"Stars Over Flatbush":

Freddie Muller: "Why don't you stop by Ralph? The party will be going from 9p-12am on Friday night."

Ed: "That includes 11:30p, doesn't it?"

"On Stage":

Ed (reading): "'I don't possess a mansion, a vila in France, a yacht or a string of poloponies.'"

Ralph (reading): "'I feel very...'" (not reading): "'String of poloponies?'"

Ed (as Ralph looks at Ed's script): "Yes, it says so right here."

Ralph (yells): "THAT'S A STRING OF POLO PONIES."

"On Stage":

Ralph: "Are you sure you can type faster than me?"

Ed: 'With boxing gloves on."

"$99,000 Answer":

Alice: "Trixie was down here and she said that she saw you on the show."

Ralph: "She was? Well, what did she think of me?"

Alice: "Well, she said that you are the biggest thing on TV."

"The Prowler":

(Ralph moves all the furniture that he piled up against the door to let Ed in.)

Ed: "Ralph, there is a prowler loose in the building. You better pile up some furniture up aganst the door."

Ralph: "Thank you, but I have already done that."

Ed: "Then, how did I get in?"

"The Prowler":

Ed: "Trixie is armed. She is standing near the door with a frying pan."

Ralph: "That is no weapon."

Ed: "It is when she cooks."

"Ralph Kramden Presents":

Ed: "There are certain things that you can't tell people certain
things to, but I will understand."

Ralph: "Thank you pal."

Ed: "You know me. 'Ol Ed Norton. 'Ol true blue. Tell me. It will make no difference on how I feel towards you."

Ralph: "Wehn I said that I can get Jackie Gleason to the dance, I lied. I don't know him."

Ed: "You dirty rat."

"Curse of The Kramdens":

Man: "Did your mitther come from Ireland?"

Ed: "I don't know. What is a mitther?"

Ralph: "When he says mitther, he means mother."

Ed: "No. Neither did my sitther or my britther."

"You're In The Picture":

Ralph: "I cut myself shaving this morning."

Alice: "You cut yourself shaving this morning and you are now starting to bleed?"

Ed: "Well, with the way Ralph is built, it takes a long time for his blood to reach the surface."