(The Kramdens & Nortons are getting ready for the Raccoon Halloween Dance. Ralph is dressed as a NY Yankee.)

Ralph: "All right Alice. Get ready to go."

Alice (from bedroom): "I'm ready."

Ralph: "Okay."

(Ed comes down as a Philadelphia Philly.)

Ed: "Whaddaya say Ralph?"

(Ralph looks at Ed and gets scared.)

Ralph: "You turncoat."

Ed: "What do you mean?"

Ralph: "Yoooooou sneak. What kind of a person goes dressed as that?"

Ed: "I am still a Yankee fan. I just happen to like this outfit."

Ralph: "Are you crazy? People will think you like the Phillies."

Ed: "They don't know me very well."

Ralph: "They do not."

Ed: "Hey, this outfit was better than the outfits we wore ten years ago at the Raccoon Hall."

Ralph: "Okay. You don't have to bring it up."

Ed: "Me and you went as male strippers. It was your idea. We were wearing only thongs."

Ralph: "All right Norton."

Ed: "And then the thongs broke and we got arrested for indecent exposure."

Ralph (yells): "ALL RIGHT NORTON!"

(Alice comes out dressed as Miley Cyrus. Kids cheer. Alice's knees are showing.)

Alice: "I am ready to go. Hi Ed."

Ed: "Hello."

Ralph: "Where is the rest of that costume?"

Alice: "I'm Miley Cyrus. My knees are supposed to show."

Ralph: "Not any Miley Cyrus that is married to me."

(Trixie comes down dressed as a sailor.)

Trixie: "Hi Ralph! Ralph, you look like a NY Yankee."

Ed: "By the size of him, he looks like Babe Ruth."

Ralph: "Ooooooh! You are a riot Norton. A real riot."

Alice: "Are we all ready to go?"

Ralph: "Sure! Let's go. I hope no one eggs our building while we are gone."

Alice: "If they do, it will be an improvement."

Ralph: "Ooooooh!"

(At the Raccoon Dance, the men are talking with Freddie Muller.)

Freddie: "You guys look like you should be in the World Series."

Ralph: "Yeah! Hey, we got a baseball tee here. Let's see who is the real power hitter."

Ed: "Sure."

(They go otuside. They bring out the tee, the ball and the bat. Ed hits one and he does hit a great shot.)

Ralph: "Amateur."

Ed: "Amateur. That couldn't be better in here."

Ralph: "I will show you a real power hitter."

(Ralph hits one. His shot breaks his rental car window. The car alarm sounds.)

Ralph (yells): "YOU STUPE!"

Ed (yells): "WHAT DID I DO?"

Ralph (yells): "YOUR BALL WAS TOO HARD! IT BROKE THE WINDOW IN MY RENTAL CAR. I'LL GET YOU."

(Ralph chases after Ed with the bat in his hand. Everyone Raccoon and their wife follow. They stop by some boys and girls who are out trick-or-treating.)

Boy: "If those adults are playing ball, they are way off the diamond."

Girl: "I wonder why that fat man wants to beat him up."

(The Raccoons and their wives stop Raph & Ed. They also stop the fight.)

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Folks, I just want to wish the greatest audience in the world, the Miami Beach audience, a happy Halloween."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Time to introduce the cast. Jean Kean."

(The audience cheers as Jean comes on stage and kisses Jackie.)

Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."

(Audience cheers as Aud comes out and greets Jackie.)

Jackie: "Art Carney."

(Audience cheers as Art comes out and greets Jackie.)

Jackie: "Good night everybody."

(Audience cheers.)

"The Babysitter":

Ralph: "My mother had been yelling out the window for 80 years."

Alice: "Yeah and when she lost her voice, more people listened to her than Amos & Andy."

"The Babysitter":

(Ralph thinks that Alice is seeing another man behind his back. He wants to find out.)

Ralph: "Norton, I don't want to lose her."

(Ralph leaves. Ed eats Ralph's dinner.)

Ed: "I hope he doesn't lose her too. She is such a good cook."

"The Deciding Vote":

Ed: "I sure wish that Trixie would make icing that tastes as good as this."

Alice: "Icing? Ed, that is starch."

Ed: "It is?"

(Ed tastes it again.)

Ed: "I still wish that Trixie would make icing that tastes as good as this."

"Stars Over Flatbush":

Ed: "I was born under the sign of Pieces, the fish."

Ralph: "You were born under the sign of Pistachio, the nut."

"Stars Over Flatbush":

Ralph: "Since I found out that I'm Taurus the Bull, I have become a new man."

Alice: "You may be a new man but it's the same old bull."

"New Manager":

Alice: "Why would Ralph run away?"

Ed: "He's married, ain't he?"

"What's The Name":

Ralph: "Every time there was a love scene in the movie, Ed had to kiss Trixie."

Alice: "What's wrong with that? I think that that is very romantic."

Ralph: "Romantic, huh? I was sitting between them."

"Cottage For Sale Part 1":

Ralph: "I thought I could chop off a few bucks off the $989."

Mr. Mosby: "$989? This cottage costs $2,000."

Ed: "Ralph, you got a load of chopping to do."

"Cottage For Sale Part 2":

(Ralph & Ed are fighting. They hate each other.)

Ralph: "I got a million friends. I must have 50 at the bus depot. 50 down at the bowling alley. 50 down at the lodge. There's 100 right there."

Alice: "If you got so many friends Ralph, how come they never invite you anywhere?"

Ralph: "Because I am always with Norton and they don't like him either."