(Ralph & Ed are watching the annual Veterans Day Parade.)

Ed: "Hey Ralph, take a look. There's some veterans who just got back from Iraq & Afghanistan."

Ralph: "Yes. I am sure that they are glad to be home and probably somewhat glad that Obama is going to be pulling the troops from Iraq. I only hope that when he does, those BUM terrorists don't attack us like they did on 9/11."

Ed: "Yes. Oh boy! I just some a veteran in that parade who is a World War I Veteran. There aren't that many around."

Ralph: "Yeah. I can only hope that these veterans are supporting our troops. You know, yesterday a World War II Veteran gets on my bus. He is 90 years old. He told me that he supports our troops to his fullest extent and that he says if today's democrats had the state of mind back then, they would pull our troops out and we would lose World War II."

Ed: "Which world war, I or II?"

Ralph: "World War II. The second world war, you nut."

Ed: "Oh. You know something, I just saw a commercial advertising DVDs of the Vietnam War. How they got that footage was mind-boggling. If we only won that war too, we would be undefeated. Our troops would be undefeated."

Ralph: "Yes, Norton. You are right."

(They both sing a song that has something to do with supporting our troops and praising our veterans.)

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience applauds.)

Jackie: "How sweet it is."

(Audience applauds louder.)

Jackie: "Friends, I am happy to say that we got 100 troops and veterans right in the front row."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "As usual, the Miami Beach audiences are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Audience cheers louder.)

"The Worry Wart":

Ralph: "Oh, is that all that they are going to do? They're just gonna take it out of my refund? It just so happens Alice that I was planning on that refund - IN ITS ENTIRETY! I need all of the refund - all 42 dollars! I can't afford to let any of the 42 go! I got to go down to Fred's Landings - I need 42 dollars! What am I gonna do if I haven't got enough money?"

Alice: "We'll just have to cut down, Ralph. Just ask for a cheaper tent with a smaller snake."

"Jellybeans":

Ralph: "I have always been lucky at contests. Remember last year at Harry's Grove when I won the clam eating contest?"

Alice (from bedroom): "Yeah?"

Ralph: "I got $5 from that. $5."

Alice (coming out of the bedroom): "You sure did and you spent $7 on Alka-Seltzer."

"Ralph Kramden Presents":

(The Raccoons are thinking about getting a celebrity to come to the dance.)

Ed: "I went to school with a person who was a friend of one of the Marx brothers."

Ralph: "Who?"

Ed: "Zeppo."

"Two Faces of Ralph Kramden":

Nick: "How about $400 a week."

(Ralph coughs.)

Nick: "$500."

(Ralph coughs more.)

Nick: "$600."

Ralph: "Norton, give me some water."

Ed: "Don't be a dope Ralph. Keep coughing Ralph. You will be a millionaire in no time."

"Dial J For Janitor":

Ralph: "I didn't empty out your garbage because it is part of my efficency system. Your garbage can was half full. When it's full-full, then I will empty it. That way, I will make one trip instead of two. Save a trip here, save a trip there and it all mounts up."

Ed: "That is what I am afraid of. It's mounting up all over the building."

"Rafitti, Brooklyn Style":

Ralph: "For once you are right. Alice should have married Johnny Farell. He's a much smarter guy than I am."

Alice's Mom: "So you admit it."

Ralph: "Sure. He took one look at you and refused to marry her."

"Boys & Girls Together":

(Ralph & Alice are eating dinner.)

Ralph (pointing at his food): "What is that?"

Alice: "That is the appetizer."

Ralph: "What?"

Alice: "The appetizer."

Ralph: "I had my appetizer. I drove a bus for eight hours."

"Boys & Girls Together":

Ralph: "Even the Constitution says that we are entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

Ed: "But the marriage license is an amendment to the Constitution."

"Ralph Kramden Inc.":

Ed: "It's not like I don't want to lend you money, it's what you don't do with it."

Ralph: "What is that?"

Ed: "You don't pay me back."

"Move Uptown":

Ralph: "Where's Norton? We have to unload the trailor."

Trixie: "I don't know."

(Crash! Clatter! Bing! Bang! Boom!)

(Ed comes out with a lot of pots and pans attached on him.)

Ralph: "What's the matter with you?"

Ed: "Shhh."

Ralph: "Don't 'shh' me."

Trixie: "Did you hurt yourself?"

Ed: "No, I didn't. Luckily, the pots and pans broke my fall."