"The Prowler":

Ralph: "A prowler? Quick, hide your wristwatch."

Alice: "It's at the jeweler's being repaired."

Ralph: "Every time we need that wristwatch, it's out being repaired."

"Ralph's Sweet Tooth":

Ralph: "I got a tootchache. Why do you think I have this thing (towel wrapped around his head) for?"

Ed: "I thought that you were going to be a bunny rabbit on that TV commercial tomorrow."

"Unconventional Behavior":

Ed: "Ralph?"

Ralph: "What?"

Ed: "Mind if I smoke?"

Ralph: "I don't care if you burn."

"Rafitti, Brooklyn Style":

Alice's Mom: "Alice had plenty of boyfriends. Why Eddie Townscend..."

Ralph: "Eddie Townscend? Eddie Townscend? Are you kidding me? He was a big, fat tub of lard."

"A Woman's Work Is Never Done":

Ed: "With my coffee, I would like one lump."

(Ed rings the bell.)

Thelma: "You keep ringing that bell like that and you will get one lump."

"Dial J For Janitor":

Ralph: "Why should I cut out bowling? It's my only relaxation. Besides, the exercise is good for me to keep down my weight."

Alice: "You don't need anything to keep your weight down. You need something to hold it up."

"Jellybeans":

Ralph: "All I know is when I win the $100, I am going out to buy myself a new pair of shoes, a leather lumbar jacket and before I am finished, you will have a string of pearls."

Alice: "Yeah and if you lose, I will have a string of jellybeans around my neck."

"Movies Are Better Than Ever":

(Alice accidently throws her pool cue.)

Alice: "I guess I wasn't supposed to do that."

Ralph: "What was that?"

Alice: "I guess I wasn't supposed to do that, wasn't I?"

Ralph: "Not if we are playing pool but if we are javelin throwing, we are."

"Lawsuit" (Color version):

Ed: "I filed a laswuit once. The lawyers claimed that I didn't even have a case."

Ralph: "What happened?"

Ed: "I was working in the sewer and a manhole cover fell on my head."

Ralph: "Why couldn't you win the case?"

Ed: "I couldn't prove it did any damage."