We Bring You the 2009 Horror Oscars...errr Hoscars!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
By: Chris Eggertsen


For me, this has been a rather disappointing year for theatrically-released horror. While there were a number of solid films on offer, nothing particularly grabbed me or stood head and shoulders above the rest.

It’s too bad, because with the expanded Best Picture category at the Oscars this year – from five to ten nominees – something truly special may just have pulled off the near-impossible (for the horror genre, anyway) and had a chance at the night’s biggest prize.

Nevertheless, there were still some truly good (and in a couple of cases, near-great) horror films released last year that deserve a little awards-season love.

Boo-ya!





Best Actor:
Viggo Mortenson in "The Road"


http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e10/JamesGrec/TheRoad2.jpg


You can gripe that "The Road" wasn’t a horror movie (in my opinion, it qualifies), but no one can dispute the greatness of Viggo Mortenson’s lead performance in the film, based on Cormac McCarthy’s even more bleak Pulitzer prize-winning novel.

As a dying man struggling to keep his young son alive in a desolate, funereal world recently obliterated by an unnamed global catastrophe, his performance is powerful and heart-wrenching.

He simply doesn’t hit a false note in the entire movie.







Best Actress:
Ok-bin Kim in "Thirst"


http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e10/JamesGrec/ThirstKim.jpg


As the alternately cunning and merciless Tae-ju in Chan-wook Park’s "Thirst", South Korean actress Ok-bin Kim gives a seductive performance that’s electrifying to watch.

Her sex scenes with co-star Kang-ho Song sizzle with intensity, but what really impresses is how she transforms her character from a desperate, subservient woman to a full-blown femme fatale by picture’s end.

It can’t be an easy job for such a young actress, but Kim makes her character’s transformation completely believable.







Best Director:
Chan-wook Park for "Thirst"


http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e10/JamesGrec/Chanpark.jpg


By now it would be foolish to expect a sub-par film from Park, one of the most visionary directors working today.

In "Thirst", his first feature-length foray into horror (he previously directed the “Cut” segment in "Three…Extremes"), he gives us a characteristically original take on the prolific vampire subgenre.


Like all his films, what makes "Thirst" so winning is Park’s attention to the complexities of human existence, keeping the story grounded in the psychology of his characters.

Not to mention, his poetic visual style (there is some truly gorgeous stuff here – nevermind the inexplicable shot near the end of CGI whales swimming in an ocean of blood) is as vibrant as it’s ever been.







Best Picture:
"The Road"


http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e10/JamesGrec/TheRoad.jpg


Yes, it’s a horror film.
And also a poetic, thoughtful drama.
And also one of the most hubris-depleting films you’re ever likely to see.

Thank you, Cormac McCarthy.
Thank you, John Hillcoat.


The fact that we’re living on a volatile hunk of rock in the middle of an enormous, uncharted universe, and that I’m but a mere speck in the scheme of its existence, is now crystal-clear to me.

I also really liked your film – it was beautiful, and terrifying, and it made me fear for the world. More people should have seen it.









Special Achievement Oscars:



Best Ensemble Performance by Stunningly Realistic Approximations of Actual Human Beings:
The cast of "The Twilight Saga: New Moon"


http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e10/JamesGrec/TwilightNewMoon.png





Best Film Starring Virginia Madsen’s Botox Injections:
"The Haunting in Connecticut"


http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e10/JamesGrec/Madsen.jpg





The Kevin Williamson Award for Special Achievement in Superficially Clever Teen Dialogue:
Diablo Cody for "Jennifer’s Body"


http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e10/JamesGrec/DiabloCody.jpg





Most Heinous Use of CGI:
The “Morwen” in "Outlander"


http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e10/JamesGrec/Outlander.jpg





Special Achievement in Over-utilized Flashback Sequences:
Kevin Greutert for "Saw VI"


http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e10/JamesGrec/Kevin.jpg





Best Performance by a Physical Attribute:
Michael Sheen’s chest hair in "Underworld: Rise of the Lycans"


http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e10/JamesGrec/Sheen.jpg





The Paula Abdul Award for Special Achievement in “Ugly Cry”:
Scout Taylor-Compton in "Halloween II"


http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e10/JamesGrec/Scout.jpg





Best Anti-Drug Movie:
"Donkey Punch"


http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e10/JamesGrec/DonkeyPunch.jpg





Best Theatrically-Released The CW Television Pilot:
"The Uninvited"


http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e10/JamesGrec/TheUninvited.jpg





Special Achievement in the Wholesale Raping and Pillaging of a Genre Classic:
Michael Bay for "Friday the 13th"


http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e10/JamesGrec/Bay.jpg


http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/news/19372

I was happy with the results. Mo Nique deserved it, although I was rooting for Meryl Streep for Best Actress. I'm glad Star Trek won for best Make-up. I'm also glad Avatar wasn't the run away winner.

The closest we have to televised Horror Awards is Spike TV's Spike Awards- though it doesn't focus specifically on horror, and they like other televised awards shows skip over anything that didn't get a big theatrical release...which is sad since the better horror films, I think, are those that are straight-to-DVD or very limited big screen releases.

I don't think the remake of Friday the 13th was all that bad...far far far better than Jason Takes Manhattan, Jason Goes To Hell, and Jason X.

I don't think the remake of Friday the 13th was all that bad...far far far better than Jason Takes Manhattan, Jason Goes To Hell, and Jason X.

I didn't think the remake was that bad either... I've seen far worse remakes.

I gather that the only beef many people had with it was the ending. It was very, very predictable and cliché but I think it was more of a homage than anything else.