Dial J For Janitor”:

Ralph (sarcastically): “I hope you realize that water always recedes its level.”

Ed: “Yes, we have heard rumors to that effect down the sewer.”

“Young Man With A Horn”:

Alice: “Stand back Ed. This is liable to be messy.”

Ralph: “You are about to be messy in about five seconds from now.”


“Funny Money”:

Ralph: “One of these days, you are going to push me too far.”

Alice’s Mom: “The only thing that can push you is a bulldozer.”

“Songwriters”:

Ralph: “We need a piano just as much as we need a refrigerator.”

Alice: “Okay. From now on, you can take your supper out of the piano.”

“Songwriters”:

(Ralph is unwrapping the package that contains the piano while Alice is watching.)

Ralph: “I thought you would say: ‘Ralph, get rid of that piano.’”

Alice: “Ralph, get rid of that piano.”

"In Twenty-Five Words or Less":

Ed: "Hey, why don't you name the dog 'Ralph'?"

Ralph: "'Ralph?'"

Ed: "Yeah, that way not only people can call him, dogs can call him. Ralph. Ralph."

(Ed makes barking sounds.)

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT!"

"Out of Sight, Out of Mind":

(Ralph is at the psychiatrist's office.)

Doctor (to Ralph): "You are going to like this. This is fun. This is an aptitude test."

Ed: "Can three people play?"

"Lost Baby":

Alice: "What was a baby doing on your bus?"

Ralph: "You don't expect a baby this young to walk do you?"

"Life Upon The Wicked Stage":

Alice: "My mother was offered to appear in silent pictures but she turned it down so she can have a family."

Ralph: "For your information, the reason why your mother was not in silent pictures was because she couldn't keep silent."