(The NY Yankees beat the Philadelphia Phillies 8-5.)

(Ralph & Ed are at the park feeding pigeons.)

Ralph: "Wow! What a game last night Norton. First it got delayed for an hour and twenty minutes due to rain. Then, another great moment, one of the Yankees hits a ball, bounces off the camera, it is ruled a double, then that decision gets over-turned and gets turned to a two-run homerun."

Ed: "Those Philly fans must have felt gyped. They had to sit in that rain for all that time. I hate to see what the sewers were like."

Ralph: "Now, tonight could be a pivotal game. If the Yankees win tonight, then they only have to win one more game to win the World Series."

Ed: "Yes. It has been a long time coming too. We had to wait nine long years for that to happen."

Ralph: "Oh boy. After the Yankees win, all of New York will celebrate with a parade down Canyon of Heroes."

Ed: "I will be celebrating down under."

Ralph: "I hate to be the Phillies now."

Ed: "Me too. They only had two championship teams in 28 years. We should have gone to Philly tonight. I wanted to have the opportunity to be taken across that bridge and see all that water that goes into the Philadelphia sewers. If the Phillies win, it won't be so bad."

Ralph: "Why?"

Ed: "My parents are Phillies fans and if they win, they will be happy and so will Trixie's parents be happy and if they are happy, so am I."

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT OF HERE!"

(Ed leaves.)

Ralph: "What a dope."

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "The Miami Beach audiences are the greatest. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Audience cheers.)

"$99,000 Answer":

Alice: "Trixie was down here and she said that she saw you on the show."

Ralph: "She was? Well, what did she say?"

Alice: "Well, she said that she was the biggest thing on TV."

"On Stage":

Ralph: "Mr. Faversham says that I have something that is on stage and stretches out into the audience."

Alice (patting Ralph's stomach): "You certainly have."

"On Stage":

Ralph: "Gregory Peck was an usher at a Music Hall. Kurt Douglas was a soda jerk. So, there's a spot for me."

Alice: "Sure, you can be an usehr at a music hall or a soda jerk."

"Teamwork Beats The Clock":

Bud Collyer (as himself): "Have you lived in Brooklyn all your life?"

Ralph: "Not yet."

"Teamwork Beats The Clock":

(Ed puts his cigarette in Alice's sink that is full of balloons.)

Ralph: "What kind of mind must a man have to put a lit cigarette in a sink loaded with balloons?"

Ed: "What kind of mind must you have to have a sink full of balloons?"

"The Hypnotist Part 1":

Ralph: "I know that you will willingly let me have the money to go to the convention o' Adorable Doll."

Alice: "Oh no I won't You beautiful fat tub."

"The Next Champ":

Mr. Armstrong: "I have eight guys in my stable but I can make room for a heavyweight."

Ed: "Hey, he must have a bigger kitchen than you Ralph."

"Expectant Father":

Ed: "Why don't we ask who isn't having the baby and ask HER?"

Ralph: "You have been hit on the head by one too many manhole covers."

"Follow The Boys":

(Alice has the house all dark and has a lit candle on the dinner table hoping that Ralph would want to eat dinner in a romantic fashion. Ralph comes home.)

Alice: "Hello Ralph."

Ralph: "So you forgot to pay the electric bill, huh?"

"In Twenty-Five Words or Less":

Alice: "You finally won one of those contests. The prize is in the bedroom."

Ralph (going into the bedroom): "Oh boy! Oh boy!"

(Ralph sees the big dog called Happy.)

Ralph (coming out of the bedroom, yells): "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!"

"Lawsuit" (Color version):

Ed: "I was in a lawsuit once. They claimed that I didn't even have a
case."

Ralph: "What happened?"

Ed: "I was working in the sewer and a manhole cover fell on my head."

Ralph: "Why couldn't you win the case?"

Ed: "I couldn't prove it did any damage."