She's a few months pregnant. We're really good friends, and getting even closer, but I've been (trying to) helping her with all the recent madness with her now ex boyfriend and everything. What happened was, her and this guy who both live in Philly (I'm in NJ btw) met and were boyfriend-girlfriend for a solid 8-8 1/2 months from the end of last year until recently. He got her pregnant a little while ago, she just found out the sex of her baby today (a girl), but she had to break up with the guy a few weeks ago when she did because he was acting strange and stalking her. She said he would call her 15 times a day, non-stop at work, would follow her sometimes and would engage in very strange, demanding behavior. I'd like to think he treated her like sh*t too, the last few weeks they were together. But the point I'm getting to is, he said a lot of distasteful, disrespectful, uncalled for remarks about her and the baby. I was wondering what can be done in court for this type of thing. She texted me tonight saying that at least 3 times he said she was going to get jumped and lose the baby. She doesn't want him (the guy's name is Nick) in her baby's life whatsoever either, and has absolutely no plans of getting back together with him. I'm not saying fathers should be taken from their babies, and I don't promote that whatsoever, but I asked her additionally who the father figure in the babies life would be, further on down the line, and she said nobody would be. I believe she got a court paper as well, to make sure he doesn't come anywhere close to her and the baby. What I'm asking is, is their laws to keep him from being able to see the baby? The court system is very strict about that kind of stuff, and letting mothers seeing the father's kids, but it could be ruled as endangerment, for trying to harm the baby, with all the threats he's put out. I apologize if this sounds confusing, but what does everybody think? It's too late to change the past, so sometimes people have to worry more about what can and can't be done, amongst the court of law. Thanks.

Well, she went to court.. That really is all about she can do.

But she should document everything and write down what happens and stuff.

A restraining order can be used and I assume she has done that so he has to stay away from her and the baby.

To be honest with you, this doesn't sound very good for your friend and the baby if the father is such an ass. He should be in jail for making threats and stuff so I don't know if that has happened or not.

I don't know if she can ask that the name of the father be left off the birth certificate but she could do that.

She should keep all of the text messages, voice mails, take them to court, get a restraining order and file for sole custody of their child.

Well, she went to court.. That really is all about she can do.

But she should document everything and write down what happens and stuff.

A restraining order can be used and I assume she has done that so he has to stay away from her and the baby.

To be honest with you, this doesn't sound very good for your friend and the baby if the father is such an ass. He should be in jail for making threats and stuff so I don't know if that has happened or not.

I don't know if she can ask that the name of the father be left off the birth certificate but she could do that.

yeah but she went to court about him not coming close to her. obviously the baby is still in her belly until she has it, which would be sometime next year, but the court situation was about their relationship.

yeah she got a restraining order, but I was referring to visitation hours, and visiting the father, even if you don't want the child to see him (bad influence, not around, not supporting the baby etc.). the father is a *********, pardon my french. he seems like just a goofball, but he's immature. he hacked into her myspace multiple times, the day they broke up. he's just acting very strange. But when I heard the threats he made to her, it not only crossed the line, it had me extremely angry. Thanks for the help Andrea. I wonder what the rules are on visitation hours and all that.

You said she got papers from court...I'm assuming that's a restraining order?
Like Waterson_Fan said, it's EXTREMELY important that she writes everything down. If he calls and leaves messages, tell her to make a recording of them. Save the texts or e-mails he sends.
Once she has the baby, she should get a court date and see the judge to add her child to the restraining order as well. As long as her child is under 18, she can add them to the restraining order. It can most definitely be done. I was an intern at a local courthouse and saw it happen on a regular basis.
But until the baby is born, he should not even be contacting her-that's why she has a restraining order against him. If he contacts her again, contact the police immediately because he's violating a court order.

She should keep all of the text messages, voice mails, take them to court, get a restraining order and file for sole custody of their child.

I don't know if she kept all of the evidence to support her case, but I definitely know she got a restraining order against him. However, things will change when she actually has the baby. But yeah, the sole custody matter I totally agree with. Thanks for your help Brieanna.

Regarding visitation, if she goes to court, she can talk to the judge and say she wants full custody and whether or not she wants the father to visit. After, they'll go to mediation court to try to figure out what schedule they want to set-like every other weekend, or if there should be restrictions for when he's visiting (ie, he can't bring a certain person, drink 24 hours before, etc). If mediation doesn't resolve it, they'll go to the judge and discuss what they both want and the judge will make a ruling.
But since your friend already has a restraining order, it won't be hard for her to obtain full custody. A judge will listen to her quickly.

You said she got papers from court...I'm assuming that's a restraining order?
Like Waterson_Fan said, it's EXTREMELY important that she writes everything down. If he calls and leaves messages, tell her to make a recording of them. Save the texts or e-mails he sends.
Once she has the baby, she should get a court date and see the judge to add her child to the restraining order as well. As long as her child is under 18, she can add them to the restraining order. It can most definitely be done. I was an intern at a local courthouse and saw it happen on a regular basis.
But until the baby is born, he should not even be contacting her-that's why she has a restraining order against him. If he contacts her again, contact the police immediately because he's violating a court order.

Yeah, my bad for not clearing that up. Yeah she got a restraining order, but it's to stay away from her. I will tell her that, thanks. It is extremely important. If I'm looking after her for this and this matter, to make sure he doesn't do something vindictive and physical, she needs to definitely know to keep track of all the evidence piling up against him. Thanks for that.

Yeah, adding the child to the restraining order is very smart. Thanks for your help, I appreciate it.

I will notify her of all of this.

Regarding visitation, if she goes to court, she can talk to the judge and say she wants full custody and whether or not she wants the father to visit. After, they'll go to mediation court to try to figure out what schedule they want to set-like every other weekend, or if there should be restrictions for when he's visiting (ie, he can't bring a certain person, drink 24 hours before, etc). If mediation doesn't resolve it, they'll go to the judge and discuss what they both want and the judge will make a ruling.
But since your friend already has a restraining order, it won't be hard for her to obtain full custody. A judge will listen to her quickly.

Thanks for the info.

My sister had a friend who was in similar situation years ago. The father of her son made threats to her after she refused to get an abortion. I can't remember whether she had a restraining order or not but shortly after her son was born she had a court order issued to her ex boyfriend for him to sign away his parental rights because he didn't the child in the first place. He signed away his rights and a few years later my sister's friend remarried and her husband adopted her son.

Two years ago in one of the college classes I was taking there was a woman in the class that said that the father of her son lost parental rights somehow because of failure to pay child support and domestic violence. I'm not really sure exactly how he lost his rights.

Like other posters have mentioned tell your friend to document things he does and if she is really scared tell her to call the police.

My sister had a friend who was in similar situation years ago. The father of her son made threats to her after she refused to get an abortion. I can't remember whether she had a restraining order or not but shortly after her son was born she had a court order issued to her ex boyfriend for him to sign away his parental rights because he didn't the child in the first place. He signed away his rights and a few years later my sister's friend remarried and her husband adopted her son.

Two years ago in one of the college classes I was taking there was a woman in the class that said that the father of her son lost parental rights somehow because of failure to pay child support and domestic violence. I'm not really sure exactly how he lost his rights.

Like other posters have mentioned tell your friend to document things he does and if she is really scared tell her to call the police.

Yeah she could have him sign over his parental rights. I would love to take care of the baby, but me and her aren't together- don't know if we will be, but she just expects her and her mom to take care of the baby. I said she would do a really good job and make a great mother. I just hope the baby's safe. I really think it is though. She said her dad, or step dad cause her Dad isn't around, is taking care of the matter as far as the ex boyfriend goes. Otherwise, I vowed to kick his f*cking ass. I'm sorry but nobody gets off with making ill comments like that......and to a really nice, female who's pregnant. He just won't get away with things, but things are safe. Thanks for your help.

Violence against women is something that should be taken seriously. In this situation, it's even more serious because your friend is pregnant. Good for you for helping her though. Keep us posted.

Wreckless does your friend own a gun?? Nothing wrong with a little extra protection.

Wreckless does your friend own a gun?? Nothing wrong with a little extra protection.

Very true. If she doesn't want to get a gun, she should definitely carry pepper spray around with her.
Also, did she make copies of her restraining order? She should have one at her place, any other place she regularly goes to, her work, her car (if she has one), any place that she goes to. That way the next time he shows up at one of these places, she can call the police and immediately show them her restraining order.

Very true. If she doesn't want to get a gun, she should definitely carry pepper spray around with her.
Also, did she make copies of her restraining order? She should have one at her place, any other place she regularly goes to, her work, her car (if she has one), any place that she goes to. That way the next time he shows up at one of these places, she can call the police and immediately show them her restraining order.

I think pepper spray might be better just because it might be faster to use and I don't know what the gun laws are in that state. And she can't take it across state lines, the Senate voted that down.

Wreckless, the laws governing dad's role in visitation vary from state to state. I've been helping attorneys handle family law cases for about 20 years now, so although I'm not an actual attorney, I consider myself pretty knowledgeable on the subject.

In Illinois (where I live), for instance, it's illegal for the mother not to allow the father to visit his child if he wants to - the mother cannot legally block the father coming to see the child if that is what he wants to do. However, in your friend's situation, she can ask the court for what's called supervised visitation - meaning that a third party must be present when the father comes to visit with the child (any relative or neighbor, usually selected by the mother). Most supervised visits take place in "open" locations, such as restaurants, parks, etc. There can also be what are called restricted visits - meaning the father is not allowed to leave the visitation site with the child, not allowed to do drugs/drink alcohol within 12-24 hours of visitation, etc. Those are usually granted conjointly with supervised visits.

But, before she can do any of that, she first has to establish the father as the biological parent of the child (provided he does not sign the birth certificate). No court anywhere that I know of would grant visitation to her ex unless he's acknowledged by said court as the child's biological father first.

What I quoted here is all Illinois paternity law - the law in PA might be different. I suggest she check with an attorney in her area if she wishes to pursue this further.