Now on for my Thanksgiving skit:

(Alice’s parents are awaiting the arrival of the Kramdens & Nortons at Alice’s parents’ house.)

Alice’s Dad: “When are they arriving?”

Alice’s Mom: “Any minute now.”

(Alice’s Dad looks out the window.)

Alice’s Dad: “Oh, they are here.”

(Alice knocks on the door. Alice’s Mom answers it. Ralph has the look that says: “I don’t want to be here.”)

Alice: “Oh Mom! Happy Thanksgiving!”

Alice’s Mom: “Happy Thanksgiving!”

Alice: “Happy Thanksgiving Dad!”

Alice’s Dad: “Happy Thanksgiving!”

Trixie: “Happy Thanksgiving Mr. & Mrs. Gibson.”

Ralph: “Ugh!”

Alice’s Mom: “What’s eating the person who is going to eat all the food?”

(Ed laughs.)

Alice: “Oh nothing. He lost the coin toss.”

Alice’s Mom: “What coin toss?”

Alice: “I picked heads that we were going to come over here and Ralph picked tails. If Ralph won, we were going to go over to his parents’ house. We were each invited to our parents’ house at the exact same time.”

Ralph: “I guess I should be thankful that I spent eight years of living here after marrying you Alice.” (to Ed, whispers in his ear): “They were the WORST eight years of my life.”

(Later on, after saying a prayer at the dinner table, turkey is being served.)

Alice’s Mom: “Ralph, aren’t you going to eat the turkey for yourself?”

Ralph: “Oh no. I am going to slim down. I am thankful for being alive.”

Alice’s Dad: “I am thankful for having a wonderful family and friends.”

Alice’s Mom: “Me too.”

Trixie: “I am thankful that I have a wonderful husband.”

Ed: “I am thankful that I have you Trixie. You’re a sweet kid. I am also thankful that I have a job in the sewer. Yesterday, all of us sewer workers had our own Thanksgiving but the tide came in with dirty water…”

Trixie: “Ed!”

Alice: “I am thankful that I have a wonderful husband in Ralph.”

Ralph: “I am thankful to be married to you Alice. I am also thankful to be an American. Ten years ago, I wished that this country would get Osama Bin Laden and needles to say that we should all be thankful for the Navy Seals for killing that BUM!”

(Audience cheers.)

Ralph: “We should all be thankful that we are Americans and that we live in a free country.”

(Audience cheers.)

(They all sing a song about being thankful. After that, the audience cheers.)

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience applauds.)

Jackie: “How sweet it is!”

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: “Friends, I am thankful that I am working in front of the Miami Beach audiences.”

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Folks, time to introduce the cast. First, Jean Kean."

(The audience applauds as Jean comes on stage and kisses Jackie.)

Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."

(The audience applauds as Audrey comes on stage and kisses Jackie.)

Jackie: "Art Carney."

(The audience applauds as Art comes on stage and shakes Jackie's hand.)

Jackie: "The Miami Beach audiences are the BEST and the Miami Beach Thanksgivings are the GREATEST Thanksgivings in the world. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Audience cheers.)