(The Pittsburgh Penguins wonEastern Conference Semifinals 4 games to 1 by beating the NY Rangers 3-2.)

(Ralph is sad.)

Ralph: "I can't believe it. The Rangers had the game right in the palm of their hands and they blew it in overtime no less."

(Ed comes down.)

Ed: "Hey Ralph. It was a dark, dark day."

Ralph: "You can say that again Norton. I can't believe that those Rangers lost. They had the Penguins."

Ed: "So much for the Rangers. Now the Penguins have got Happy Feet."

(Ed starts dancing like one of the penguisn in the movie Happy Feet.)

Ralph (yells): "STOP THAT!"

Ed: "Sorry Ralph."

Ralph: "Now, I have to hear from that BUM Joe Fenstablau tomorrow. He was, as usual, going against popular demand in sports. He always wants the New York/New Jersey teams to lose. Well, if I hear him brag once, I will shut him up."

Ed: "Ralph, I don't know about you, but I am at least happy that the Rangers made it this far. I am smiling and you should be too. It's easy to smile when things are going good. Now, it's a challenge. We have to smile even if the Rangers never win a Stanley Cup. Even if any New York/New Jersey team never makes the playoffs as long as the world is in existance."

Ralph (yells): "GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT!"

(Ed leaves.)

Ralph: "What a mental nut."

(Jackie Gleason walks on stage. Audience applauds.)

Jackie: "Thank you. The Miami Beach audiences are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Audience cheers moreso.)

"Man In The Blue Suit":

(Ed is ripping up his jacket just so he would look like a bum to get his suit back from the Help The Needy Society.)

Ralph: "I paid $8 for this jacket."

Ed: "Would you stop being so penny wise and half a pound foolish? You need to get the $73 from that jacket's pocket. $8 from $73 is, uh...You got a lot left over."

"Jellybeans":

Ed: "I was in a contest once. You had to name all the states. I got gyped out of the first prize. I named 66 states, the winner only named 48."

Ralph: "You are a mental case."

"Ralph Kramden Inc.":

Alice: "I burned my figner on that darned stove."

Ralph: "If you are not burning yourself, it's my food."

"Ralph Kramden Inc.":

Ed: "Hey, what kind of peanut butter is that? Is that the crunchy kind?"

Ralph: "Yes, it's the crunchy kind and I can prove it to you. When this jar hits your head, you'll hear a crunch."

"On Stage":

Ralph: "That shows how much you know about show business. You're always talking about something you don't know anything about. Just remember this: Gregory Peck was an usher at the Music Hall, you know, when they found him, and Kurt Douglas was a soda jerk. So, there's a chance for me."

Alice: "Sure, you can become an usher at the Music Hall or a soda jerk!"

"Finders Keepers":

Ralph: "I'll get the $300 Alice. I'll get the $300 if I have to sell everything in this house."

Alice: "That's a good start but what are you going to do about the other $280?"

"Ralph Kramden Presents":

Ed: "Have I seen you once?"

Jean Kean (as herself): "I don't believe so."

Ed: "Did you ever work in the sewer?"

"Six Months To Live":

Ralph: "That does it Norton. In six months, I will be dead."

Ed: "Don't get so upset. Doctos can be wrong to you know. Take a friend of mine for instance. The doctor gave him six months to live. Boy, did he make a monkey out of that doctor."

Ralph: "What happened?"

Ed: "He lived for almost eight months."

"Follow The Boys":

(Alice wants to go to the movies but Ralph doesn't want him to go. He has to go bowling for the Hurricanes.)

Ralph: "The hurricanes need me."

Alice: "I feel very sorry for the Hurricanes because the biggest wind of them all is not going to be there."