What do you think about when you have a depressive episode?

I mean I'd imagine something would trigger it. I used to think depression is you feel sad for absolutely no reason at all. And I can't even picture that now. I mean I have friends who say that they have depression but, when they tell me about their lives such as family issues, abuse, etc. I start to think well hey wouldn't ANYONE feel depressed in those situations?

I just find it hard finding the difference between having depression: a chemical inbalance in your brain and just feeling sad over negative circumstances in your life.

Any insight or help would be appreciated. :wave:

It's hard to really explain. I have chronic depression as well as panic disorder. I've had depression over deaths over deaths of loved ones, missing out on a new position at work, the loss of my old position, trying to find my proper place in the world, etc. My uncle (mother's brother) is bipolar, and other relatives of mine may have been. My condition is under control for the most part right now (I'm on both Xanax and Zoloft), but medication is not the be all end all. I'm still trying to root out fears, sort them out and throw them away. It's hard because I don't even know what I'm afraid of sometimes!!

As Monika stated its hard to explain. For me sometimes its a feeling of not being accepted by my friends, or being alone, or that my life is not where I think it should be, and for other various reasons. I have been in therapy and have taken medication for depression. I dont think its something that will ever go away for me. I just have to find ways to deal with it.

As Monika stated its hard to explain. For me sometimes its a feeling of not being accepted by my friends, or being alone, or that my life is not where I think it should be, and for other various reasons. I have been in therapy and have taken medication for depression. I dont think its something that will ever go away for me. I just have to find ways to deal with it.


It's so weird and confusing sometimes. Cause wouldn't anyone feel sad if they aren't accepted by their friends?

just feeling sad over negative circumstances in your life.

Any insight or help would be appreciated. :wave:

That's the way it always was for me. When I was younger, if I felt things weren't going right in my life, I would always think suicide. Things would be better if I wasn't even here anymore. My mom & I didn't get along when I was younger, and I had a younger sister who died when I was 2, so I don't remember her. I always used to think that I bet mom would be happier if Michelle was the one who lived and I was the one who died.

Thankfully I just trudged through it and got myself out of the depression, for the most part. Once in a while, I'll go through an episode of things not going right. These days I don't think of suicide as much though.

I deal with depression too. But in the last year some family issues have triggered me to have more episodes. Sometimes medication does help but a lot of times talking to friends helps me.

first and foremost, when i have a depressive episode, i don't want to feel better. i just don't care, i don't have the motivation, and besides i feel at home. i'm so used to feeling that way that the familiarity is comforting. i withdraw myself from everyone, speak just minimally when spoken to, reject all offers for them to do things for me. everything is sad to me. when i see things like kittens and smiling children, it breaks my heart because all i see is innocence and happiness waiting to be shattered. of course it hurts even more if i'm seeing that happen. more than anything, i completely obsess over death, and i have a big enough obsession even when i'm not depressed. i mostly think about suicide. when i should do it, how i would, what i would wear, what i would leave for my best friend, how various people would react to the news, who would come to my funeral, how my headstone would look. if there's anger mixed in with my depression, i usually think about homicide too. not against anyone innocent (i'd never even dream of doing something so deplorable), just specific people who have seriously wronged me. i don't think i'd ever do that though. i spend most of my time listening to songs about death and looking up real stories online about people dying. it makes me intrigued by the thought of my own death.

regarding the difference between clinical depression and ordinary sadness - you're right that sometimes it can be hard to tell when someone has dealt with a lot of hard things in their life. sadness is something we all feel when we experience loss, disadvantage or helplessness. depression is a chemical imbalance that causes those feelings all on its own, even though events like abuse and loss may accompany. i've had depression my whole life (diagnosed at 12) and it wasn't until shortly after my mom died that i started getting these extreme bouts. my dad's subsequent abuse also played a huge role. when i'd get depressed, i wasn't consciously upset "because" my mom wasn't here or my dad was bullying me, but they took a blow to my emotional instability, which is a bad combination with clinical depression.

For me, sometimes it starts out of nowhere - I suddenly feel sad about things around me - feeling like I am a failure in life - feeling so alone (even when my husband's around) - thinking about how screwed up my life is (at that moment) and that I am a bad, "toxic" person - everything is my fault and thinking that I deserve to have these bad things happen to me because I brought them on myself in one way or another. The past sometimes returns to haunt me - remembering the physical and mental abuse I took from an alcoholic sibling (whom I since disowned years ago - I originally had 2 brothers and one sister, but one of the brothers is the one I disowned) - sometimes thoughts from my childhood creep in - of not having any friends and of being teased all the time. During these bouts I sometimes tell my husband that he should have married someone else - that I am not good enough of a wife for him to keep.

Sometimes for me it can also be triggered by a panic attack - it happened earlier this year - I had a major panic attack after a fight I had with my sister over a very complicated issue. When I realized what I did, I panicked for hours and felt physically and psychologically sick - the psychological pain is so unbearable - all the feeelings of depression plus feeling like your mind is being shocked by a 5,000 volt generator. The pain is so great - hyperventilation, your heart racing, your stomach on the verge of throwing up, your mind feeling like it's being hit by jolts of pure electricity - that you can't really listen to a human voice - all you do is feel - torture and pain.

I have not said anything about this until now, but that night I tried to commit suicide by jumping out the window of our 3rd floor apartment. My husband pulled me back in and held me down on the bed until I promised him I would not try it again. While he did that he listed the names of all my online friends (at that time - I've made more since then) and offline friends and family that would be negatively affected if I were to kill myself. It took him about 3 hours to calm me down, but once he did he put on something quiet for me to watch and (eventually) fall asleep.

Since then I've switched medications and therapists. I'm now taking Pristiq and am slowly working out my issues regarding my past (which my therapist says are normal in periomenopausal (which I am) and menopausal women).

I feel that God is against me every time I get depressed.

This year was a good example. After my mom got into an accident and the car I'm supposed to drive got a minor issue, the people at the Cleveland Public Transportation Department decided to raise their prices and now I'm going to have to pay a dollar to ride the Bus.

This is where I feel that God likes to see me suffer. I'm the ant and God's the magnifying glass. Sure, he can help me, but he'd rather have my feelers burned-off!:mad:

When I get really depressed I get very needy for other people's emotional support. The problem with that is that being very needy with others can make them feel uncomfortable. I also begin to suffer form terrible anxiety. Being out of work has put me into a state of depression, which I've been suffering from for about two months now. However, last week I went back to seeing a therapist, who I will be seeing once a week for the time being. My doctor also increased the dosage of my medication to help me cope better.

I have dealt with depression for many years. I think the worst was 1991-1994. Particularily 1993-1994. I was so miserable that I often wished I wasn't alive. I suffered childhood abuse and felt death must be better than what I was going through. Of course I never acted on my thoughts.

This week has been rough for me. I feel like I'm kind of "falling apart." What I mean is that it seems like what vision I have is slipping away. I hope I never lose my vision completely. I would be so devastated. I try to not let it get to me, but at times it's so discouraging and sad that it gets harder and harder for me to see and do different things. It's hard for me to get around....

When I get really depressed I get very needy for other people's emotional support. The problem with that is that being very needy with others can make them feel uncomfortable. I also begin to suffer form terrible anxiety. Being out of work has put me into a state of depression, which I've been suffering from for about two months now. However, last week I went back to seeing a therapist, who I will be seeing once a week for the time being. My doctor also increased the dosage of my medication to help me cope better.

That's good. I'm sure the therapist will be helpful to you. I'm sure things will get better for you.

The reason for my Depression is that I am in Altoona PA. I am sure I come accross like a social outcast but I dont really fit into the hunting, sports-loving, goatee wearing stereotype.
I wonder how many of us feel weird and that is why we love and Escape to our classic TV??

Dakert--the thread killer

I have dealt with depression for many years. I think the worst was 1991-1994. Particularily 1993-1994. I was so miserable that I often wished I wasn't alive. I suffered childhood abuse and felt death must be better than what I was going through. Of course I never acted on my thoughts.

This week has been rough for me. I feel like I'm kind of "falling apart." What I mean is that it seems like what vision I have is slipping away. I hope I never lose my vision completely. I would be so devastated. I try to not let it get to me, but at times it's so discouraging and sad that it gets harder and harder for me to see and do different things. It's hard for me to get around....



That's good. I'm sure the therapist will be helpful to you. I'm sure things will get better for you.


I'm sorry you are feeing this way, Jenny. :( In many ways, I've been feeling the same way. When I was in high school I has all these big ideas about where I would be when I was in my early 30's. I thought that I would be in a very rewarding job and have a family. None of these things have heppened yet. And it has gotten me really down. I too feel like my entire life is "falling apart". I sometimes feel that the things I really want out of life are never going to happen. This is one of the major issues that I have been seeing the therapist about.

I'm sorry you are feeing this way, Jenny. :( In many ways, I've been feeling the same way. When I was in high school I has all these big ideas about where I would be when I was in my early 30's. I thought that I would have a family. None of these things have heppened yet. And it has gotten me really down.

Wow, I used to feel the same way!! I thought by now I would at least be married. For a long time, I always said I didn't want kids, but now that I'm getting older, I'm thinking differently. What makes it worse about not being married is the comments from people. I haven't had any lately, but I used to. Some guy actually had the nerve to ask me "what have you been doing with your life?". I wish I had thought of this at the time but I should've said "Um, dating losers?!" Heck, I haven't had a man in my life in a few years,(after the last relationship, I had had it with men), and I have felt better than I have in years. Seems like when I do have a man, that's when I'm depressed!!;)

Go to YOUTUBE and type in Mama Cass-- "Make Your Own Kind Of Music" That helps me out

Please respond with your thoughts

I experienced bad depression back in 1994. At first I didn't think much of it but when I began crying over every little thing, it became pretty obvious. I had just lost a job that I hated to begin with, but I really don't know what triggered it. I was never actually "unemployed", since I was working a part time job before and after I was fired.

Well, sometimes nothing really triggers my depression, and then sometimes it's something insignificant. A week or two ago I was watching an episode of Quincy ME and this character was defending his disgusting actions by saying he was terribly lonely. The minute before he said that, I was fine. After he said that, I start thinking about my life and I'm moody and sad the rest of the night. One lousy thing on TV. Sometimes I wake up sad. During "that time of the month" I'll sit and cry and I honestly have no idea why I'm so sad/upset.

I guess one way to look at the difference is that I get depressed/upset/suicidal over things normal people wouldn't worry about. I blow things out of proportion, make good things bad and bad things worse. My boyfriend dumped me and I wanted to run out in traffic because I was (and still am) terribly afraid of being alone. Some people would be like, so? a lot of people are alone, etc. etc. To my mind, it's the absolute worst thing ever.

I guess I could have explained that better, but hopefully you get the gist.

It's so weird and confusing sometimes. Cause wouldn't anyone feel sad if they aren't accepted by their friends?
Not necessarily. Or they might be upset, but not brood about it for days, not not want to get out of bed, not want to jump out a window.

For me, sometimes it starts out of nowhere - I suddenly feel sad about things around me - feeling like I am a failure in life - feeling so alone (even when my husband's around) - thinking about how screwed up my life is (at that moment) and that I am a bad, "toxic" person - everything is my fault and thinking that I deserve to have these bad things happen to me because I brought them on myself in one way or another. The past sometimes returns to haunt me - remembering the physical and mental abuse I took from an alcoholic sibling (whom I since disowned years ago - I originally had 2 brothers and one sister, but one of the brothers is the one I disowned) - sometimes thoughts from my childhood creep in - of not having any friends and of being teased all the time. During these bouts I sometimes tell my husband that he should have married someone else - that I am not good enough of a wife for him to keep.

Sometimes for me it can also be triggered by a panic attack - it happened earlier this year - I had a major panic attack after a fight I had with my sister over a very complicated issue. When I realized what I did, I panicked for hours and felt physically and psychologically sick - the psychological pain is so unbearable - all the feeelings of depression plus feeling like your mind is being shocked by a 5,000 volt generator. The pain is so great - hyperventilation, your heart racing, your stomach on the verge of throwing up, your mind feeling like it's being hit by jolts of pure electricity - that you can't really listen to a human voice - all you do is feel - torture and pain.

I have not said anything about this until now, but that night I tried to commit suicide by jumping out the window of our 3rd floor apartment. My husband pulled me back in and held me down on the bed until I promised him I would not try it again. While he did that he listed the names of all my online friends (at that time - I've made more since then) and offline friends and family that would be negatively affected if I were to kill myself. It took him about 3 hours to calm me down, but once he did he put on something quiet for me to watch and (eventually) fall asleep.

Since then I've switched medications and therapists. I'm now taking Pristiq and am slowly working out my issues regarding my past (which my therapist says are normal in periomenopausal (which I am) and menopausal women).
Aww... :hug: Thank GOD for your husband. :) I know how that feels, though I never actually tried to commit suicide.

I feel that God is against me every time I get depressed.

This year was a good example. After my mom got into an accident and the car I'm supposed to drive got a minor issue, the people at the Cleveland Public Transportation Department decided to raise their prices and now I'm going to have to pay a dollar to ride the Bus.

This is where I feel that God likes to see me suffer. I'm the ant and God's the magnifying glass. Sure, he can help me, but he'd rather have my feelers burned-off!:mad:
I feel that way too. The whole, "What the hell am I doing wrong that everyone else is doing right?" question. Or why did God make me shy, or this or that, etc. I don't make the best out of what I've been given all the time.

1994-95 was a terrible time for me. Not only did my wonderful, beloved grandmother get diagonosed with terminal cancer and die before the school year was out, but a fellow student (who at first was a friend) made that freshman year hell for me. I don't know what I said or did to make her turn on me, but she HATED me. I'm talking SERIOUS hate. I tried to talk to her, write her a letter to find out why and to try to make amends. That only made things worse. Every time I walked by she'd mutter "die". That was almost 15 years ago and I haven't seen her since 1997, but she still haunts me. Isn't that weird?? What hurts the most is that she was supposedly a Christian, carried a Bible with her everywhere, etc. I know she had kind of a messed up home life but to this day I don't know why she treated me like that.

:bighug: To everyone who posted in this thread! I think depression is a serious condition, and I don't understand how some people can think it doesn't exist. It just doesn't make sense. My heart goes out to everyone who's experienced depression and/or has thought about suicide.
I get sad from time to time, but I don't think it's serious enough to be called depression. But it's bigger than just being sad. I don't know how to explain it. Sometimes I'll be completely fine, but then one thought will bring all of these emotions into my mind. But then other times, I'm completely happy. I don't understand it.
When I was in high school, I thought I had depression. I was going through some serious family problems back then, my friends and I were drifting apart, and I was feeling the pressures of high school and college. It was pretty bad in 10th grade and all I wanted to do was just stay home, not go to school, and even run away from home. Once I met a new group of friends things seemed to start turning around. I never really told anyone, except for one or two people about this, until now.
Nowadays, I feel sad during periods of my life. It's not on a consistent basis. But it's worse when it's the most wonderful time of the month. Every little thing can set me off, but that makes sense because my hormones are all over the place.

I guess one way to look at the difference is that I get depressed/upset/suicidal over things normal people wouldn't worry about. I blow things out of proportion, make good things bad and bad things worse. My boyfriend dumped me and I wanted to run out in traffic because I was (and still am) terribly afraid of being alone. Some people would be like, so? a lot of people are alone, etc. etc. To my mind, it's the absolute worst thing ever.

I guess I could have explained that better, but hopefully you get the gist.

I know exaclty where you are coming from, Cathy. When I become depressed I take everything to the extreme. I also tend to turn into a real a** too. When I am depressed, I'm not a nice person mostly because when I'm feeling down I don't like myself so it is really difficult to like others sometimes. The last two months I have hated myself. I even hate looking at myself in the mirrior these days. And I can't for the life of me wonder why anyone else would like me either. So then I act on this and treat others badly. I guess that is why I'm back in therapy.

1994-95 was a terrible time for me. Not only did my wonderful, beloved grandmother get diagonosed with terminal cancer and die before the school year was out, but a fellow student (who at first was a friend) made that freshman year hell for me. I don't know what I said or did to make her turn on me, but she HATED me. I'm talking SERIOUS hate. I tried to talk to her, write her a letter to find out why and to try to make amends. That only made things worse. Every time I walked by she'd mutter "die". That was almost 15 years ago and I haven't seen her since 1997, but she still haunts me. Isn't that weird?? What hurts the most is that she was supposedly a Christian, carried a Bible with her everywhere, etc. I know she had kind of a messed up home life but to this day I don't know why she treated me like that.



Yeah High school was a difficult time for me too, and when I was really depressed.

My depression was never triggered by one particular event... although if I had a sad thing happen it certainly didn't make me feel any better. I've had depression since middle school (I'm now 27). I've been on anti-depressants for the past six years, so really the only time I get episodes is if I stop/forget to take my medicine.

Depression for me was like a black cloud that just surrounded me. I didn't care about anything or anyone. It took too much energy to do anything. I remember walking up the stairs in my house and wishing I could just sink into the floor with every step... that's what it was for me - I just didn't care.

^ Did you hear back from my friend yet, Emily?

Yes I did, she seems an amazing person. Thanks :)

My depression was never triggered by one particular event... although if I had a sad thing happen it certainly didn't make me feel any better. I've had depression since middle school (I'm now 27). I've been on anti-depressants for the past six years, so really the only time I get episodes is if I stop/forget to take my medicine.

Depression for me was like a black cloud that just surrounded me. I didn't care about anything or anyone. It took too much energy to do anything. I remember walking up the stairs in my house and wishing I could just sink into the floor with every step... that's what it was for me - I just didn't care.
Yeah, during depressive episodes, I don't give a :censored: about myself. I don't go out and cut myself or anything, but I wouldn't care if I did.

Yes I did, she seems an amazing person. Thanks :)
I'm so glad. :D