Stepping on your neighbor's back will save him the cost of going to a chiropractor.

Make sure to always find out what the "small business owners" union really is before accepting an award from them.

Your son has the ability to change faces and back with no explanation. :lol:

You're always in good hands with a burly male bartender named Mom. :lol:

ALWAYS keep the windows shut AND locked when you're dog-sitting!!

The meanings of "honkey" and "zebra", according to George!

NEVER let Lionel take over the dry-cleaning business - even for one day!!

Two adult, opposite-sex siblings playing Twister is REALLY creepy. :eek: puke:

ALWAYS make sure you measure the dimensions of your apartment before buying a piano. :rofl:

Hire a maid who actually does housework. :lol:

Allan Willis will ALWAYS beat you playing the dozens. :rofl:

Always make sure to have Mother Jefferson on standby with an umbrella in case your husband's best friend makes passes at you!! :rofl:

If you want to start a crying jag at a funeral, make sure to bring Mother Jefferson along. :lol:

Before setting your son up on a date, make sure the lady is not a lady of the evening. :lol:

What "half a peace sign" is. :eek: :lol:

Throw out the Willises whenever George has an ulcer. :lol:

Always aspire to better yourself, but don't forget where you came from.

Never threaten the President, even in jest!!

When you want to write your thesis on street gangs, be sure you know what you're getting yourself into.

Never take dance lessons from Tom Willis!! :eek: :lol: