"The Bensonhurst Bomber":

Ralph: "Why did he say: 'Hey, get a load of fatso there.'?"

Ed: "I don't know. Maybe the phrase just fits."

"Opportunity Knocks, But":

Trixie: "I got to go downtown shopping tomorrow. There's a big sale on shorts. Norton could use some."

Alice: "So could Ralph. What sizes are on sale?"

Trixie: "All sizes 18 to 50."

Alice: "No, nothing for Ralph."

"Pal O' Mine":

Ralph: "Butter on my finger?" (yells): "AT 89 CENTS A POUND." (normally): "Would you stop throwing my money around? Is there any lard around here?"

Alice: "Yeah about 300 lbs. of it."

"Great Jewel Robbery":

Ralph: "In the race to get ahead, I am way out in front."

Ed: "Yes, you certainly are way out in front."

"Great Jewel Robbery":

(Ralph is collecting money from all the bus drivers to get the boss' daughter a wedding present which will give all the bus drivers a raise and it will get Ralph on the boss' good side.)

Man: "Thank you for being the instigator in getting us a raise. Someday, you will be known as the John L. Lewis of the bus drivers."

(He leaves.)

Ralph: "I like to remove his nose."

"Hot Dog Stand":

Mr. Foster: "Loans are the lifeblood of a bank."

Ralph: "Good because we are in desperate need of a transfusion."

"Ralph Kramden Presents":

(Ralph has every Raccoon believing that he knows Jackie Gleason and will get him to come to the Raccoon Dance.)

Ralph: "Do you remember the last time that the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler bought everybody a round of beer?"

Alice: "Yeah, the time that you told them that you knew Rudy Valee."

"Ralph Kramden Presents":

Ralph: "Pardon me sir, on the Jackie Gleason Show, who's funnier, Jackie Gleason or Art Carney?"

Man: "I can't say. I watch Flipper."

"Rafitti, Brooklyn Style":

Ralph: "For once you are right. Alice should have married Johnny Farell. He's a much smarter guy than I am."

Alice's Mom: "So you admit it."

Ralph: "Sure. He took one look at you and refused to marry her."