(The NY Yankees win the ALCS 4 games to 2 by beating the LA Angels 5-2.)

(Ralph & Ed come home from seeing the game at Yankee Stadium.)

Ralph & Ed (singing loudly and off-key): "WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS/WE ARRRRRRRRRRE THE CHAMPIONS OF THE WORRRRRRRRRLD."

Ed: "What a great game. I thought the Yanks were going to blow it but they ddin't. Their first World Series appearance in 6 years."

Ralph: "That is five years too late boy. I can just see them beating those pesky Phillies. Those Phillies only wish they can be as good as the Yankees."

Ed: "I don't know Ralph. Philadelphia has a scary team."

Ralph: "Yeah, to you. To me, those Yankees will beat Philly and it will be in the city of brotherly love."

Ed: "Where is that?"

Ralph: "What are you, stupid? It's in Philadelphia. Only thing is, in some sections, Philly doesn't have a lot of love. Philly thinks it will have another championship sports team. They will not. It is the Yankees turn. They need a 27th World Championship."

(Alice comes out.)

Alice: "Hello you two. What a game."

Ralph: "Alice, tonight is my night to howl. Those Yankees proved what a better team they are. I can just see the World Series parade right now."

Ed: "Yeah, it will be right above my place of work."

Alice: "Don't you think you are underestimating Philly?"

Ralph: "No. They can't be good enough to get another title."

Ed: "I don't know Ralph. Like I said, Philadelphia has a great team."

Ralph: "Okay, what do you think is the odds-on-favorites in this World Series?"

Ed: "Philadelphia."

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT! GEEEEEEEEEEEET OUT!"

(Ed leaves.)

Ralph (yells): "AND DON'T COME BACK HERE UNTIL YOU SEE THE LIGHT."

Ralph (to Alice): "Don't start Alice. The Yankees will win in a sweep. I am never wrong."

Alice: "You have been wrong every time."

Ralph: "One of these days...POW! Right in your kisser."

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Audience cheers louder.)

"Dial J For Janitor":

Ralph: "I was handling that job perfectly. You know what happened today wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault."

(Ralph is referring to the incident where he got stuck between two large pipes because of his weight.)

Alice: "No Ralph, it wasn't your fault. You were just doing your impression of two pounds of bologna in a one pound bag."

"Mama Loves Mambo":

(Ralph cooks a sorry excuse for oatmeal and serves it to the girls.)

Trixie: "Ed, you try this (oatmeal)."

Ed (looking at the oatmeal): "No, I will bee a gentlemen to wait. I may wait until tomorrow."

"Teamwork Beats The Clock":

(Ralph is planning on doing the most work when he and Alice go on Beat The Clock.)

Ralph: "As usual, I am carrying the whole load on my shoulders."

Alice: "You are carrying the load but it's not on your shoulders."

"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

Ralph & Ed (singing loudly): "WELL, STROLLING THROUGH THE PARK ONE DAY IN THE MERRY, MERRY MONTH OF MAY. I WAS TAKEN BY SURPRISE BY A
PAIR OF RUGGISH EYES..."

Garrity (from upstairs, yells): "WILL YOU TWO KEEP IT QUIET DOWN THERE? I'M TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP."

Ralph: "That's that wise guy Garrity."

(Ralph goes to the window and opens it.)

Ralph (yells): "AREN'T YOU HOME EARLY GARRITY? WHAT HAPPENED, DID THE
SALOON BURN DOWN?"

"King of The Castle":

(Ralph is trying to give Alice the symphony routine. He claims that he is in pain.)

Ralph: "It's my stomach."

Alice (looking at his stomach): "Gee,that is a big problem."

"A Weighty Problem Part 2":

(Alice gives Ralph some celery sticks.)

Alice: "How do you like your supper Ralph?"

Ralph: "My supper? You mean to tell me that that was my supper? What are these things (knife & fork) for, to commit suicide with?"

"Vacation At Fred's Landing":

Ed (looking at a map): "Here's New York City, that is where we started from. Then we go through the Lincoln Tunnel. This black dot here is Jersey City. This black dot here is Bayoone."

Ralph: "Well, Bayoone moving. That's an ant."

Ed: "Let's follow the ant. He looks like he knows where he is going."

"Be It Ever So Humble":

(Ralph is ready to paint the Norton's apartment.)

Ed: "I want the walls to be brown. Not as dark as a hazel-nut brown. Not as brown as morbid milk brown. There's a certain way that the sun at Coney Island has a way of striking the a hot dog's mustard which reflects off the hot dog through the sauerkraut. That's the kind of brown that I want."

Ralph: "What about the moldings and window frames?"

Ed: "I sort of visualize them as a misty gray. Did you see that technicolor movie with Ricardo Cortez? I want the grey from his eyes. Not the iris part of his eyes, but the cornea."

Ralph: "That kind of grey huh? What about the door?"

Ed: "The door I haven't really thought to much about."

Ralph: "I think it should be something neutral so it doesn't clash with anything."

Ed: "Good thinking. It should be a delicate badge. Not a harsh beige, just a neutral delicate beige."

Ralph: "Let me see if I got all this right. You want the walls to be a brown like the sun striking through the mustard and saurkraut on a hot dog. You want the moldings and window frames to be the gray of Robert Cortez's eyes. Not the iris, but the cornea and you want the door to be a nice delicate beige."

Ed: "Yeah."

Ralph: "I'm painting the whole joint green."

"Funny Money":

Ralph: "Money. I am a millionaire."

Ed: "There is enough in here to keep you in pizza for the rest of your life."