"The Sleepwalker":

Ralph: "All right Weisenhemimer. I am now going to put the key in a place which even if you know that it was there, you wouldn't be able to get it. I am going to put it under my pillow. Now, you will have to lift me up bodily in order to get the key."

Ed: "I got to hand it to you Ralph. You came up with something even Dick Tracy couldn't solve."

"Oh My Aching Back":

(Ralph tries to straighten up with his bad back. He stands up straight but in an unnatural way.)

Ralph: "Does this look natural?"

Ed: "Like the Leaning Tower of Pizza."

"Game Called On Account of Marriage":

Ralph: "Grogan, if you had two tickets to a World Series game and your sister-in-law was going to get married at the same time as the game, where would you go?"

Grogan: "I would go to the wedding."

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!"

"Stars Over Flatbush":

(Ralph is trying to scratch an itch on his back by rubbing his back on the ice box. Ed comes in.)

Ed: "What do you say there Taurus?"

Ralph: "I was trying to scratch an itch that I couldn't reach."

Ed: "Oh, for a minute there I thought you were practicing the ol' Shake, Rattle & Roll."

"Flushing Ho":

(Ralph is impatiently waiting for Ed to get out of the bathtub so he can take a bath. Ralph is worried that he will be late for work with all the waiting that he is doing.)

Alice: "We will make a schedule. One morning, Ed will use the bathroom first. The next morning, you will use it first."

Ralph: "That solves the whole problem. Now, I will only be late every other day."

"The Mexian Hat Trick":

(Ralph is disguised as El Diablo and Ed is disguised as El Norto at the El Bar-Ocho Cafe. Banging is heard as a Mexican is thrown out of the kitchen and falls onto a table thereby breaking it. You can tell that the table was fake.)

Ralph: "What was that all about?"

Bartender: "He wanted to join El Lobo's gang."

Ed: "Hey Ralph, why don't we just mail in our application?"

"Oh My Aching Back":

Ralph: "This is serious, Norton! Not only that my back hurts, but, I'm half hot and I'm half cold! My head is red hot and my feet are ice cold! Do you know what it is to have a hot head and cold feet?"

Norton: "I get that way any August day in the sewer during high tide."

"The Babysitter":

Ralph: "That phone is for you-you-you."

(Phone rings.)

Alice: "Hello?" (poking Ralph with the receiver): "It's for you-you-you."

"Flushing Ho":

Ed: "Hey Ralph, I dropped the soap somewhere in the bathroom. You will have to find it."

Ralph (from bathroom, yells): "WHAT?"

Ed (yells): "I SAID..."

Ralph (from bathroom, yells): "I CAN'T HEAR YOU. TALK TO ME LATER." (slipping on soap, yells): "DUUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Be It Ever So Humble":

Ed: "How long is the lease for?"

Ralph: "The usual."

Ed: "What is the usual?"

Ralph: "99 years."