(The Kramdens are getting ready to go out for New Year's Eve.)

Ralph (yells): "ALICE, ARE YOU READY YET?"

(Alice comes out.)

Alice: "Yes Ralph, I am ready. Just be calm. We have plenty of time."

Ralph: "I am calm Alice. I am not nervous. You are just saying that to make me nervous."

(Ralph puts his tie in the belt holders in his pants and ties it and then polishes his sock.)

Alice: "No, you are not nervous at all. You just read in a magazine that it is cool to wear your tie like a belt and polish your sock."

Ralph: "Oh, you are going to get it."

Alice: "Ralph, the chances of you being on TV tonight with Ed are slim."

Ralph: "I have a chance. When I do, maybe I will eventually have my own show in New York than a couple years later when I am rolling in dough, I will move my show down to Miami Beach because I heard that the Miami Beach audiences are the greatest."

(Audience applauds.)

(Ed comes down dressed as Baby New Year.)

Ed: "Whaddaya say Ralph?"

Ralph: "Why are you dressed like that? I always knew you were a kid."

Ed: "I am dressing for the occasion. Nobody ever thought to dress like this, but me."

Ralph: "Oh, that is ture Ed. Listen, you nut. If you don't put more clothes on, you will be sicker than you are."

Ed: "I guess you are right Ralph. After this, we will ring in 2009."

(He leaves.)

(They go to Times Square. Ryan Seacrest is there interviewing civilians.)

Ryan: "Welcome back to Dick Clark's Rocking New Year's Eve with Ryan Seacrest. I am here with two people that I just met during the break. This is a Mr. Ralph Kramden and a Mr. Ed Norton. Hello Mr. Kramden."

Ralph: "Huminahuminahumina."

Ed: "That is his way of being calm and cool. I am happy to be here. Where's Dick."

Ryan: "He's getting ready to go do the countdown in a few seconds. He is giving me his former responsibilities on this show."

Ed: "Well, my buddy boy here Ralph is a bus driver. He drives down this street many times. His heart is as bigger than he is and he is pretty big. I am work below here. I work in the sewer."

(Several people around Ed spit out their beer.)

Ryan: "That is very interesting. I am being told right now to send it up to Dick Clark for our countdown."

Ed: "Hey Dickie boy, slap me five. Let me know that you are alive."

(Dick Clark is shown with a surprising look on his face.)

Dick: "That guy is weird. Well, who would ever thought that in 2005, I would still be doing this as well as getting my old voice back. It's time now. The ball is starting to drop. Here we go."

Everyone: "10...9...8..."

Ed (yells): "THE CHAMPAGNE IS NOT KORBEL."

Everyone (continuing): "...4...3...2...1..."

(To be continued.)

"Petticoat Jungle":

Ed: "What is this?"

Ralph: "That is a medicine ball."

Ed: "You must have to drink a whole lot of water to swallow something like this."

"Petticoat Jungle":

(The salesman shows the Kramdens and Nortons a very small box.)

Ralph: "You mean to tell me that there is one bathing suit in there?"

Man: "One? There are six of them in here."

"Young At Heart":

Ralph: "This is not a crazy costume. This is what all of us cats wear. I got it. I got it. I'm hip! Ready to go! I'm gone! Gone!"

Alice: "You are gone all right."

"Young At Heart":

Alice: "Why do you have to be so icky?"

Ralph: "Icky?"

Alice: "You are a termite Ralph. Strickly out of the woods."

"Better Living Through TV":

Ralph: "This is the biggest thing I ever got into."

Alice: "That would be your pants."

"A Promotion Part 1":

(Ralph runs home out of breath.)

Ralph: "Everything is fine."

Alice: "Ralph did you run up the stairs? You know that you are not supposed to do that. It's not good for you and it's not good for the stairs either."

"Cottage For Sale Part 1":

Alice: "You got rocks in your head."

Ralph: "I got rocks in my head. I got rocks in my head. I got NOTHING in my head."

"The Main Event":

(Ed is showing off his boxing skill for Dynamite.)

Ed: "Cover up your face Ralph! Cover your face! Cover your face!"

(Ralph covers his face. Ed hits him in the stomach.)

Ralph (yells): "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!...OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!...OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! WHY DID YOU HIT ME IN THE STOMACH WHEN YOU TOLD ME TO COVER MY FACE!"

Ed (yells): "I WAS SHOWING DYNAMITE NOT TO TRUST ANYBODY IN THE RING."

"Two Men On A Horse Part 1":

Ralph: "Alice, I hope that you are satisfied. You are the first woman in history to interupt that Raccoon song."

Alice: "Well Scottie-Wattie-Do-Dah-Day!"