"Ralph Kramden Inc.":

Alice: "I burned my finger on that darn stove."

Ralph: "That is a shame. If you are no tbruning yourself, it's my food."

"The Babysitter":

Ralph: "That phone is for you-you-you."

(Phone rings. Alice picks up.)

Alice: "Hello?" (poking Ralph with the receiver): "It's for you-you-you."

"The $99,000 Answer":

Ralph: "I am going for my pot of gold."

Alice: "Just go for the gold. You already got the pot."

"Cottage For Sale Part 1":

(Ralph & Ed are fighting.)

Ralph: "I have a million friends. I have 50 down at the bus depot. 50 down in the lodge. 50 down in the bowling alley. There's 100 right there."

Alice: "If you have so many, how come they never invite you anywhere?"

Ralph: "Because I am always with Ed and they don't like him either."

"Jellybeans":

Ralph: "How about last year at the dancing contest?"

Alice: "What about it?"

Ralph: "I won the rhumba contest, didn't I?"

Alice: "Only because I backed into a hot radiator."

"Expectant Dad" & "Adoption":

Ralph: "I was named after my dad. They used to call us 'Big' & 'Little' Ralph."

Ed: "Who was your dad, 'Little' Ralph?"

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

Alice: "How could you even think of going to the movies when Ed took you to the Kit Kat Club on your birthday?"

Ralph: "Did I ask him to take me there? Did I ask him?"

Alice: "No, you suggested going to the Copa Cabana."

"You're In The Picture":

(Ralph is dressed as a matador while Ed has bulls horns. Ed is warming up.)

Ralph (yells): "COME ON!"

Ed (yells): "I'M WARMING UP IN THE BULLPEN!"

(Ed charges like a bull and misses Ralph. Ed then decides to stick the horns in Ralph's backside.)

Ralph (yells): "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHH!"

"Two Faces of Ralph Kramden":

Ralph: "Some day, someone might discover you."

Ed: "Not unless he falls down an open manhole."