In a thread I started yesterday, I had mentioned I had given a gift to my boss Valerie. To be exact, it was a $25 McDonalds gift card as she gets a breakfast sandwich there every morning. So I had stuck it in a greeting card and given it to her on my way out (I work 3rd, she works 1st). Anyway, this morning she gives the card back to me and said although she appreciates the gesture she can't accept it.

My feelings are a little hurt because I didn't give the gift to receive praise and there wasn't any alterior motives behind it. I was just showing her respect. I understand a boss might feel its in a conflict of interest to accept a gift from an employee who's at an inferior level and this is why I did not give her a gift on her birthday last month. However, I thought bosses day was safe enough where a gift could be accepted on a professional level. I just feel so hurt. After I left work I cried. Has this happened to anyone else? Am I being over sensitive?

On the complete other end of the spectrum, last week I had bought a new portable dvd player and had given my old one to a client at the shelter I work at, I had also given her a Coach bag that has gone unused by me for quite some time. Now she pesters me over everything I own. Everytime I see her she feels the need to constantly remind me that anything I no longer want I can give to her. I had my brand new Coach bag with me yesterday and she was like "oh, when you don't want it anymore, give it to me." And then this morning she was like "oh if you get me something for xmas, make it a bathrobe because mines old". I was like "What?" completely shocked. Never in my life have I outright asked people for gifts. I was always brought up that asking for gifts was a rude thing to do. Another day she asked if I had $2 which I didn't but I assumed she needed it for bus fare instead she says "i'm dieing for a iced coffee." Here I had no gas in my car and I'm going to give you $2 for iced coffee?!? She also found out that I often donate gift cards to the shelter and she asked me today "Hey, when are yoU going to get more gift cards? I have 4 kids and Xmas is coming."

#1.Our shelter gives every kid in the building their own set of gifts for xmas. After dividing all the donations up, each kid usually gets 10 or more presents each. #2 my gift cards are used to buy the toys that are a part of those donations that get divided up so essentially she will be benfiting from the gift card anyway and #3 although only 1 of her 4 kids live with her there are other charitable organizations that will provide for the other 3. She can sign up for a family to "adopt" her kids for xmas etc.

Both of these incidents has really turned me off from giving and am angry about the latter! But I'm very shy and don't know how to handle the situation. I don't want to hurt her feelings as I'm sure she is needy but I feel like she's trying to take advantage of me.

bump

This sounds a lot like one of my brothers. We ended up cutting him right off. The more you give people like that, the more they expect.

That is weird with your boss. I know some companies have policies about gifts, but I've never heard of not accepting a small token of appreciation - either for Bosses' Day or Secretary's Day. Don't feel bad - just keep it in mind and never give her anything again, other than maybe saying thanks for being a good boss.

I know how you feel though. You're a good person - don't let it rattle you. ;)

Does your boss have a boss? Maybe she felt she would be reprimanded for accepting a gift. But take Tripper's advice and don't worry about "gifting" her again.

As for problem #2....she sounds like a leech. Some people you just can't be too nice to or they expect you to do it all for them. I'm surprised she hasn't tried to bum meals or more off of you, using some guilt trip tactic.

Don't feel too bad. There definitely could be some kind of policy, even for just small gifts. I'm sure she didn't mean to be hurtful at all. I know many schools have rules like that, too, about professors not being allowed to accept gifts from students.

Don't feel too bad. There definitely could be some kind of policy, even for just small gifts. I'm sure she didn't mean to be hurtful at all. I know many schools have rules like that, too, about professors not being allowed to accept gifts from students.

I bet that's it.

To Punky: if you want to do something for your boss that she'd probably appreciate-next time get a very nice note card and write your sentiments in it. She surely could accept that and I bet she'd really value it!

The aggressive (and tacky!) client is a hard one. Thoughts anyone? The only thing I can think of is to let her rude pleas fall flat. And if you ever give her anything make sure its something gaudy and/or cheap. (like a pen or cheap samples of something). Save your valuable stuff for someone who's appreciative.

I have a friend who had a problem with me giving her gifts. She got really upset so I stoped giving her gifts. She doesn't want to get gifts. I was just being nice and there was no motive behind it. I think she may have felt differently.


Then unfortunately, imo, she was never truly your friend. That's not what friendship is based on (not saying that's what Punky was shooting for).

Funny, the term "leech" is the first thing I thought of too. Agreed - save your good stuff for someone who'll truly appreciate it. Give her something kinda tacky or really outdated. If she makes some sort of negative comment, then you'll know for sure - and don't feel bad for telling her off then! :p

Some people eh? :rolleyes:

when my mother was working as a caregiver we went on vacation and brought the releif care giver a gift but then after that every time she took a day off the releif caregiver wondered why my mother didnt bring her any more gifts talk about giving an inch and taking a mile

I have a friend who had a problem with me giving her gifts. She got really upset so I stoped giving her gifts. She doesn't want to get gifts. I was just being nice and there was no motive behind it. I think she may have felt differently.
Sometimes people don't want to give gifts, so they have a no gift policy of sorts. Did she give you gifts? I love giving gifts, more than I like getting them.

Punky, A word of advice, If you have anything used and still in good condition don't give it away to a leech. Sell it on eBay or donate it to your local Salvation Army, Goodwill etc... Is there any chance that the leech in question may have or is planning on selling the stuff on eBay? One thing about the gift card, If I were the recipient and couldn't accept it I wouldn't give it back and risk hurting your feelings. I would have said thank you and passed the card along to someone that could really use it or I probably would give it to somone in the service in appreciation for their efforts.

Punky, A word of advice, If you have anything used and still in good condition don't give it away to a leech. Sell it on eBay or donate it to your local Salvation Army, Goodwill etc... Is there any chance that the leech in question may have or is planning on selling the stuff on eBay?
This is a great idea. My husband and I donate tons of stuff every month to this organization that comes around our neighborhood. I never see anyone else with donations so I'm wondering if we're the only ones. I'd rather donate it and have a store like Goodwill sell it and use the money toward something useful-like helping someone, instead of giving stuff to that selfish person you described. I was reading that and I was like ohno: :eek2: ! I cannot believe she acted like that! Here you were just trying to give her a gift and now she is hounding you for more! That's terrible!

One thing about the gift card, If I were the recipient and couldn't accept it I wouldn't give it back and risk hurting your feelings. I would have said thank you and passed the card along to someone that could really use it or I probably would give it to somone in the service in appreciation for their efforts.[/QUOTE]

I found this a little strange as to why she couldn't take the gift as well. It was very generous of you and I'm sorry to hear you were so upset over it. Could you donate the giftcard to a charity or something? They would probably appreciate it; especially like an assisted living place or whatever. Or even if the staff at a non profit place used it for breakfast or whatever for themselves it would still take some of the burden off of them because then they wouldn't have to dig into money for the charity to be able to eat. I'm sure you could find some kind of charity or something that would be happy to take the gift card.

Christmas is just around the corner, and I was thinking... Every Christmas time at work, we have this Salvation Army Toy drive. They put up these paper "ornaments" and you take an ornament and you are supposed to buy a gift for whatever age person you want. I bet some kid or adult would love a McDonald's gift card! I'm sure kids that don't have parents who can afford to take them to McDonald's very often would love it!

Andrea.

Sometimes people don't want to give gifts, so they have a no gift policy of sorts. Did she give you gifts? I love giving gifts, more than I like getting them.

I'm that way too. Actually I had a supervisor once who wouldn't accept holiday gifts because she was a Jehovah's Witness and it was against her religious principles. So one day I asked her if it was OK to ever get her anything - that I really liked her as a boss and wanted to express it with something tangible somehow. The impression I got was that it was OK to get her something as long as it was not in celebration of a holiday or birthday. So around the middle of Jan. I would get her something and make sure it was not in any kind of wrapping suggestive of a holiday...and of course the gift as well.

That's true - I forgot about Jehovah's Witnesses - is it possible that could be the reason? Maybe after thinking about it, she realized it was a gift for a specific purpose and thought it would be against her religion.


Sometimes I'll give friends my gently used good clothing (designer, leather, suedes, whatever) but it's true, I've never seen one REALLY appreciate it. Now I give them to Goodwill or our local Paws 'N Claws Thrift shop where the money raised goes to the SPCA.

ok, today that shelter client went too far. i was at work (my 2nd job) and my cellphone rings. i look down and see the number for the shelter i work at calling so i answer and its HER!!! She was using the office phone there and how she got my number i don't know. I asked her what she wanted and she asked me for $20 because she doen't get her food stamps until Friday. I was so infuriated I couldn't say anything, I simply hung up. Then she called back about an hour later I think using a different line and I did not even answer. I can't believe the audacity that she 1. would call me personally. and 2. call me on an offiice phones where i'm sure other co-workers of mine potentially overheard the call and will now get ideas in their head! Unbelievable!

Wow - unfortunately, lesson learned here. I wouldn't ever again offer a client anything again. Sad that she has to wreck it for possibly others, but that's getting to be almost like a stalker!

Do your donating through channels so you're unknown to the recipient.

God bless your generosity tho. ;)

I worked for a state agency, and we couldn't accept gifts from clients that had a value of more than $25. I had a boss for years whom I adored. For Christmas and her birthday, I would make a donation in her name to the American Cancer Society. She lost her mother and other members of her family to cancer, so she really appreciated the gesture. The ACS would send her a card informing her, but I would write it on her card. She really appreciated it. She made probably three times my salary, so I figured the last thing she needed was something she could buy for herself.

ok, today that shelter client went too far. i was at work (my 2nd job) and my cellphone rings. i look down and see the number for the shelter i work at calling so i answer and its HER!!! She was using the office phone there and how she got my number i don't know. I asked her what she wanted and she asked me for $20 because she doen't get her food stamps until Friday. I was so infuriated I couldn't say anything, I simply hung up. Then she called back about an hour later I think using a different line and I did not even answer. I can't believe the audacity that she 1. would call me personally. and 2. call me on an offiice phones where i'm sure other co-workers of mine potentially overheard the call and will now get ideas in their head! Unbelievable!
that's outrageous. what a leech.

ok, today that shelter client went too far. i was at work (my 2nd job) and my cellphone rings. i look down and see the number for the shelter i work at calling so i answer and its HER!!! She was using the office phone there and how she got my number i don't know. I asked her what she wanted and she asked me for $20 because she doen't get her food stamps until Friday. I was so infuriated I couldn't say anything, I simply hung up. Then she called back about an hour later I think using a different line and I did not even answer. I can't believe the audacity that she 1. would call me personally. and 2. call me on an offiice phones where i'm sure other co-workers of mine potentially overheard the call and will now get ideas in their head! Unbelievable!

This client is OVER THE TOP. Calling you on your personal phone! Since you imply this is confidential you need to find out how this pushy (I'm being kind!) person got this info. Can you speak to your boss at the shelter about her? Just asking. Maybe the client needs to be disciplined or dropped from the program. Her behavior has defintitely gone too far and it sounds like she's breaking some kind of rule(s). Let me know how things turn out.

This client is OVER THE TOP. Calling you on your personal phone! Since you imply this is confidential you need to find out how this pushy (I'm being kind!) person got this info. Can you speak to your boss at the shelter about her? Just asking. Maybe the client needs to be disciplined or dropped from the program. Her behavior has defintitely gone too far and it sounds like she's breaking some kind of rule(s). Let me know how things turn out.
i agree, she really shouldn't be getting away with that.

This client is OVER THE TOP. Calling you on your personal phone! Since you imply this is confidential you need to find out how this pushy (I'm being kind!) person got this info. Can you speak to your boss at the shelter about her? Just asking. Maybe the client needs to be disciplined or dropped from the program. Her behavior has defintitely gone too far and it sounds like she's breaking some kind of rule(s). Let me know how things turn out.


Yeah, I was actually thinking the same thing. You don't want her to get cutoff food stamps, but at the same time, there need to be boundries.

Let us know.

Yeah, I was actually thinking the same thing. You don't want her to get cutoff food stamps, but at the same time, there need to be boundries.

Let us know.
i will definately be making my boss aware of this when i see her tomorrow morning. this has been happening a lot over there as you can expect since it is a homeless shelter. but to make the picture a little clearer for you all its a shelter AND subsidized apartments all in the same building. we're used to the people in the actual shelter asking us for money but the girl thats asking me for money is in one of the subsidized apartments.

to get an apartment you have to agree to pay 30% of your income as your rent, you also have to be independent - meaning paying for your own utilities, phone, groceries etc. without asking the shelter for assisstance on these responsibilities (although because they do have limited income they are allowed to be included in donations like clothes/baby supplies/houseware and xmas toys but NOT food). but you don't necessarily need to have a job to get an apartment - your income could be soc. sec. disability, sect. 8, unemployment etc. which is what this girl is living on. she pays $40 a month for rent for a 3 bedroom apartment. you also have to be productive by doing 20 hours a week in either being employed, volunteering or going to school which she was just giving a warning as shes lived there 3 months now and has not done her 20 hrs a week ever. anyway those are the basic guidelines of getting an apartment there.

lately 2 people in different apartments have been asking staff for money (which is against the rules as they are supposed to be independent)although i feel that the girl i'm talking about is singling me out in particular because i gave her those 2 things and she now sees me as a soft touch. so i will be talking to my boss tomorrow about this.

$40 a month for a 3 bedroom and she's bumming money still?

Tell her about a single woman who's unemployed, fighting illness and still having to pay $1500 plus utilities and her own food and clothing. My God, when are people going to stop being panhandling mooches.

Maybe rather than phoning people to bum things, she should be looking for a job fulltime - like I am.

i know thats the sad part isn't it cathie? someone who's as deserving as you, being the kind, gentle soul you are, who is truly in a bind by things that have occurrred beyond your control and who genuinely needs a break (not saying you ever asked for anything but you certainly deserve everything good) and here's a person getting breaks left and right and is still so greedy!!! it just gets me!

i know thats the sad part isn't it cathie? someone who's as deserving as you, being the kind, gentle soul you are, who is truly in a bind by things that have occurrred beyond your control and who genuinely needs a break (not saying you ever asked for anything but you certainly deserve everything good) and here's a person getting breaks left and right and is still so greedy!!! it just gets me!


Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining at all - but it does get to you when people like that are getting help from all around them, and they still want more and more. Or worse, take advantage of the system.

18 years ago, my mom and I were living together on two women's salaries (so you know it wasn't much). We moved out of the city to get an apt. that we could afford that didn't have cockroaches (Oh the nightmares I could tell you about living with them). We worked hard and I took upgrading courses constantly so I could get promoted and paid better. My mom then went on permanent disability with a terminal illness. Next thing we know, they've changed our apt. building into "subsidized housing". Here we are, paying $900 a month in rent and we find out there's people in the same building paying only $250 a month because they were on welfare. Turns out this one woman actually was living with her boyfriend who owned his own trucking business, she's pulling in welfare and he's making about $75 an hour. More than my mom and I combined. Then we get a notice that in order for the building to do this, they'd have to increase OUR rent to $1115 a month. That's when we up and left. Plus, the building started to go downhill of course. Our car was broken into, ransacked and robbed and we started to see cockroaches again.

I learned long ago there is no justice in this world - you have to roll with the punches 'cause there's always some weasel out there who'll take advantage and a stupid government who'll let it happen.

thank you cathie for sharing that! i feel the same way you do. although i've never had to endure the situations you had to i am hard working as well and see in my job everyday how these people milk the system while the ordinary working man who puts in an honest day suffers for it. its hard because people often get mad at me if i say anything bad about the shelter/apartment clients because its not pc (politically correct) to say anything negative about those less fortunate.

granted there are those in our program who've taken advantage of it (in a good way) to improve their lives and ultimately be independent. but the majority are in it for a free ride. they will do or say anything to get into one of our apartments and then not follow through in meeting the criteria of the program.

sadly to say my aunt is one who takes advantage of the system. she lives in gov. housing, her rent is $50 a month for a 2 bedroom apt., she gets food stamps, she gets state health insurance and works on the sly as a bail bondsman making a thousand a week. (she gives phony soc. sec. no.s to her employers)every week she goes on a shopping spree to old navy!! makes me sick!

Sad but true - there are people who get away with milking the system every day. I work in a law firm and sometimes see women come in who are (supposedly) on public assistance but come in to see my bosses with unbelivable manicures, pedicures and hairdos! Kinda makes me scratch my head.

When I was in college, my parents were paying for me when my dad got laid off after a 30-year stint at a car dealership. There was another girl whose mom and dad were working. We both applied for finanical aid - I was rejected because my dad made $50.00 too much in his unemployment compensation (even tho my mom was not working and my brother was still living with us), while the other girl (who was an only child) got full benefits! Makes ya wonder...

Punky, as far as the leech goes, I'd step right up and tell her to stop. If she persists after that, I would let the housing group know what she's been doing. She might get kicked out of the program, but maybe that's what's best for her at this point. Good luck!

- Joni

People who milk the welfare system make me sick. I mean, I can definately understand if you need to be on it to help you get a new job/get back on your feet. The bingo hall that I volunteer at has people that are on welfare come in and spend big amounts on playing bingo. Then they cry because they cant afford groceries or pay their rent.