Frank Gannucci
10-10-2008, 09:32 AM
"Vacation At Fred's Landing":
Ed (looking at a map): "Here's New York City, that is where we started from. Then we go through the Lincoln Tunnel. This black dot here is Jersey City. This black dot here is Bayoone."
Ralph: "Well, Bayoone moving. That's an ant."
Ed: "Let's follow the ant. He looks like he knows where he is going."
"Hair To A Fortune":
(Ralph toakes the towl off of Mr. Mitchell's head to reveal that the formula made him lose hair. Mr. doesen't know it yet.)
Ralph: "You sure look younger."
Ed: "About 8 days old."
"A Woman's Work Is Never Done":
Ed: "I got a solution on how we should remove the dresser. The drawers are probably filled with junk."
Ralph: "That's not a bad idea."
(Ed takes the drawers and puts them on top of the dresser.)
Ralph: "Okay, let's go."
"Two-Family Car":
(Alice cleans the fire escape and the mop fell off the rod. It landed on Ralph.)
Alice: "I see that you found my mop."
Ralph: "What this? This one of those new Italian haircuts."
"Man In The Blue Suit":
(Ed is ripping up his jacket just so he would look like a bum to get his suit back from the Help The Needy Society.)
Ralph: "I paid $8 for this jacket."
Ed: "Would you stop being so penny wise and half a pound foolish? You need to get the $73 from that jacket's pocket. $8 from $73 is, uh...You got a lot left over."
"The Loudspeaker":
Ralph: "What silly lodge? There's nothing silly about the Raccoons Alice."
Ed: "That's right Alice, there's nothing silly about that organization at all. The Raccoons do some worthwhile things here in this community. How 'bout that old clothes drive we had last year? Boy did we collect old clothes, and good old clothes too! Where do you think I got this here cashmere vest?"
"A Dog's Life":
(Ralph is at the dog pound. He just gave back Alice's dog. He later fell in love with it.)
Ralph: "Is my dog going to get a good home?"
Man: "I hope so."
Ralph: "What do you mean by that?"
Man: "We have several dogs who are only supposed to be here for four days. We got several who are over the limit."
Ralph: "What happens to the dogs who are over the limit?"
Man: "They have to be destoryed."
Ralph: "You mean to tell me that the dog I just gave back is going to be destroyed?" (going into the room where all the dogs are, yells): "WAIT A MINUTE!"
"Movies Are Better Than Ever":
Trixie: "This set is Ed's legally."
Ralph: "Oh, so it's legally his. It's legally his. What law school did you go to? I was unaware that they had a law school at Minsky's."
"Be It Ever So Humble":
(Ralph is ready to paint the Norton's apartment.)
Ed: "I want the walls to be brown. Not as dark as a hazel-nut brown. Not as brown as morbid milk brown. There's a certain way that the sun at Coney Island has a way of striking the a hot dog's mustard which reflects off the hot dog through the sauerkraut. That's the kind of brown that I want."
Ralph: "What about the moldings and window frames?"
Ed: "I sort of visualize them as a misty gray. Did you see that technicolor movie with Ricardo Cortez. I want the grey from his eyes. Not the iris part of his eyes, but the cornea."
Ralph: "That kind of grey huh? What about the door?"
Ed: "The door I haven't really thought to much about."
Ralph: "I think it should be something neutral so it doesn't clash with anything."
Ed: "Good thinking. It should be a delicate badge. Not a harsh badge, just a neutral delicate badge."
Ralph: "Let me see if I got all this right. You want the walls to be a brown like the sun striking through the mustard and saurkraut on a hot dog. You want the moldings and window frames to be the gray of Robert Cortez's eyes. Not the iris, but the cornea and you want the door to be a nice delicate badge."
Ed: "Yeah."
Ralph: "I'm painting the whole joint green."
Now on for my skit:
(The Kramdens & Nortons are taking a boat trip around New York Harbor.)
Ralph: “Boy, isn’t it great that the New York is organizing this in honor of Columbus Day?”
Ed: “Yeah, it is. What a pleasure. I get to see the same water that flows right through my job.”
(Ralph rolls his eyes.)
Ralph: “Yeah Norton, you do.”
Ed: “If I was only alive when Columbus was alive, I could tell him what an honor it is to have him sailing right on the waters that flow right through my sewer.”
Ralph: “Norton, you are something else. Anyway, just think. When Columbus set sail, many people thought that the world was flat and he would literally fall off the face of the earth if he tried to set sail. If I was Columbus and Alice was one of the believers that thought the world was round, I would prove her wrong. Just like I prove her wrong all the time.”
Ed: “You would have to order a whole lot of food on that boat because honestly Ralph, I can’t see you eating the exact same amount that Columbus ate.”
Ralph: “Ooooh, you are a riot Norton. A real riot.”
Ed: “I would love to be on that boat with you. I could tell you what type of things typically flow through which Italian sewer.”
(Ralph rolls his eyes.)
Ed: “I wonder what it was like for Chris to see the Statue of Liberty when he came here.”
Ralph: “Norton, you are a dope. The Statue of Liberty was not around in 1492, but in 1776.”
(Audience laughs loudly.)
Ed: “Oh.”
Ralph: “Just think, there would be no America if it wasn’t for Christopher Columbus.”
Alice (walking by): “There would be no Christopher Columbus if it wasn’t for his mother.”
Ralph: “AND his father too. Women can’t have babies by themselves you know. They need help from the men if you know what I mean.”
Alice: “And vice-versa.”
Ralph: “I wonder why men can’t have that gift that they can’t have babies.”
Ed: “I think if men look at you Ralph, they may think that you are with child.”
Ralph (yells): “DO YOU WANT TO GO TO SATURN NORTON?”
Ed: “Back to Christopher Columbus. I am sure glad that he discovered America.”
Ralph: “Me too.”
(Ralph, Alice & Ed sing a song about Christopher Columbus.)
(Audience cheers as Jackie Gleason walks on stage.)
Jackie: “Thank you. How sweet it is.”
(Audience cheers.)
Jackie: “As usual, the Miami Beach audiences are the best and I sure wish that Christopher Columbus came here instead of New York.”
(Audience cheers louder.)
Jackie (yells): “GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE!”
(The end.)
Ed (looking at a map): "Here's New York City, that is where we started from. Then we go through the Lincoln Tunnel. This black dot here is Jersey City. This black dot here is Bayoone."
Ralph: "Well, Bayoone moving. That's an ant."
Ed: "Let's follow the ant. He looks like he knows where he is going."
"Hair To A Fortune":
(Ralph toakes the towl off of Mr. Mitchell's head to reveal that the formula made him lose hair. Mr. doesen't know it yet.)
Ralph: "You sure look younger."
Ed: "About 8 days old."
"A Woman's Work Is Never Done":
Ed: "I got a solution on how we should remove the dresser. The drawers are probably filled with junk."
Ralph: "That's not a bad idea."
(Ed takes the drawers and puts them on top of the dresser.)
Ralph: "Okay, let's go."
"Two-Family Car":
(Alice cleans the fire escape and the mop fell off the rod. It landed on Ralph.)
Alice: "I see that you found my mop."
Ralph: "What this? This one of those new Italian haircuts."
"Man In The Blue Suit":
(Ed is ripping up his jacket just so he would look like a bum to get his suit back from the Help The Needy Society.)
Ralph: "I paid $8 for this jacket."
Ed: "Would you stop being so penny wise and half a pound foolish? You need to get the $73 from that jacket's pocket. $8 from $73 is, uh...You got a lot left over."
"The Loudspeaker":
Ralph: "What silly lodge? There's nothing silly about the Raccoons Alice."
Ed: "That's right Alice, there's nothing silly about that organization at all. The Raccoons do some worthwhile things here in this community. How 'bout that old clothes drive we had last year? Boy did we collect old clothes, and good old clothes too! Where do you think I got this here cashmere vest?"
"A Dog's Life":
(Ralph is at the dog pound. He just gave back Alice's dog. He later fell in love with it.)
Ralph: "Is my dog going to get a good home?"
Man: "I hope so."
Ralph: "What do you mean by that?"
Man: "We have several dogs who are only supposed to be here for four days. We got several who are over the limit."
Ralph: "What happens to the dogs who are over the limit?"
Man: "They have to be destoryed."
Ralph: "You mean to tell me that the dog I just gave back is going to be destroyed?" (going into the room where all the dogs are, yells): "WAIT A MINUTE!"
"Movies Are Better Than Ever":
Trixie: "This set is Ed's legally."
Ralph: "Oh, so it's legally his. It's legally his. What law school did you go to? I was unaware that they had a law school at Minsky's."
"Be It Ever So Humble":
(Ralph is ready to paint the Norton's apartment.)
Ed: "I want the walls to be brown. Not as dark as a hazel-nut brown. Not as brown as morbid milk brown. There's a certain way that the sun at Coney Island has a way of striking the a hot dog's mustard which reflects off the hot dog through the sauerkraut. That's the kind of brown that I want."
Ralph: "What about the moldings and window frames?"
Ed: "I sort of visualize them as a misty gray. Did you see that technicolor movie with Ricardo Cortez. I want the grey from his eyes. Not the iris part of his eyes, but the cornea."
Ralph: "That kind of grey huh? What about the door?"
Ed: "The door I haven't really thought to much about."
Ralph: "I think it should be something neutral so it doesn't clash with anything."
Ed: "Good thinking. It should be a delicate badge. Not a harsh badge, just a neutral delicate badge."
Ralph: "Let me see if I got all this right. You want the walls to be a brown like the sun striking through the mustard and saurkraut on a hot dog. You want the moldings and window frames to be the gray of Robert Cortez's eyes. Not the iris, but the cornea and you want the door to be a nice delicate badge."
Ed: "Yeah."
Ralph: "I'm painting the whole joint green."
Now on for my skit:
(The Kramdens & Nortons are taking a boat trip around New York Harbor.)
Ralph: “Boy, isn’t it great that the New York is organizing this in honor of Columbus Day?”
Ed: “Yeah, it is. What a pleasure. I get to see the same water that flows right through my job.”
(Ralph rolls his eyes.)
Ralph: “Yeah Norton, you do.”
Ed: “If I was only alive when Columbus was alive, I could tell him what an honor it is to have him sailing right on the waters that flow right through my sewer.”
Ralph: “Norton, you are something else. Anyway, just think. When Columbus set sail, many people thought that the world was flat and he would literally fall off the face of the earth if he tried to set sail. If I was Columbus and Alice was one of the believers that thought the world was round, I would prove her wrong. Just like I prove her wrong all the time.”
Ed: “You would have to order a whole lot of food on that boat because honestly Ralph, I can’t see you eating the exact same amount that Columbus ate.”
Ralph: “Ooooh, you are a riot Norton. A real riot.”
Ed: “I would love to be on that boat with you. I could tell you what type of things typically flow through which Italian sewer.”
(Ralph rolls his eyes.)
Ed: “I wonder what it was like for Chris to see the Statue of Liberty when he came here.”
Ralph: “Norton, you are a dope. The Statue of Liberty was not around in 1492, but in 1776.”
(Audience laughs loudly.)
Ed: “Oh.”
Ralph: “Just think, there would be no America if it wasn’t for Christopher Columbus.”
Alice (walking by): “There would be no Christopher Columbus if it wasn’t for his mother.”
Ralph: “AND his father too. Women can’t have babies by themselves you know. They need help from the men if you know what I mean.”
Alice: “And vice-versa.”
Ralph: “I wonder why men can’t have that gift that they can’t have babies.”
Ed: “I think if men look at you Ralph, they may think that you are with child.”
Ralph (yells): “DO YOU WANT TO GO TO SATURN NORTON?”
Ed: “Back to Christopher Columbus. I am sure glad that he discovered America.”
Ralph: “Me too.”
(Ralph, Alice & Ed sing a song about Christopher Columbus.)
(Audience cheers as Jackie Gleason walks on stage.)
Jackie: “Thank you. How sweet it is.”
(Audience cheers.)
Jackie: “As usual, the Miami Beach audiences are the best and I sure wish that Christopher Columbus came here instead of New York.”
(Audience cheers louder.)
Jackie (yells): “GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE!”
(The end.)