"Stars Over Flatbush":

Ralph: "Let's face it Alice. You are the fat of the land."

Alice: "Let's face it Ralph. You ARE the fat of the land."

"Young At Heart":

Ed: "As time wore on, I grew older. I matured."

Ralph: "Yeah, now you are a full-grown nut."

"Ralph's Sweet Tooth":

(Ed comes in wearing shorts.)

Ed: "It's the latest thing. It's about time that we men broke the chains of convention. We have been prisoners long enough."

Ralph: "You keep wearing that and you will be in prison all over again."

"Dial J For Janitor":

Ed: "Janitor. Whoa janitor."

Ralph: "Don't call me 'janitor.' I am a maintenance engineer."

"Young At Heart":

Alice: "How can you be so icky?"

Ralph: "Icky?"

Alice: "You are a termite Ralph. Strictly out of the wood."

"Cottage For Sale Part 1":

"Mr. Mosby": "This cottage has features Mr. Kramden that compare favorably with your city home."

Ed: "If it has a door on the knob, it's way ahead."

"Without Reservations":

Ralph: "Grab a mop and start mopping."

Alice: "I will not."

Ralph (yells): "GRAB A MOP AND START MOPPING."

Alice: "Only if I use you as a mop."

"Without Reservations":

Ralph (yells): "I AM GOING TO COUNT TO FIVE AND IF YOU ARE NOT MOPPING WHEN I COUNT TO FIVE, LOOK OUT. ONE! THERE YOU ARE. THAT'S ONE…TWO, THERE'S TWO. ONE! TWO! THREE IS COMING NEXT…THREE! AFTER THREE COMES FOUR. FOUR IS NEXT. YOU KNOW FOUR IS NEXT. DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS NEXT?"

Alice: "Why don't you say it?"

Ralph (yells): "FIVE! ALL RIGHT I AM GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT I AM GOING TO DO. THE NEXT TIME YOU BLEACH YOUR HAIR, I WON'T TOUCH YOUR ROOTS."

"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

Ralph: "What is the foil used for?"

Ed: "To prevent the soot from the chimney from getting on my vest."

Ralph: "It would be a shame to get that vest dirty after working in the sewer all day."