"Funny Money":

Ralph: "You know that I got to have the money! You know that all the members down there are my pals, my buddies, my friends - They'll throw me out if I don't pay my dues! Alice, don't start! I got to have the money! Please Alice, do you know how embarrassing it would be to be thrown out of the Raccoon Lodge?

Alice: "Yea, it's pretty embarrassing just being in it."

"Alice & The Blonde":

Ralph: "It just so happens that the Raccoon Lodge is going through a financial crisis. And I'm the Treasurer Alice, I'm responsible. If I don't get some money into that treasury you know what might happen? The Bensonhurst chapter of the Raccoon Lodge may no longer be! Do you know what that means?"

Alice: "Yeah, real estate values in Bensonhurst will go up 100%."

"Lawsuit" (Color version):

(Ralph is planning to sue the Gotham Bus Company for $75,000 because he broke his leg on the bus.)

Ralph: "Pardon me Mrs. Know-it-all. Ed talked to my lawyer this morning and he says that I have a perfect case."

Alice (sarcastically): "Great. While I am out, I will get a new mink coat."

(She leaves.)

Ed: "Did you two have a fight?"

Ralph: "She is just jealous because I have the broken leg."

"Sleepy Time Gal":

(Ralph & Ed bring the Great Fatchoomara to the Kramden apartment to hypnotize Alice. Trixie is there at first.)

Ed: "Trixie, would you mind going upstairs so you can put some steak on that black eye?"

Trixie: "What black eye?"

Ed: "The one that you are going to get if you don't go upstairs and put a steak on it."

"Teamwork Beats The Clock":

Ed: "I watch your show. It's very educational."

Bud Collyer (as himself): "Educational?"

Ed: "Yeah, it's a wonder what you could do with whipped cream on this show."

"Lawsuit":

Ralph: "I have to put some weight on my broken leg."

Ed: "You're just the boy that could do it."

"Two Men On A Horse Part 1":

Ralph: "Alice, do you know what you did? You are the first woman in history to interrupt the Raccoon song."

Alice: "Well Scotty-Watty-Do-Dah-Day."

Ralph: "Just for that remark, you will not be allowed into the Raccoon Lodge Ladies Auxillary."

Alice: "From this blow, I may never recover."

"King of The Castle":

(Ralph is trying to give Alice the syphony routine. He claims that he is in pain.)

Ralph: "It's my stomach."

Alice (looking at his stomach): "Gee, that is a big problem."

"The Deciding Vote":

Ralph: "You are the type of person that would bend way over to pick up a pocket book on April Fool's Day. I wouldn't."

Alice: "You couldn't."