tiredmike59
05-21-2011, 04:41 PM
NEVER HAVE ONE ! (at least by yourself)
When I told everyone I was having one today,they all conveniently had places to go, So I sat out in my driveway surrounded by my junk feeling like
Fred Sanford. I had the usual yardsale crap; some old tires, a typewriter that needed a ribbon, a box of books that had been in my garage for 20 years and smelled like cat spray, a vacuum cleaner that sounded like a weedeater, clothes that didnt fit anymore and my main attraction was 3 boxes of old videotapes of tv shows about 30 in each box. I stayed up late last night putting them in order by category; comedy in one box, western in another etc... . My first customer didnt even get out of his car. He saw the video
boxes and asked if I had any porn, I told him I didnt. Who would sit out in
their driveway early on a saturday morning selling porn ? Im not even sure thats legal. Then a little Chinese lady that lives down the street asked, "does vacuum suck ?" I told her it had about 75 cents of suckage left in it, she smiled and left. Some shifty looking dude kept wanting to go in my garage,
I told him a couple of times that there wasnt anything in there for sale.
The only reason I had the door open was I had to run my electric cord
thru there in case someone wanted to listen to my 75 cent vacuum cleaner.
Then this woman pulled up in a little car with this tiny dog, she was carrying
a bag of Doritos and a large bottle of water. She just let her dog loose in my
yard while she headed for the videotapes. She proceeded to empty all 3
boxes in my driveway, then started asking me questions about tv shows,
" Who played in this one? " "When did this show run? " my attention was divided between her questions and what her dog was doing to my yard.
He was pooping like a goose, every 5 feet he had to crap. I wondered
what she was feeding him. I thought about bringing him out a piece of
cheese to help him with his problem,maybe bind him up a little, but I figured
she would eat it herself with her doritos. I started to get a headache with
her questions on the tv shows so I told her she could have all the tapes
for 15 dollars, I was asking 10 dollars a box but I was glad to get rid of
her and the tapes. After 5 hours and a total of 27 dollars, I called it quits.
Then I had to clean up, I figured I better clean up that little dog's
donations, so I went to get a shovel out of my garage but couldnt find
it, I think that shifty dude took it. He vanished as mysteriously as he arrived,
I never did see his car. So I ended up using my 75 cent vacuum cleaner
to pick up the poop. All the neighbors were peeking out their windows
at me, you would think they never saw a guy vacuum his front yard
before. When I was done, I set the vacuum cleaner at the end of
the curb with everything else that didnt sell. I figured the late night
pickers will go through it, and the rest is for the trashman. I am on my
way to Home Depot to price their shovels.
When I told everyone I was having one today,they all conveniently had places to go, So I sat out in my driveway surrounded by my junk feeling like
Fred Sanford. I had the usual yardsale crap; some old tires, a typewriter that needed a ribbon, a box of books that had been in my garage for 20 years and smelled like cat spray, a vacuum cleaner that sounded like a weedeater, clothes that didnt fit anymore and my main attraction was 3 boxes of old videotapes of tv shows about 30 in each box. I stayed up late last night putting them in order by category; comedy in one box, western in another etc... . My first customer didnt even get out of his car. He saw the video
boxes and asked if I had any porn, I told him I didnt. Who would sit out in
their driveway early on a saturday morning selling porn ? Im not even sure thats legal. Then a little Chinese lady that lives down the street asked, "does vacuum suck ?" I told her it had about 75 cents of suckage left in it, she smiled and left. Some shifty looking dude kept wanting to go in my garage,
I told him a couple of times that there wasnt anything in there for sale.
The only reason I had the door open was I had to run my electric cord
thru there in case someone wanted to listen to my 75 cent vacuum cleaner.
Then this woman pulled up in a little car with this tiny dog, she was carrying
a bag of Doritos and a large bottle of water. She just let her dog loose in my
yard while she headed for the videotapes. She proceeded to empty all 3
boxes in my driveway, then started asking me questions about tv shows,
" Who played in this one? " "When did this show run? " my attention was divided between her questions and what her dog was doing to my yard.
He was pooping like a goose, every 5 feet he had to crap. I wondered
what she was feeding him. I thought about bringing him out a piece of
cheese to help him with his problem,maybe bind him up a little, but I figured
she would eat it herself with her doritos. I started to get a headache with
her questions on the tv shows so I told her she could have all the tapes
for 15 dollars, I was asking 10 dollars a box but I was glad to get rid of
her and the tapes. After 5 hours and a total of 27 dollars, I called it quits.
Then I had to clean up, I figured I better clean up that little dog's
donations, so I went to get a shovel out of my garage but couldnt find
it, I think that shifty dude took it. He vanished as mysteriously as he arrived,
I never did see his car. So I ended up using my 75 cent vacuum cleaner
to pick up the poop. All the neighbors were peeking out their windows
at me, you would think they never saw a guy vacuum his front yard
before. When I was done, I set the vacuum cleaner at the end of
the curb with everything else that didnt sell. I figured the late night
pickers will go through it, and the rest is for the trashman. I am on my
way to Home Depot to price their shovels.