Frank Gannucci
01-16-2009, 11:00 AM
(The Kramdens and Nortons are traveling to Washington D.C. in a car.)
Ralph: “Boy, what special significance this Martin Luther King Day holiday has this year.”
Ed: “Yeah, it is occurring right before the day the first black president's inauguration.”
Ralph: “I still believe Alice that had not M.L.K. Been shot, he could have become president. He would make a great role model.”
Alice: “That's very good Ralph. I would love to have met him. To meet a special figure like him would be a dream. After all, he is the one that was responsible for segregation. If he didn't who knows what would happen.”
Ed: “Yeah. Without him, I may not have been able to go to my old library. That library used to say: 'Black Library.' I loved that library. I was the first person there to ever rent 1,000 different Captain Video comic books.”
(Ralph rolls his eyes.)
Ralph: “Why am I not shocked? Well, we can all agree that Martin was a great man. It was a shame he got killed by some BUMS. I only hope that Barack doesn't suffer that same fate. It would be a shame if he did.”
Ed: “Yeah, must I also mention that if Martin didn't do what he did as far as segregation, I wonder if Bill Cosby would be as well-known as he is today.”
Ralph: “Yeah, what a comedian he is.” (imitating Cosby): “Well, Norton...Norton...You like to watch Pokemon. That thing with the Pokey and the Mon.”
(Alice laughs.)
(They finally arrive in Washington right in the area where the Civil Rights March happened.)
Ralph: “Boy, this is great. This is where the Civil Rights March happened in '63. Blacks marched hoping they would get civil rights. I wish I was there.”
Ed: “You mean walking? You aren't black Ralph and are you sure you would handle it?”
(Alice & Trixie laugh.)
Ralph: “You are a riot Norton. I wonder if Barack will visit this on the day of his inauguration. Martin Luther King would definitely be proud of him for being the first black President and he would love it that it occurred the day after his birthday.”
(They all sing a song about Martin Luther King and Barack.)
(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience applauds.)
Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”
(Audience applauds.)
"The Loudspeaker":
(Ralph thinks he just got nominated Raccoon of The Year.)
Ralph: "Alice, something happened to me today that is probably, and without a doubt. One of the finest things to ever happen to me in my life. There isn't anything in the world that could have happened to me that is better than what happened to me today! And if you guess for a million years - for a million years - you couldn't guess what it was that happened to me today!"
Alice: "Well, there's only one thing I can think of from the way you are acting. You've been named Raccoon of the Year in that silly lodge of yours."
"A Dog's Life":
Trixie (from upstairs, yells): "OH ALICE! OH ALICE!"
Ed: "There it is. The voice of doom."
"Vacation At Fred's Landing" (1954 version):
Trixie: "Maybe the radiator needs some water."
Ralph: "Well, now that's very clever and which one of the Pep Boys are you, Manny, Moe or Jack? If I had any water, I would put it in there."
Trixie: "Ralph, I was only thinking..."
Ralph: "Well, don't think. Just keep your mouth shut."
Ed: "Just a minute. You seem to have forgotten that she's my wife and I don't like you yelling at her that way." (to Trixie, yells): "NOW STOP THINKING AND SHUT UP!"
"Movies Are Better Than Ever":
(Alice accidentally throws her pool cue.)
Alice: "I guess I wasn't supposed to do that."
Ralph: "What was that?"
Alice: "I guess I wasn't supposed to do that, wasn't I?"
Ralph: "Not if we are playing pool but if we are javelin throwing, we are."
"Man In The Blue Suit":
(Ralph are at the Help The Needy Society's caseworker's desk. Ralph's jacket is very ripped because of Ed Norton trying to make Ralph look like a bum.)
Ralph: "I am a needy case. Look at me."
Ed: "This is his Sunday suit."
"The Loudspeaker":
Alice: "I suppose you were cold sober the night you came home, went into the bedroom, stuck your head out and yelled: 'Hey Mrs. Gallagher, why is your cat doing in my apartment?'"
Ralph: "I'll ask you again. What was her cat doing in this apartment?"
Alice: "It wasn't her cat. You had your Raccoon hat on backwards."
"Nephew of the Bride":
(Ralph wants to get rid of Aunt Ethel.)
Ed: "Why don't you put your head out the window and holler: 'Fire!'"
Ralph: "Suppose other people hear it? Then they will think the fire is real."
Ed: "Then you yell: 'Fire, Aunt Ethel.'"
"Principle of The Thing":
(Ralph showed Alice the gaudy wallpaper.)
Ralph: "Well, what do you think?"
(Alice wraps up the wallpaper, puts it in Ralph's arms, puts Ralph's cap on him and opens the door.)
Alice: "And I don't want you to come back unless the man gives you your money back."
Ralph: "Don't hint Alice."
"Two For The Money":
Ralph: "All I can scrap was $8."
Ed: "Why don't you hock Alice's engagement ring?"
Ralph: "Where do you think I got the $8 from?"
Ralph: “Boy, what special significance this Martin Luther King Day holiday has this year.”
Ed: “Yeah, it is occurring right before the day the first black president's inauguration.”
Ralph: “I still believe Alice that had not M.L.K. Been shot, he could have become president. He would make a great role model.”
Alice: “That's very good Ralph. I would love to have met him. To meet a special figure like him would be a dream. After all, he is the one that was responsible for segregation. If he didn't who knows what would happen.”
Ed: “Yeah. Without him, I may not have been able to go to my old library. That library used to say: 'Black Library.' I loved that library. I was the first person there to ever rent 1,000 different Captain Video comic books.”
(Ralph rolls his eyes.)
Ralph: “Why am I not shocked? Well, we can all agree that Martin was a great man. It was a shame he got killed by some BUMS. I only hope that Barack doesn't suffer that same fate. It would be a shame if he did.”
Ed: “Yeah, must I also mention that if Martin didn't do what he did as far as segregation, I wonder if Bill Cosby would be as well-known as he is today.”
Ralph: “Yeah, what a comedian he is.” (imitating Cosby): “Well, Norton...Norton...You like to watch Pokemon. That thing with the Pokey and the Mon.”
(Alice laughs.)
(They finally arrive in Washington right in the area where the Civil Rights March happened.)
Ralph: “Boy, this is great. This is where the Civil Rights March happened in '63. Blacks marched hoping they would get civil rights. I wish I was there.”
Ed: “You mean walking? You aren't black Ralph and are you sure you would handle it?”
(Alice & Trixie laugh.)
Ralph: “You are a riot Norton. I wonder if Barack will visit this on the day of his inauguration. Martin Luther King would definitely be proud of him for being the first black President and he would love it that it occurred the day after his birthday.”
(They all sing a song about Martin Luther King and Barack.)
(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience applauds.)
Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”
(Audience applauds.)
"The Loudspeaker":
(Ralph thinks he just got nominated Raccoon of The Year.)
Ralph: "Alice, something happened to me today that is probably, and without a doubt. One of the finest things to ever happen to me in my life. There isn't anything in the world that could have happened to me that is better than what happened to me today! And if you guess for a million years - for a million years - you couldn't guess what it was that happened to me today!"
Alice: "Well, there's only one thing I can think of from the way you are acting. You've been named Raccoon of the Year in that silly lodge of yours."
"A Dog's Life":
Trixie (from upstairs, yells): "OH ALICE! OH ALICE!"
Ed: "There it is. The voice of doom."
"Vacation At Fred's Landing" (1954 version):
Trixie: "Maybe the radiator needs some water."
Ralph: "Well, now that's very clever and which one of the Pep Boys are you, Manny, Moe or Jack? If I had any water, I would put it in there."
Trixie: "Ralph, I was only thinking..."
Ralph: "Well, don't think. Just keep your mouth shut."
Ed: "Just a minute. You seem to have forgotten that she's my wife and I don't like you yelling at her that way." (to Trixie, yells): "NOW STOP THINKING AND SHUT UP!"
"Movies Are Better Than Ever":
(Alice accidentally throws her pool cue.)
Alice: "I guess I wasn't supposed to do that."
Ralph: "What was that?"
Alice: "I guess I wasn't supposed to do that, wasn't I?"
Ralph: "Not if we are playing pool but if we are javelin throwing, we are."
"Man In The Blue Suit":
(Ralph are at the Help The Needy Society's caseworker's desk. Ralph's jacket is very ripped because of Ed Norton trying to make Ralph look like a bum.)
Ralph: "I am a needy case. Look at me."
Ed: "This is his Sunday suit."
"The Loudspeaker":
Alice: "I suppose you were cold sober the night you came home, went into the bedroom, stuck your head out and yelled: 'Hey Mrs. Gallagher, why is your cat doing in my apartment?'"
Ralph: "I'll ask you again. What was her cat doing in this apartment?"
Alice: "It wasn't her cat. You had your Raccoon hat on backwards."
"Nephew of the Bride":
(Ralph wants to get rid of Aunt Ethel.)
Ed: "Why don't you put your head out the window and holler: 'Fire!'"
Ralph: "Suppose other people hear it? Then they will think the fire is real."
Ed: "Then you yell: 'Fire, Aunt Ethel.'"
"Principle of The Thing":
(Ralph showed Alice the gaudy wallpaper.)
Ralph: "Well, what do you think?"
(Alice wraps up the wallpaper, puts it in Ralph's arms, puts Ralph's cap on him and opens the door.)
Alice: "And I don't want you to come back unless the man gives you your money back."
Ralph: "Don't hint Alice."
"Two For The Money":
Ralph: "All I can scrap was $8."
Ed: "Why don't you hock Alice's engagement ring?"
Ralph: "Where do you think I got the $8 from?"