"The Golfer":

Ralph: "I don't want you guys to tell Ed Norton about my pormotion to assistant traffic manager. He will go around blabbing about it to everyone."

(Ed comes in.)

Ed: "Hello folks!":

Ralph: "Norton, I am the new assistant traffic manager."

"Better Living Through TV":

(Ed is wearing one of Trixie's dresses.)

Trixie: "Do you have to smoke that cigar?"

Ed: "Please, it is the only link left to the old me."

"Dial J For Janitor":

Ralph: "Why should I cut out bowling? It's my only relaxation. Besides, the exercise is good for me to keep down my weight."

Alice: "You don't need anything to keep your weight down. You need something to hold it up."

"Cottage For Sale Part 2":

Trixie: "Every mistake Ed has made, Ralph has talked him into."

Ralph: "I didn't talk him into marrying you, did I?"

"Case of The Cuckoo Thief":

Alice: "I was thinking about buying the cuckoo clock for someone."

Ralph: "For who?"

Alice: "For, um…my brother."

Ralph: "If there is one thing that your family doesn't need, it's another cuckoo."

"Case of The Cuckoo Thief":

Bruce: "I'm going to have to deal with you harshly."

Ed (starting to cry): "What are you going to do to me?"

Bruce: "I would like to rip the cuffs off your pants. I'm going to have you incarcerated."

Ed: "Good, as long as I'm not going to jail."

"Mexican Hat Trick":

Ralph: "Well Norton, do I look like a gay Cabrello?"

Ed: "Let me see you walk."

"Cottage For Sale Part 1":

Ralph: "What kind of life do you think that I lead in this city driving a bus all day? What do I hear? Taxi horns, police whistles, fire engines, breaks schreeching and people hollering. When I finish my work and come home what do I hear? Babies crying, garbage cans-a-rattlin', peddles-a-yellin'. I ask you. What do I have to do to get a little peace and quiet?"

Alice: "Why don't you shut up?"

"My Fair Landlord":

Ralph: "The person who lent me this place was an ex-GI."

Alice: "Who was he, Benedict Arnold?"