(The NY Rangers beat the Washington Capitals 3-2.)

(Ralph & Ed are celebrating in Ed's apartment.)

Ralph: "Boy, what a game. I thought that that ref robbed the Rangers when he took away that goal that they scored during the last second of the third period."

Ed: "Yeah. I saw it. It was so obvious that the puck went in."

Ralph: "That BUM of a ref obviously was biased. He should be fired. I could have done a better job of being a referree."

Ed: "If any person slid into you, they would fall down and you would just stand there."

Ralph: "Yeah. Now that the Rangers are back in the New York grove so to speak, we should watch the game on Wednesday."

McGarrity (from downstairs, yells): "HEY KRAMDEN! YOU GOT LUCKY!"

(Ralph goes to the window and sticks his head out.)

Ralph (yells): "HEY MCGARRITY, I GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU."

(Ralph gets a jug of water.)

Ralph (yells): "HEY MCGARRITY, STICK YOUR HEAD OUT."

(Ralph douses McGarrity with the water.)

Ralph: "Hahahahahaha."

Ed: "What if he hits you Ralph?"

Ralph: "Oh, he wouldn't do that. He doesn't have the insides to do it."

(Later on, Ralph comes home with Alice with an ice pack on.)

Ralph (yells): "I GOT A BIIIIIIIG MOUTH."

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience applauds.)

Jackie: "Thank you. The Miami Beach audiences are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Audience cheers.)

"Cottage For Sale Part 1":

Ed: "Trixie, would you stop giving me limburger cheese sandwiches for lunch?"

Trixie: "I thought you liked them."

Ed: "I do but the guys down the sewer can't stand the smell."

"Please Leave The Premises":

Alice: "You got fingers in your gloves. Fix the silverware."

Ralph: "How would you like fingers in your nose?"

"Dinner Guest":

Alice: "Why don't you jump out the window?"

Ralph: "You said that yesterday."

Alice: "Yeah, but you didn't do it."

"Teamwork Beats The Clock":

(Ralph and Alice are on the "Beat The Clock" game show.)

Ralph (waving): "Hi mom!"

Bud Collyer: "Don't you think your mother will be happy that she saw you do that?"

Ralph: "I don't think so. She doesn't have a TV."

"Better Living Through TV":

(Ed is helping Trixie with a dress that Ed is wearing.)

Trixie: "Don't you have to smoke that cigar?"

Ed: "Please. It's the only link left to the old me."

"Stars Over Flatbush":

Ralph: "You don't think I would be dumb enough to put salt in my coffee?"

Ed: "Well, what's dumber than putting mustard on vanilla ice cream?"

Ralph: "Who does that?"

Ed: "I do."

"In Twenty-Five Words Or Less":

Ed: "Why not call the dog Ralph."

Ralph: "Ralph?"

Ed: "Yeah, not only can people call him, dogs can call him too. Ralph! Ruff! Ralph! Ruff!"

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!"

"TV or Not TV":

Alice: "Why can't we have a TV set?"

Ralph: "Do you want to know the reason? Do you want to know the reason?"

Alice: "Yeah."

Ralph: "The reason? All right...I am waiting for third-dimensional television."

"The Main Event":

Ralph: "I would have given my life to be a jockey but I was a little too heavy."

Alice: "A little too heavy? You are too fat to be a horse."

"We Spy":

Trixie: "Why didn't you help Ed with the suitcases?"

Ralph: "Because I strained my back."

Alice: "How did you do that?"

Ralph: "When I piled the bags into Norton's arms."