"Hello Mom":

Ralph: "Cream-chipped beef again?"

Alice: "Ya, but I fixed it a new way, Ralph. I got the recipe out of a movie magazine. Its Ricardo Cortez's favorite."

Ralph: "Well, I hope when Ricardo gets here tonight he enjoys it!"

"A Matter of Pride":

Ralph: "I'm going to learn how to swallow my pride."

Ed: "That shouldn't be too hard. You learned how to swallow everything else."

"The Worry Wart":

Ralph: "Now why do you think I would put my weight down on my income tax report?"

Ed: "How should I know? You are the one that is being investigated."

"Teamwork Beats The Clock":

Ralph: "How could I get there as fast as you Alice?"

Ed: "Take off 90 pounds."

"Teamwork Beats The Clock":

Ralph: "What kind of a mind must a man have to put a lit cigarette in a sink loaded with balloons?"

Ed: "What kind of mind must you have to have a sink full of balloons?"

"Peacemaker":

Alice: "Why don't you take advantage of the time you have now and go to sleep."

Ralph: "You're right. Sorry I yelled at you. Good night."

(Ralph goes to the bedroom. The alarm clock rings. It's 5am. time to go to work for Ralph. Ralph brings the alarm clock out and has a weird look on his face while Audrey tries her best not to laugh.)

Ralph (yells): "IT'S FIVE O' CLOCK. IT'S FIVE O' CLOCK."

"Ralph Kramden Presents":

Ralph: "Now what we have to do is wait for Mr. Gleason to show up."

Ed: "That could be kind of tough. With the way that he's built, it's hard to tell if he's coming or going."

"Ralph Kramden Presents":

(The Raccoons just got otld some misinformation that Ralph knows Jackie Gleason.)

Ralph: "Do you remember the last time that the Raccoons were this happy?"

Alice: "Yeah, the time that you told them that you knew Rudy Valee."

"Sleepy Time Gal":

Ralph: "Norton, do you like the furniture here?"

Ed: "Yeah."

Ralph (to Alice): "There you are."

Ed: "Of course. I don't live here."