(The Kramdens & Nortons are in the Kramden apartment.)

Ralph: "Now, we are arguing about where we should spend our two week summer vacation. Me and Norton want to go to Ralph's Landing. The girls want to go to Atlantic City. Millions of people go to Ralph's Landing. Probably more so than Atlantic City."

(The girls laugh.)

Alice: "Millions, huh? Name one."

Ralph: "Me."

Alice: "The only reason why you want to go is because it shares your name."

Ralph: "That is not the reason at all. It is something different. It is a camping place just south of South Plainfield. At first, I wanted to go to Miami Beach."

Ed: "I heard that Miami Beach has some of the greatest ladies in the world. Va-va-va-voom."

(Audience cheers.)

Ralph: "We will flip a coin. Agree?"

Girls: "Agree."

Ralph: "Heads, we win. Tails, you lose."

(Ralph flips a coin.)

Ralph: "It's tails. You lose."

Alice: "How about this Ralph. Heads, we win. Tails, we lose."

Ralph: "Wise ladies."

(Ralph flips a coin and it lands on tails.)

Ralph: "We win Norton. But, how about this, we spend week one in Ralph's Landing and the second week in Atlantic City."

Trixie: "That's nice Ralph."

Ed: "Let's go."

(They pack the car and leave.)

(Ralph is driving. He is approaching the EZ Pass.)

Ralph: "Norton, give me the pass."

Ed: "I thought you had it."

(Ralph pulls over.)

Ralph (yells): "OKAY NORTON, PUT 'EM UP! YOU KNEW I DIDN'T HAVE IT."

Alice: "I have it Ralph."

Ralph: "It's a good thing that she did or you would have got yours."

Ed: "It wasn't my fault. Keeping an eye on things like EZ Pass is hard for me to do."

Ralph: "That is so true."

(They leave.)

(At "Ralph's Landing", Ralph is setting up the tent. It is nighttime.)

Ralph: "Girls, I think we should leave the food out here because it will be too cramped in here with all the food and us."

Alice: "Ralph, we shouldn't do that. What is bears come and get it?"

Ralph: "They won't dare and we are putting it inside."

Alice: "Ohhh, I can't talk to you. We are not arguing with you Ralph. We will put it outside."

Ralph: "Good because I am the King. King! King! They ain't bears in 5,000 miles of this place."

(The next morning at 5am, the gang wakes up.)

Ed (starting to cry, yells): "I HEAR BEARS RALPH!"

Ralph (yells): "DON'T BE SILLY!"

(A "bear" [aka an actor in disguise] rips open the tent.)

Bear (yells): "ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

(Another bear [aka an actor in disguise] is eating the food. The Honeymooners gang leaves.)

(In the car to Atlantic City...)

Ralph: "Girls, we apologize. We should have never went to Ralph's Landing. We ruined the whole trip."

Trixie: "We accept your apologies but we still have 13 days left to spend in Atlantic City and we still have money left over."

Alice: "Yeah, look on the bright side."

Ralph: "We will. You wives are the greatest."

(Ralph stops the car so him and Ed can embrace and kiss the wives.)

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience applauds.)

Jackie: "How sweet it is."

(Audience cheers louder.)

Jackie: "Friends, I hope everyone is having a great summer vacation in one of the greatest cities, Miami Beach."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "In case you are wondering, Ralph's Landing isn't real."

(Audience laughs.)

Jackie: "The two people who played the bears tonight are Sammy Spear and Johnny Olson. They are right there in the pit."

(The camera catches them.)

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Jean Kean."

(Audience cheers as Jean walks on stage and kisses Jackie.)

Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."

(Audience cheers as Aud walks on stage and kisses Jackie.)

Jackie: "Art Carney."

(Audience cheers as Art walks on stage and shakes Jackie's hand.)

Jackie (yells): "GOOD NIGHT!"

(Audience cheers.)

"Expectant Father":

(Ralph thinks that he is going to be a father. He wants his new boy to be a fighter.)

Ed: "Why don't you name the kid Percy?"

Ralph: "Percy?"

Ed: "With a name like that, he will be fighting all the time."

"A Woman's Work Is Never Done":

Ed: "I got a solution on how we should remove the dresser. The drawers are probably filled with junk."

Ralph: "That's not a bad idea."

(Ed takes the drawers and puts them on top of the dresser.)

Ralph: "Okay, let's go."

"A Dog's Life":

(Ralph is at the dog pound. He just gave back Alice's dog that he hated, but slowly and surely he started not hating it.)

Ralph: "Is my dog going to get a good home?"

Man: "I hope so."

Ralph: "What do you mean by that?"

Man: "We have several dogs who are only supposed to be here for four days. We got several who are over the limit."

Ralph: "What happens to the dogs who are over the limit?"

Man: "They have to be destoryed."

Ralph: "You mean to tell me that the dog I just gave back is going to be destroyed?" (going into the room where all the dogs are, yells): "WAIT A MINUTE!"

"A Woman's Work Is Never Done":

Ralph: "Is this your idea of a joke Norton?"

Ed: "No, that's my idea of a burn."

"Hair To A Fortune":

Ed: "Bottle #2: Ho (H2O)"

(Ed dumps the H2O in the bowl in a rather unique way.)

Ralph: "Take it easy with that H20. What do you think it is, water?"

"Songwriters":

Ralph: "Berlin threw away a lot of bad lines."

Alice: "Yeah, if you can only find out where he threw them."

"Flushing Ho":

Ralph: "Do you know what it like Alice to own a home? You can walk outside, pick up some dirt and say: 'This is all mine.'"

Alice: "I can go out in the hallway right now and do the same thing."

"The Sleepwalker":

Ralph: "All right Weisenhemimer. I am now going to put the key in a place which even if you know that it was there, you wouldn't be able to get it. I am going to put it under my pillow. Now, you will have to lift me up bodily in order to get the key."

Ed: "I got to hand it to you Ralph. You came up with something even Dick Tracy couldn't solve."

"Stars Over Flatbush":

(Ralph is trying to scratch an itch on his back by rubbing his back on the ice box. Ed comes in.)

Ed: "What do you say there Taurus?"

Ralph: "I was trying to scratch an itch that I couldn't reach."

Ed: "Oh, for a minute there I thought you were practicing the ol' Shake, Rattle & Roll."