"Ralph Kramden, Hero At Large":

(The crooks are in the apartment. Ralph picks up a water pistol.)

Ralph (yells): "ALL RIGHT! STICK 'EM UP! GET 'EM UP!"

(The crooks get their arms up. Knock on door.)

Ralph (yells): "WHO IS IT?"

Tommy (from outside): "It's me Tommy. Do you have my water pistol in there?"

"Safety Award":

Ed: "Can I wear this hankerchef?"

Ralph: "It's one of my new ones. Remember, it's for showing, not blowing."

"Man In The Blue Suit":

Ed: "Who are they going to give your suit to?"

Ralph: "Some poor unfortunate that is broken-down."

Ed: "That is right. Someone who can't afford to dress as well as we do."

"Finders Keepers":

(Ralph & Ed are in the automat.)

Ralph (reading ths clues): "'Cornelius will be watching you...'"

Ed: "Wait a minute. Wait a minute."

(Ed goes through the revolving door and looks at the statue of Cornelius Vanderbilt on the opposite end of the street.)

Ralph: "Now what did you just do?"

Ed: "All right. Corny is watching us."

"Finders Keepers":

Ralph: "I will get the $300 Alice. I will get the $300 if I have to sell everything in this house."

Alice: "Fine. But where are you going to get the other $280?"

"Be It Ever So Humble":

Ralph: "How do you like your new apartment Trixie?"

Trixie (angerly): "That is a very dangerous question to ask when I have a hammer in my hand."

"Flushing Ho":

Ralph: "I watched you tonight. Four pork chops. Four pork chops."

Ed: "You had six."

Ralph: "What are you, counting?"

"Flushing Ho":

Ralph: "You don't mean to tell me that you kept me waiting out here for 20 minutes while you played with a boat in the tub?"

Ed: "I'm sorry Ralph. This is a new boat. We were on The Shakedown Cruise."

"On Stage":

Ralph: "As a matter of fact, Mr. Faversham said I have something that is on stage and goes out into the audience."

Alice (patting his stomach): "You certainly have."