"Alice Plays Cupid":

Alice: "I'll have you know my good man that this is what they are serving at the Eisenhower Inaugural Dinner."

Ralph: "Who's catering there, democrats?"

"Adoption":

Ed: "Don't forget what you promised me."

Alice: "What did you promise him Ralph?"

Ralph: "Nothing."

Ed: "Nothing. It just would happen to be the biggest thing that probably will happen to me."

Alice: "What is it?"

Ed: "When the baby gets elected President, he said to me that I can be at the Inauguration."

"Oh My Aching Back":

(Ed puts a lit match near the thermometer.)

Ed: 'Hey Ralph, what is a normal temperature, around 98 isn't it?"

Ralph: "98.6."

Ed: "What would you say a bad temperature is?"

Ralph: "102. 103. What is it Norton? What is my temperature?"

(A pause.)

Ralph (yells): "WHAT IS MY TEMPERATURE NORTON?"

Ed (starting to cry, yells): "111."

"Quiz Show":

Ed: "I was on a quiz show once. I was so nervous, that I couldn't answer the first question."

Ralph: "What question was that?"

Ed: "My name."

"The New Manager":

Ralph: "I know. We will take the Nortons on our honeymoon."

Trixie: "Ralph, you don't want us on your honeymoon."

Ed: "Will you keep quiet woman?"

"The Sleepwalker":

Ralph: "All right Weisenhemimer. I am now going to put the key in a place which even if you know that it was there, you wouldn't be able to get it. I am going to put it under my pillow. Now, you will have to lift me up bodily in order to get the key."

Ed: "I got to hand it to you Ralph. You came up with something even Dick Tracy couldn't solve."

"The Loudspeaker":

Ralph: "Do you realize that at the annual clambake I have the honor of opening the first clam! And as we take our cruise up the Hudson River I get to go up to the bridge and steer - as we pass Raccoon Point."

Alice: "Well golly gee!"

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

(Trixie & Ed enter into the pool room. Ralph & Alice are already in the pool room. Ralph and Ed are in the middle of a fight.)

Ralph: "I didn't know anything escaped from the zoo today."

Ed: "If it was an elephant, I can tell them where to look."

"Hair To A Fortune":

Ed: "Here's on bottle. H2O."

Ralph: "H2O. Oh, that is pronounced ho."

(AmericanLife TV):

(AmericanLife also has an OnDemand Service. This show might be one of the shows to watch.)

TV-G

All times are Eastern.

Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Shelia MacRae as Alice Kramden. Jean Kean as Trixie Norton.

Fri. Jan. 23 10p & Sat. Jan. 24, 2009 12a #47 (aka #201) – “Double Trouble”: Jackie plays a dual role as the Honeymooners check in at scenic Sun Valley, Idaho. A Kramden look alike is passing some bad checks, and the Honeymooners devise their own disguise to track down the culprit.
(3507/92965)

Fri. Jan. 30 10p & Sat. Jan. 31, 2009 12a #49 (aka #203) – “We’re Off To See The Wizard”: The Honeymooners' Mardi Gras celebration turns typically topsy-turvy. A hotel mix-up leads the foursome to Emma (Doro Merande), Norton's very-distant relative. Emma, a phony spiritualist, takes them in -- then in a séance tries to take Ralph in again. (9996/66092)

(WGN America) (Not WGN's Chicago feed)

(WGN America's episodes are in CC.)

Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Audrey Meadows as Alice Kramden. Joyce Randolph as Trixie Norton.

Sun. Jan. 25 & Sun. Feb. 1, 2009 12a #89 (#29/#132) – “‘Hot Tip’/‘Checkup’”: (For “Hot Tip”): Ralph places some bets at the racetrack for some neighbors, and gets nervous when Norton warns him that the police think he's a bookie. (For “Checkup”): Ralph schemes to fail a medical exam when h e thinks the doctor is from his insurance company. (369293/364230)

Sun. Jan. 25, 2009 9p #79 (#82) - *“Peacemaker”: Ralph acts as peacemaker when Norton and Trixie's fighting keeps him awake all night.
(879552)

9:30p #80 (#140) - *“My Fair Landlord”: Ralph buys a two-family house and the Nortons become Ralph's tenants. After moving in, Norton tries to break his lease. (133670)

(WPIX) & (WPIXD)

Mon. Jan. 26, 2009 1a 031 (aka #122) - "On Stage": "Polo ponies." "On Stage" (originally telecast April 28, 1956) actually began, says co-writer Leonard Stern, "with that one word...and we built a whole sketch around it." And it's that single word---pronounced by Norton (Art Carney) to rhyme with monopolies---that has almost single-handedly made this a favorite among Honeymooners fans. The episode begins with Ralph getting a juicy part in a play being mounted by the Raccoon Lodge's Women's Auxiliary. Suddenly Ralph is strutting around like the Barrymore of Bensonhurst and entertaining dreams that a Hollywood producer in the audience will offer him a contract. But before the actual performance, there's a rehearsal with Norton---and that word---to contend with. (WPIX: 91881. WPIXD: 56733)

1:30a (CC) #54 - *“Letter to the Boss”: Ralph mistakenly thinks a he's been fired and, with Norton's help, writes a nasty letter to his boss. After mailing the letter, Ralph finds out he's been promoted and schemes to get the letter back. CLASSIC QUOTE -"Homina, homina, homina" (WPIX: 32626. WPIXD: 46268.)

Mon. Feb. 2, 2009 1a (CC) #106 (aka #86) – “A Weighty Problem (Part One)”: Ralph has to take a physical for the bus company and is informed that he has to diet or he would fail the physical and lose his job. (WPIX: 68482. WPIXD: 37685.)

1:30a (CC) #107 – “A Weighty Problem (Part Two)”: Ralph is going crazy on his diet but manages to lose enough weight so he can pass the physical and still be a bus driver. (WPIX: 34937. WPIXD: 52482.)

*: This episode has been edited HEAVILY.

Credit goes to wpix.com, wgnamerica.com, tvguide.com, tvland.com, the old honeymooners.net & Yahoo! Groups You're A Riot!,