"Dial J For Janitor":

Ralph: "I didn't empty out your garbage because it is part of my efficency system. Your garbage can was half full. When it's full-full, then I will empty it. That way, I will make one trip instead of two. Save a trip here, save a trip there and it all mounts up."

Ed: "That is what I am afraid of. It's mounting up all over the building."

"Dial J For Janitor":

Ralph: "One hand washes the other while both hands wash the face."

Ed: "Just get me water. I know how to wash."

"Head of The House":

(Ralph just told the newspaper's questioning photographer to print him saying that the husband is the boss of the house.)

Ralph: "I'm a horse. You are a mouse."

Ed: "Let me say this. I rather be a live mouse then a dead horse."

"Man In The Blue Suit":

(Ralph is playing poker. One of the boys, Sullivan left and is waiting for a bus.)

Garrity (from upstairs, yells): "HEY KRAMDEN, CUT OUT THE NOISE."

Ralph: "That's that crab Garrity from upstairs."

(Ralph goes to the window, opens it up and sticks his head out.)

Ralph (yells): "WHY DON'T YOU GO TO SLEEP? THIS IS AMERICA. A FREE
COUNTRY."

(Ralph puts his head back in the place.)

Garrity (from upstairs, yells): "HEY KRAMDEN! HEY KRAMDEN!"

(Ralph sticks his head out.)

Ralph (yells): "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

(Garrity douses Ralph with water. Everyone in the room laughs.)

Ralph (yells): "SHUT UP! YOU SHUT UP TOO DOWN THERE."

Ed: "Who are you yelling at now Ralph?"

Ralph: "Sullivan. He's waiting for the bus."

"Man In The Blue Suit":

(Ralph is playing poker with his friends.)

Ralph: "We said that we were going to quit at 12 and it's 2am already."

Man: "Why didn't we quit at 12?"

Ed: "Ralph was losing then."

"Ralph's Diet":

(Ralph gets on the scale.)

Ralph: "I don't need to diet anymore. I lost a pound."

Alice: "Ralph, when you lose a pound, it's like Bayoone losing a mosquito."

"Rafitti, Brooklyn Style":

Ralph: "For once you are right. Alice should have married Johnny Farell. He's a much smarter guy than I am."

Alice's Mom: "So you admit it."

Ralph: "Sure. He took one look at you and refused to marry her."

"Sleepy Time Gal":

(Alice is in the phone booth. They boys don't know it.)

Ralph: "I'm the one in the faimly with it up here."

(Ralph points to his head.)

Ed: "You got plenty of it down there too."

"Sleepy Time Gal":

(Alice wants to buy new furniture.)

Ralph: "Furniture? Furniture? We got furniture."

Alice: "Sure we got furniture. But just because you are a Raccoon doesn't mean that I have to live in a hole in the ground."