"Dinner Guest":

Alice: "Why don't you jump out the window?"

Ralph: "That is what you said yesterday."

Alice: "Yeah, but you didn't do it."

"A Weighty Problem Part 2":

(Ralph is eating a stick of celery with a fork and knife right by him.)

Alice: "Ralph, how do you like your supper?"

(A pause.)

Ralph (yells): "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT THAT WAS MY SUPPER?"
(picking up the utensils, yells): "WHAT ARE THESE THINGS FOR, TO COMMIT SUICIDE WITH?"

"Boys & Girls Together":

Alice (hugging Ralph): "I suppose it's better with the lights on. That way I can see my big handsome man."

(She kisses Ralph.)

Ralph: "Have you been at that beer?"

"TV or Not TV":

Ralph: "Alice wants a TV set."

Ed: "Ralph, how did she know about such a thing as TV. I thought that you kept her in the dark on things like that."

"Ralph Kramden Inc.":

Ralph: "Alice, where's my shoehorn?"

Alice: "It's in the top, left-hand drawer."

(Ralph looks.)

Ralph: "It's not in the top-hand, left-hand drawer."

Alice: "It must be there."

Ralph: "It must be. It must be but it's not. Don't say 'It must be' Alice. What you mean is maybe. Not must be, maybe."

(Alice looks in the drawer and finds it.)

Alice: "This must be it, maybe."

"Alice & The Blonde":

Mrs. Weidemyer: "Do you have nicknames that you would like to call your husband."

Alice: "Oh, I got several that I love to call him."

"Nephew of The Bride":

Trixie: "When I got married, I got this mannequin as a wedding present. I got two dummies in the smae day."

Ed: "Are you insuinuating that I was the other dummy?"

Trixie: "Yes dear."

Ed: "Good because I was hoping you weren't seeing another person behind my back."

"Nephew of The Bride":

(Ralph is trying to get the milk from the fire escape.)

Aunt Ethel: "Be careful that you don't fall out."

Ralph: "Won't that be a catastrophe. Then you would have to have your coffee black."

"The Main Event":

(Alice is upset that Dynamite is staying with them.)

Ralph: "This guy holds the record for the quickest knockout."

Alice (getting ready to punch Ralph): "Get ready for a new record."