(The NY Yankees beat the Philadelphia Phillies 7-4.)

Ralph: "What a game Alice. The Yankees are closer than ever to becoming champs."

Alice: "Wow!"

Ralph: "And they said that the Phillies were going to win. The Phillies that is. Tough luck."

Alice: "Boy, Ralph. Don't get so excited. The Yankees still haven't won yet."

Ralph: "Alice, the Yanks have it."

Alice: "You said the same thing in 2004 when they face the Red Sox."

Ralph: "Don't remind me. That was a FLUKE."

(Ed comes down.)

Ed: "Hey Ralphie boy. Boy, the Yankees have really proved to Philly how tough they are. I wish I got the pie in the face at the end of their games instead of the knots Trixie puts in my head when she hits me. She is lucky I don't accuse her of spousal abuse."

Ralph: "Well, Norton. Tomorrow will be a dark, dark day for Philly. I can guarantee it. I am never wrong. Name me the last time I was wrong...DON'T SAY IT."

Ed: "I bet that Garritty is upset."

Ralph: "Oh boy! Time to rub it in."

Alice: "Ralph."

Ralph: "Shut your lips."

(Ralph goes to the window and sticks his head out.)

Ralph (yells): "HEY GARRITY, THOSE YANKS ARE PROVING WHO'S BOSS. THEY WILL WIN. I CAN GUARANTEE IT YOU BLOWHARD. I AM NEVER WRONG YOU BLOWHARD."

Everyone (from outside, yells): "YOU? NEVER WRONG? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Ralph (yells): "SHUT UP!"

(Garrity throws down a pie in Ralph's face. Everyone including Alice & Ed laugh.)

Ralph (yells): "I GOT A BIIIIG MOUTH!"

(Jackie Gleason, who is still wiping off the pie, comes out. Audience applauds.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Audience cheers.)

"Opportunity Knocks, But":

Ralph: "After tonight, I may have my own pool table in my apartment."

Ed: "If you do, you would have to stand on the sink to make a shot."

"Please Leave The Premises":

Alice: "You got holes in your gloves. Fix the silverware."

Ralph: "How would you like to have some fingers in your nose?"

"Please Leave The Premises":

Ralph: "Why can't you get behind me?"

Alice: "It's not my fault Ralph. It's just that there is no room back there."

"A Promotion Part 1":

Ralph: "A derrick couldn't get me out of this chair."

Alice: "A good big one might be able to."

"A Promotion Part 1":

Ralph: "I know how to throw my weight around."

Alice: "If you did, you wouldn't leave it where it is."

"Champagne & Caviar":

Mr. Marshall: "How did you get a job in the sewer?"

Ed: "Just lucky. I guess."

"Happiness Is A Rich Uncle":

Howard: "Someday, I would like to meet your wife. You are a fine man. Even though I only met you seconds ago, I wish I had a son like you."

Ed: "Take me. I'm yours."

"Happiness Is A Rich Uncle":

Joey: "A wife is very independent. An American wife is very dominating, she wants to run everything, she will nag you, she won't let you go out nights and she won't let you do the things that you want to do."

Ed: "You are telling me."

"Sun & Raccoon Capital":

Ralph: "You are my special assistant. You will be there where all the big decisions are made. You will be there for all the top-level meetings. You will be in all the smoke-filled rooms."

Ed: "Big deal. I work in the sewer all day and then at night, I have to sit in a smoke-filled room."