Frank Gannucci
12-28-2009, 11:08 AM
"Brother-In-Law":
Alice: "My brother is as good as any member of your family."
Ralph: "He is still a bum."
"Man In The Blue Suit":
Ed: "Hide the money under the rug."
Ralph: "We don't have one."
Ed: "Take the money that you won from playing cards and then you will have a place to hide it."
Ralph: "Would you mind repeating that?"
"Hot Dog Stand":
Ralph: "By looking at me, I guess that you didn't think I was driving a bus yesterday."
Man: "Oh."
(The man is starting to bite his hot dog.)
Ed: "I was working in the sewer."
(The man stops himself from eating.)
Man: "Funny. I am not hungry anymore."
"Young Man With A Horn":
Alice: "Stand back Ed. This is liable to be messy."
Ralph: "You are liable to be messy in about five seconds from now."
"Young Man With A Horn":
Alice: "All right Ralph. You haven't touched it in years."
Ralph: "I wanna keep it."
Ed: "He has a point Alice. He hasn't seen his toes in years and he still wants to keep them."
"Case of The Cuckoo Thief":
Alice: Alice: "I was thinking about buying this clock for someone."
Ralph: "For who?"
Alice: "For, um…my brother."
Ralph: "If there is one thing that your family doesn't need, it's another cuckoo."
"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":
Alice: "My mother was offered to appear in silent pictures but she turned it down so she can have a family."
Ralph: "For your information, the reason why your mother was not in silent pictures was because she couldn't keep silent."
"Ralph's Gone Hollywood":
Ralph: "Don't you know an assgot when you see one?"
Ed: "You certainly are."
"Ralph Kramden, Hero At Large" (aka "Trapped"):
Ralph: "You are the only man that can turn my stomach upside-down."
Ed: "There isn't a man in this city that is strong enough to do that."
(Ralph is shown getting ready for New Year's.)
Ralph: “Boy, I can't believe it. Another decade, another year, here we come.”
(Alice comes out.)
Alice: “It only seems like yesterday that we were worried about Y2K.”
Ralph: “Yeah, I knew that that bug was nothing to worry about.”
Alice: “You didn't? You forced us to live without electricity for three whole days so we can be prepared.”
(The Nortons come down.)
Ed: “Happy New Year! Time to ring in the New Year.”
Trixie: “Hello Alice! Alice, I got to tell you the suggestion that Ed made. He wanted to go down to Times Square as Baby New Year. He was going to go down there wearing nothing but a big diaper.”
Ralph: “You are a mental case.”
Ed: “I thought it was a good idea. No one else has ever done it. Dick Clark would be impressed.”
Ralph: “Yeah.”
Ed: “Another decade, another year, here we come. I love these types of New Years.”
Ralph: “Well, let's go. Maybe we will meet some celbritites.”
Ed: “Yeah, I will tell them that I work in the sewer.”
(Ralph rolls his eyes.)
(At Times Square. Ryan Seacrest is shown. Audience applauds.)
Ryan Seacrest: “The temperature here is 20 degrees. It has got to be the coldest New Year's Eve on record. As a matter of fact, I ran into a guy right here.”
(Ryan goes by Ed & Ralph.)
Ryan: “I met these two last year. This person has said he wanted to come here wearing nothing but a diaper. He wanted to go as Baby New Year.”
(Everyone laughs. Ralph rolls his eyes.)
Ryan: “This here gentleman works in the sewer. His name is Ed Norton.”
Ed: “I just like to tell you guys that down in the sewer, everything is flowing nicely.”
(Ralph rolls his eyes.)
Ralph: “Why do I have to be paired with him. This night couldn't get any worse.”
Ryan: “Cheer up Mr. Kramden. This is going to be a new decade.”
Alice: “Ralph, I got a text from Mother. She might be able to find us.”
Ralph: “Oh no!”
Ryan: “Mr. Dick Clark, this is the first person that I ran into in all the year's I have been on your show, that is upset.”
(Camera shows Dick Clark. Audience applauds.)
Dick Clark: “Same here. I thought that that day would never happen. Well folks, it is time to count down to the New Year. Everyone here can't believe that it will be 2010 soon. I can't either. If I ever host next year, that decade will mark my fifth decade hosting this show. I started back in 1972. Anyway, the ball is coming down right now. Here we go!”
Everyone (yelling): “10...9...8...7...”
Ralph (yells): “TEH CHAMPAGNE IS NOT KORBEL.”
Everyone (yelling): “...3...2...1...”
(To be continued.)
(WLIW) & (WILW DT) (Long Island, NY PBS affiliate):
Thu. Dec. 31, 2009 11p, Fri. Jan. 1 5a, Wed. Jan. 6, 1p & Thu. Jan. 7, 2010
5a "Jackie Gleason: Genius At Work": (CC) Various clips are shown of Jackie Gleason showing his comedic brilliance.
(American Life TV):
(AmericanLife also has an OnDemand Service. This show might be one of the shows to watch.)
TV-G
All times are Eastern.
All color episodes are one hour.
Sun. Jan. 3, 2010 2a (also Thu. Jan. 14, 2010 2a) #38 (aka #191) – “Play It Again Norton”: The Honeymooners wreck havoc on a cross-country tour. Our two willing but not-so-able boobs (Ralph & Ed) enter a song contest sponsored by movie star Worthington Kenmore (played by Paul Lynde). The prize: $25,000 and a Hollywood trip. The problem: entrants must be under 18.
3a (also Fri. Jan. 15, 2010 2a) #39 (aka #192) – “Ralph Goes Hollywood”: Bing Crosby, Maureen O'Hara and Bert Parks are the guests as the Honeymooners head for Hollywood to claim their songwriting prize. High jinks include a stay at Maureen's mansion, expense-account living and Ralph's plan to throw a party for Bing. (The role of the "reporter" is played by George Petrie.)
Mon. Jan. 4, 2010 2a (also Sat. Jan 16, 2010 2a) #40 (aka #193) – “The Mexican Hat Trick”: Carol Lawrence and the Baja Marimba Band guests as the Honeymooners head for colorful Mexico. Mix-ups include a rendezvous between the alluring El Lobo (Carol) and Ralph; a run-in with the bandits Jenkins (Jesse White) and Pedro (Phil Leeds); and the kidnapping of Alice and Trixie.
3a #41 (aka #194) – “Case of The Cuckoo Thief”: Joining the Honeymooners: Oscar winner George Chakiris ("A Chorus Line"). A Hollywood shopping spree turns chaotic when shoplifter Mousey the Dip (George) uses Alice as his unwitting accomplice.
Tue. Jan. 5, 2010 2a #24 (aka #177) – “Out of Sight, Out of Mind”: Ralph is sent to the company psychiatrist when he loses his temper once too often on the job. He is advised to give up his friendship with Norton, Norton mistakes his farewell note for a suicide note, and shadows Ralph to keep him out of trouble. Ralph, seeing Norton everywhere he looks, thinks he's losing his mind...until the truth comes out and the psychiatrist decides that Norton and Kramden belong together.
Wed. Jan. 6, 2010 2a #25 (aka #178) – “Two Faces of Ralph Kramden”: Ralph is set up as an "insurance executive" by mobsters because he is a dead ringer for their boss (also played by Gleason). Their real boss is fleeing the country with his moll; Ralph, as his stand-in, is due to be exterminated momentarily. Only the intervention of Norton, Alice, and Trixie saves Ralph's life.
Thu. Jan. 7, 2010 2a #26 (aka #179) – “The Main Event”: Boxer "Dynamite" Moran is living with the Kramdens and Ralph is his new promoter. His first knockout, strictly unofficial and off the record, is staged for the benefit of the manager of heavyweight contender "Killer" Cuoco. The scheme works until Norton accidentally decks Dynamite. Undaunted, Ralph vows to stay in the fig ht game. Only this time, he will train Norton for the ring.
Fri. Jan. 8, 2010 2a #27 (aka #180) – “To Whomever It May Concern”: Ralph, told to turn in his bus driver's uniform, dashes off a scathing letter to his boss, only to realize he was not being fired but promoted to traffic manager. He retrieves the letter, and then mails it again by mistake. His boss receives the letter, but has no one to blame, since it is unsigned. Then Norton stops by the boss' office to plead for another chance for his pal...and Ralph's professional aspirations take another nose dive.
Sat. Jan. 9, 2010 2a #28 (aka #181) – “Sleepy Time Gal”: Ralph meets a hypnotist, the Great Fatchoomara, at the Raccoon Lodge, and persuades him to put Alice in a trance. That way, she will have to show Ralph where she hides her emergency cash. Unfortunately for Ralph, Alice overhears his scheme and substitutes a note for the money. He doesn't realize until too late, on a train to the Miami Beach Raccoons' Annual Convention, that Alice was wise to him all along.
Sun. Jan. 10, 2010 2a #42 (aka #195) - “The Honeymoon Is Over”: Mike Douglas guests as the Honeymooners are invited to plug the prize-winning song on Mike's show. And what a show it is: Ralph and Alice have an on-camera tiff that gets everyone into the act.
3a #43 (aka #196) – “Happiness Is a Rich Uncle”: Joey Heatherton guests as the go-go girl sweetheart of Alice's Uncle Howard (David Burns), an 83 year-old millionaire. Suspicious that she's gone-gone over Howard's gold, the Honeymooners decide to put Emily to the test -- with suave Norton as bait.
Mon. Jan. 11, 2010 2a #44 (aka #197) – “Hawaii, Oh! Oh!”: Donald O'Connor guests as a money minded maitre d' as the Honeymooners visit Hawaii. Charlie (Donald) and his bartender (Jeremiah Morris) concoct a phony diet sauce guaranteed to slim down fatties. The missing ingredient: a sucker. Enter rotund Ralph.
3a #45 (aka #198) – “The Sun & Raccoon Capital”: The end of the harmonious Honeymooners quartet may be near. At the Miami convention of the Raccoons, it's election time. Opponents for the office of High Exalted Mystic Ruler? Ralph and Norton!
Tue. Jan. 12, 2010 2a #29 (aka #182) – “Boy Next Door”: Alice, planning a surprise birthday party for Ralph, borrows a cookbook recipe from Trixie. Ralph, discovering the cookbook, finds in it an old love letter written by Ed. He concludes that Ed and Alice are lovers and takes the appropriate actions: following them and telling Trixie. But Trixie just laughs at Ralph, and then she tells him the truth.
Wed. Jan. 13, 2010 2a #30 (aka #183) – “Follow The Boys”: When the wives complain that their husbands don't fuss over them anymore, Ralph and Ed come up with a compromise: one night a week will be "boys' night out," the other nights they will spend with Alice and Trixie. But this is just another scheme that backfires on Ralph, who is planning to wear out the wives on the first night, but overcomes himself with exhaustion instead.
(WPIX) & (WPIXD) [aka New York feed of CWHD]:
Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Audrey Meadows as Alice Kramden. Joyce Randolph as Trixie Norton.
Fri. Jan. 1, 2010 12a #037 (aka #125) - "The Safety Award": Ralph is honored with an award for being "the safest bus driver in the city" and plans to take Alice and the Nortons to the ceremony at City Hall. But his big day is plagued with problems, culminating with Ralph having an accident in his friend's car. Ever the optimist, Norton offers a distressed Ralph some sewer-worker words of wisdom: "When the tides of life turn against you, and the current upsets your boat, don't waste those tears on what might have been, just lay on your back and float." Mr. Martin: Frank Marth.
12:30a #026 (aka #117) - "Young Man With A Horn": The discovery of his old cornet and an unexpected visit by a self-made millionaire prompt Ralph to wonder why he hasn't achieved more success and hit the "high note" in his life. As a result, he decides to make a list of his good points and do something to correct his bad ones.
1a #002 (aka #093) - "Funny Money": Ralph finds a suitcase filled with money, enough, Norton says, to "keep him in pizza for the rest of his life." There's one slight problem: the money is counterfeit, and the gangsters who printed it want it back. Alice's Mother: Ethel Owen. Boss: Boris Aplon. Ziggy: Frank Marth.
1:30a #029 (aka #120) - "Ralph Kramden, Hero At Large" (aka "Trapped"): While leaving the pool hall, Ralph witnesses a bank robbery and takes a bullet through his hat. That's reason enough for him to believe that the thugs will come gunning for him, so Norton tells his on-edge pal to just relax and watch some TV. "What's playing tonight?" Ralph asks. Norton's reply: "Dead Men Tell No Tales." Bibbo: Frank Marth. Danny: George Petrie.
2a #016 (aka #107) - "Oh My Aching Back": After telling Alice he was too tired to leave the apartment, Ralph---on the eve of his company physical---goes bowling, throws his back out and comes home hunched over, and looking, Norton says, like "the leaning tower of pizza."
2:30a #004 (aka #095) - "A Woman's Work Is Never Done": Tired of Ralph's complaints about household chores not being done, Alice convinces him to hire a maid. But the new domestic is rapidly getting fed up taking orders from Norton and Ralph, or as she calls them, "the simp and the blimp." Thelma: Betty Garde. Wilson: Frank Marth.
3a #028 (aka #119) - "The Worry Wart": Ralph's nerves are taxed when he gets a letter requesting his presence at the IRS office. Alice tries to calm him by reminding him that many people have their returns reviewed. "You're darn right," Norton agrees. "The jails are full of them." Norton, in fact, is helping Ralph review the business deductions he made on his returns and then lends his buddy moral support by accompanying him to the IRS office.
3:30a #008 (aka #099) - "Pal O' Mine": A great friendship is strained after a ring t hat Norton had planned to give a co-worker winds up stuck on Ralph's finger. The episode concludes with a classic hospital scene that contains a memorable one-word ad-lib by Norton, who's saying good-bye to a doctor. Teddy Oberman: Ned Glass. Doctor: John Seymour. Nurse: Abbie Lewis.
4a #032 (aka #129) - "Dial J For Janitor": Ralph can't seem to pipe down about the failures of his building's janitor. Then he finds out that the position pays $150 a month with free rent---and decides to take the job himself. Now the most gripes are coming from Norton, who says he hasn't had water in his apartment for so long that he's beginning to "see mirages." Mr. Johnson: Luis Van Rooten. Mrs. Manicotti: Zamah Cunningham.
4:30a #030 (aka #121) - "The Loudspeaker": Ralph thinks he'll be named Raccoon of the Year, so he begins writing his acceptance speech (if he could only get rid of his hiccups). It's a very distinctive honor, he reminds the skeptical Alice, because it entitles the two of them to "free burial privileges in the Raccoons' national cemetery in Bismarck, North Dakota."
5a #033 (aka #123) - "Opportunity Knocks, But": When Mr. Marshall asks him for a lesson in shooting pool, Ralph believes that his social visit to his boss's Park Avenue home is the cue for his finally advancing in the company. But it's Norton who racks up points in "Opportunity Knocks But," which originally aired May 5, 1956. The pool lesson just gets under way when Norton---not Ralph---starts offering suggestions about making improvements at the company. Impressed, Marshall offers him a job as "Bus Driver Supervisor." Marshall says he likes a man who can think on his feet, but as an enraged Ralph later tells Alice: "Norton works in the sewer. He has to think on his feet; if he sat down he'd drown." But Norton, who's thinking of accepting the offer, tells his buddy not to worry. "As long as I am an executive at that bus company," he tells Ralph, "you are sure of being a bus driver as long as you live."
5:30a #034 (aka #130) - "A Man's Pride": Ralph is too proud to tell a seemingly successful old friend that he drives a bus, so he says he "runs things" at the company in the last Honeymooners episode of the "classic 39," which originally ran from 1955 to '56. CLASSIC KRAMDEN- Ralph's reaction to the dinner check.
9a #010 (aka #101) - "Hello Mom": Ralph and Alice Kramden (Jackie Gleason, Audrey Meadows) squabble over the impending arrival of Ralph's mother-in-law in this classic, and ultimately touching, episode. The king is told that his castle is soon to be invaded by Alice's mom. Ralph painfully remembers how his mother-in-law said at his wedding, "I'm not losing a daughter, I'm gaining a ton," and refuses to let her visit. But when Alice stands up to him and insists her mother's coming, Ralph decides to move in with the Nortons until the visit's over. Humor and poignancy meet in a conclusion that once again shows Alice, who sees beyond Ralph's insecurities, to be the bigger person.
9:30a #036 (aka #127) - "Alice & The Blonde": Audrey Meadows said that she "loved" the episode titled "Alice and the Blonde" (originally telecast June
2, 1956), and it's easy to see why. For once, it's Alice who's fuming. It's all because of what happens at the home of one of Ralph's co-workers. Trying to ingratiate himself with Bert Weedemeyer (who Ralph thinks may become the bus company's new general manager), Ralph---with Norton by his side, naturally-heaps compliments on the man's wife, a ditsy platinum blonde who calls her husband "Twinkles." Ralph's fawning and flattery isn't amusing Alice, who'll have her revenge. Rita Weedemeyer: Freda Rosen. Bert: Frank Behrens.
10a #017 (aka #108) - "The Baby-sitter": Ralph signals his displeasure when he learns that Alice had a telephone installed in the apartment. Then later, when he calms down, he overhears a telephone conversation and thinks that she is having an affair.
10:30a #027 (aka #118) - “Ralph’s Big Mouth” (aka "Head of The House"): In the hilarious "Head of the House" (originally telecast March 31, 1956), Ralph marks his "emancipation" as king of his castle by sitting down with Norton to finish a bottle of wine that is "a little strong but good." Their first toast, Ralph says, is "to my wife, who has finally found her place." Actually, what Alice found was a bottle of grape juice, which she substituted for the wine. When the men get plastered and pass out, Trixie and Alice pour their own drinks and make their own toasts. "I give you our husbands," says Trixie. "You can have 'em," says Alice. The wine-and-grape-juice scene, Art Carney recalled, was one of his favorites. "We really were laughing at each other...because we were supposed to be laughing...crocked and everything. Funny scene."
11a #015 (aka #106) - "A Matter of Record": In "A Matter of Record" (originally telecast Jan. 7, 1956), Ralph surprises Alice with tickets to a hit Broadway mystery, but with her mother coming "all the way from Bensonhurst" for a visit, she won't go. " Where's Bensonhurst, in New Zealand or something?" Ralph snaps back, upset that Alice is forsaking him for a visit from his nemesis. "She won't be in this apartment three minutes before she starts an argument," Ralph says. With that, Alice's mother arrives and Ralph proceeds to set an alarm clock for three minutes. Sure enough, she quickly insults Ralph about his weight, chides Alice for not marrying "a good provider" and, as the final straw, spills the beans about the ending of the play. Just as the alarm clock rings, Ralph erupts ("You are a blabbermouth!") and throws his mother-in-law out. But Alice leaves with her, prompting Ralph to take Norton's suggestion and record an apology to Alice in hopes of winning her forgiveness.
11:30a #036 (aka #128) - "The Bensonhurst Bomber": An argument in the pool hall and a joke about a man's name figure in "The Bensonhurst Bomber," which originally aired Sept. 8, 1956. Of all the guest characters on The Honeymooners, few names are more recognizable to fans than "Harvey," or, as Ralph pronounces it, "Har-vee!" In fact, it's that exaggerated pronunciation that gets Ralph in hot water when the towering bully Harvey challenges Ralph to a fight at Kelsey's Gym. As the showdown approaches, a nervous Ralph believes a wiser plan might be to leave town, but Norton insists he has to fight Harvey, especially since they're closing the pool hall in Ralph's honor. "If I fight that Harvey," Ralph replies, "they'll be closing it in my memory."
12p #006 (aka #097) - "The Sleepwalker": Norton's sleepwalking becomes a waking nightmare for Ralph, who can't get any sleep because he's been asked to keep his pal from wandering off on late-night strolls around the neighborhood. Doctor: George Petrie.
12:30p #021 (aka #112) - "A Dog's Life": Ralph gets another one of his half-baked ideas after he samples a tasty dish he found in his ice box in "A Dog's Life," which was originally telecast Feb. 18, 1956. Convinced that the unusual cracker-spread will satisfy the public's appetite for a snack that's new and different, Ralph asks his boss, Mr. Marshall, to taste the dish in the hope that he'll bankroll production. Ralph's even cooked up a name for the culinary delight: "KramMar's Delicious Mystery Appetizer." Marshall tries it and likes it, and asks Ralph if the recipe is exclusively his wife's or if Alice's mother helped out. "Anything she'd cook I wouldn't give to a dog," Ralph replies. But Marshall wants some other opinions, so he calls in his assistants for another taste test.
1p #005 (aka #096) - "A Matter of Life & Death": Ralph gets the idea in his head that he has six months to live, so he decides to sell his story to a magazine. But when he learns it's all a mistake and that he can be prosecuted for fraud, he enlists Norton to pose as a doctor ("don't touch me, I'm sterile") who can cure him of the dreaded "arterial monochromia." Publisher: George Petrie.
1:30p #014 (aka #105) - "The Man From Space": Intending to take home first prize at the Raccoon Lodge's costume ball, Ralph---unable to wangle a loan from Norton---puts together his own costume and dubs himself "The Man From Space" in a memorable episode that was originally telecast Dec.
31, 1955. Angry with Norton (who's going as the Frenchman who "built the sewers of Paris") and obsessed with winning, Ralph appropriates an assortment of household items---including a faucet, a pot, a radio tube and the icebox door---to create a costume that will, he says, make Norton's rented outfit look like "a piece of French cheesecloth." The episode contains a classic example of Jackie Gleason's gift for ad-libbing when, unexpectedly; a piece of Ralph's costume falls off. "Let me have that," he improvises to Alice. "That's my denaturizer."
2p #003 (aka #094) - "The Golfer": Hello, ball! That memorable salutation---delivered by Norton (Art Carney) as he shows the proper way to "address the ball"---has made "The Golfer" (first aired on Oct. 15, 1955) a favorite in the series canon. Ralph's trying to impress his boss by offering to join him in a foursome. Problem is, Ralph's never picked up a club in his life and learning to play in two days, he concedes, won't be easy---"It'd take me at least a week." That doesn't stop him from turning his kitchen into a fairway, using a pin cushion as a ball and, unforgettably, getting into the mood by donning an outlandish golfing outfit that is, to quote Norton, "dee-vine." DON'T MISS – Ed addressing the ball.
2:30p #020 (aka #111) - "Young At Heart": Ralph wants to prove to Alice that he's still young at heart by learning dances like the Big Apple and the Suzie Q., which prompts Norton to ask: "How can anyone so round be so square?" But he's still determined, so the Kramdens and the Nortons decide to make a night of it by going roller-skating. Ralph on wheels at the rink makes for one of the series' classic scenes. Another has Norton teaching Ralph how to do the Hucklebuck.
3p #023 (aka #114) - "Mama Loves Mambo": A dance teacher moves into the building and has all the husbands kicking up a fuss. Ralph and Norton had the idea that Carlos Sanchez was an old man who might like to relax with a game of checkers. He's not---bachelor Carlos is suave and handsome, and worse, is giving their wives mambo lessons in the Kramdens' apartment. Sanchez: Charles Korvin.
3:30p #001 (aka #092) - "TV or Not TV": Ralph and Norton go partners on a new TV, but Ralph rigs a coin toss so the set stays in the Kramden apartment. It's not long before Ralph becomes a total zombie to the new medium, and all Norton wants to do is don his space helmet and watch "Captain Video."
4p #007 (aka #098) - "Better Living Through TV": In a classic episode, Ralph and Norton g o on live TV in an attempt to sell the Handy Housewife Helper. The inspired (and ad-lib laden) "Better Living Through TV" (originally telecast Nov. 12, 1955) finds Ralph talking Norton into buying TV time so the two of them can go on the air and sell 2000 of the kitchen gadgets. The idea is for "Chef of the Future" Ralph to demonstrate to "Chef of the Past" Norton the many things the gizmo can do, such as open cans, remove corns and, of course, "core a apple." In the rehearsal, Ralph is the picture of calm, but as they prepare to go on the air, panic sets in and he warns a worrisome Ed: "Stop talking like that, nervous, you're going to get yourself all Norton." CLASSIC QUOTE - "Can it core a apple?" (
4:30p #018 (aka #109) - "The $99,000 Answer": Ralph Kramden's get-rich-quick schemes were a Honeymooners staple, but the pipe dream in "The $99,000 Answer"---which originally aired Jan. 28, 1956---may be the funniest. Convinced that he'll triumph on a quiz show, popular-music expert Ralph (Jackie Gleason) intensely prepares at home, aided by piano-playing pal Norton (Art Carney), who warms up for each song with a few bars of a familiar Stephen Foster melody. Of course, the second he's on live TV, Ralph's bravado vanishes. Going into the classic Kramden meltdown---the eyes bugging, the lips quivering, the tongue stuttering "hummina-hummina"---he's asked, for his first question, to identify the composer of "Swanee River." DON'T MISS - - Norton's introduction to every song on the piano.
Mon. Jan. 4, 2010 1a #106 (aka #86) – “A Weighty Problem (Part One)”: Ralph has to take a physical for the bus company and is informed that he has to diet or he would fail the physical and lose his job.
1:30a #107 – “A Weighty Problem (Part Two)”: Ralph is going crazy on his diet but manages to lose enough weight so he can pass the physical and still be a bus driver.
Credit goes to zap2it.com, the old honeymooners.net, tvland.com, tvguide.com & John K's Book To The Moon.
Alice: "My brother is as good as any member of your family."
Ralph: "He is still a bum."
"Man In The Blue Suit":
Ed: "Hide the money under the rug."
Ralph: "We don't have one."
Ed: "Take the money that you won from playing cards and then you will have a place to hide it."
Ralph: "Would you mind repeating that?"
"Hot Dog Stand":
Ralph: "By looking at me, I guess that you didn't think I was driving a bus yesterday."
Man: "Oh."
(The man is starting to bite his hot dog.)
Ed: "I was working in the sewer."
(The man stops himself from eating.)
Man: "Funny. I am not hungry anymore."
"Young Man With A Horn":
Alice: "Stand back Ed. This is liable to be messy."
Ralph: "You are liable to be messy in about five seconds from now."
"Young Man With A Horn":
Alice: "All right Ralph. You haven't touched it in years."
Ralph: "I wanna keep it."
Ed: "He has a point Alice. He hasn't seen his toes in years and he still wants to keep them."
"Case of The Cuckoo Thief":
Alice: Alice: "I was thinking about buying this clock for someone."
Ralph: "For who?"
Alice: "For, um…my brother."
Ralph: "If there is one thing that your family doesn't need, it's another cuckoo."
"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":
Alice: "My mother was offered to appear in silent pictures but she turned it down so she can have a family."
Ralph: "For your information, the reason why your mother was not in silent pictures was because she couldn't keep silent."
"Ralph's Gone Hollywood":
Ralph: "Don't you know an assgot when you see one?"
Ed: "You certainly are."
"Ralph Kramden, Hero At Large" (aka "Trapped"):
Ralph: "You are the only man that can turn my stomach upside-down."
Ed: "There isn't a man in this city that is strong enough to do that."
(Ralph is shown getting ready for New Year's.)
Ralph: “Boy, I can't believe it. Another decade, another year, here we come.”
(Alice comes out.)
Alice: “It only seems like yesterday that we were worried about Y2K.”
Ralph: “Yeah, I knew that that bug was nothing to worry about.”
Alice: “You didn't? You forced us to live without electricity for three whole days so we can be prepared.”
(The Nortons come down.)
Ed: “Happy New Year! Time to ring in the New Year.”
Trixie: “Hello Alice! Alice, I got to tell you the suggestion that Ed made. He wanted to go down to Times Square as Baby New Year. He was going to go down there wearing nothing but a big diaper.”
Ralph: “You are a mental case.”
Ed: “I thought it was a good idea. No one else has ever done it. Dick Clark would be impressed.”
Ralph: “Yeah.”
Ed: “Another decade, another year, here we come. I love these types of New Years.”
Ralph: “Well, let's go. Maybe we will meet some celbritites.”
Ed: “Yeah, I will tell them that I work in the sewer.”
(Ralph rolls his eyes.)
(At Times Square. Ryan Seacrest is shown. Audience applauds.)
Ryan Seacrest: “The temperature here is 20 degrees. It has got to be the coldest New Year's Eve on record. As a matter of fact, I ran into a guy right here.”
(Ryan goes by Ed & Ralph.)
Ryan: “I met these two last year. This person has said he wanted to come here wearing nothing but a diaper. He wanted to go as Baby New Year.”
(Everyone laughs. Ralph rolls his eyes.)
Ryan: “This here gentleman works in the sewer. His name is Ed Norton.”
Ed: “I just like to tell you guys that down in the sewer, everything is flowing nicely.”
(Ralph rolls his eyes.)
Ralph: “Why do I have to be paired with him. This night couldn't get any worse.”
Ryan: “Cheer up Mr. Kramden. This is going to be a new decade.”
Alice: “Ralph, I got a text from Mother. She might be able to find us.”
Ralph: “Oh no!”
Ryan: “Mr. Dick Clark, this is the first person that I ran into in all the year's I have been on your show, that is upset.”
(Camera shows Dick Clark. Audience applauds.)
Dick Clark: “Same here. I thought that that day would never happen. Well folks, it is time to count down to the New Year. Everyone here can't believe that it will be 2010 soon. I can't either. If I ever host next year, that decade will mark my fifth decade hosting this show. I started back in 1972. Anyway, the ball is coming down right now. Here we go!”
Everyone (yelling): “10...9...8...7...”
Ralph (yells): “TEH CHAMPAGNE IS NOT KORBEL.”
Everyone (yelling): “...3...2...1...”
(To be continued.)
(WLIW) & (WILW DT) (Long Island, NY PBS affiliate):
Thu. Dec. 31, 2009 11p, Fri. Jan. 1 5a, Wed. Jan. 6, 1p & Thu. Jan. 7, 2010
5a "Jackie Gleason: Genius At Work": (CC) Various clips are shown of Jackie Gleason showing his comedic brilliance.
(American Life TV):
(AmericanLife also has an OnDemand Service. This show might be one of the shows to watch.)
TV-G
All times are Eastern.
All color episodes are one hour.
Sun. Jan. 3, 2010 2a (also Thu. Jan. 14, 2010 2a) #38 (aka #191) – “Play It Again Norton”: The Honeymooners wreck havoc on a cross-country tour. Our two willing but not-so-able boobs (Ralph & Ed) enter a song contest sponsored by movie star Worthington Kenmore (played by Paul Lynde). The prize: $25,000 and a Hollywood trip. The problem: entrants must be under 18.
3a (also Fri. Jan. 15, 2010 2a) #39 (aka #192) – “Ralph Goes Hollywood”: Bing Crosby, Maureen O'Hara and Bert Parks are the guests as the Honeymooners head for Hollywood to claim their songwriting prize. High jinks include a stay at Maureen's mansion, expense-account living and Ralph's plan to throw a party for Bing. (The role of the "reporter" is played by George Petrie.)
Mon. Jan. 4, 2010 2a (also Sat. Jan 16, 2010 2a) #40 (aka #193) – “The Mexican Hat Trick”: Carol Lawrence and the Baja Marimba Band guests as the Honeymooners head for colorful Mexico. Mix-ups include a rendezvous between the alluring El Lobo (Carol) and Ralph; a run-in with the bandits Jenkins (Jesse White) and Pedro (Phil Leeds); and the kidnapping of Alice and Trixie.
3a #41 (aka #194) – “Case of The Cuckoo Thief”: Joining the Honeymooners: Oscar winner George Chakiris ("A Chorus Line"). A Hollywood shopping spree turns chaotic when shoplifter Mousey the Dip (George) uses Alice as his unwitting accomplice.
Tue. Jan. 5, 2010 2a #24 (aka #177) – “Out of Sight, Out of Mind”: Ralph is sent to the company psychiatrist when he loses his temper once too often on the job. He is advised to give up his friendship with Norton, Norton mistakes his farewell note for a suicide note, and shadows Ralph to keep him out of trouble. Ralph, seeing Norton everywhere he looks, thinks he's losing his mind...until the truth comes out and the psychiatrist decides that Norton and Kramden belong together.
Wed. Jan. 6, 2010 2a #25 (aka #178) – “Two Faces of Ralph Kramden”: Ralph is set up as an "insurance executive" by mobsters because he is a dead ringer for their boss (also played by Gleason). Their real boss is fleeing the country with his moll; Ralph, as his stand-in, is due to be exterminated momentarily. Only the intervention of Norton, Alice, and Trixie saves Ralph's life.
Thu. Jan. 7, 2010 2a #26 (aka #179) – “The Main Event”: Boxer "Dynamite" Moran is living with the Kramdens and Ralph is his new promoter. His first knockout, strictly unofficial and off the record, is staged for the benefit of the manager of heavyweight contender "Killer" Cuoco. The scheme works until Norton accidentally decks Dynamite. Undaunted, Ralph vows to stay in the fig ht game. Only this time, he will train Norton for the ring.
Fri. Jan. 8, 2010 2a #27 (aka #180) – “To Whomever It May Concern”: Ralph, told to turn in his bus driver's uniform, dashes off a scathing letter to his boss, only to realize he was not being fired but promoted to traffic manager. He retrieves the letter, and then mails it again by mistake. His boss receives the letter, but has no one to blame, since it is unsigned. Then Norton stops by the boss' office to plead for another chance for his pal...and Ralph's professional aspirations take another nose dive.
Sat. Jan. 9, 2010 2a #28 (aka #181) – “Sleepy Time Gal”: Ralph meets a hypnotist, the Great Fatchoomara, at the Raccoon Lodge, and persuades him to put Alice in a trance. That way, she will have to show Ralph where she hides her emergency cash. Unfortunately for Ralph, Alice overhears his scheme and substitutes a note for the money. He doesn't realize until too late, on a train to the Miami Beach Raccoons' Annual Convention, that Alice was wise to him all along.
Sun. Jan. 10, 2010 2a #42 (aka #195) - “The Honeymoon Is Over”: Mike Douglas guests as the Honeymooners are invited to plug the prize-winning song on Mike's show. And what a show it is: Ralph and Alice have an on-camera tiff that gets everyone into the act.
3a #43 (aka #196) – “Happiness Is a Rich Uncle”: Joey Heatherton guests as the go-go girl sweetheart of Alice's Uncle Howard (David Burns), an 83 year-old millionaire. Suspicious that she's gone-gone over Howard's gold, the Honeymooners decide to put Emily to the test -- with suave Norton as bait.
Mon. Jan. 11, 2010 2a #44 (aka #197) – “Hawaii, Oh! Oh!”: Donald O'Connor guests as a money minded maitre d' as the Honeymooners visit Hawaii. Charlie (Donald) and his bartender (Jeremiah Morris) concoct a phony diet sauce guaranteed to slim down fatties. The missing ingredient: a sucker. Enter rotund Ralph.
3a #45 (aka #198) – “The Sun & Raccoon Capital”: The end of the harmonious Honeymooners quartet may be near. At the Miami convention of the Raccoons, it's election time. Opponents for the office of High Exalted Mystic Ruler? Ralph and Norton!
Tue. Jan. 12, 2010 2a #29 (aka #182) – “Boy Next Door”: Alice, planning a surprise birthday party for Ralph, borrows a cookbook recipe from Trixie. Ralph, discovering the cookbook, finds in it an old love letter written by Ed. He concludes that Ed and Alice are lovers and takes the appropriate actions: following them and telling Trixie. But Trixie just laughs at Ralph, and then she tells him the truth.
Wed. Jan. 13, 2010 2a #30 (aka #183) – “Follow The Boys”: When the wives complain that their husbands don't fuss over them anymore, Ralph and Ed come up with a compromise: one night a week will be "boys' night out," the other nights they will spend with Alice and Trixie. But this is just another scheme that backfires on Ralph, who is planning to wear out the wives on the first night, but overcomes himself with exhaustion instead.
(WPIX) & (WPIXD) [aka New York feed of CWHD]:
Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Audrey Meadows as Alice Kramden. Joyce Randolph as Trixie Norton.
Fri. Jan. 1, 2010 12a #037 (aka #125) - "The Safety Award": Ralph is honored with an award for being "the safest bus driver in the city" and plans to take Alice and the Nortons to the ceremony at City Hall. But his big day is plagued with problems, culminating with Ralph having an accident in his friend's car. Ever the optimist, Norton offers a distressed Ralph some sewer-worker words of wisdom: "When the tides of life turn against you, and the current upsets your boat, don't waste those tears on what might have been, just lay on your back and float." Mr. Martin: Frank Marth.
12:30a #026 (aka #117) - "Young Man With A Horn": The discovery of his old cornet and an unexpected visit by a self-made millionaire prompt Ralph to wonder why he hasn't achieved more success and hit the "high note" in his life. As a result, he decides to make a list of his good points and do something to correct his bad ones.
1a #002 (aka #093) - "Funny Money": Ralph finds a suitcase filled with money, enough, Norton says, to "keep him in pizza for the rest of his life." There's one slight problem: the money is counterfeit, and the gangsters who printed it want it back. Alice's Mother: Ethel Owen. Boss: Boris Aplon. Ziggy: Frank Marth.
1:30a #029 (aka #120) - "Ralph Kramden, Hero At Large" (aka "Trapped"): While leaving the pool hall, Ralph witnesses a bank robbery and takes a bullet through his hat. That's reason enough for him to believe that the thugs will come gunning for him, so Norton tells his on-edge pal to just relax and watch some TV. "What's playing tonight?" Ralph asks. Norton's reply: "Dead Men Tell No Tales." Bibbo: Frank Marth. Danny: George Petrie.
2a #016 (aka #107) - "Oh My Aching Back": After telling Alice he was too tired to leave the apartment, Ralph---on the eve of his company physical---goes bowling, throws his back out and comes home hunched over, and looking, Norton says, like "the leaning tower of pizza."
2:30a #004 (aka #095) - "A Woman's Work Is Never Done": Tired of Ralph's complaints about household chores not being done, Alice convinces him to hire a maid. But the new domestic is rapidly getting fed up taking orders from Norton and Ralph, or as she calls them, "the simp and the blimp." Thelma: Betty Garde. Wilson: Frank Marth.
3a #028 (aka #119) - "The Worry Wart": Ralph's nerves are taxed when he gets a letter requesting his presence at the IRS office. Alice tries to calm him by reminding him that many people have their returns reviewed. "You're darn right," Norton agrees. "The jails are full of them." Norton, in fact, is helping Ralph review the business deductions he made on his returns and then lends his buddy moral support by accompanying him to the IRS office.
3:30a #008 (aka #099) - "Pal O' Mine": A great friendship is strained after a ring t hat Norton had planned to give a co-worker winds up stuck on Ralph's finger. The episode concludes with a classic hospital scene that contains a memorable one-word ad-lib by Norton, who's saying good-bye to a doctor. Teddy Oberman: Ned Glass. Doctor: John Seymour. Nurse: Abbie Lewis.
4a #032 (aka #129) - "Dial J For Janitor": Ralph can't seem to pipe down about the failures of his building's janitor. Then he finds out that the position pays $150 a month with free rent---and decides to take the job himself. Now the most gripes are coming from Norton, who says he hasn't had water in his apartment for so long that he's beginning to "see mirages." Mr. Johnson: Luis Van Rooten. Mrs. Manicotti: Zamah Cunningham.
4:30a #030 (aka #121) - "The Loudspeaker": Ralph thinks he'll be named Raccoon of the Year, so he begins writing his acceptance speech (if he could only get rid of his hiccups). It's a very distinctive honor, he reminds the skeptical Alice, because it entitles the two of them to "free burial privileges in the Raccoons' national cemetery in Bismarck, North Dakota."
5a #033 (aka #123) - "Opportunity Knocks, But": When Mr. Marshall asks him for a lesson in shooting pool, Ralph believes that his social visit to his boss's Park Avenue home is the cue for his finally advancing in the company. But it's Norton who racks up points in "Opportunity Knocks But," which originally aired May 5, 1956. The pool lesson just gets under way when Norton---not Ralph---starts offering suggestions about making improvements at the company. Impressed, Marshall offers him a job as "Bus Driver Supervisor." Marshall says he likes a man who can think on his feet, but as an enraged Ralph later tells Alice: "Norton works in the sewer. He has to think on his feet; if he sat down he'd drown." But Norton, who's thinking of accepting the offer, tells his buddy not to worry. "As long as I am an executive at that bus company," he tells Ralph, "you are sure of being a bus driver as long as you live."
5:30a #034 (aka #130) - "A Man's Pride": Ralph is too proud to tell a seemingly successful old friend that he drives a bus, so he says he "runs things" at the company in the last Honeymooners episode of the "classic 39," which originally ran from 1955 to '56. CLASSIC KRAMDEN- Ralph's reaction to the dinner check.
9a #010 (aka #101) - "Hello Mom": Ralph and Alice Kramden (Jackie Gleason, Audrey Meadows) squabble over the impending arrival of Ralph's mother-in-law in this classic, and ultimately touching, episode. The king is told that his castle is soon to be invaded by Alice's mom. Ralph painfully remembers how his mother-in-law said at his wedding, "I'm not losing a daughter, I'm gaining a ton," and refuses to let her visit. But when Alice stands up to him and insists her mother's coming, Ralph decides to move in with the Nortons until the visit's over. Humor and poignancy meet in a conclusion that once again shows Alice, who sees beyond Ralph's insecurities, to be the bigger person.
9:30a #036 (aka #127) - "Alice & The Blonde": Audrey Meadows said that she "loved" the episode titled "Alice and the Blonde" (originally telecast June
2, 1956), and it's easy to see why. For once, it's Alice who's fuming. It's all because of what happens at the home of one of Ralph's co-workers. Trying to ingratiate himself with Bert Weedemeyer (who Ralph thinks may become the bus company's new general manager), Ralph---with Norton by his side, naturally-heaps compliments on the man's wife, a ditsy platinum blonde who calls her husband "Twinkles." Ralph's fawning and flattery isn't amusing Alice, who'll have her revenge. Rita Weedemeyer: Freda Rosen. Bert: Frank Behrens.
10a #017 (aka #108) - "The Baby-sitter": Ralph signals his displeasure when he learns that Alice had a telephone installed in the apartment. Then later, when he calms down, he overhears a telephone conversation and thinks that she is having an affair.
10:30a #027 (aka #118) - “Ralph’s Big Mouth” (aka "Head of The House"): In the hilarious "Head of the House" (originally telecast March 31, 1956), Ralph marks his "emancipation" as king of his castle by sitting down with Norton to finish a bottle of wine that is "a little strong but good." Their first toast, Ralph says, is "to my wife, who has finally found her place." Actually, what Alice found was a bottle of grape juice, which she substituted for the wine. When the men get plastered and pass out, Trixie and Alice pour their own drinks and make their own toasts. "I give you our husbands," says Trixie. "You can have 'em," says Alice. The wine-and-grape-juice scene, Art Carney recalled, was one of his favorites. "We really were laughing at each other...because we were supposed to be laughing...crocked and everything. Funny scene."
11a #015 (aka #106) - "A Matter of Record": In "A Matter of Record" (originally telecast Jan. 7, 1956), Ralph surprises Alice with tickets to a hit Broadway mystery, but with her mother coming "all the way from Bensonhurst" for a visit, she won't go. " Where's Bensonhurst, in New Zealand or something?" Ralph snaps back, upset that Alice is forsaking him for a visit from his nemesis. "She won't be in this apartment three minutes before she starts an argument," Ralph says. With that, Alice's mother arrives and Ralph proceeds to set an alarm clock for three minutes. Sure enough, she quickly insults Ralph about his weight, chides Alice for not marrying "a good provider" and, as the final straw, spills the beans about the ending of the play. Just as the alarm clock rings, Ralph erupts ("You are a blabbermouth!") and throws his mother-in-law out. But Alice leaves with her, prompting Ralph to take Norton's suggestion and record an apology to Alice in hopes of winning her forgiveness.
11:30a #036 (aka #128) - "The Bensonhurst Bomber": An argument in the pool hall and a joke about a man's name figure in "The Bensonhurst Bomber," which originally aired Sept. 8, 1956. Of all the guest characters on The Honeymooners, few names are more recognizable to fans than "Harvey," or, as Ralph pronounces it, "Har-vee!" In fact, it's that exaggerated pronunciation that gets Ralph in hot water when the towering bully Harvey challenges Ralph to a fight at Kelsey's Gym. As the showdown approaches, a nervous Ralph believes a wiser plan might be to leave town, but Norton insists he has to fight Harvey, especially since they're closing the pool hall in Ralph's honor. "If I fight that Harvey," Ralph replies, "they'll be closing it in my memory."
12p #006 (aka #097) - "The Sleepwalker": Norton's sleepwalking becomes a waking nightmare for Ralph, who can't get any sleep because he's been asked to keep his pal from wandering off on late-night strolls around the neighborhood. Doctor: George Petrie.
12:30p #021 (aka #112) - "A Dog's Life": Ralph gets another one of his half-baked ideas after he samples a tasty dish he found in his ice box in "A Dog's Life," which was originally telecast Feb. 18, 1956. Convinced that the unusual cracker-spread will satisfy the public's appetite for a snack that's new and different, Ralph asks his boss, Mr. Marshall, to taste the dish in the hope that he'll bankroll production. Ralph's even cooked up a name for the culinary delight: "KramMar's Delicious Mystery Appetizer." Marshall tries it and likes it, and asks Ralph if the recipe is exclusively his wife's or if Alice's mother helped out. "Anything she'd cook I wouldn't give to a dog," Ralph replies. But Marshall wants some other opinions, so he calls in his assistants for another taste test.
1p #005 (aka #096) - "A Matter of Life & Death": Ralph gets the idea in his head that he has six months to live, so he decides to sell his story to a magazine. But when he learns it's all a mistake and that he can be prosecuted for fraud, he enlists Norton to pose as a doctor ("don't touch me, I'm sterile") who can cure him of the dreaded "arterial monochromia." Publisher: George Petrie.
1:30p #014 (aka #105) - "The Man From Space": Intending to take home first prize at the Raccoon Lodge's costume ball, Ralph---unable to wangle a loan from Norton---puts together his own costume and dubs himself "The Man From Space" in a memorable episode that was originally telecast Dec.
31, 1955. Angry with Norton (who's going as the Frenchman who "built the sewers of Paris") and obsessed with winning, Ralph appropriates an assortment of household items---including a faucet, a pot, a radio tube and the icebox door---to create a costume that will, he says, make Norton's rented outfit look like "a piece of French cheesecloth." The episode contains a classic example of Jackie Gleason's gift for ad-libbing when, unexpectedly; a piece of Ralph's costume falls off. "Let me have that," he improvises to Alice. "That's my denaturizer."
2p #003 (aka #094) - "The Golfer": Hello, ball! That memorable salutation---delivered by Norton (Art Carney) as he shows the proper way to "address the ball"---has made "The Golfer" (first aired on Oct. 15, 1955) a favorite in the series canon. Ralph's trying to impress his boss by offering to join him in a foursome. Problem is, Ralph's never picked up a club in his life and learning to play in two days, he concedes, won't be easy---"It'd take me at least a week." That doesn't stop him from turning his kitchen into a fairway, using a pin cushion as a ball and, unforgettably, getting into the mood by donning an outlandish golfing outfit that is, to quote Norton, "dee-vine." DON'T MISS – Ed addressing the ball.
2:30p #020 (aka #111) - "Young At Heart": Ralph wants to prove to Alice that he's still young at heart by learning dances like the Big Apple and the Suzie Q., which prompts Norton to ask: "How can anyone so round be so square?" But he's still determined, so the Kramdens and the Nortons decide to make a night of it by going roller-skating. Ralph on wheels at the rink makes for one of the series' classic scenes. Another has Norton teaching Ralph how to do the Hucklebuck.
3p #023 (aka #114) - "Mama Loves Mambo": A dance teacher moves into the building and has all the husbands kicking up a fuss. Ralph and Norton had the idea that Carlos Sanchez was an old man who might like to relax with a game of checkers. He's not---bachelor Carlos is suave and handsome, and worse, is giving their wives mambo lessons in the Kramdens' apartment. Sanchez: Charles Korvin.
3:30p #001 (aka #092) - "TV or Not TV": Ralph and Norton go partners on a new TV, but Ralph rigs a coin toss so the set stays in the Kramden apartment. It's not long before Ralph becomes a total zombie to the new medium, and all Norton wants to do is don his space helmet and watch "Captain Video."
4p #007 (aka #098) - "Better Living Through TV": In a classic episode, Ralph and Norton g o on live TV in an attempt to sell the Handy Housewife Helper. The inspired (and ad-lib laden) "Better Living Through TV" (originally telecast Nov. 12, 1955) finds Ralph talking Norton into buying TV time so the two of them can go on the air and sell 2000 of the kitchen gadgets. The idea is for "Chef of the Future" Ralph to demonstrate to "Chef of the Past" Norton the many things the gizmo can do, such as open cans, remove corns and, of course, "core a apple." In the rehearsal, Ralph is the picture of calm, but as they prepare to go on the air, panic sets in and he warns a worrisome Ed: "Stop talking like that, nervous, you're going to get yourself all Norton." CLASSIC QUOTE - "Can it core a apple?" (
4:30p #018 (aka #109) - "The $99,000 Answer": Ralph Kramden's get-rich-quick schemes were a Honeymooners staple, but the pipe dream in "The $99,000 Answer"---which originally aired Jan. 28, 1956---may be the funniest. Convinced that he'll triumph on a quiz show, popular-music expert Ralph (Jackie Gleason) intensely prepares at home, aided by piano-playing pal Norton (Art Carney), who warms up for each song with a few bars of a familiar Stephen Foster melody. Of course, the second he's on live TV, Ralph's bravado vanishes. Going into the classic Kramden meltdown---the eyes bugging, the lips quivering, the tongue stuttering "hummina-hummina"---he's asked, for his first question, to identify the composer of "Swanee River." DON'T MISS - - Norton's introduction to every song on the piano.
Mon. Jan. 4, 2010 1a #106 (aka #86) – “A Weighty Problem (Part One)”: Ralph has to take a physical for the bus company and is informed that he has to diet or he would fail the physical and lose his job.
1:30a #107 – “A Weighty Problem (Part Two)”: Ralph is going crazy on his diet but manages to lose enough weight so he can pass the physical and still be a bus driver.
Credit goes to zap2it.com, the old honeymooners.net, tvland.com, tvguide.com & John K's Book To The Moon.