(The Washington Capitals beat the NY Rangers 5-3 & the Carolina Hurricanes beat the NJ Devils 4-0.)

(Ralph & Ed come home.)

Alice: "Hi boys!"

Ed: "Hello Alice!"

Ralph: "Hello. Talk about a double whammy! Both the Rangers and the Devils lost thier chance to win their respective series. Now, it all boils down to Tuesday night. If they lose, this would be a heartbreaker. A real, sad heartbreaker."

(Ed blows his nose because he is sad.)

Ed: "Kind of get you right down in here Ralph."

Ralph: "But, if both those teams win. I am celebrating. I am going to get a keg of beer and you and me will toast both teams."

Alice: "Ralph, I forgot to tell you. We have to go out with my parents on Tuesday. I promised them that we would go to a movie."

Ralph: "Oh!"

(Ralph goes to the bedroom.)

Ralph (coming out, yells): "WHAT? WE HAVE TO GO TO A MOVIE WITH THAT BLABBERMOUTH. I AM NOT GOING ALICE."

Alice: "Ralph, this is a very important night for them. It's their anniversary."

Ralph (yells): "I DON'T CARE. THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS WORLD THAT WILL MAKE ME SIT IN A MOVIE THEATER CHAIR."

Ed: "Yeah, he's too big for them."

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT! GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUT!"

(Ed leaves.)

Ralph (yells): "I AM STAYING HOME."

Alice (yells): "YOU ARE COMING WITH ME."

Ralph (yells): "I AM STAYING HOME."

Alice (yells): "YOU ARE COMING WITH ME."

Ralph (yells): "I AM STAYING HOME."

Alice (yells): "YOU ARE STAYING HOME."

Ralph (yells): "I AM GOING WITH YOU. I AM STAYING HOME."

McGarrity (from upstairs, yells): "HEY KRAMDEN, CUT IT OUT."

(Ralph goes to the window and sticks his head out.)

Ralph (yells): "MCGARRITY, YOU ARE A WIMP FOR NOT STANDING UP TO YOUR WIFE."

(McGarrity dumps water on Ralph. Alice laughs.)

Ralph (yells): "WE WILL SEE WHAT HAPPENS ON TUESDAY."

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. As always, the Miami Beach audiences are the BEST. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Audience cheers.)

"The Loudspeaker":

(Ralph thinks he just got nominated Raccoon of The Year.)

Ralph: "Alice, something happened to me today that is probably, and without a doubt. One of the finest things to ever happen to me in my life. There isn't anything in the world that could have happened to me that is better than what happened to me today! And if you guess for a million years - for a million years - you couldn't guess what it was that happened to me today!"

Alice: "Well, there's only one thing I can think of from the way you are acting. You've been named Raccoon of the Year in that silly lodge of yours."

"A Dog's Life":

Trixie (from upstairs, yells): "OH ALICE! OH ALICE!"

Ed: "There it is. The voice of doom."

"Vacation At Fred's Landing" (1954 version):

Trixie: "Maybe the radiator needs some water."

Ralph: "Well, now that's very clever and which one of the Pep Boys are you, Manny, Moe or Jack? If I had any water, I would put it in there."

Trixie: "Ralph, I was only thinking..."

Ralph: "Well, don't think.Just keep your mouth shut."

Ed: "Just a minute. You seem to have forgotten that she's my wife and I don't like you yelling at her that way." (to Trixie, yells): "NOW STOP THINKING AND SHUT UP!"

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

(Alice accidently throws her pool cue.)

Alice: "I guess I wasn't supposed to do that."

Ralph: "What was that?"

Alice: "I guess I wasn't supposed to do that, wasn't I?"

Ralph: "Not if we are playing pool but if we are javelin throwing, we are."

"Lawsuit" (Color version):

Ed: "I filed a lawsuit once. The lawyers claimed that I didn't even have a case."

Ralph: "What happened?"

Ed: "I was working in the sewer and a manhole cover fell on my head."

Ralph: "Why couldn't you win the case?"

Ed: "I couldn't prove it did any damage."

"Man In The Blue Suit":

Ed: "Every time I play cards, I lose. Every single time then after when I get home, I tell Trixie I lost. She gets mad at me. She hollers at me. I can't eat. I can't sleep. At work, I am sick all day."

Ralph: "Then why do you play for?"

Ed: "It's the only fun I get."

"Man In The Blue Suit":

(Ralph are at the Help The Needy Society's caseworker's desk. Ralph's jacket is very ripped because of Ed Norton trying to make Ralph look like a bum.)

Ralph: "I am a needy case. Look at me."

Ed: "This is his Sunday suit."

"The Loudspeaker":

Alice: "I suppose you were cold sober the night you came home, went into the bedroom, stuck your head out and yelled: 'Hey Mrs. Gallagher, why is your cat doing in my apartment?'"

Ralph: "I'll ask you again. What was her cat doing in this apartment?"

Alice: "It wasn't her cat. You had your Racoon hat on backwards."

"Nephew of the Bride":

(Ralph wants to get rid of Aunt Ethel.)

Ed: "Why don't you put your head out the window and holler: 'Fire!'"

Ralph: "Suppose other people hear it? Then they will think the fire is real."

Ed: "Then you yell: 'Fire, Aunt Ethel.'"