"Dinner Guest":

(Freddie Muller, Ralph's boss, is visiting along with his wife.)

Ralph (to Alice): "Why did you have to tell that joke? I must have a million better jokes. I don't even know where I got that joke."

Freddie Muller: "I told you that joke the other day."

"Norton Moves In":

Ed (coming in with a folding cot): "Hello folks! I hope we didn't disturb your sleep."

Ralph: "No, you didn't disturb my sleep. I always get up at 3am. That way, I can get a seat on the subway on the way to work."

"A Weighty Problem Part 1":

Ralph: "Norton, how could I lose a couple of inches in height in a few hours?"

Ed: "Maybe all that food you ate made you shorter in height."

"Out of Sight, Out of Mind":

(Ralph is trying to break his friendship with Ed just so he [Ralph] would be more calm.)

Ralph: "Can you take a hint?"

Ed: "Yes."

Ralph: "All right." (yells): "I HATE YOU! HATE YOU! HATE YOU! HATE YOU! NOW GET OUT."

Ed: "Okay, what's the hint?"

"People's Choice" (Color version):

Ralph: "What am I supposed to say?"

Policeman: "'Knuckles, it's you.'"

(The policeman hides out in the bedroom.)

(Knuckles enters through the front door. Ralph greets him.)

Ralph: "Na na na na. Na na na na."

(Ed comes in.)

Ed: "Knuckles, it's you."

"Mama Loves Mambo":

Alice: "You seem to have forgotten that I am a woman."

Ralph: "I forgot that you are a woman? How could I? You are always yappin'."

"Unconventional Behavior":

Ed: "Ralph?"

Ralph: "What?"

Ed: "Mind if I smoke?"

Ralph: "I don't care if you burn."

"Sleepy Time Gal":

(Alice is in the phone booth but the boys don't know that it is her in there.)

Ed: "I got a plan to get her out of this booth. Across the street, there's a barber shop and in there there's a phone booth. We go in there, call here and tell this woman to come home immediately. It's urgent. She leaves. We come in here to call up the hypnotist."

Ralph: "Did you just say to go across the street, call here, tell this lady to come home and then come back here to use this phone?" (yells): "I NEVER HEARD ANYTHING MORE STUPID IN MY LIFE. THIS PHONE WOULD BE BUSY IF WE DID THAT."

"Ralph Kramden Inc.":

Ralph: "Are you sure that that suitcase can hold $40,000,000. Why don't you cut pieces of paper into the shape of dollars bills and find out?"

(Ed opens up his case to reveal that he did just that.)

Ed: "Small details."