"Ralph's Sweet Tooth":

Alice: "I read in a magazine once that 50% of pain is mental. 50% of that toothache is here (brain). The other 50% is here (mouth).

Ralph: "For your information, 100% of it is here (mouth). There is nothing up there (brain)."

"Love Letter":

Ralph: "A belt? Pretty small gift."

Alice: "Not with what you have to wrap it around."

"Stars Over Flatbush":

Ed: "I was born under the sign of Pieces the fish."

Ralph: "You were born under the sign of Pistachio the Nut."

"Young At Heart":

Alice: "I want to do the things that young people do. That is what makes you young."

Ralph: "You want to do that? Let's play games that young people play. Let's play house. I will be the daddy and you will be the mommy. All right Mommy CLEAN UP!""Sleepy Time Gal":

Ed: "Trixie, you want to get upstairs to get some beefsteak?"

Trixie: "Why?"

Ed: "To put it on a black eye."

Trixie: "What black eye?"

Ed: "The one you are going to get if you don't go upstairs and put a
beefsteak on it."

"Alice & The Blonde":

Ralph: "It just so happens that the Raccoon Lodge is going through a
financial crisis. And I'm the Treasurer Alice, I'm responsible. If I don't get some money into that treasury you know what might happen? The Bensonhurst chapter of the Raccoon Lodge may no longer be! Do you know what that means?"

Alice: "Yeah, real estate values in Bensonhurst will go up 100%."

"In Twenty-Five Words Or Less":

Ed: "Why don't you name the dog Ralph? This way, not only can people call him, dogs can call him too. Oh Ralph! Ralph! Ralph! Ralph!"

(Ed barks like a dog and scares Ralph.)

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT! GET OUT!"

"Nephew of The Bride":

(Ralph tries to open the window to get Aunt Ethel's milk.)

Ethel: "Pull harder."

Ralph: "If I pull any harder, I will lift the building off the ground."