tries to get the letter before his boss reads it. He fails and the boss reads Ralph's letter. He doesn't mind the insults because he always gets them but becomes “mad” when the author didn't sign his name. Ralph happily faints. I put mad in quotes because I don’t think the actor sounded mad when he found out that the author didn’t sign his name. The part about Mr. Marshall being mad about the author not signing his name was written in the description of the 1953 version.
At home, Ralph plans to go to the Royal Chinese Gardens and explains Alice the good news. Ed comes down. Ralph: “If you Ed were any prettier, I would kiss you.” Ed explains the fact that he went down and said Ralph didn't mean all of those insults that he wrote in the letter. He felt he had to do it out of niceness. Ed says that Mr. Marshall wants to see Ralph first thing in the morning. Ed: "Whenever you are in trouble, Ed Norton lives upstairs." Ralph faints.
Episode #71
TV: Not shown on TV since its original airdate.
DVD: Attached to “Lawsuit”, “The Next Champ”, “Stand-In For Murder” (’54 version), “Move Uptown” & “The Man In The Blue Suit.”
Alice & Trixie and all their girl friends, which are her club members, are at the Kramden apartment and their getting their fortune told by Madam Zelda. Madam Zelda tells Mary via palm reading that she is going to have 8 kids. She already has 7 so she has one more to go. Trixie is next. She uses a deck of cards to have her fortune told. Madam Zelda looks at the cards and thinks that Trixie has had hard times and thinks that there are a lot of bumps in the road. Trixie: “That must have been when I was in burlesque.” Madam Zelda looks at some other cards and she sees a lot of water. She says that the Jack of Spades is her (Trixie’s) husband and asks if her husband has been on an ocean board. Trixie says no. Trixie: “You are close. He works in the sewer.” Ralph & Ed come in. Alice introduces Ralph to Madam Zelda. Alice mentions that when Zelda read her hand, she says that her and Ralph were going to go on a big European trip. Well, they did go on a European trip technically two times. Ralph: “Well, I guess you forgot to wash your hands after you ate that pizza last night.” As most of the girls leave, Ralph asks if Madam Zelda said that there was a tall dark, handsome man in anybody’s future. One of the girls says yes. Ed says that it must be him. The girls leave. Alice says that she was more than satisfied with Madam Zelda. She pays her the money. Madam Zelda wants to wash her hands. Alice hands her a towel and Madam Zelda heads to the bathroom. Alice says that Madam Zelda only charged $3 and change. Ralph: “FOR THAT PHONY?” Alice says that Zelda was wonderful and not a phony. Ralph still believes that what Zelda says is mumbo-jumbo just like all those other fortune tells out there. Ed says that you can’t be too sure. Ed: “I had my palm read once. The teller said that I wasn’t meant for the world of business. I got a scientific mind. I was going to be a doctor and I was going to be famous for inventing some type of syrup.” Ralph: “That proves it. They are nuts.” Ed: “Give it a chance. I’m still young.” Trixie: “Let’s go upstairs Dr. Kildare. You got a rough day in the sewer tomorrow.” Ed: “Don’t get wise Trixie. Next time you got your fortune told, the teller won’t have to read your palm, she can read the bumps off of your head.” The Nortons leave. Alice says that it is amazing what that Madam Zelda can read just by looking at the palm of your hand. Ralph says that they are real phonies. Alice says that they got her because of Blanche. Zelda said that Blanche would be married within a year and she was. Ralph: “Blanche’s dad had more to do with it than she did.” Alice: “If she was such a phony, how could she tell me all that stuff that she did?”
Zelda comes back out. Alice asks Zelda to have a cup of coffee with her and Ralph. She complies. Ralph gets talked into having his fortune told via a stack of cards. Zelda looks at the cards and assumes that Ralph is very satisfied with his job. Ralph: “Boy, you got the wrong number.” Zelda looks at more cards and assumes that Ralph is a leader of men that commands respect of all who know him. Ralph: “So you finally hit on something.” Zelda then reads Ralph’s palm and after a few seconds says that she can’t read his future. Zelda leaves. Ralph tries to go to bed. He goes into the bedroom and comes back out. Ralph: “WHAT DID THAT DAME SEE IN MY HAND?” Alice and Ralph look at Ralph’s palm. Alice can’t tell. Alice tries to remind Ralph of what he said about fortune teller's giving fake fortunes. Ralph blames Alice and says that if he can’t get any sleep, it’s Alice’s fault. Alice says for Ralph to not get so dramatic. Alice: “Maybe you are right about her being a phony. Ralph: “Didn’t she tell Blanche about her upcoming marriage? Those are facts. Alice suggests him going over to Madam Zelda after work and having her tell him that is nothing. Ralph says that that is what he will do. Alice goes into the bedroom.
The next day at Madam Zelda’s headquarters, Madam Zelda and her assistant are talking about Ralph coming. Zelda says that Ralph is gullible. Zelda: “When I refused to tell him his fortune, I knew that I had him. He didn’t get a wink of sleep last night. I am going to have him come back here for 5 or 6 visits.” A knock on the door is heard. She assumes that it is Ralph. He tells her male assistant to tell him that she is busy with a client and for him to wait. Zelda goes into another room to change. Ralph and Ed come in and get told that Zelda is busy and for them to wait. Ed: “That might be too much, he might drop dead any minute.” Ralph: “Will you shut up?” The male assistant goes to get Zelda but he says that she can’t be rushed. Ed says that these tellers don’t give accurate fortunes all the time. Ed: “I once knew a guy who went to a fortune teller and she told him that he has six months to live. She was wrong. It took him a whole year to die.” Both of them look at the hand on the wall and Ed studies it and then looks at Ralph’s palm and closes it. Ed: “I don’t know the first thing about reading palms.” Ralph asks Ed to leave him alone. Ed thinks that Zelda thinks that Ralph is losing his mind. Ed takes a small crystal ball and makes like he is going to use it as a bowling ball. Ed & Ralph look at a picture of a person’s brain that is on the wall. The picture has all the areas of the brain. Ed takes off his hat and touches a part of the drawing of the brain and after examining the picture and feeling his head says that he has all the parts of the brain. Ralph: “That is what you think.”
Zelda comes out. Ralph pays her to tell him his fortune. She says that he will not die. Ralph is relieved. She then says that he will commit a murder within a week. Ralph is now upset. Ralph: "I couldn't harm a fly." Ed: "You have quite a temper." Ralph (yells): "I HAVE NOT!" Ralph asks her who he will murder and agrees to pay her $5 more. She looks into her crystal ball. Madam Zelda: "In my crystal ball, it's cloudy. Cloudy." Ed: "Ralph, who do you know with the name Cloudy?" Zelda: "The image will not come through." Zelda says that she can’t do anything for now and maybe tomorrow, she will get the answer. She leaves. Ralph ahs to come back tomorrow even though all of those visits will cost him money. Ed agrees. He will need the money.
Later on in the Kramden apartment, Alice is putting things away. Ralph comes home. Alice asks if Ralph went to Madam Zelda and he lies by saying no. Ralph: “Me and Norton just had a couple of beers.” Ralph is very uppity. Alice wants Ralph to rub her neck. He goes to rub her neck but stops himself. He says that he rather not rub her neck. After Ralph says that there is nothing wrong with him, Alice asks Ralph to rub her neck. Ralph rubs her neck. Alice asks him to rub her neck harder. He rubs her neck too hard. Alice: “WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, KILL ME?” Ralph: “DON’T SAY IT!” Ralph says that there is nothing wrong. Mrs. Manicotti comes by. She is making a cake and she is a little short on sugar. She tells Alice of the correct fortune that Madam Zelda predicted about a friend of hers. Ralph is now more worried. Mrs. Manicotti: “Madam Zelda is never wrong.” Ralph: “GET OUT!” She does. Alice tells Ralph to tell her what the meaning of that was. Ralph says that he doesn’t know and he’s hungry. Alice: “I will fix your supper.” Ralph: “I am not hungry.” Alice: “You just said…” Ralph: “ALL RIGHT THEN FIX IT!” Alice asks Ralph to cut some bread. Ralph goes to cut the bread in very thick pieces. Alice reprimands him for that. Ralph: “MUST YOU ALWAYS FIND SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME.” Ralph shows Alice the knife and yells at her to leave him alone then drops the knife. Ralph asks Alice to get out of here while it is still safe. Alice doesn’t understand. Ralph says for Alice to go to her mom’s. She says that she can’t because she is having the place painted so she suggests having her come here for a week. Ralph doesn’t like that idea. Ralph: “If there is anyone that I am libel to, it’s her.” Alice says that she is not leaving. Ralph says that if she doesn’t go, he will put her out. Alice: “You will put me out over my dead body.” Ralph: “DON’T SAY THAT!” If she doesn’t leave, Ralph will go to his room and he says that he won’t come out. She doesn’t want to leave so Ralph goes to his room and says that he will stay there for the time being. Ralph will not eat his dinner. Ralph comes back out and asks if Alice will leave. She says that she won’t. Ed comes down. Ed sees Alice on the ground trying to catch a cockroach and assumes that Ralph killed Alice and gets scared. He gets scared further when Alice comes back up. Alice goes into the bedroom to wash her hands. Ed suggests for Ralph to spend the week at his place and he will send Trixie to her mothers. Ralph likes that idea. Ralph calls Ed a real pal. Ed leaves.
Norton's apartment's bedroom is shown for the first time. They are ready to go to bed. The bedroom looks different then it did in "The Sleepwalker." Ed comes out with a very loud nightgown. He is too nervous. He won’t even undress. He can’t take the brace that is under his pants off his leg anyway because the doctor told him it’s too soon. The last episode before this was “Lawsuit.” That episode revolved around Ralph’s broken leg. A story that was inspired by Jackie’s real-life broken leg that he suffered a couple of months prior to that episode. Ed says that his bed with the doll is his. What a surprise. Ed says for Ralph to relax. They try to go to sleep. Ed is whistling loudly and asks if Ralph wants a snack. Ralph says no. He doesn’t want to go up and go to the kitchen. Ed says that they don’t have too because he keeps a lot of food in his nightstand. Ha! Ed starts to eat his food and doesn’t make a sound yet Ralph still asks him to take it easy. Ed: “I’m sorry that you can hear the noise.” I guess that that may have been a blooper. Ed reads a Donald Duck comic book and laughs at what he is reading much to Ralph’s chagrin. Ralph mentions that Ed likes those crime books. Ed: “Those crime books are very educational. They say that the murderer is always caught.” Ralph gets upset. Ralph worries about murdering someone while sleepwalking. Ralph then asks Ed to put rope around each other's wrists to prevent Ralph from sleepwalking. He should of thought of that in "Pal O' Mine." They put the rope on. They go to sleep but with the rope is causing trouble. I thought it would be even funnier if they did some sort of reenactment of "Unconventional Behavior" when they had handcuffs on. Ralph then says that one should be awake while the other one sleeps. They try to get into each other’s bed but can’t due to the rope. So they switch beds. The same thing happens so Ralph suggests that they sleep on each other’s backs. Ed complies. Ed then gets up and accidentally drags Ralph off the bed. Ed says that he forgot to open the window. Ed has to open the window that wide because he sleeps in the sewer. According to the “Peacemaker”, isn’t there a rule that is against that? Ralph says that he doesn’t want the window open that wide and because he is a guest, he demands that Ed close the window. Ed accidentally slams the window on Ralph’s hand. Ralph: “WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?” Ed thinks that Ralph s being ungrateful. Ed: “You kill me.” Ed gets scared that Ralph will kill him so he says that he is leaving and tries to defend himself against Ralph. Ed leaves much to Ralph’s chagrin.
The “Dragnet” theme plays as we cut to the police station. Ralph comes in and asks the cops to arrest him. He says that a fortune teller says that he will commit a murder within a week. The cops don't believe him and think that he is drunk and orders him to get out or he will lock him up. Ralph: “DON’T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! MY TAXES PAY YOUR SALARY! YOU WORK FOR ME.” Another cop comes by with a drunk and disorderly person. He is arrested for striking an officer. He will be in jail for 10 days. Ralph gets an idea. Ralph doesn’t listen to the cop when he asks him to get out. Ralph “hits” an officer. Ralph is grateful when he learns that he will get 10 days. Madam Zelda and her accomplice come by with a police officer. They are going to be arrested. They are charged with defrauding the public. Ralph: “You mean that she is a phony.” Madam Zelda realizes that Ralph is sharper than he thought. Madam Zelda and her accomplice go to jail. Ralph says that he is not guilty and is now elated that he can go home and explain it to Alice and everything will be all right. Ralph forgot that he is now arrested. Ralph goes to jail as the “Dragnet” theme plays.
Episode #107
TV: Only shown once on TV.
DVD: Attached to “Boys & Girls Together”, “Principle of The Thing”, “Songs & Witty Sayings”, “Stand-In For Murder” (’55 version), “Double Anniversary Party”, “The Check-Up” & “Forgot To Register.”
Alice is home and Trixie stops by to borrow a cup. Alice is taking out the right sleeves in Ralph's underwear. His right arm gets hot in the bus. His left one doesn't, because that's the arm he puts out the window. After Alice and Trixie make plans, Trixie leaves. Ralph come home and says that he's not hungry because he's just been fired from the bus company after ten years. Ralph complains about all the inconveniences he had to put up with as a driver like drunks trying to get on the bus without paying, old women yelling at him etc. Alice: "Don't worry Ralph. You'll get another job." Ralph: "Sure, I will but not a good one like this one." Ha! He also brings up some job ads listed in the paper, but they are all for women. Alice: "Swell. That will take care for tonight, but what about tomorrow?" Ha! Ralph says that they will have to change their style of living and move out of here into a cheaper apartment and sell this furniture and get some second-hand stuff. Ha!
Ralph mentions that they should live with Alice's parents for the time being but Alice nixes that idea. Ralph mentions that he only quit school during the sixth grade. It would have been worse if he continued his schooling because it would be embarrassing if he, as a college graduate, being fired from a bus company. Ed Norton comes down, expecting to go bowling. Ralph says that he lost his job. Ed tries to cheer Ralph up, but only makes Ralph feel worse. Ralph hits on the idea that he will write a nasty letter to Mr. J.J. Marshall. Alice objects but her opinion falls on deaf ears. Ralph tells Norton to write what Ralph says. Here is the letter:
"Dear Mr. Marshall:
You dirty bum! You are a miserable low-life. You ought to turn in your membership card to the human race. After nine years of loyal service, I can truthfully say that you are the world's meanest man. You dirty bum!"
MPI Video says that this is a classic Kramden letter. Honeymooners.net said that the line of: "You dirty bum!" is delivered with such conviction that it looks like Ralph invented the insult for the occasion. This should to be shown to every getting a job-related class under the heading: "What not to write to your boss after you get fired." Both claims are probably correct. Ralph: "Sign it!’ Respectfully yours: Etc. Etc.'" Ed puts down S.W.A.K. on the letter which means “Sealed With A Kiss.” Ha! Ed goes out to mail the letter and says that he could get Ralph a job in the sewer. All he has to do is pass the floating test. Ha! Ed leaves. Ralph says to Alice that he used to get little kids on the bus and that he would let them pretend that they are driving the bus. Ralph: "Wait a minute! It's probably one of those brats that is taking my job." Freddie Muller comes by and says that Ralph hasn't been fired, but promoted. Ralph leaves to go get Ed before he mails the letter but not before he accidentally hits himself by walking into the door. Ha!
At the bowling alley, Ed fools around the custodian. He says that since he forgot to mail the letter and asks the custodian to mail it. What does the custodian get in return? Advice from Ed which is always look before you cross the street. Ha! Ralph comes in and finds out that his letter has been mailed and is worried that he will be really fired. Ed: "If he fires, you, send him another nasty letter." Ha! Ed is wearing his traditional Ed Norton outfit. Ralph says that a person like Mr. Marshall has buttons. One button so a secretary can come in with water. Another one in which a secretary comes in with mail. Ed: “Who wants that job? I will settle for those buttons.” Ralph hatches a plan to get the letter out of the mailbox. Ed: "What do I get in return?" Ralph: "That's a very selfish thing to say after what I did for you. Remember that race last year? You needed money to bet on that horse." Ed: "You didn't give me the money?" Ralph: "Yeah, the horse lost didn't he?" The policeman hears their plan. Ralph and Ed lie to him saying that they are rehearsing for a play. Ed (to the policeman): "Remember that 3rd grade class play and you were a tree?" Ralph says that he will give the policeman tickets. He leaves. Ed says that they have to get his address so they can send him the tickets. Ralph: "Only I have got a bosom friend like this."
They go outside to get the letter out of the mailbox. Ralph tells Ed to keep a look out in case someone comes by. Ed: "If you are worried about people seeing you getting a letter out of there, how do you think they will react when they see you climbing into it?" Ralph tries to get the letter out, but Ed says that someone is coming and scars Ralph and in the process, Jackie accidentally falls backward into the obviously fake background that was nothing more than sheets. Ed says that he was just practicing. Jackie covers for the blooper by saying: “What are you trying to do, give me a heart attack or something? For a while there, everything started to swim.” The crowd applauds. Ed examines the problem and ahs a solution which is he can’t get the ladder out. They try to pick up the mailbox and shake it. A mailman comes by. Ralph tries to cover it up. Ralph says that he has a letter in there and he needs the mailman to get it out. The mailman says that he can’t. The mailman gets the mail out of the box and the custodian comes by and says that he just gave the letter that Ed gave him to the mailman.
The next day, Ralph tries to get the letter before his boss reads it. He fails and the boss reads Ralph's letter. He doesn't mind the insults because he always gets them but becomes “mad” when the author didn't sign his name. Ralph happily faints. I put mad in quotes because I don’t think the actor sounded mad when he found out that the author didn’t sign his name. The part about Mr. Marshall being mad about the author not signing his name was written in the description of the 1953 version.
At home, Ralph plans to go to the Royal Chinese Gardens and explains Alice the good news. Ed comes down. Ralph: “If you Ed were any prettier, I would kiss you.” Ed explains the fact that he went down and said Ralph didn't mean all of those insults that he wrote in the letter. He felt he had to do it out of niceness. Ed says that Mr. Marshall wants to see Ralph first thing in the morning. Ed: "Whenever you are in trouble, Ed Norton lives upstairs." Ralph faints.