GROUCHO (as Professor Wagstaff): Now then, baboons .. What is a corpuscle?
CHICO: That's easy. First there's a captain .. Then there's a lieutenant ..
Then there's a corpuscle!

PRETTY GIRL: You're awfully shy for a lawyer.
GROUCHO: You bet I'm shy--I'm a shyster lawyer!

GROUCHO: You may think me a sentimental ol' fluff, but could I have a lock of
your hair?
PRETTY GIRL: A lock of my hair?
GROUCHO: I'm letting you off easy ... I was gonna ask for the whole wig!

GROUCHO (as Professor Wagstaff): Dean, why don't you go home to your
wife? I'll tell you what, I'll go home to your wife and, outside of the
improvement, she'll never know the difference!

GROUCHO (the big-game hunter): One morning I shot an elephant in my
pajamas .. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know. Then we tried to remove
the tusks, but they were embedded in so firmly that we couldn't budge them.
Of course, in Alabama, the tuskaloosa! But that's entirely irrelephant to what I was talking about ...

GROUCHO (pointing to a globe): From this peninsula, there's a viaduct
leading over to the mainland ...
CHICO: Why-a duck? Why-a no chicken?
GROUCHO: I don't know why-a no chicken. I'm a stranger here myself. You
cross over a chicken and you'll know why-a duck. Look, Rube, it's deep
water. That's why-a duck! .. Suppose you had a horse and you wanted
to ford over--You couldn't make it, it's too deep!
CHICO: So what do you want with a Ford if you got a horse?
GROUCHO: I was only fooling ... They're gonna build a tunnel there in
the morning. Now is that clear to you?
CHICO: Everything except why-a duck.

Groucho - The gates swung open and a Fig Newton entered!

Groucho - Pardon me while I have a strange interlude...

Groucho - How would you like to feel the way she looks?

:groucho