(Ralph comes home. He goes to the window.)

Ralph (yells): "HEY NORTON! COME ON DOWN! I AM READY TO GO TO WALMART SO WE CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEIR PRESIDENT'S DAY SALE."

Ed (from upstairs, yells): "OKAY RALPH!"

(Ed comes down dressed like Barack Obama. Ralph notices.)

Ralph: "What are you dressed like that for?"

Ed: "It's President's Day. I thought I would take advantage of it. Just think of it. The President is now enjoying himself."

Ralph: "Well, Barack better shape up his image. But, it's only the first year of his presidency so he will have time. Remember, Ronald Reagan had low job rating polls during his first year in office and look what happened."

Ed: "Yeah, he became one of our most popular presidents."

Ralph: "I am hopeful that Barack does the same thing. I wonder if he will ever take a vacation. If he does, he should go down where it is beautiful. Gorgeous Miami Beach."

(Audience cheers.)

Ed: "I wonder if all the former Presidents celebrate this day, especially George W. Bush. I wonder if he will take advantage of the President's Day sales."

Ralph: "If he does try to, he better hope he doesn't get murdered in the stores."

Ed: "The Presidents of our country deserved to be acknowledged."

(They both sing a song about U.S. Presidents.)

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "How seet it is."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "The Miami Beach audiences are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Audience cheers.)

"A Little Man Who Wasn't There Part 2":

(Ralph and another guy are playing pool. The guy hits the cue ball and it misses the pool balls.)

Man: "It's on it's way."

Ralph: "Yeah, to Newark."

"Finders Keepers":

Ralph: "I have flipped huh? Well, for your information Norton is my partner."

Alice: "Well, if you flip, it's always nice to have company."

"Dial J For Janitor":

(Ed is looking for Ralph in the cellar.)

Ed: "Janitor? Whoa, janitor."

Ralph: "For the last time, don't call me janitor. I am a maintenance engineer."

"Young At Heart":

Ed: "As time wore on, I grew older. I matured."

Ralph: "Yeah, now you are a full-grown nut."

"Cottage For Sale Part 1":

(Ralph & Ed are fighting.)

Ralph: "I have a million friends. I have 50 down at the bus depot. 50 down in the lodge. 50 down in the bowling alley. There's 100 right there."

Alice: "If you have so many, how come they never invite you anywhere?"

Ralph: "Because I am always with Ed and they don't like him either."

"Follow The Boys":

Ralph: "My dad used to say this: 'For one of a nail, a shoe is lost. For one of a shoe, a horse was lost. For one of a horse, a battle was lost. And for one of a battle, a war was lost. And for one of a war...for one of a war...it was all lost.'"

Alice: "Why don't you get lost?"

"Follow The Boys":

(Ralph & Alice are playing chess. Alice wants to spend more time with Ralph by forcing him to spend at least six nights a week with her, much to his chagrin)

Alice: "I win Ralph."

Ralph: "Let's celebrate. You go out to the movies and I'll shoot pool."

"Operation Protest":

(Ralph wants to beat up Clifford because Cliff caused Ralph to be fired.)

Alice: "You are going to hate yourself in the morning."

Ralph: "True, but I will be happy tonight."

"Young At Heart":

Ed: "You are supposed to waddle like a duck."

Ralph: "How can I do that?"

Ed: "It's easy. Just walk like you always do."