"Dial J For Janitor":

Ralph: "I didn't empty out your garbage because it is part of my efficency system. Your garbage can was half full. When it's full-full, then I will empty it. That way, I will make one trip instead of two. Save a trip here, save a trip there and it all mounts up."

Ed: "That is what I am afraid of. It's mounting up all over the building."

"Boys & Girls Together":

(Ralph & Alice are eating dinner.)

Ralph (pointing at his food): "What is that?"

Alice: "That is the appetizer."

Ralph: "What?"

Alice: "The appetizer."

Ralph: "I had my appetizer. I drove a bus for eight hours."

"Boys & Girls Together":

Ralph: "Even the Constitution says that we are entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

Ed: "But the marriage license is an amendment to the Constitution."

"Ralph Kramden, Hero At Large" (aka "Trapped"):

Ralph: "You are the only man that can turn my stomach upside-down."

Ed: "There isn't a man inthis city that's strong enough to do that."

"Teamwork Beats The Clock":

(Ralph & Alice just got introduced as contestants on "Beat The Clock.")

Bud Collyer (as himself): "Have you lived in Brooklyn all your lives?"

Ralph: "Not yet."

"Sleepy Time Gal":

(Alice is in the phone booth. They boys don't know it.)

Ralph: "I'm the one in the faimly with it up here."

(Ralph points to his head.)

Ed: "You got plenty of it down there too."

"Sleepy Time Gal":

(Alice wants to buy new furniture.)

Ralph: "Furniture? Furniture? We got furniture."

Alice: "Sure we got furniture. But just because you are a Raccoon doesn't mean that I have to live in a hole in the ground."

"Brother Ralph":

Alice: "Don't you trust me Ralph? You are my husband."

Ralph: "No, I'm your brother."

"Two Faces of Ralph Kramden":

Nick: "How about $400 a week."

(Ralph coughs.)

Nick: "$500."

(Ralph coughs more.)

Nick: "$600."

Ralph: "Norton, give me some water."

Ed: "Don't be a dope Ralph. Keep coughing Ralph. You will be a millionaire in no time."