DTF955
04-19-2008, 08:02 PM
Cheers: Choices Chapter One
Clothed in a dark brown suit with matching tie and pants, hippoesque Norm Peterson strode happily into the bar. He looked forward to his bar stool at the other end of the room. "Hey, everyone," he remarked casually, his extreme paunch almost bobbing as he spoke.
"Norm!" came the cacophony of cries from the "Cheers" crowd, expressing the happiness bar owner and ex-Red Sox pitcher Sam Malone tried to spread to all his patrons. The still dark-haired Sam stood behind the bar cleaning glasses, and sat one in front of Norm's customary spot.
Norm sat and greeted the other bartender, blond-haired Woody Boyd. "Hey, Woody, long time, no see," came the reference to Woody having been away from the bar for some time. "Gimme a beer."
Woody wrinkled his nose in the familiar, confused way. "Beer, what's that?"
Sam concealed a smirk, reminding himself to stay focused. "Yeah, is that a new drink?"
Norm grinned, accustomed to a few light jokes. However, he knew that the tenders of a bar knew better. "Okay, come on, guys, you know what beer is."
Woody shook his head and remarked "we've never heard of it" before returning to converse with another patron.
"You sure you're feeling okay?" came a serpent-tongued waitress named Carla, with numerous last names, as she walked past him with a tray.
"Come on, guys, beer," Norm emphasized, wondering if everyone was suddenly hard of hearing. "On tap, in bottles, in cans. It's all over," reported the very befuddled man. Noticing still-blank expressions, he became desperate. "Hops? Barley? Malt?" Surely they've heard of these things, Norm considered.
Norm's longtime drinking companion, postman Cliff Claven, turned to Norm. He often utilized odd - and, usually, incorrect - trivia. "The ancient Assyrians made a drink with fruit and hops." Norm's eyes expanded exponentially as he noticed Cliff's mug. "However, that combination of ingredients..."
"Cliffy, you're drinking wine," exclaimed the man. Flailing his hands, Norm raised his voice and announced: "Come on, guys, you know beer! Don'tcha?" came the almost pleading question. Any minute now I will wake up in a cold sweat, pondered Norm.
"I always drank wine," Cliff remarked. A recently arrived patron on the other end of the bar, with whom Woody had been silently conversing, wondered why wine glasses were not in use.
"If this is some new drink you found," Sam offered helpfully, "we can try and get it, but if there's not the demand..."
Sweating slightly, Norm went behind the bar. He didn't consider it sacred ground - he'd helped himself to a beer before and placed it on his fifteen-page tab a number of times. But, he did consider that only a near emergency would make him go back there. "Come on, Sam, I know you have..." He halted, seeing neither beer nor tap. He suddenly got very confused. Standing erect, he cried out: "What's happening? Have I been imagining all this?" Woody finally began snickering, only to keep from emitting a large guffaw. "I know what beer is...don't I?" he inquired, questioning his sanity. As the others exploded in laughter, Sam signaled Carla to enter his office. Nice place, the new customer observed. I should remember this place next time I need a break.
As the laughter gradually died down, Sam called out: "April Fool! Okay, Carla, bring it out, I think we've had enough fun here." Norm shook his head as he sat down and Carla brought out a cart with their beer and tap.
"We really got you on that one, Mr. Peterson," came Woody's voice amidst his giggles. I won't be able to stop laughing for weeks, the Indiana native considered.
"Yeah, well that's a very cruel trick to play on someone like me," Norm remarked. While not an alcoholic, since he did not rely on beer, nor did he drink an excess when at the bar, he did love the beverage. Norm Peterson thoroughly valued the routine of slowly having a couple glasses of beer each day. He smiled a little, imagining the work that went into the joke. "Though I guess it was kind of funny."
Carla smiled, remembering the Zima ad that had prompted the thoughts. This was the first year they'd been able to work the joke in, with all their other activities. "Yeah, we've been waiting to pull that one on you for a long time."
"It's our best April Fools' joke ever," exclaimed Sam.
"Yeah, well let's just save that for our battles with Gary's, okay?" Norm requested with a hint of insistence, referring to a rival bar near them. "So, how's things going, Woody?"
"Fine. Carla's boyfriend's coming in today," the younger man answered, trying to recall the purpose for a string around his finger. He thought he'd written a message for someone, but saw no paper.
Norm raised his eyebrows as Woody stared at the string. "Another one," he exclaimed, his beer firmly in hand. "What is this, like her five thousandth?"
Carla rebutted by remarking that "when I find a good man, he often becomes my husband awfully fast. I think this one's a keeper. Third time's the charm, that's what I say." Two customers at a table wondered why their waitress had spun away from them just as she was bringing their order.
"I thought you'd already been married more than three times," Woody admitted.
Carla nodded. "I have. And this will be the third third time," she explained, turning back to the expectant couple.
Woody whistled. He'd gained a new outlook on life with his marriage and children, among other things. He'd returned to the traditional conservative roots of his parents, just as had been predicted. He didn't totally enjoy the bar like he used to. However, he'd decided to come back and bartend once, for old times sake.
He addressed Carla. "Wow, Kelly and I have been busier with the family than we thought. I had it on either five or six."
As if on cue, Cliff picked up his mug, now filled with beer, and faced the multitude, gleefully anticipating the attention that would come his way. "Well, there were a couple three month jobs," he deadpanned, "but she's nowhere near the record. In the Umbala tribe it's not uncommon for people to be married hundreds of times in their lives. They have a very strict culture, and any physical sign of affection means the couple has to get married. That means the prior marriage is instantly annulled."
Carla shook her head, hiding a grin. Though she liked to talk tartly to them - and tended not to respect many customers, since she didn't respect herself - she couldn't help but admire Cliff's wild imagination at times. Not that he would ever know. "Man," she began, "if that was true with me I'd have been married about five million times." Wanting to keep her reputation intact, she added: "Not that I believe any of your trivia." At that moment, a rather tall lady walked into the bar with a child who came up a little past her waist.
"Hello, is Sam Malone here," inquired the woman. Woody scratched his head as Sam raised his hand.
"That's me," Sam said simply, walking out from behind the bar. The woman shook his hand, as the boy shrunk shyly away.
"Hi, I'm Linda Barnes, from Human Services," the woman explained, as Woody snapped his fingers. "And, you know Teddy." She pointed to the boy.
"Oh, that's right," Woody told Sam, "some woman called for you from Human Services." He searched his pockets for a note that would not be found. "I know I had her name around here somewhere."
Linda giggled. "That was me," she remarked. She wondered if the gentleman fumbling through his pockets was married. She saw a ring, and sighed inwardly.
Someone has a very amusing husband, she considered as Woody remarked: "My, what a coincidence." Linda enjoyed the forgetful, Colombo- type of man. Such a person might be a little more slow-witted, but that meant they couldn't take advantage of a woman, either.
Considering her boss' sexual exploits, Carla inserted: "What, you got a kid you didn't know about?"
Sam rolled his eyes slightly, but knew he'd told the people at Human Services about his past escapades, and about his having settled down a little the last few years, as he became old enough to have fathered some of the prettier women he'd seen. Hopefully, she wouldn't take that the wrong way.
Sam smiled as Linda said, "I think he'd know about it." I'd better, he thought as she looked around. "You own this bar, huh? Nice place." As orderly as the home visits the others reported, she considered.
"Yep. I make sure to get out a lot, though. I wouldn't have to be tied down to this place all the time. Norm's a very capable assistant manager." Sam smiled as he considered his genius move of a few years ago. After Rebecca had left to become a full-time housewife, he'd needed a helper. Norm, needing to pay off his tab, had been given a crash course in several areas, and soon was helping Sam, with his payments often in beer. An intriguing way to eliminate the middle man, the owner pondered.
Linda smiled graciously. "Well, I'm sure you and Teddy will have a good time." Teddy sat next to the patron to whom Woody had explained the prank, coloring in a book. He didn't mind being ignored; in fact, he was quite accustomed to it. "I know you won't keep him around this place."
Sam nodded. "A place like this isn't for kids. Plus, I don't drink with them; I can't drink myself." He knew he'd told the others that, but caseworkers often changed in midstream because of the staff turnover.
"Can't..." she began, then thought better of it. I should have recalled that, she told herself. "Oh, because of your earlier problem." Sam nodded. He wasn't averse to mentioning that he was, and always would be, a recovering alcoholic. Teddy didn't need to hear about that just then, though. "Well, that's good, Teddy's parents would go out all night and leave him alone," Linda continued sadly, in a voice so Teddy wouldn't hear.
Woody heaved a sigh as she gave Sam instructions and left, her beeper telling her an emergency had occurred. The blonde bartender considered whether the family problems would have remained hidden from Family Services had the parents not died. He couldn't bring himself to think about that, but knew they could have.
"Wait, is that it? You're just going to leave?" Sam inquired. He could tell this a dire problem in a case in which Linda worked, however, and so he allowed her to go.
"What, you volunteered to have a kid," Norm wondered, snickering.
Sam shook his head, astounded at the recent events. "Oh, no, it's one of Rebecca's friends," he commented, slightly uninterested in the details as he spoke them. "She and her husband died in some auto accident, so I'm like third in line to be guardian. But her folks're dead, and Rebecca declined, saying she couldn't afford it, and we knew 'em, so I'm supposed to watch him if her parents were dead and Rebecca said 'no.'"
Carla shook her head. "If I had a choice I might decline, too." Woody smacked his lips, wishing Carla took more joy in her family, the kind of innocent joy he and his wife, Kelly, took.
Sam continued. "I figure why not, the kid's with Human Services, but I can take care of him for a while."
Scratching his head, Woody tried to recall the last time he'd spoken with someone from that department regarding Boston area families. "Do they normally leave kids for a whole weekend if you're just watching? Sounds more like you expect it to be like with Big Brothers, where you're with him a few hours a week."
"I don't know, why," Sam inquired as he poured a drink for someone.
Woody grinned. It wasn't often that Sam proved less knowledgeable than he himself, but this was one of those time. He knew he should tell Sam before he further embarrassed himself. Walking toward the latter's office, Woody wiggled his finger and said: "Uh, Sam, can I talk to you a sec," as he considered how to approach the problem.
Puzzled, Sam followed him. "Sure, what is it," he inquired as they entered a room with a large desk and numerous photos and other mementos of Sam's days with the Red Sox. These included a jacket, cap, and baseball cards from 1973-1976, the years he was in the major leagues.
Woody explained that "the lady said this was your weekend visit, to get acquainted so you could keep him next time."
"Do they know about this...oh that's right, his folks are dead," Sam recalled.
Woody giggled at the irony of the situation, but knew he should have expected it. His work with Human Services while on City Council had exposed him to many things that Sam, being averse to volunteering himself, would not know.
"Man, you're sounding as dumb as me," Woody teased, showing a toothy grin as Sam continued to look around in puzzlement.
"Must be the effects of that April Fools' joke," Sam noted, trying to avoid the subject. "We're all getting turned around."
Woody continued to elaborate. "The lady I talked to said you'd been approved for home placement, leading to your adopting him. I've had a lot of contact with Childrens' Services as a councilman, that's how I know this stuff. If a will names you guardian," concluded the man, "you become the parent."
Woody wondered how often Coach had spoken about life with Sam. Woody had taken a bartending correspondence course the elder bartender had offered, and had come to Boston to see him and look for a job. Coach having died, Woody replaced him as bartender. He knew from corresponding with Coach that he'd spent lots of time with Sam, especially while Sam recovered from his addiction to booze. Now, he perceived, perhaps he had truly achieved maturity, and was replacing Coach not just at the bar, but in other ways.
Sam held a hand near his head and walked in a sem-circle before facing Woody again. "But I thought..." he started, not ready for the type of responsibility that this realization entailed. Trying to excuse his behavior when he knew he should have known he would become a parent, he remarked: "I must have filled out the wrong forms or something."
"She said she'd had several home visits, and interviewed a few people. I even put in a few good words when they interviewed me," Woody remarked, ignoring the previous comments. He knew Sam sometimes liked to appear ready to help when he was ill-prepared, and this may have caused his problem in some small part.
"But all I wanted..." he began. What did he want? He'd wanted to be a father, certainly, but now that he was one, what? Was this another case of his needing to be more careful of what he wished? "I wondered it there was usually that much to it. Come on, let's straighten this out," he remarked as he left his office. Woody pursued him, on guard should Sam say something stupid. Since Rebecca no longer worked at "Cheers," and Carla never appeared capable, he'd found himself ensuring more and more that Sam stayed out of trouble.
As they re-entered the bar, they noticed Teddy completing a picture on a cocktail napkin. The boy, having met Sam before, showed him the picture. "Hi. Like my drawing," he inquired as Sam glanced at it.
"Yeah," came Sam's acknowledgment. "Hey, listen, ah..." the man stammered as the child looked expectantly at him. Not yet old enough to be totally cynical, the six-year-old still felt a little unease at the situation. Sam, meanwhile, saw enough of himself that it frightened him. And, while his own parents had never physically abandoned him, his father had emotionally abandoned him. Sam didn't wish this child to suffer the same fate. And, yet, he felt less and less confidence that he could pick up the pieces of this boy's life as he stared into his deep blue eyes.
"Mrs. Barnes said you useta pitch for the Red Sox," Teddy remarked excitedly, wondering if perhaps this was the way to start a relationship. He wished the adult among the two would begin a dialogue, but he'd become too used to fending for himself. "Could you teach me how to pitch?" Whining a little, he added a "pleeeese!"
Sam looked around, as if the answer were in the ceiling beams. "Yeah, sure, first I wanted to talk about this adoption thing..."
"I know you'd want me to pitch 'cause you useta pitch, right? I can do anything you want, though," came the small voice, and Sam suddenly wondered how much this kid could do.
Backing away, Sam said "yeah, sure, thanks...just a second." Ushering Woody over to a corner of the bar, Sam almost wished a former girlfriend - one of thousands - had told him she'd had his baby. At least then there would be another parent. "You gotta help me think of something," he insisted to Woody.
All at once the irony struck him, as well; he'd begun to rely on Woody the same as he had on Coach and others. All along he'd searched for some form of father figure, and he was even willing to turn to a young, still oft-naive farm kid.
Woody sighed, not knowing of Sam's desire for a male role model he could trust. If he had he might have started witnessing like some friends he knew did. He didn't know how to reach Sam, though. Working with his own kids was so much easier. Besides, charity began at home, he felt.
"Like what," Woody wondered, thinking "come on, Sam, you're older than me, you're supposed to be the one with the answers."
"I don't know," Sam remarked, shrugging his shoulders. An idea hit him like a ton of bricks, and he became excited. "Maybe you can adopt him. You and Kelly could always have another kid. He's your oldest's age, after all, or just about."
"You filled out the forms, though. The will named you," Woody remarked, though without much conviction. It was hard to say the testator clearly intended for Sam to have this child, seeing as he was third in line, but Woody knew some higher power had ordained it from the foundation of the world. People could always try to mess things up, but Woody knew God worked people and their mishaps into His plans. It was something he'd learned years ago back on the farm. He'd just forgotten it for so long.
Sam shook his head. "Yeah, but there's a big difference between a few hours a week and a lifetime of..."
Teddy walked up behind Sam and patted him on the back, requesting attention. The discussion had gone on long enough, and the boy wanted to ensure he would not be rejected. He didn't like the way this person, who was supposed to be his new father, was acting. "What?" Sam asked, turning around.
Teddy handed him the napkin with the picture, trying to endear himself. "Here, you can have this."
Sam studied it this time. "Gee, thanks...What is it?"
Teddy looked downcast, wondering if he'd done something wrong. He'd seen other parents react, and could sense that this wasn't right. "Does it hafta be something?"
Sam shook his head. The same mistake his dad had made, expecting a kid to be able to act and think just like an adult. "No, of course it doesn't have to be anything," he chastised himself. "There's probably a great big story he wants to tell, and I ask about it like it's a Picasso."
Bending down to speak, Sam consoled him. "Oh...no, no, I guess it doesn't. Come on, I'm gonna hang this in my office, then we can learn about pitching," Sam remarked, patting the boy on the head. As they went into Sam's office, Teddy felt infinitely better about the situation. Sam, meanwhile, wondered if he could ever avoid being his own dad.
Chapter Two
As Sam and Teddy discussed the most suitable spot for hanging the boy's work, Carla's boyfriend walked into the bar. He sported slightly graying hair, and waved a big greeting. "Howdy, guys," he exclaimed.
"Hey, Jim. This is the councilman I was telling you about, Woody Boyd," she stated as the men shook hands. Finally, I'm with someone who gets out and does something, Carla considered.
"Pleased to meet you. So, what is it you do for a living," the bartender inquired.
"I'm an inventor," he replied proudly. "I've got the greatest machine you can imagine out there."
Carla rubbed her hands expectantly. "Oh, boy, I've been waiting." She hugged him as if he'd returned from four years at war, and turned to the others to explain. "He's been working on this thing out in the garage, but won't let anyone into his 'secret chamber.'" But whatever it is, I get half no matter what once we're married, she thought to herself. She'd had so much marital trouble, she'd long ago forgotten the importance of the "till death do you part," portion of the vows. That was what impressed her so much with Woody. He and his wife, despite major differences in income going in, appeared to have a very harmonious marriage.
Jim grinned like the Cheshire Cat, ready to announce the news as if it were the greatest invention since the wheel. "I've got it in the van. It's a time machine."
The amazement among those paying attention knocked them into silence as they pondered the weight of such a discovery as time travel. To be able to change anything about one's life was truly extraordinary.
Putting it in perspective with his unique naivete, Woody broke the serenity with five simple words. "Oh, you mean a clock?" Funny, I thought they'd been invented, the Indianan pondered. Must be a special type, he surmised, and went back to wiping the bar.
Jim shook his head, unable to resist laughing. "No. I mean a real machine that can travel through time," he explained. He wondered if the bartender would grasp the enormity of the situation.
He did, but only by alluding to things which he knew. "Do you have to get it up to 88 miles an hour first," Woody inquired, referring to one of several science fiction movies concerning time travel. An understandable error, thought Jim; when something new and unusual is first introduced, people often need a frame of reference. Perhaps science fiction was the best place to find it on this occasion.
"That's just fiction," Jim remarked. "Here, I'll show...Hey, Sam," he greeted as Sam and Teddy walked out of his office. Jim considered that the child looked more like Woody's offspring than Sam's.
"Hi, Jim. Hey, this is Teddy, I'm taking him to the park to show him how to pitch. Wanna come along," he invited, anxious to show someone else that he still had something left in his pitching arm. He still clung to the athlete's dream that he could produce like he did twenty years before. Indeed, Sam had tried out and done well with the Sox' minor league club in New Britain, only quitting for good when he couldn't take the sophomoric pranks of the players. Better get used to it now that you have a kid, Sam thought, for the first time acknowledging that yes, perhaps he could stand having a child. Still, it was hard to consider being a father for any other reason than to be able to say he was a father.
Jim shook his head, debating whether to invite Sam. He decided he could wait a couple more hours. "Sorry, I'm going to show off my invention. When will you be back," he wondered.
Sam considered the question. He'd wanted to do some other things with Teddy, but all he'd promised was to teach him to pitch. It wouldn't hurt to leave him with a sitter for an hour or so. Knowing the park was in close proximity to the Boyds', he inquired: "Could Kelly watch Teddy for a while this afternoon?"
"Sure, I'll call her and tell her you're coming," came Woody's voice as he picked up the phone.
"Good. I'll drop him off and come back here," Sam agreed, starting to tell Teddy who Kelly was. He assured the boy that there would be other children with whom he could play.
"Great, then we can go back to any time you want," Jim exclaimed, realizing Sam hadn't heard what the invention was.
Sam shrugged. "Well, I was thinking when I got back," he remarked. "That's sort of why I said I'd drop Teddy off at Woody's."
Cliff explained. He was still salivating at the thoughts of wowing others - including himself - with his trivia. "He means we can travel to any time."
"What kind of road do you ride on, anyway," Woody inquired. He was still stunned by the concept. Sam considered that Woody, like a child, would often see things differently than most Bostonians saw them. Perhaps he could ease into this if he pictured himself interacting with Woody.
"It's a complicated process. I'll try to explain it," he began. Sam and Teddy left. If it truly was a time machine, Sam knew would have no clue what Jim was talking about, anyway. He was very glad he'd chosen on a whim not to invite Teddy, who he knew would rather be playing than viewing some demonstration. At least, he told himself, that bit of fatherly instinct worked.
Sam and Teddy entered a small park not far from the bar. A wooden backstop featured a painted white target. Probably supposed to be a strike zone, mused the ex-pitcher. Sam wore an old Red Sox jersey with a beat-up ball glove, with the words to "Talkin' Baseball" echoing through his head.
Teddy wore a child's ball glove and carried a softer ball than the big leaguers used. Sam wanted to ensure nobody got hurt the first time. As both stood on the pitchers' mound, Sam toed the rubber. He could almost hear the sounds of the ballpark. He grinned as he noticed a chain link fence over his right shoulder. Sam pictured it as the "green monster," a 37-foot tall wall in Boston's Fenway Park.
"Looking for something," Teddy inquired. Sam woke from a daydream.
"Oh, just thinking about my days with the Sox," he explained. "Adults like to remember the good ol' days." He maneuvered the boy's fingers so the index and middle ones were parallel with the stitching. "Okay, first you hold the ball like this for a fastball...uh, you are right-handed, correct?" The boy nodded.
"What about a curve," queried Teddy, anxious to learn every pitch.
Sam thought for a minute, then shook his head. "Naw, you're too young, your muscles haven't developed enough to throw that."
"Do I hafta throw all fastballs?"
Sam tried to envision a different pitch that Teddy could throw. He thought of the circle change, thrown by a Hall-of-Famer. He decided that if Teddy wished to learn to pitch, though, the motion needed to be developed first. "For now, until you get your mechanics straightened out, yeah." Sam straightened and jogged to a position in front of the backstop. He found he could get to like this a lot.
As Sam jogged away, Teddy spouted, in a confused voice, "I'm not working on a car." Sam smiled. Just like Woody, he told himself.
Facing Teddy at the backstop, Sam explained. "What I mean is, the way your arms and legs move. That has to be the same each time so you don't throw the ball twenty feet over the batter's head." He jogged out faster, and took the ball from Teddy. "Here, I'll show you."
Striding the rubber, Sam glared at the backstop as a person eyes water after days in the desert. He brought his hands together, cheers echoing in the back of his mind. Picking his leg up and kicking, he pushed off with his right leg and fired a fastball, hitting the target. Teddy, who had been watching with rapt attention, ran after the ball, sliding into the backstop and grabbing it. He and Sam exchanged positions, Sam crouching behind the plate and pounding the mitt with his fist.
"Okay, now let's see you try," he requested. Teddy wound up as he'd seen, and kicked a little. However, he released the ball early. Sam suddenly pictured himself playing left field as the ball caromed high off the wall. He playfully ex-pitcher grabbed it on the ricochet. He turned, ready to fire it back to the pitcher, then stopped in mid-motion. He wasdumbstruck by the dejected look on the boy's face. Was he trying so hard he got choked up over a failure on his first try?
"Hey," Sam encouraged, "it's okay, that was a good first try. Here comes the ball." A gentle toss landed in Teddy's mitt.
Teddy brightened up. "Really?" He was relieved that he didn't need to worry about messing up the first time.
"Oh, sure," the ex-pitcher remarked, crouching down again. "Let go of the ball a little later this time." He did, and the pitches bounced 15 feet in front of Sam, who bounded over to retrieve it. "Hey, you know, that's still better," he told him without looking.
The boy looked excited at the thought he could succeed in this man's eyes. Now, the independent part of him, the part honed by parents who hadn't been there for him, kicked in - he requested that Sam grab a bat. Malone hesitated, feeling that the boy wasn't nearly ready to face live hitters. Still, he worried that if he said no, the boy might believe Sam was lying when he said Teddy had improved. And, he really didn't think he had been. Still, this was uncharted territory, since his dad had never credited him with even first tries.
"Wellll, okay," Sam remarked, jogging over to the left of the backstop. He picked up the bat they had brought. It felt odd in his hands, for the designated hitter rule had been in effect when he was in the majors. A hitter always batted in the pitcher's spot. He hadn't batted since the minor leagues, when as "Mayday" Malone, he'd begun a rapid ascent to the majors, where he first pitched in 1973.
Standing at the plate, Sam twisted the bat in his hands, twirling it a couple times. He took a couple weak practice swings. "Just let go of the ball in between where you did the last two times," he instructed the young pitcher. As Teddy threw the ball, Sam licked his lips, forgetting the child's fragile psyche. He couldn't resist the chance to sock the ball, eyeing the fence he'd recently dubbed the "green monster." He stepped into the pitch and sent a towering smash against the fence, watching it as if it were a launch from NASA. He looked out at the pitcher, and realized the boy was ready to burst into tears on the mound. Dropping the bat, he quickly ran out to console him, unsure of what to say.
"You weren't supposed to hit that," bawled the youngster as Sam knelt and embraced him. He sighed, mad at himself for letting his athletic instincts get the better of him. Why couldn't he have missed for once. Is this how my dad was, Sam wondered, did he put others down because he felt so lousy about himself? But, Sam thought, maybe that's why I've always tried to be so cocky, so I wouldn't be like that. He had so much to learn as a father, but at least he knew how to hug. Teddy seemed greatly consoled by his affection.
"It's okay, son, nobody strikes out every batter," he remarked, only later realizing he'd used the word "son" for the first time. Maybe he didn't mind being a dad. Still, as he ended the embrace and looked the boy in the eyes, he wondered if he truly could handle the job all the time. "Everyone gives up a few hits; why, that wasn't even a home run," he explained.
The tears now coming infrequently, Teddy responded that "nobody likes a pitcher who can't get nobody out."
Especially the media in Boston, Sam thought, though he didn't say this. Instead, Sam said the only thing that could come to him - something which was all he'd ever wanted his own dad to say. "Listen, I like you just the way you are. You don't have to be perfect for someone to love you. No matter how your folks thought of you, you're really doing good. Besides, it took me years before I got good enough to make the big leagues. I didn't make it till my early twenties."
"How come you're not still there," the boy inquired as Sam wiped away his tears. Suddenly the long hit and sad pitcher brought something else to mind.
"Wellll," the ex-hurler began, and suddenly the year was 1974. He was on the mound for Boston, a team which had been in first by six games at the start of the month, but which would wind up seven back of first place at the end. He stood on the mound facing the aging Norm Cash, in Cash's last season. There were two outs in the ninth, with the Sox up 5-3 and two runners on base. Sam Malone had a chance for the win that would keep his club in first.
The catcher signaled fastball, and Sam knew to get it in near Cash's hands. He was fast enough to make Cash hit a high pop-up if he did that. However, he got it out over the plate, and Cash, reaching back into his youth and a storied 1961 campaign, hit Sam's pitch way over Fenway Park's Green Monster. The Sox fell into second because of this, and never recovered that year, winding up third. Sam would never be the same.
Lost in time, Sam thought about the loss, and his drinking binge later that evening. He'd thought he could succeed with his athletic talent, but after that game he figured his father was right - he was no good. Trying to live down to those expectations, he'd drunk himself out of baseball within a few years. He sighed heavily. Could he truly make a difference in this child's life, given what he'd gone through? He wasn't sure.
"Well...I'm just too old to play ball," he told the boy. This was true. He could count on one hand the successful hurlers in their middle to late forties. Without a knuckleball, he knew his chances would be very slim. But, did Teddy also need to hear the rest of the story? Perhaps someday, but not right now. "Hey," he suggested, "how's about we work on the motion without the ball first." They did this for several hours, Sam throwing enough pitches he felt loose enough to pitch a couple innings.
Several hours later, Sam walked into the bar feeling refreshed. The practice in the park reminded him of warming up in the bullpen long ago. "Okay," he remarked, suddenly thinking gladly of his days on the ball field. "Teddy's at your place, Woody. Phew, that was a good warmup."
"You probably feel like you could go a few innings, huh," came the small talk from Norm. He sat down a half-empty mug of beer and walked toward the door, where the others were congregated.
Musing, Sam nodded his head. "Maybe, but - man, that kid needs someone who's willing to spend some serious time with him." And, even if I tried, would I be good at it?
Cliff patted him on the shoulder. "Hey, you're the man who can do it, Sam," he remarked. Now I know why I love this group so much; Sam concluded, they believe in me. And, in a way, maybe Teddy does, too.
The subject of Sam Malone's pitching and Sam's other pursuits interested Cliff. Sam was more successful than he was, but somehow, he thought he could attain what Sam had. Cliff used his mind for trivia - some of it nonsensical - to attract whatever attention he thought Sam had gained despite his missteps.
"Didn't you always want to be a father," Woody inquired.
Sam looked wistful. "Yeah, I wanted to be able to call a kid my son, to be able to..." He found he couldn't put it into words. "You know, do dad stuff." Woody grinned at the vagueness. "But...He is so much like me when I was young," Sam commented. He remembered the day when he was six, and had tried to fix his dad breakfast in bed, only to have him complain because things weren't perfect; the toast wasn't done just right, for instance. That was something he'd only confided in his on-again, off-again love interest, Diane Chambers. He knew no child like himself, or Teddy, could be expected to be perfect. The way Teddy acted, it was apparent to Sam he'd had similar experiences. But...did Sam want a child with those needs? Or, did he want a child for himself, just so he could be a dad. He wasn't sure anymore.
Woody's question, as usual, brought snickers. "He's just like you? What, you had freckles and a mole on your chin?"
"No, I don't mean that," Sam explained calmly. "I mean the way he acts, he seems almost desperate to please me," he explained, emphasizing the "desperate." Not that I mind, he pondered. But, from all the stories told by others at AA meetings before, he'd come to realize how bad that is, to need to please any other person, as people were just as human.
Sam then considered the Lord's work in this. He onlyi knew of a higher being - acceptance of such was one of the hallmarks of the AA program. It helped one to realize they weren't alone, and that there was a higher plan
It was probably good to follow this higher being. Working for himself had been easy until now, though. Still, as Sam continued to his friends, "I keep finding myself needing to tell him he doesn't have to do that. Oh, well, we can forget about that for a little while. What about this invention, Jim," he inquired, changing the subject.
Jim opened the door excitedly. "Come on out and I'll show you. I'll set a random date," he remarked as he left the bar.
"Oh, let's not go back too far, I'm a little scared of dinosaurs," Woody added. Nobody could determine if he was joking.
Once the occupants were seated in the van, Jim pressed a few buttons and twirled some knobs, setting the date for September 15, 1974. "There was a great ball game at Fenway that day," he explained. "I'm from Detroit, and a big Tiger fan." Sam contemplated the events of that season, scratching his head.
"The Tigers," spouted the ex-hurler. "Hey, wait a minute..." he began before pausing. Finally, he murmured "was that the day?"
"The day for what," Norm inquired, anxious to go on an adventure. Sitting at the bar all day seemed even more stale to Cliff, who grinned with the excitement of a child going to Disneyland. As for Woody, he wondered if this machine would work, and - on a more theoretical level - whether events could be altered. Carla felt happy that Frazier Crane, a psychiatrist who had frequented the bar before, was not here. He would doubtlessly be spewing all sorts of what was - to her - ridiculous psychobabble in analyzing the events that would soon occur. As for Diane... Carla shuddered, thinking that the woman might be writing poetry on the topic!
"Oh, nothing, nothing," Sam remarked as the van rode down the street. A brilliant flash soon surrounded them. Yellow and blue twirled around them in fantastic patterns. Norm wondered if he'd broken his promise not to drink so much he got drunk, as Sam looked puzzled. "Man," the ex- pitcher uttered, "I hope I didn't fall off the wagon."
"What wagon, we're in a minivan," Woody inquired, not accustomed to the term.
Norm remarked that "we can't have each others' hallucinations, so don't worry, we're all seeing this stuff outside the van." That was not what Sam had meant, but he appreciated Norm's attempt to help him.
As they "landed," which was the best term for the feel of it, even though they did not seem to have left the road, each of the occupants lurched forward. The shock prevented Jim from stopping immediately, and since they were on a street, he decided the best course of action was to continue driving while he regained his senses.
However, a person crossing the street at the same time needed to quickly duck out of the way. He dove onto the sidewalk and landed on his knee the wrong way, wrenching it slightly. He rolled over and grimaced as the van came to a complete stop.
"Oh, no, my first major time traveling and I've already altered the timeline," flashed through Jim's head. Jim considered that anything could conceivably cause a change, even if the change was as insignificant as the color of socks worn that day.
"Arrrrggghhh, my knee," hollered the voice on the ground. Staring at the occupants of the van, with a glare that could melt lead, he exclaimed "why don't you watch where you're going." He was slowly developing a hatred of Boston motorists.
Jim hurried out of the van first, anxious to apply first aid if needed. His wallet jumped out of his jacket, thanks to the incredibly quick sidestep he'd made, but he failed to notice it. "Oh, no," he commented simply, unable and unwilling to tell the fellow the gravity of what Jim believed could have occurred.
Getting out an normal speed with the others, Sam did a double take. "Guys...that's Norm Cash," he explained, expecting that his companions would know the name. Only Jim acknowledged it, however.
"Who?" rose from Norm's lips.
Jim said "he played for the Detroit Tigers," while hoping that he was all right. Sam began, for the first time, to ponder whether events could change - after all, if Cash can't pinch-hit tonight, he told himself, who in the world hits the home run.
Cash looked at Jim as if he were insane. "I still play for them; unless you imbeciles wrecked my knee."
Trying to find something to say, while determining that nothing was broken, Jim tried to console him. "It was gonna be your last year anyway, right?" Hopefully I can make him think that's what I meant by "played," he thought to himself. If not, it will pass, as most words do. A little comment like this won't affect a timeline much, since Cash is not overly sensitive as a child would be, is not a paranoid person, and is in his last season, Jim concluded.
"Yeah, no thanks to you! Where'd you learn how to drive," Cash inquired snidely.
Carla gazed longingly into his eyes, forgetting for a second that her boyfriend was there.
As Sam and Jim helped him stand up, Cash put pressure on his injured leg and decided that no major problem existed. However, he stepped gingerly on it. Given his age, the manager might make him rest today, as a precaution. He suddenly noticed Carla ogling him.
"Look," the waitress said lovingly, "it's my fault, we just...look," she stammered, pulling out some money. "Here's some money, let's just forget this happened." With a much more provocative voice, she cuddled up to him and said "in fact, tell me where you're staying, and I can really make it up to you."
Jim gawked at her, dumbfounded. "Carla!!" her boyfriend exclaimed as he grabbed the money from her. He'd seen her act friendly to men before, but this was ridiculous. Not to mention what a sexual escapade in a year in which she didn't even belong could do to the timeline. And then there were the bills which had dates in the 1990s on them!
Suddenly realizing Jim stood nearby, Carla looked at him matter-of- factly. "Sorry, I've never been with a ballplayer from the past before." Jim slapped his forehead and rolled his eyes.
"The...past? What are you talking about?" Now I know these people are fruitcakes, Cash told himself.
Jim hurriedly strode up to him and spoke. "Oh, don't worry, it's nothing. She's just teasing," he remarked. I might have thought Woody would be the first to slip, from what I had heard. Or maybe Cliff, but nobody would believe him. Motioning to them to get back in the van, he said "let's go." As they rode off, he lectured out of anger. "Carla, I don't ever want you talking about this while we're in the past."
"Hey, till we're married," Carla announced, "we agreed we could see anyone we wanted." Jim shook his head, driving to an abandoned stretch of road before launching the time machine portion of the van. She really doesn't understand time travel, he told himself.
"That's not the point," exclaimed Jim. "The point is we could easily alter the timeline with anything we say and do. Anything!" He breathed deeply. Walking around is fine, but for goodness sakes, don't give them anything from the future! And, for Heaven's sake, don't go telling people you're from the future. You let slip something and the person bets on it and wins a million bucks, or loses it because of some other change, you've altered a life."
Jim continued by remarking that "we'll go check and make sure nothing happened to alter the timeline. Then, when we come back, we're going to act like we belong. Got that?!" The group lurched forward again, and soon the van parked on the street "Cheers" fronted.
As they exited, nobody considered how much could have changed - after all, Jim hadn't explained the enormity of the possibilities. Sam, like the others, went about his business. "I gotta go check on Teddy now, I'll catch you all later...Hey, where's my car," he inquired loudly. I know where I parked it, he told himself, fuming.
Carla gasped. "Someone stole your car while you were gone?"
"Yeah, I can't believe the nerve of some people! I left it right..." he began to bellow, pointing. As Sam moved closer, he noticed that the parking meter had expired. "...here," he completed lowly. Of all the stupid, idiotic things. I thought we'd wind up back exactly when we started. How stupid can I get, Sam declared finally to himself.
Resigned, he shrugged. "Well, I guess I gotta take the bus, and call the police when I get to Woody's." He walked the opposite way. Of all the dumb luck, he said to himself. But, even if it was stolen and not towed, why do these things...no, I guess they don't keep happening to me. They happen to Teddy, too. If I'd stop thinking so much about myself, I might be able to help him more. But, what else is there? And, in a spot like this, I am thinking of him. That's why I'm taking the bus, he considered.
Cliff shook his head, watching as Sam walked. "Poor Sammy. Well, let's..." An idea suddenly struck Cliff. "Wait, are you sure there is a bar." Norm began to feel a tinge of concern.
"Not that it has," Jim hedged, "but we can't be sure of anything."
Norm's eyes nearly bulged out of his head as he jogged down the street at his fastest speed, though that speed would not have allowed him to catch up with a tot on a tricycle. "Ohmigosh," Norm exclaimed, "I hope they still have beer." The others laughed as Norm left, but Jim had to admit the lack of beer was a possibility. However, he knew the chances of that were very slim.
They decided to meander about the city, looking around for a couple minutes before entering the bar. Carla chided Cliff for a mumbled comment. "Come on," she declared, "don't be paranoid. I'm sure the Soviets don't run Boston."
Norm huffed and puffed as he ran the half block to "Cheers." He entered the bar to the familiar cry of "Norm!" He felt right at home for two seconds, then noticed several peculiar things. Rebecca, who had left several years ago, was a waitress. No Red Sox mementoes existed. Frazier, who had only been a patron, was tending bar. Squinting, Norm noticed a beer tap, and saw a couple patrons holding beer mugs. The effects of that practical joke, that's what it is, Norm thought to himself as he regained his breath and stepped forward. Still, he believed he had a right to be concerned.
The color slowly coming back to his face, he uttered a quick "Hi...guys." He then walked to the seat he'd used since the early 1970s - obviously he had here, too. It bore the precise imprint of his bottom. He noticed that Woody also stood behind the bar. Boy, what will Woody say when he sees this, Norm thought.
"Norm, you got off early, huh," Frazier inquired, walking up to him from behind the bar, pouring him a beer. The man sported no facial hair, which Norm thought was odd.
Suddenly, the thought hit him. Got off? What was Frazier talking about? "From...from where?" he inquired, trying not to sound too unfamiliar. After all, he knew it should be, but still wasn't sure it was the right year.
Handing him the ale, Frazier remarked: "Why, from the beer tasting job you've had the last...what, now, well over five years." So I got that job in this timeline! Drat! But, wait, Rebecca sort of foiled that, Norm considered. And she's still here? What changed? Maybe it was a female boss, so I didn't sound funny talking about the boss in a dress, and thus I didn't sound like a moron by correcting myself more and more. But, all that could have changed was one batter, right?
He finally spoke. "Yeah, well...I...wasn't feeling good, so I took a sick day," he explained. When in doubt, say you don't feel good, he coached himself. Certain actions made people assume that, anyway. Norm felt relieved as Frazier nodded. Hey, I can handle this pretty well, he decided proudly. As long as the old bar's pretty much the same.
"Ah," the bartender began, "then you should be home in bed. Or is that just the 'official story,'" he said with a wink, "your modus operandi, so to speak." My who, Norm thought.
"Whatever. Hey, what happened to Seattle?" Keep the questions vague, he thought to himself, till you find out about this timeline. He could always think I mean some game a Seattle sports team played.
"Pardon?"
"You know, where you..." he began. He tried to lead the bartender. I could get to like this, he recognized.
Seeing his puzzled look, Frazier considered the possibilities. While he knew Norm could be referring to the Seattle Mariners, or the Supersonics, his first thought was of his dad living there. "If you're referring to my father, he moved in with us here about five years ago. You've seen him here."
Norm decided to ask a question in the form of a joke. "Us? You mean you and me are sharing an apartment?" He kept grinning broadly, considering the odd arrangement that would result from him sharing anything with such an intellectual.
Frazier laughed, taking it as intended. "That's a good one. Of course, I mean my dear Diane. Oh, I must call her and discuss our pending anniversary," he stated. Norm's eyebrows nearly shot off his head.
As he recalled her ditching Frazier in Paris...or was it him leaving...well, it was in Europe, he told himself. "Oh, because she didn't..." he started, then realized that Frazier was warming up to his being the real Norm. He stopped and reminded himself that with those big words, he should have suspected Diane and Frazier were together.
Jim, Carla, Cliff, and Woody walked into the bar at that moment.
Alternate Woody A-Woody looked up from an order and noticed Woody. "Hey, that's me," he uttered, shocked. "No, wait, I'm me. I think."
As Frazier noticed the newcomers, he quickly did a double take. Then, he pulled out a notepad. "My goodness, that man could be Woody's twin," he exclaimed out loud. "I must take notes on how Woody and this other fellow react. It will make an excellent case study," he muttered to Norm.
The psychiatrist became incredulous as the Woodys chatted. "Hey," Woody uttered happily, remembering they could be on a different Earth, "I bet you're Woody Boyd." So he would have let it slip soon, Jim thought. Carla just beat him to the punch.
A-Woody smiled, as if recognizing a relative he hadn't seen in years. He didn't know who it was, but assumed the other Woody knew him in some way. "Sure am," he replied.
"What a coincidence, so am I," Woody remarked as Frazier mouthed the word "what?" The Woodys walked toward each other.
Carla, recalling several sci-fi shows, rushed up to Jim and spoke in a semi-whisper. "Is it safe for them to see each other," Carla inquired.
Jim spoke warningly while not looking at the two Woodys. "Yes," he spoke as the Woodys shook hands, "but they shouldn't touch each other. The same matter may not be able to occupy two spaces at once, and there could be a cataclysmic explosion with physical contact." Suddenly glancing at the Woodys. "Or...not," came the slow reply.
Frazier considered whether the Woodys simply assumed they were related. He quickly dismissed this notion - why would they call each other by the same name? Unless that was a common practice in Indiana, something of which he was unaware.
Just as he was trying to unravel that mystery, Rebecca walked up to Carla. "So happy to see you."
As Cliff sat at the opposite end of the bar, Norm blurted "what is this, a mirror universe?" He suddenly felt ashamed, but saw no reaction from Jim. It might not be as bad when discussing it in the present year, since things can't change, he told himself. So, I know it's the right year.
"Knock it off, will ya," Carla hollered, jolting Norm back to reality. At the same time, Carla took the cue from Jim that she could tell people who they were. "Look, Frazier, you won't believe this, but I'm from a...well, a different world."
Frazier smiled. "I have always suspected that about you, Carla. I still hold group therapy in my office," he remarked, pointing to Sam's office. This sent a small chill down the spines of the travelers.
"Your office?" came the indignant reply from Carla's lips.
Frazier nodded, proud of himself. "Yes, it is a rather attractive idea, a psychiatrist's office in a bar. It's why I bought the place in the early '80s, after winning big betting on the Red Sox in 1981." He owns...but where's Sam, Carla thought to herself as Norm contentedly sipped his beer.
"Wait, you own the bar," Woody inquired. "Was Coach here? And if not, then how did I get here?"
"You came through the front door" was A-Woody's response.
Suddenly, Norm felt even more at ease. As long as Sam was around, he would love staying here. He forgot there was another Norm Peterson out there.
"You think that's something," Norm remarked, filling the others in on his information. "Listen to this - Frazier's dad moved here and comes into the bar once in a while, and Frazier and Diane have been married for a number of years."
"Oh my G-," shrieked Carla.
Frazier's voice held a tinge of concern. "Are you all right, Carla?"
"Yes," she said, nodding, "it's just...the shock is so enormous." Those two are the biggest nerds I can imagine, she thought.
"But we've been married 10 years," the very confused psychiatrist remarked. He pulled out a card. Handing it to her, he instructed: "Here, give my secretary a call."
Jim smiled. Okay, he thought, time to try and explain this...if I can. "Wait, let me straighten all this out. You see, I invented a machine..." he began as the alternate Cliff A-Cliff strode in, sporting a Red Sox warmup jacket instead of a postal uniform.
"Cliff!" shouted the denizens of the bar as Carla's eyeballs nearly shot out of their sockets and imbedded themselves in the wall.
"Wow," Cliff uttered as Frazier began to take more notes, hoping this would be a more logical meeting of doubles. "They love me. Maybe I should stay here." They didn't recognize me with my postal uniform on, he pondered, noting his double's Red Sox jacket and hat. Also, his double bore no mustache.
A-Cliff sat next to Cliff, considering the Red Sox book that Diane had helped him author. A new edition had just come out, and he was anxious to speak with Frazier about going with Diane on a book tour. "Hey, Fraz, gimme a beer," he instructed.
Frazier poured it. "I hear your book's doing well, 'Day by Day in Red Sox History.'"
"Sure is," came A-Cliff as he sipped his beverage.
To himself, Norm said "I can't believe Cliff wrote a book." Lower, he turned and mumbled "in fact, I can't believe he even read a book."
Cliff, noticing his double was not in customary postal attire, inquired: "Who are you?" The scribbling began on Frazier's pad. He noted every word and gesture that occurred since the Clliffs first saw each other.
"Clifford Clavin," came the utterance as they shook hands. He then added the title "Mr. Red Sox to you."
"Your socks are black, Cliff," Woody remarked, looking down.
Frazier laughed again, and Jim realized they could explain this as a comedy act. "Good one. Cliff is the biggest authority on the Red Sox in this area," exclaimed Frazier, not thinking that his Woody might have told this "other Woody" about him.
"Huh," Cliff remarked, anxious to show off his supposed knowledge. "Did you know that the Red Sox were originally called the Green Socks? Only due to a shortage of green during World War One caused by the military needing it for camouflage did they change their socks, and thus their name."
A-Cliff sneered. "That is the strangest, most ludicrous thing I've ever heard," A-Cliff exclaimed. "Take it back, or else!"
Carla's mouth hung open as if a gaping hole had been shot in her face by a torpedo. After several stunned seconds, she exclaimed: "Oh my G-, I agree with Cliff. The world is coming to an end!"
Frazier tried to prevent possible fisticuffs. "That's a good tall tale, but I'm afraid Cliff here doesn't take kindly to people taking his team in vain." One tried to upstage his lookalike, and the other responded with anger, inscribed Frazier. Perhaps akin to a school child upset that a classmate bears the same first name, he footnoted.
"Now, wait just a minute," countered Cliff, "I've got just as much right to be me as he does."
A-Woody raised his eyebrows. "Did you understand that?" he asked Frazier.
The psychiatrist behind the bar shrugged his shoulders, opened his mouth, and closed it again. This is also turning too bizarre to report, he thought. "I..." he began, trying to think of a psychological explanation for such a statement. It was truly a unique saying. "Well, I..." he tried to begin anew as the phone rang. He thankfully picked it up, happy that someone had saved him from that puzzlement. "Cheers. Oh, hello Carla, I was just talking to you...well," he corrected, "that is, your...I see. I see, well, yes, certainly, take the night off, by all means. I hope your mother feels better." He hung up the phone. Carla made a note to call her own mother when she got back home, though she didn't know how she would explain the rationale.
"I think I've got it," Frazier exclaimed, clasping his hands together.
"Well, don't give it to me," A-Woody said hastily, moving away, "I just got over a bad cold."
Frazier laughed again, and suddenly his thought made even more sense; after all, there had been even more jest than usual in the bar. "I mean, I see the joke you are pulling. You want me to think there are two of each of you, plus whoever this man is," he remarked, pointing to Jim. "I bet you're with the talent agency, Sir, am I right?"
Jim was unsure how to respond.
"Clever, clever indeed, a great April Fools' gag. Maybe the best we've had," the man behind the bar resumed cheerfully, drifting into thought. "Hmmm, would Diane appreciate such a stunt for...no, it might scare the children at home," he decided. Carla once again felt shocked.
"You two had children?! Oh, the horror..." she commented, half- joking.
"Of course, you remember little Hezekiah and Mephibosheth." Quoting Shakespeare, Frazier turned to Jim and said "by all means, let them play. Play, Sirs," he said, turning away to tend to a customer's order. "Sorry Carla had to call and spoil it, or I might have been clueless for hours." He felt great satisfaction, and even a little relief, at knowing the rationale behind this confusion.
" I still am clueless," A-Woody admitted.
A-Cliff shook his head. "Yeah, I sure wouldn't ask someone to lie about the greatest team known to man."
Norm felt even more at home now. He decided to offer a truce everyone could agree upon, even those from his own timeline. He raised his beer, now almost half gone, and exclaimed "you said it. To the Red Sox!"
A-Cliff grinned, raising his glass and repeating Norm's toast. He finally added "to the hero of the 1981 Fall Classic."
That's right, Norm considered, Frazier said something about Boston in that Series. Could it be they won for the first time since 1918 that year? And, if so, how?
"Who's that?" asked Woody.
Carla nodded. All seemed to lean forward a little. If this Cliff were such an expert on the Red Sox, they could learn a lot about this world. "The question on all our lips," she murmured.
"I don't see any writing there," A-Woody remarked.
A-Cliff ignored him and assumed his statesman pose, authoritatively sitting up and speaking. "Why, Sam Malone," A-Cliff announced, giving the travellers goose bumps. "The Sox won the second half by a game and a half over the Brewers, beat the Yankees in five, the A's in 3, then the Astros in the lowest scoring seven-game Series ever; ironic considering Fenway is a hitters' park. But, Nolan Ryan started two games there, and Sutton lost only 3-2 in game 6."
Carla forgot her animosity toward either Cliff. She felt more excited than she recalled being in a long time. "And Sammy did it," she declared. "Oh, I knew he had it in him." After all these years, he's a real success, she thought dreamily.
Norm held up a hand, figuring he could be expected to be a little forgetful. "Wait a minute, I thought it was the Dodgers." It was them over the Yankees in my world, he thought.
A-Cliff set him straight. "No, my friend, the Dodgers split those Series with Boston in 1977 and 1978," he explained, assuming that was where Norm got confused. "That's what you're thinking of, Norm." A-Cliff loved the attention having all this information brought him, especially considering that he could follow someone who had become what he'd needed to be his whole life. Sam Malone was more than a hero to him.
Cliff, meanwhile, considered whether he could ever know enough to write a book. Perhaps having Sam around the bar instead of having to go around collecting information on him has kept me from having that get up and go, he considered.
A-Cliff continued. "Sammy pitched in 1975, too, and won game six, but he got taken out in the 9th of game 7, or we'd have won that Series, too."
"Yes," Frazier mused, "I wonder whatever happened to him."
"Well, you just said, he won two World Series," remarked Woody.
"Plus," A-Cliff exclaimed, holding up his right index finger, "the 1977 Cy Young Award. He almost took the MVP from teammate Jim Rice. He was the Series MVP in '81, winning one, saving two, and stranding all nine runners in his five entrances from the 'pen. He threw nine and two thirds scoreless innings." Carla's gaze grew steadily during this part of the monologue, as she grew increasingly amazed at the enormity of Sam's accomplishments. And, the amazing part to her was, as he wandered through the city, he may not know any of this.
Won't he be thrilled, Carla considered. If it's good news about Sammy I can almost put up with all that stuff from Cliff, she decided. At least this Cliff talked about subjects she liked. She hoped they could trade Cliffs.
Rebecca agreed, awed by Cliff's knowledge. "Isn't he amazing; baseball's all he talks about, but he really takes an interest," she finished. Indicating Frazier, she remarked that "as for his question, I think he's asking what happened after 'The Pitch.'"
"Which pitch is that?" came from Woody's lips.
A-Cliff became somber for a second. He nodded slowly, realizing how close he might come to disappearing like that. In fact, the idea often tempted him. "Oh, yeah, 1986, game 7. The Sox are one strike away from a pennant with nobody on base in the top of the ninth, up by three. Sammy gives up two hits and homers to Bobby Grich and Gary Pettis, the last also with two strikes on him, and the Sox lose the pennant to the Angels." He added that "nobody's heard from him since he walked off that mound."
Carla's mouth stood agape. "Oh, poor Sam."
Norm remarked that "this is a mirror universe. The teams did that in reverse...hey, Cliffy, who won that Series," he inquired, considering his own 1986 season.
As Cliff uttered "Tokyo," A-Cliff glared.
"I knew you'd say something absurd. The Mets," came the authoritative comment. "They did it in five, with Tom Seaver winning two for them before retiring the next spring with arm trouble." A-Cliff leaned forward, as if to confide a secret. "While nobody's actually heard from Sam, I have my spies, and they're positive he's in the mountains of Tibet. I plan to join him if life gets too tough." Another part Diane would disapprove of - my biography of Sam would contain 200 pages of invented stories before revealing where Sam was.
Frazier lit up, considering another reason why all this had occurred. "Say, I just wonder," he mused out loud, rubbing his chin. "Could you all be talking about this so..." As if on cue, Sam walked in hurriedly, ensuring that his companions were here. "Good Heavens, it is! It's Sam Malone," Frazier announced to the bar. As the people from the alternate timeline cheered and raised their glasses, A-Cliff ran and knelt before the ex-hurler, whom he assumed was his world's Sam Malone.
"Oh great one," came the words that made Carla realize this Cliff was just as crazy as hers, "I have worshiped your pitching all my life...well, the last decade, anyway," hedged the ex-postman. Such a great man, and yet to give up such a monumental home run to the Angels...and, perhaps that was even a sign, the fact it was the Angels, A-Cliff thought to himself.
Sam looked around, somewhat confused. "Wait, wait..." he said, looking down. What manner of weirdness is this, he wondered. "Get up, Cliff, you're acting insane."
A-Cliff jumped back. "My goodness, how did you know my name?"
"'Cheers is the place where everybody knows your name, dimwit," remarked Carla, anxious to insult Cliff.
"Of course," Frazier remarked, walking out from behind the bar and greeting Sam warmly. "You planned this whole thing, this stunning re- entrance, right, Sam?" What a way to come back home, it's right out of Hollywood, he thought.
Rebecca looked up from a customer on whom she was waiting and remarked: "I must say, that is a unique emergence. I wonder if Elvis will do it the same way." Woody smiled, trying to recall who in his world was obsessed with Elvis Presley.
Sam suddenly noticed Frazier. "Oh, hey, Fraz. How's it going?" To the others, he said "I don't know what you're talking about, but come on, gather around." Norm, Carla, Jim, Woody, and the Cliffs gather around him. To A-Cliff, who decided to kneel rather than stand, he said insistently: "Not you!"
A-Cliff looked genuinely hurt. "But I shall always be with you, even unto death!"
Woody grinned at A-Cliff's obsessiveness. He also knew it was a perfect place to insert a joke, one of those he used so people wouldn't know when he was clueless about a given situation. Recalling the time one of the Lord's disciples acted particularly cocky, Woody asked Sam "isn't this where you say to Cliff 'you shall deny me thrice before the **** crows'?"
Sam shook his head, barely noticing the question. "I don't care, listen - I can't find Teddy."
Clothed in a dark brown suit with matching tie and pants, hippoesque Norm Peterson strode happily into the bar. He looked forward to his bar stool at the other end of the room. "Hey, everyone," he remarked casually, his extreme paunch almost bobbing as he spoke.
"Norm!" came the cacophony of cries from the "Cheers" crowd, expressing the happiness bar owner and ex-Red Sox pitcher Sam Malone tried to spread to all his patrons. The still dark-haired Sam stood behind the bar cleaning glasses, and sat one in front of Norm's customary spot.
Norm sat and greeted the other bartender, blond-haired Woody Boyd. "Hey, Woody, long time, no see," came the reference to Woody having been away from the bar for some time. "Gimme a beer."
Woody wrinkled his nose in the familiar, confused way. "Beer, what's that?"
Sam concealed a smirk, reminding himself to stay focused. "Yeah, is that a new drink?"
Norm grinned, accustomed to a few light jokes. However, he knew that the tenders of a bar knew better. "Okay, come on, guys, you know what beer is."
Woody shook his head and remarked "we've never heard of it" before returning to converse with another patron.
"You sure you're feeling okay?" came a serpent-tongued waitress named Carla, with numerous last names, as she walked past him with a tray.
"Come on, guys, beer," Norm emphasized, wondering if everyone was suddenly hard of hearing. "On tap, in bottles, in cans. It's all over," reported the very befuddled man. Noticing still-blank expressions, he became desperate. "Hops? Barley? Malt?" Surely they've heard of these things, Norm considered.
Norm's longtime drinking companion, postman Cliff Claven, turned to Norm. He often utilized odd - and, usually, incorrect - trivia. "The ancient Assyrians made a drink with fruit and hops." Norm's eyes expanded exponentially as he noticed Cliff's mug. "However, that combination of ingredients..."
"Cliffy, you're drinking wine," exclaimed the man. Flailing his hands, Norm raised his voice and announced: "Come on, guys, you know beer! Don'tcha?" came the almost pleading question. Any minute now I will wake up in a cold sweat, pondered Norm.
"I always drank wine," Cliff remarked. A recently arrived patron on the other end of the bar, with whom Woody had been silently conversing, wondered why wine glasses were not in use.
"If this is some new drink you found," Sam offered helpfully, "we can try and get it, but if there's not the demand..."
Sweating slightly, Norm went behind the bar. He didn't consider it sacred ground - he'd helped himself to a beer before and placed it on his fifteen-page tab a number of times. But, he did consider that only a near emergency would make him go back there. "Come on, Sam, I know you have..." He halted, seeing neither beer nor tap. He suddenly got very confused. Standing erect, he cried out: "What's happening? Have I been imagining all this?" Woody finally began snickering, only to keep from emitting a large guffaw. "I know what beer is...don't I?" he inquired, questioning his sanity. As the others exploded in laughter, Sam signaled Carla to enter his office. Nice place, the new customer observed. I should remember this place next time I need a break.
As the laughter gradually died down, Sam called out: "April Fool! Okay, Carla, bring it out, I think we've had enough fun here." Norm shook his head as he sat down and Carla brought out a cart with their beer and tap.
"We really got you on that one, Mr. Peterson," came Woody's voice amidst his giggles. I won't be able to stop laughing for weeks, the Indiana native considered.
"Yeah, well that's a very cruel trick to play on someone like me," Norm remarked. While not an alcoholic, since he did not rely on beer, nor did he drink an excess when at the bar, he did love the beverage. Norm Peterson thoroughly valued the routine of slowly having a couple glasses of beer each day. He smiled a little, imagining the work that went into the joke. "Though I guess it was kind of funny."
Carla smiled, remembering the Zima ad that had prompted the thoughts. This was the first year they'd been able to work the joke in, with all their other activities. "Yeah, we've been waiting to pull that one on you for a long time."
"It's our best April Fools' joke ever," exclaimed Sam.
"Yeah, well let's just save that for our battles with Gary's, okay?" Norm requested with a hint of insistence, referring to a rival bar near them. "So, how's things going, Woody?"
"Fine. Carla's boyfriend's coming in today," the younger man answered, trying to recall the purpose for a string around his finger. He thought he'd written a message for someone, but saw no paper.
Norm raised his eyebrows as Woody stared at the string. "Another one," he exclaimed, his beer firmly in hand. "What is this, like her five thousandth?"
Carla rebutted by remarking that "when I find a good man, he often becomes my husband awfully fast. I think this one's a keeper. Third time's the charm, that's what I say." Two customers at a table wondered why their waitress had spun away from them just as she was bringing their order.
"I thought you'd already been married more than three times," Woody admitted.
Carla nodded. "I have. And this will be the third third time," she explained, turning back to the expectant couple.
Woody whistled. He'd gained a new outlook on life with his marriage and children, among other things. He'd returned to the traditional conservative roots of his parents, just as had been predicted. He didn't totally enjoy the bar like he used to. However, he'd decided to come back and bartend once, for old times sake.
He addressed Carla. "Wow, Kelly and I have been busier with the family than we thought. I had it on either five or six."
As if on cue, Cliff picked up his mug, now filled with beer, and faced the multitude, gleefully anticipating the attention that would come his way. "Well, there were a couple three month jobs," he deadpanned, "but she's nowhere near the record. In the Umbala tribe it's not uncommon for people to be married hundreds of times in their lives. They have a very strict culture, and any physical sign of affection means the couple has to get married. That means the prior marriage is instantly annulled."
Carla shook her head, hiding a grin. Though she liked to talk tartly to them - and tended not to respect many customers, since she didn't respect herself - she couldn't help but admire Cliff's wild imagination at times. Not that he would ever know. "Man," she began, "if that was true with me I'd have been married about five million times." Wanting to keep her reputation intact, she added: "Not that I believe any of your trivia." At that moment, a rather tall lady walked into the bar with a child who came up a little past her waist.
"Hello, is Sam Malone here," inquired the woman. Woody scratched his head as Sam raised his hand.
"That's me," Sam said simply, walking out from behind the bar. The woman shook his hand, as the boy shrunk shyly away.
"Hi, I'm Linda Barnes, from Human Services," the woman explained, as Woody snapped his fingers. "And, you know Teddy." She pointed to the boy.
"Oh, that's right," Woody told Sam, "some woman called for you from Human Services." He searched his pockets for a note that would not be found. "I know I had her name around here somewhere."
Linda giggled. "That was me," she remarked. She wondered if the gentleman fumbling through his pockets was married. She saw a ring, and sighed inwardly.
Someone has a very amusing husband, she considered as Woody remarked: "My, what a coincidence." Linda enjoyed the forgetful, Colombo- type of man. Such a person might be a little more slow-witted, but that meant they couldn't take advantage of a woman, either.
Considering her boss' sexual exploits, Carla inserted: "What, you got a kid you didn't know about?"
Sam rolled his eyes slightly, but knew he'd told the people at Human Services about his past escapades, and about his having settled down a little the last few years, as he became old enough to have fathered some of the prettier women he'd seen. Hopefully, she wouldn't take that the wrong way.
Sam smiled as Linda said, "I think he'd know about it." I'd better, he thought as she looked around. "You own this bar, huh? Nice place." As orderly as the home visits the others reported, she considered.
"Yep. I make sure to get out a lot, though. I wouldn't have to be tied down to this place all the time. Norm's a very capable assistant manager." Sam smiled as he considered his genius move of a few years ago. After Rebecca had left to become a full-time housewife, he'd needed a helper. Norm, needing to pay off his tab, had been given a crash course in several areas, and soon was helping Sam, with his payments often in beer. An intriguing way to eliminate the middle man, the owner pondered.
Linda smiled graciously. "Well, I'm sure you and Teddy will have a good time." Teddy sat next to the patron to whom Woody had explained the prank, coloring in a book. He didn't mind being ignored; in fact, he was quite accustomed to it. "I know you won't keep him around this place."
Sam nodded. "A place like this isn't for kids. Plus, I don't drink with them; I can't drink myself." He knew he'd told the others that, but caseworkers often changed in midstream because of the staff turnover.
"Can't..." she began, then thought better of it. I should have recalled that, she told herself. "Oh, because of your earlier problem." Sam nodded. He wasn't averse to mentioning that he was, and always would be, a recovering alcoholic. Teddy didn't need to hear about that just then, though. "Well, that's good, Teddy's parents would go out all night and leave him alone," Linda continued sadly, in a voice so Teddy wouldn't hear.
Woody heaved a sigh as she gave Sam instructions and left, her beeper telling her an emergency had occurred. The blonde bartender considered whether the family problems would have remained hidden from Family Services had the parents not died. He couldn't bring himself to think about that, but knew they could have.
"Wait, is that it? You're just going to leave?" Sam inquired. He could tell this a dire problem in a case in which Linda worked, however, and so he allowed her to go.
"What, you volunteered to have a kid," Norm wondered, snickering.
Sam shook his head, astounded at the recent events. "Oh, no, it's one of Rebecca's friends," he commented, slightly uninterested in the details as he spoke them. "She and her husband died in some auto accident, so I'm like third in line to be guardian. But her folks're dead, and Rebecca declined, saying she couldn't afford it, and we knew 'em, so I'm supposed to watch him if her parents were dead and Rebecca said 'no.'"
Carla shook her head. "If I had a choice I might decline, too." Woody smacked his lips, wishing Carla took more joy in her family, the kind of innocent joy he and his wife, Kelly, took.
Sam continued. "I figure why not, the kid's with Human Services, but I can take care of him for a while."
Scratching his head, Woody tried to recall the last time he'd spoken with someone from that department regarding Boston area families. "Do they normally leave kids for a whole weekend if you're just watching? Sounds more like you expect it to be like with Big Brothers, where you're with him a few hours a week."
"I don't know, why," Sam inquired as he poured a drink for someone.
Woody grinned. It wasn't often that Sam proved less knowledgeable than he himself, but this was one of those time. He knew he should tell Sam before he further embarrassed himself. Walking toward the latter's office, Woody wiggled his finger and said: "Uh, Sam, can I talk to you a sec," as he considered how to approach the problem.
Puzzled, Sam followed him. "Sure, what is it," he inquired as they entered a room with a large desk and numerous photos and other mementos of Sam's days with the Red Sox. These included a jacket, cap, and baseball cards from 1973-1976, the years he was in the major leagues.
Woody explained that "the lady said this was your weekend visit, to get acquainted so you could keep him next time."
"Do they know about this...oh that's right, his folks are dead," Sam recalled.
Woody giggled at the irony of the situation, but knew he should have expected it. His work with Human Services while on City Council had exposed him to many things that Sam, being averse to volunteering himself, would not know.
"Man, you're sounding as dumb as me," Woody teased, showing a toothy grin as Sam continued to look around in puzzlement.
"Must be the effects of that April Fools' joke," Sam noted, trying to avoid the subject. "We're all getting turned around."
Woody continued to elaborate. "The lady I talked to said you'd been approved for home placement, leading to your adopting him. I've had a lot of contact with Childrens' Services as a councilman, that's how I know this stuff. If a will names you guardian," concluded the man, "you become the parent."
Woody wondered how often Coach had spoken about life with Sam. Woody had taken a bartending correspondence course the elder bartender had offered, and had come to Boston to see him and look for a job. Coach having died, Woody replaced him as bartender. He knew from corresponding with Coach that he'd spent lots of time with Sam, especially while Sam recovered from his addiction to booze. Now, he perceived, perhaps he had truly achieved maturity, and was replacing Coach not just at the bar, but in other ways.
Sam held a hand near his head and walked in a sem-circle before facing Woody again. "But I thought..." he started, not ready for the type of responsibility that this realization entailed. Trying to excuse his behavior when he knew he should have known he would become a parent, he remarked: "I must have filled out the wrong forms or something."
"She said she'd had several home visits, and interviewed a few people. I even put in a few good words when they interviewed me," Woody remarked, ignoring the previous comments. He knew Sam sometimes liked to appear ready to help when he was ill-prepared, and this may have caused his problem in some small part.
"But all I wanted..." he began. What did he want? He'd wanted to be a father, certainly, but now that he was one, what? Was this another case of his needing to be more careful of what he wished? "I wondered it there was usually that much to it. Come on, let's straighten this out," he remarked as he left his office. Woody pursued him, on guard should Sam say something stupid. Since Rebecca no longer worked at "Cheers," and Carla never appeared capable, he'd found himself ensuring more and more that Sam stayed out of trouble.
As they re-entered the bar, they noticed Teddy completing a picture on a cocktail napkin. The boy, having met Sam before, showed him the picture. "Hi. Like my drawing," he inquired as Sam glanced at it.
"Yeah," came Sam's acknowledgment. "Hey, listen, ah..." the man stammered as the child looked expectantly at him. Not yet old enough to be totally cynical, the six-year-old still felt a little unease at the situation. Sam, meanwhile, saw enough of himself that it frightened him. And, while his own parents had never physically abandoned him, his father had emotionally abandoned him. Sam didn't wish this child to suffer the same fate. And, yet, he felt less and less confidence that he could pick up the pieces of this boy's life as he stared into his deep blue eyes.
"Mrs. Barnes said you useta pitch for the Red Sox," Teddy remarked excitedly, wondering if perhaps this was the way to start a relationship. He wished the adult among the two would begin a dialogue, but he'd become too used to fending for himself. "Could you teach me how to pitch?" Whining a little, he added a "pleeeese!"
Sam looked around, as if the answer were in the ceiling beams. "Yeah, sure, first I wanted to talk about this adoption thing..."
"I know you'd want me to pitch 'cause you useta pitch, right? I can do anything you want, though," came the small voice, and Sam suddenly wondered how much this kid could do.
Backing away, Sam said "yeah, sure, thanks...just a second." Ushering Woody over to a corner of the bar, Sam almost wished a former girlfriend - one of thousands - had told him she'd had his baby. At least then there would be another parent. "You gotta help me think of something," he insisted to Woody.
All at once the irony struck him, as well; he'd begun to rely on Woody the same as he had on Coach and others. All along he'd searched for some form of father figure, and he was even willing to turn to a young, still oft-naive farm kid.
Woody sighed, not knowing of Sam's desire for a male role model he could trust. If he had he might have started witnessing like some friends he knew did. He didn't know how to reach Sam, though. Working with his own kids was so much easier. Besides, charity began at home, he felt.
"Like what," Woody wondered, thinking "come on, Sam, you're older than me, you're supposed to be the one with the answers."
"I don't know," Sam remarked, shrugging his shoulders. An idea hit him like a ton of bricks, and he became excited. "Maybe you can adopt him. You and Kelly could always have another kid. He's your oldest's age, after all, or just about."
"You filled out the forms, though. The will named you," Woody remarked, though without much conviction. It was hard to say the testator clearly intended for Sam to have this child, seeing as he was third in line, but Woody knew some higher power had ordained it from the foundation of the world. People could always try to mess things up, but Woody knew God worked people and their mishaps into His plans. It was something he'd learned years ago back on the farm. He'd just forgotten it for so long.
Sam shook his head. "Yeah, but there's a big difference between a few hours a week and a lifetime of..."
Teddy walked up behind Sam and patted him on the back, requesting attention. The discussion had gone on long enough, and the boy wanted to ensure he would not be rejected. He didn't like the way this person, who was supposed to be his new father, was acting. "What?" Sam asked, turning around.
Teddy handed him the napkin with the picture, trying to endear himself. "Here, you can have this."
Sam studied it this time. "Gee, thanks...What is it?"
Teddy looked downcast, wondering if he'd done something wrong. He'd seen other parents react, and could sense that this wasn't right. "Does it hafta be something?"
Sam shook his head. The same mistake his dad had made, expecting a kid to be able to act and think just like an adult. "No, of course it doesn't have to be anything," he chastised himself. "There's probably a great big story he wants to tell, and I ask about it like it's a Picasso."
Bending down to speak, Sam consoled him. "Oh...no, no, I guess it doesn't. Come on, I'm gonna hang this in my office, then we can learn about pitching," Sam remarked, patting the boy on the head. As they went into Sam's office, Teddy felt infinitely better about the situation. Sam, meanwhile, wondered if he could ever avoid being his own dad.
Chapter Two
As Sam and Teddy discussed the most suitable spot for hanging the boy's work, Carla's boyfriend walked into the bar. He sported slightly graying hair, and waved a big greeting. "Howdy, guys," he exclaimed.
"Hey, Jim. This is the councilman I was telling you about, Woody Boyd," she stated as the men shook hands. Finally, I'm with someone who gets out and does something, Carla considered.
"Pleased to meet you. So, what is it you do for a living," the bartender inquired.
"I'm an inventor," he replied proudly. "I've got the greatest machine you can imagine out there."
Carla rubbed her hands expectantly. "Oh, boy, I've been waiting." She hugged him as if he'd returned from four years at war, and turned to the others to explain. "He's been working on this thing out in the garage, but won't let anyone into his 'secret chamber.'" But whatever it is, I get half no matter what once we're married, she thought to herself. She'd had so much marital trouble, she'd long ago forgotten the importance of the "till death do you part," portion of the vows. That was what impressed her so much with Woody. He and his wife, despite major differences in income going in, appeared to have a very harmonious marriage.
Jim grinned like the Cheshire Cat, ready to announce the news as if it were the greatest invention since the wheel. "I've got it in the van. It's a time machine."
The amazement among those paying attention knocked them into silence as they pondered the weight of such a discovery as time travel. To be able to change anything about one's life was truly extraordinary.
Putting it in perspective with his unique naivete, Woody broke the serenity with five simple words. "Oh, you mean a clock?" Funny, I thought they'd been invented, the Indianan pondered. Must be a special type, he surmised, and went back to wiping the bar.
Jim shook his head, unable to resist laughing. "No. I mean a real machine that can travel through time," he explained. He wondered if the bartender would grasp the enormity of the situation.
He did, but only by alluding to things which he knew. "Do you have to get it up to 88 miles an hour first," Woody inquired, referring to one of several science fiction movies concerning time travel. An understandable error, thought Jim; when something new and unusual is first introduced, people often need a frame of reference. Perhaps science fiction was the best place to find it on this occasion.
"That's just fiction," Jim remarked. "Here, I'll show...Hey, Sam," he greeted as Sam and Teddy walked out of his office. Jim considered that the child looked more like Woody's offspring than Sam's.
"Hi, Jim. Hey, this is Teddy, I'm taking him to the park to show him how to pitch. Wanna come along," he invited, anxious to show someone else that he still had something left in his pitching arm. He still clung to the athlete's dream that he could produce like he did twenty years before. Indeed, Sam had tried out and done well with the Sox' minor league club in New Britain, only quitting for good when he couldn't take the sophomoric pranks of the players. Better get used to it now that you have a kid, Sam thought, for the first time acknowledging that yes, perhaps he could stand having a child. Still, it was hard to consider being a father for any other reason than to be able to say he was a father.
Jim shook his head, debating whether to invite Sam. He decided he could wait a couple more hours. "Sorry, I'm going to show off my invention. When will you be back," he wondered.
Sam considered the question. He'd wanted to do some other things with Teddy, but all he'd promised was to teach him to pitch. It wouldn't hurt to leave him with a sitter for an hour or so. Knowing the park was in close proximity to the Boyds', he inquired: "Could Kelly watch Teddy for a while this afternoon?"
"Sure, I'll call her and tell her you're coming," came Woody's voice as he picked up the phone.
"Good. I'll drop him off and come back here," Sam agreed, starting to tell Teddy who Kelly was. He assured the boy that there would be other children with whom he could play.
"Great, then we can go back to any time you want," Jim exclaimed, realizing Sam hadn't heard what the invention was.
Sam shrugged. "Well, I was thinking when I got back," he remarked. "That's sort of why I said I'd drop Teddy off at Woody's."
Cliff explained. He was still salivating at the thoughts of wowing others - including himself - with his trivia. "He means we can travel to any time."
"What kind of road do you ride on, anyway," Woody inquired. He was still stunned by the concept. Sam considered that Woody, like a child, would often see things differently than most Bostonians saw them. Perhaps he could ease into this if he pictured himself interacting with Woody.
"It's a complicated process. I'll try to explain it," he began. Sam and Teddy left. If it truly was a time machine, Sam knew would have no clue what Jim was talking about, anyway. He was very glad he'd chosen on a whim not to invite Teddy, who he knew would rather be playing than viewing some demonstration. At least, he told himself, that bit of fatherly instinct worked.
Sam and Teddy entered a small park not far from the bar. A wooden backstop featured a painted white target. Probably supposed to be a strike zone, mused the ex-pitcher. Sam wore an old Red Sox jersey with a beat-up ball glove, with the words to "Talkin' Baseball" echoing through his head.
Teddy wore a child's ball glove and carried a softer ball than the big leaguers used. Sam wanted to ensure nobody got hurt the first time. As both stood on the pitchers' mound, Sam toed the rubber. He could almost hear the sounds of the ballpark. He grinned as he noticed a chain link fence over his right shoulder. Sam pictured it as the "green monster," a 37-foot tall wall in Boston's Fenway Park.
"Looking for something," Teddy inquired. Sam woke from a daydream.
"Oh, just thinking about my days with the Sox," he explained. "Adults like to remember the good ol' days." He maneuvered the boy's fingers so the index and middle ones were parallel with the stitching. "Okay, first you hold the ball like this for a fastball...uh, you are right-handed, correct?" The boy nodded.
"What about a curve," queried Teddy, anxious to learn every pitch.
Sam thought for a minute, then shook his head. "Naw, you're too young, your muscles haven't developed enough to throw that."
"Do I hafta throw all fastballs?"
Sam tried to envision a different pitch that Teddy could throw. He thought of the circle change, thrown by a Hall-of-Famer. He decided that if Teddy wished to learn to pitch, though, the motion needed to be developed first. "For now, until you get your mechanics straightened out, yeah." Sam straightened and jogged to a position in front of the backstop. He found he could get to like this a lot.
As Sam jogged away, Teddy spouted, in a confused voice, "I'm not working on a car." Sam smiled. Just like Woody, he told himself.
Facing Teddy at the backstop, Sam explained. "What I mean is, the way your arms and legs move. That has to be the same each time so you don't throw the ball twenty feet over the batter's head." He jogged out faster, and took the ball from Teddy. "Here, I'll show you."
Striding the rubber, Sam glared at the backstop as a person eyes water after days in the desert. He brought his hands together, cheers echoing in the back of his mind. Picking his leg up and kicking, he pushed off with his right leg and fired a fastball, hitting the target. Teddy, who had been watching with rapt attention, ran after the ball, sliding into the backstop and grabbing it. He and Sam exchanged positions, Sam crouching behind the plate and pounding the mitt with his fist.
"Okay, now let's see you try," he requested. Teddy wound up as he'd seen, and kicked a little. However, he released the ball early. Sam suddenly pictured himself playing left field as the ball caromed high off the wall. He playfully ex-pitcher grabbed it on the ricochet. He turned, ready to fire it back to the pitcher, then stopped in mid-motion. He wasdumbstruck by the dejected look on the boy's face. Was he trying so hard he got choked up over a failure on his first try?
"Hey," Sam encouraged, "it's okay, that was a good first try. Here comes the ball." A gentle toss landed in Teddy's mitt.
Teddy brightened up. "Really?" He was relieved that he didn't need to worry about messing up the first time.
"Oh, sure," the ex-pitcher remarked, crouching down again. "Let go of the ball a little later this time." He did, and the pitches bounced 15 feet in front of Sam, who bounded over to retrieve it. "Hey, you know, that's still better," he told him without looking.
The boy looked excited at the thought he could succeed in this man's eyes. Now, the independent part of him, the part honed by parents who hadn't been there for him, kicked in - he requested that Sam grab a bat. Malone hesitated, feeling that the boy wasn't nearly ready to face live hitters. Still, he worried that if he said no, the boy might believe Sam was lying when he said Teddy had improved. And, he really didn't think he had been. Still, this was uncharted territory, since his dad had never credited him with even first tries.
"Wellll, okay," Sam remarked, jogging over to the left of the backstop. He picked up the bat they had brought. It felt odd in his hands, for the designated hitter rule had been in effect when he was in the majors. A hitter always batted in the pitcher's spot. He hadn't batted since the minor leagues, when as "Mayday" Malone, he'd begun a rapid ascent to the majors, where he first pitched in 1973.
Standing at the plate, Sam twisted the bat in his hands, twirling it a couple times. He took a couple weak practice swings. "Just let go of the ball in between where you did the last two times," he instructed the young pitcher. As Teddy threw the ball, Sam licked his lips, forgetting the child's fragile psyche. He couldn't resist the chance to sock the ball, eyeing the fence he'd recently dubbed the "green monster." He stepped into the pitch and sent a towering smash against the fence, watching it as if it were a launch from NASA. He looked out at the pitcher, and realized the boy was ready to burst into tears on the mound. Dropping the bat, he quickly ran out to console him, unsure of what to say.
"You weren't supposed to hit that," bawled the youngster as Sam knelt and embraced him. He sighed, mad at himself for letting his athletic instincts get the better of him. Why couldn't he have missed for once. Is this how my dad was, Sam wondered, did he put others down because he felt so lousy about himself? But, Sam thought, maybe that's why I've always tried to be so cocky, so I wouldn't be like that. He had so much to learn as a father, but at least he knew how to hug. Teddy seemed greatly consoled by his affection.
"It's okay, son, nobody strikes out every batter," he remarked, only later realizing he'd used the word "son" for the first time. Maybe he didn't mind being a dad. Still, as he ended the embrace and looked the boy in the eyes, he wondered if he truly could handle the job all the time. "Everyone gives up a few hits; why, that wasn't even a home run," he explained.
The tears now coming infrequently, Teddy responded that "nobody likes a pitcher who can't get nobody out."
Especially the media in Boston, Sam thought, though he didn't say this. Instead, Sam said the only thing that could come to him - something which was all he'd ever wanted his own dad to say. "Listen, I like you just the way you are. You don't have to be perfect for someone to love you. No matter how your folks thought of you, you're really doing good. Besides, it took me years before I got good enough to make the big leagues. I didn't make it till my early twenties."
"How come you're not still there," the boy inquired as Sam wiped away his tears. Suddenly the long hit and sad pitcher brought something else to mind.
"Wellll," the ex-hurler began, and suddenly the year was 1974. He was on the mound for Boston, a team which had been in first by six games at the start of the month, but which would wind up seven back of first place at the end. He stood on the mound facing the aging Norm Cash, in Cash's last season. There were two outs in the ninth, with the Sox up 5-3 and two runners on base. Sam Malone had a chance for the win that would keep his club in first.
The catcher signaled fastball, and Sam knew to get it in near Cash's hands. He was fast enough to make Cash hit a high pop-up if he did that. However, he got it out over the plate, and Cash, reaching back into his youth and a storied 1961 campaign, hit Sam's pitch way over Fenway Park's Green Monster. The Sox fell into second because of this, and never recovered that year, winding up third. Sam would never be the same.
Lost in time, Sam thought about the loss, and his drinking binge later that evening. He'd thought he could succeed with his athletic talent, but after that game he figured his father was right - he was no good. Trying to live down to those expectations, he'd drunk himself out of baseball within a few years. He sighed heavily. Could he truly make a difference in this child's life, given what he'd gone through? He wasn't sure.
"Well...I'm just too old to play ball," he told the boy. This was true. He could count on one hand the successful hurlers in their middle to late forties. Without a knuckleball, he knew his chances would be very slim. But, did Teddy also need to hear the rest of the story? Perhaps someday, but not right now. "Hey," he suggested, "how's about we work on the motion without the ball first." They did this for several hours, Sam throwing enough pitches he felt loose enough to pitch a couple innings.
Several hours later, Sam walked into the bar feeling refreshed. The practice in the park reminded him of warming up in the bullpen long ago. "Okay," he remarked, suddenly thinking gladly of his days on the ball field. "Teddy's at your place, Woody. Phew, that was a good warmup."
"You probably feel like you could go a few innings, huh," came the small talk from Norm. He sat down a half-empty mug of beer and walked toward the door, where the others were congregated.
Musing, Sam nodded his head. "Maybe, but - man, that kid needs someone who's willing to spend some serious time with him." And, even if I tried, would I be good at it?
Cliff patted him on the shoulder. "Hey, you're the man who can do it, Sam," he remarked. Now I know why I love this group so much; Sam concluded, they believe in me. And, in a way, maybe Teddy does, too.
The subject of Sam Malone's pitching and Sam's other pursuits interested Cliff. Sam was more successful than he was, but somehow, he thought he could attain what Sam had. Cliff used his mind for trivia - some of it nonsensical - to attract whatever attention he thought Sam had gained despite his missteps.
"Didn't you always want to be a father," Woody inquired.
Sam looked wistful. "Yeah, I wanted to be able to call a kid my son, to be able to..." He found he couldn't put it into words. "You know, do dad stuff." Woody grinned at the vagueness. "But...He is so much like me when I was young," Sam commented. He remembered the day when he was six, and had tried to fix his dad breakfast in bed, only to have him complain because things weren't perfect; the toast wasn't done just right, for instance. That was something he'd only confided in his on-again, off-again love interest, Diane Chambers. He knew no child like himself, or Teddy, could be expected to be perfect. The way Teddy acted, it was apparent to Sam he'd had similar experiences. But...did Sam want a child with those needs? Or, did he want a child for himself, just so he could be a dad. He wasn't sure anymore.
Woody's question, as usual, brought snickers. "He's just like you? What, you had freckles and a mole on your chin?"
"No, I don't mean that," Sam explained calmly. "I mean the way he acts, he seems almost desperate to please me," he explained, emphasizing the "desperate." Not that I mind, he pondered. But, from all the stories told by others at AA meetings before, he'd come to realize how bad that is, to need to please any other person, as people were just as human.
Sam then considered the Lord's work in this. He onlyi knew of a higher being - acceptance of such was one of the hallmarks of the AA program. It helped one to realize they weren't alone, and that there was a higher plan
It was probably good to follow this higher being. Working for himself had been easy until now, though. Still, as Sam continued to his friends, "I keep finding myself needing to tell him he doesn't have to do that. Oh, well, we can forget about that for a little while. What about this invention, Jim," he inquired, changing the subject.
Jim opened the door excitedly. "Come on out and I'll show you. I'll set a random date," he remarked as he left the bar.
"Oh, let's not go back too far, I'm a little scared of dinosaurs," Woody added. Nobody could determine if he was joking.
Once the occupants were seated in the van, Jim pressed a few buttons and twirled some knobs, setting the date for September 15, 1974. "There was a great ball game at Fenway that day," he explained. "I'm from Detroit, and a big Tiger fan." Sam contemplated the events of that season, scratching his head.
"The Tigers," spouted the ex-hurler. "Hey, wait a minute..." he began before pausing. Finally, he murmured "was that the day?"
"The day for what," Norm inquired, anxious to go on an adventure. Sitting at the bar all day seemed even more stale to Cliff, who grinned with the excitement of a child going to Disneyland. As for Woody, he wondered if this machine would work, and - on a more theoretical level - whether events could be altered. Carla felt happy that Frazier Crane, a psychiatrist who had frequented the bar before, was not here. He would doubtlessly be spewing all sorts of what was - to her - ridiculous psychobabble in analyzing the events that would soon occur. As for Diane... Carla shuddered, thinking that the woman might be writing poetry on the topic!
"Oh, nothing, nothing," Sam remarked as the van rode down the street. A brilliant flash soon surrounded them. Yellow and blue twirled around them in fantastic patterns. Norm wondered if he'd broken his promise not to drink so much he got drunk, as Sam looked puzzled. "Man," the ex- pitcher uttered, "I hope I didn't fall off the wagon."
"What wagon, we're in a minivan," Woody inquired, not accustomed to the term.
Norm remarked that "we can't have each others' hallucinations, so don't worry, we're all seeing this stuff outside the van." That was not what Sam had meant, but he appreciated Norm's attempt to help him.
As they "landed," which was the best term for the feel of it, even though they did not seem to have left the road, each of the occupants lurched forward. The shock prevented Jim from stopping immediately, and since they were on a street, he decided the best course of action was to continue driving while he regained his senses.
However, a person crossing the street at the same time needed to quickly duck out of the way. He dove onto the sidewalk and landed on his knee the wrong way, wrenching it slightly. He rolled over and grimaced as the van came to a complete stop.
"Oh, no, my first major time traveling and I've already altered the timeline," flashed through Jim's head. Jim considered that anything could conceivably cause a change, even if the change was as insignificant as the color of socks worn that day.
"Arrrrggghhh, my knee," hollered the voice on the ground. Staring at the occupants of the van, with a glare that could melt lead, he exclaimed "why don't you watch where you're going." He was slowly developing a hatred of Boston motorists.
Jim hurried out of the van first, anxious to apply first aid if needed. His wallet jumped out of his jacket, thanks to the incredibly quick sidestep he'd made, but he failed to notice it. "Oh, no," he commented simply, unable and unwilling to tell the fellow the gravity of what Jim believed could have occurred.
Getting out an normal speed with the others, Sam did a double take. "Guys...that's Norm Cash," he explained, expecting that his companions would know the name. Only Jim acknowledged it, however.
"Who?" rose from Norm's lips.
Jim said "he played for the Detroit Tigers," while hoping that he was all right. Sam began, for the first time, to ponder whether events could change - after all, if Cash can't pinch-hit tonight, he told himself, who in the world hits the home run.
Cash looked at Jim as if he were insane. "I still play for them; unless you imbeciles wrecked my knee."
Trying to find something to say, while determining that nothing was broken, Jim tried to console him. "It was gonna be your last year anyway, right?" Hopefully I can make him think that's what I meant by "played," he thought to himself. If not, it will pass, as most words do. A little comment like this won't affect a timeline much, since Cash is not overly sensitive as a child would be, is not a paranoid person, and is in his last season, Jim concluded.
"Yeah, no thanks to you! Where'd you learn how to drive," Cash inquired snidely.
Carla gazed longingly into his eyes, forgetting for a second that her boyfriend was there.
As Sam and Jim helped him stand up, Cash put pressure on his injured leg and decided that no major problem existed. However, he stepped gingerly on it. Given his age, the manager might make him rest today, as a precaution. He suddenly noticed Carla ogling him.
"Look," the waitress said lovingly, "it's my fault, we just...look," she stammered, pulling out some money. "Here's some money, let's just forget this happened." With a much more provocative voice, she cuddled up to him and said "in fact, tell me where you're staying, and I can really make it up to you."
Jim gawked at her, dumbfounded. "Carla!!" her boyfriend exclaimed as he grabbed the money from her. He'd seen her act friendly to men before, but this was ridiculous. Not to mention what a sexual escapade in a year in which she didn't even belong could do to the timeline. And then there were the bills which had dates in the 1990s on them!
Suddenly realizing Jim stood nearby, Carla looked at him matter-of- factly. "Sorry, I've never been with a ballplayer from the past before." Jim slapped his forehead and rolled his eyes.
"The...past? What are you talking about?" Now I know these people are fruitcakes, Cash told himself.
Jim hurriedly strode up to him and spoke. "Oh, don't worry, it's nothing. She's just teasing," he remarked. I might have thought Woody would be the first to slip, from what I had heard. Or maybe Cliff, but nobody would believe him. Motioning to them to get back in the van, he said "let's go." As they rode off, he lectured out of anger. "Carla, I don't ever want you talking about this while we're in the past."
"Hey, till we're married," Carla announced, "we agreed we could see anyone we wanted." Jim shook his head, driving to an abandoned stretch of road before launching the time machine portion of the van. She really doesn't understand time travel, he told himself.
"That's not the point," exclaimed Jim. "The point is we could easily alter the timeline with anything we say and do. Anything!" He breathed deeply. Walking around is fine, but for goodness sakes, don't give them anything from the future! And, for Heaven's sake, don't go telling people you're from the future. You let slip something and the person bets on it and wins a million bucks, or loses it because of some other change, you've altered a life."
Jim continued by remarking that "we'll go check and make sure nothing happened to alter the timeline. Then, when we come back, we're going to act like we belong. Got that?!" The group lurched forward again, and soon the van parked on the street "Cheers" fronted.
As they exited, nobody considered how much could have changed - after all, Jim hadn't explained the enormity of the possibilities. Sam, like the others, went about his business. "I gotta go check on Teddy now, I'll catch you all later...Hey, where's my car," he inquired loudly. I know where I parked it, he told himself, fuming.
Carla gasped. "Someone stole your car while you were gone?"
"Yeah, I can't believe the nerve of some people! I left it right..." he began to bellow, pointing. As Sam moved closer, he noticed that the parking meter had expired. "...here," he completed lowly. Of all the stupid, idiotic things. I thought we'd wind up back exactly when we started. How stupid can I get, Sam declared finally to himself.
Resigned, he shrugged. "Well, I guess I gotta take the bus, and call the police when I get to Woody's." He walked the opposite way. Of all the dumb luck, he said to himself. But, even if it was stolen and not towed, why do these things...no, I guess they don't keep happening to me. They happen to Teddy, too. If I'd stop thinking so much about myself, I might be able to help him more. But, what else is there? And, in a spot like this, I am thinking of him. That's why I'm taking the bus, he considered.
Cliff shook his head, watching as Sam walked. "Poor Sammy. Well, let's..." An idea suddenly struck Cliff. "Wait, are you sure there is a bar." Norm began to feel a tinge of concern.
"Not that it has," Jim hedged, "but we can't be sure of anything."
Norm's eyes nearly bulged out of his head as he jogged down the street at his fastest speed, though that speed would not have allowed him to catch up with a tot on a tricycle. "Ohmigosh," Norm exclaimed, "I hope they still have beer." The others laughed as Norm left, but Jim had to admit the lack of beer was a possibility. However, he knew the chances of that were very slim.
They decided to meander about the city, looking around for a couple minutes before entering the bar. Carla chided Cliff for a mumbled comment. "Come on," she declared, "don't be paranoid. I'm sure the Soviets don't run Boston."
Norm huffed and puffed as he ran the half block to "Cheers." He entered the bar to the familiar cry of "Norm!" He felt right at home for two seconds, then noticed several peculiar things. Rebecca, who had left several years ago, was a waitress. No Red Sox mementoes existed. Frazier, who had only been a patron, was tending bar. Squinting, Norm noticed a beer tap, and saw a couple patrons holding beer mugs. The effects of that practical joke, that's what it is, Norm thought to himself as he regained his breath and stepped forward. Still, he believed he had a right to be concerned.
The color slowly coming back to his face, he uttered a quick "Hi...guys." He then walked to the seat he'd used since the early 1970s - obviously he had here, too. It bore the precise imprint of his bottom. He noticed that Woody also stood behind the bar. Boy, what will Woody say when he sees this, Norm thought.
"Norm, you got off early, huh," Frazier inquired, walking up to him from behind the bar, pouring him a beer. The man sported no facial hair, which Norm thought was odd.
Suddenly, the thought hit him. Got off? What was Frazier talking about? "From...from where?" he inquired, trying not to sound too unfamiliar. After all, he knew it should be, but still wasn't sure it was the right year.
Handing him the ale, Frazier remarked: "Why, from the beer tasting job you've had the last...what, now, well over five years." So I got that job in this timeline! Drat! But, wait, Rebecca sort of foiled that, Norm considered. And she's still here? What changed? Maybe it was a female boss, so I didn't sound funny talking about the boss in a dress, and thus I didn't sound like a moron by correcting myself more and more. But, all that could have changed was one batter, right?
He finally spoke. "Yeah, well...I...wasn't feeling good, so I took a sick day," he explained. When in doubt, say you don't feel good, he coached himself. Certain actions made people assume that, anyway. Norm felt relieved as Frazier nodded. Hey, I can handle this pretty well, he decided proudly. As long as the old bar's pretty much the same.
"Ah," the bartender began, "then you should be home in bed. Or is that just the 'official story,'" he said with a wink, "your modus operandi, so to speak." My who, Norm thought.
"Whatever. Hey, what happened to Seattle?" Keep the questions vague, he thought to himself, till you find out about this timeline. He could always think I mean some game a Seattle sports team played.
"Pardon?"
"You know, where you..." he began. He tried to lead the bartender. I could get to like this, he recognized.
Seeing his puzzled look, Frazier considered the possibilities. While he knew Norm could be referring to the Seattle Mariners, or the Supersonics, his first thought was of his dad living there. "If you're referring to my father, he moved in with us here about five years ago. You've seen him here."
Norm decided to ask a question in the form of a joke. "Us? You mean you and me are sharing an apartment?" He kept grinning broadly, considering the odd arrangement that would result from him sharing anything with such an intellectual.
Frazier laughed, taking it as intended. "That's a good one. Of course, I mean my dear Diane. Oh, I must call her and discuss our pending anniversary," he stated. Norm's eyebrows nearly shot off his head.
As he recalled her ditching Frazier in Paris...or was it him leaving...well, it was in Europe, he told himself. "Oh, because she didn't..." he started, then realized that Frazier was warming up to his being the real Norm. He stopped and reminded himself that with those big words, he should have suspected Diane and Frazier were together.
Jim, Carla, Cliff, and Woody walked into the bar at that moment.
Alternate Woody A-Woody looked up from an order and noticed Woody. "Hey, that's me," he uttered, shocked. "No, wait, I'm me. I think."
As Frazier noticed the newcomers, he quickly did a double take. Then, he pulled out a notepad. "My goodness, that man could be Woody's twin," he exclaimed out loud. "I must take notes on how Woody and this other fellow react. It will make an excellent case study," he muttered to Norm.
The psychiatrist became incredulous as the Woodys chatted. "Hey," Woody uttered happily, remembering they could be on a different Earth, "I bet you're Woody Boyd." So he would have let it slip soon, Jim thought. Carla just beat him to the punch.
A-Woody smiled, as if recognizing a relative he hadn't seen in years. He didn't know who it was, but assumed the other Woody knew him in some way. "Sure am," he replied.
"What a coincidence, so am I," Woody remarked as Frazier mouthed the word "what?" The Woodys walked toward each other.
Carla, recalling several sci-fi shows, rushed up to Jim and spoke in a semi-whisper. "Is it safe for them to see each other," Carla inquired.
Jim spoke warningly while not looking at the two Woodys. "Yes," he spoke as the Woodys shook hands, "but they shouldn't touch each other. The same matter may not be able to occupy two spaces at once, and there could be a cataclysmic explosion with physical contact." Suddenly glancing at the Woodys. "Or...not," came the slow reply.
Frazier considered whether the Woodys simply assumed they were related. He quickly dismissed this notion - why would they call each other by the same name? Unless that was a common practice in Indiana, something of which he was unaware.
Just as he was trying to unravel that mystery, Rebecca walked up to Carla. "So happy to see you."
As Cliff sat at the opposite end of the bar, Norm blurted "what is this, a mirror universe?" He suddenly felt ashamed, but saw no reaction from Jim. It might not be as bad when discussing it in the present year, since things can't change, he told himself. So, I know it's the right year.
"Knock it off, will ya," Carla hollered, jolting Norm back to reality. At the same time, Carla took the cue from Jim that she could tell people who they were. "Look, Frazier, you won't believe this, but I'm from a...well, a different world."
Frazier smiled. "I have always suspected that about you, Carla. I still hold group therapy in my office," he remarked, pointing to Sam's office. This sent a small chill down the spines of the travelers.
"Your office?" came the indignant reply from Carla's lips.
Frazier nodded, proud of himself. "Yes, it is a rather attractive idea, a psychiatrist's office in a bar. It's why I bought the place in the early '80s, after winning big betting on the Red Sox in 1981." He owns...but where's Sam, Carla thought to herself as Norm contentedly sipped his beer.
"Wait, you own the bar," Woody inquired. "Was Coach here? And if not, then how did I get here?"
"You came through the front door" was A-Woody's response.
Suddenly, Norm felt even more at ease. As long as Sam was around, he would love staying here. He forgot there was another Norm Peterson out there.
"You think that's something," Norm remarked, filling the others in on his information. "Listen to this - Frazier's dad moved here and comes into the bar once in a while, and Frazier and Diane have been married for a number of years."
"Oh my G-," shrieked Carla.
Frazier's voice held a tinge of concern. "Are you all right, Carla?"
"Yes," she said, nodding, "it's just...the shock is so enormous." Those two are the biggest nerds I can imagine, she thought.
"But we've been married 10 years," the very confused psychiatrist remarked. He pulled out a card. Handing it to her, he instructed: "Here, give my secretary a call."
Jim smiled. Okay, he thought, time to try and explain this...if I can. "Wait, let me straighten all this out. You see, I invented a machine..." he began as the alternate Cliff A-Cliff strode in, sporting a Red Sox warmup jacket instead of a postal uniform.
"Cliff!" shouted the denizens of the bar as Carla's eyeballs nearly shot out of their sockets and imbedded themselves in the wall.
"Wow," Cliff uttered as Frazier began to take more notes, hoping this would be a more logical meeting of doubles. "They love me. Maybe I should stay here." They didn't recognize me with my postal uniform on, he pondered, noting his double's Red Sox jacket and hat. Also, his double bore no mustache.
A-Cliff sat next to Cliff, considering the Red Sox book that Diane had helped him author. A new edition had just come out, and he was anxious to speak with Frazier about going with Diane on a book tour. "Hey, Fraz, gimme a beer," he instructed.
Frazier poured it. "I hear your book's doing well, 'Day by Day in Red Sox History.'"
"Sure is," came A-Cliff as he sipped his beverage.
To himself, Norm said "I can't believe Cliff wrote a book." Lower, he turned and mumbled "in fact, I can't believe he even read a book."
Cliff, noticing his double was not in customary postal attire, inquired: "Who are you?" The scribbling began on Frazier's pad. He noted every word and gesture that occurred since the Clliffs first saw each other.
"Clifford Clavin," came the utterance as they shook hands. He then added the title "Mr. Red Sox to you."
"Your socks are black, Cliff," Woody remarked, looking down.
Frazier laughed again, and Jim realized they could explain this as a comedy act. "Good one. Cliff is the biggest authority on the Red Sox in this area," exclaimed Frazier, not thinking that his Woody might have told this "other Woody" about him.
"Huh," Cliff remarked, anxious to show off his supposed knowledge. "Did you know that the Red Sox were originally called the Green Socks? Only due to a shortage of green during World War One caused by the military needing it for camouflage did they change their socks, and thus their name."
A-Cliff sneered. "That is the strangest, most ludicrous thing I've ever heard," A-Cliff exclaimed. "Take it back, or else!"
Carla's mouth hung open as if a gaping hole had been shot in her face by a torpedo. After several stunned seconds, she exclaimed: "Oh my G-, I agree with Cliff. The world is coming to an end!"
Frazier tried to prevent possible fisticuffs. "That's a good tall tale, but I'm afraid Cliff here doesn't take kindly to people taking his team in vain." One tried to upstage his lookalike, and the other responded with anger, inscribed Frazier. Perhaps akin to a school child upset that a classmate bears the same first name, he footnoted.
"Now, wait just a minute," countered Cliff, "I've got just as much right to be me as he does."
A-Woody raised his eyebrows. "Did you understand that?" he asked Frazier.
The psychiatrist behind the bar shrugged his shoulders, opened his mouth, and closed it again. This is also turning too bizarre to report, he thought. "I..." he began, trying to think of a psychological explanation for such a statement. It was truly a unique saying. "Well, I..." he tried to begin anew as the phone rang. He thankfully picked it up, happy that someone had saved him from that puzzlement. "Cheers. Oh, hello Carla, I was just talking to you...well," he corrected, "that is, your...I see. I see, well, yes, certainly, take the night off, by all means. I hope your mother feels better." He hung up the phone. Carla made a note to call her own mother when she got back home, though she didn't know how she would explain the rationale.
"I think I've got it," Frazier exclaimed, clasping his hands together.
"Well, don't give it to me," A-Woody said hastily, moving away, "I just got over a bad cold."
Frazier laughed again, and suddenly his thought made even more sense; after all, there had been even more jest than usual in the bar. "I mean, I see the joke you are pulling. You want me to think there are two of each of you, plus whoever this man is," he remarked, pointing to Jim. "I bet you're with the talent agency, Sir, am I right?"
Jim was unsure how to respond.
"Clever, clever indeed, a great April Fools' gag. Maybe the best we've had," the man behind the bar resumed cheerfully, drifting into thought. "Hmmm, would Diane appreciate such a stunt for...no, it might scare the children at home," he decided. Carla once again felt shocked.
"You two had children?! Oh, the horror..." she commented, half- joking.
"Of course, you remember little Hezekiah and Mephibosheth." Quoting Shakespeare, Frazier turned to Jim and said "by all means, let them play. Play, Sirs," he said, turning away to tend to a customer's order. "Sorry Carla had to call and spoil it, or I might have been clueless for hours." He felt great satisfaction, and even a little relief, at knowing the rationale behind this confusion.
" I still am clueless," A-Woody admitted.
A-Cliff shook his head. "Yeah, I sure wouldn't ask someone to lie about the greatest team known to man."
Norm felt even more at home now. He decided to offer a truce everyone could agree upon, even those from his own timeline. He raised his beer, now almost half gone, and exclaimed "you said it. To the Red Sox!"
A-Cliff grinned, raising his glass and repeating Norm's toast. He finally added "to the hero of the 1981 Fall Classic."
That's right, Norm considered, Frazier said something about Boston in that Series. Could it be they won for the first time since 1918 that year? And, if so, how?
"Who's that?" asked Woody.
Carla nodded. All seemed to lean forward a little. If this Cliff were such an expert on the Red Sox, they could learn a lot about this world. "The question on all our lips," she murmured.
"I don't see any writing there," A-Woody remarked.
A-Cliff ignored him and assumed his statesman pose, authoritatively sitting up and speaking. "Why, Sam Malone," A-Cliff announced, giving the travellers goose bumps. "The Sox won the second half by a game and a half over the Brewers, beat the Yankees in five, the A's in 3, then the Astros in the lowest scoring seven-game Series ever; ironic considering Fenway is a hitters' park. But, Nolan Ryan started two games there, and Sutton lost only 3-2 in game 6."
Carla forgot her animosity toward either Cliff. She felt more excited than she recalled being in a long time. "And Sammy did it," she declared. "Oh, I knew he had it in him." After all these years, he's a real success, she thought dreamily.
Norm held up a hand, figuring he could be expected to be a little forgetful. "Wait a minute, I thought it was the Dodgers." It was them over the Yankees in my world, he thought.
A-Cliff set him straight. "No, my friend, the Dodgers split those Series with Boston in 1977 and 1978," he explained, assuming that was where Norm got confused. "That's what you're thinking of, Norm." A-Cliff loved the attention having all this information brought him, especially considering that he could follow someone who had become what he'd needed to be his whole life. Sam Malone was more than a hero to him.
Cliff, meanwhile, considered whether he could ever know enough to write a book. Perhaps having Sam around the bar instead of having to go around collecting information on him has kept me from having that get up and go, he considered.
A-Cliff continued. "Sammy pitched in 1975, too, and won game six, but he got taken out in the 9th of game 7, or we'd have won that Series, too."
"Yes," Frazier mused, "I wonder whatever happened to him."
"Well, you just said, he won two World Series," remarked Woody.
"Plus," A-Cliff exclaimed, holding up his right index finger, "the 1977 Cy Young Award. He almost took the MVP from teammate Jim Rice. He was the Series MVP in '81, winning one, saving two, and stranding all nine runners in his five entrances from the 'pen. He threw nine and two thirds scoreless innings." Carla's gaze grew steadily during this part of the monologue, as she grew increasingly amazed at the enormity of Sam's accomplishments. And, the amazing part to her was, as he wandered through the city, he may not know any of this.
Won't he be thrilled, Carla considered. If it's good news about Sammy I can almost put up with all that stuff from Cliff, she decided. At least this Cliff talked about subjects she liked. She hoped they could trade Cliffs.
Rebecca agreed, awed by Cliff's knowledge. "Isn't he amazing; baseball's all he talks about, but he really takes an interest," she finished. Indicating Frazier, she remarked that "as for his question, I think he's asking what happened after 'The Pitch.'"
"Which pitch is that?" came from Woody's lips.
A-Cliff became somber for a second. He nodded slowly, realizing how close he might come to disappearing like that. In fact, the idea often tempted him. "Oh, yeah, 1986, game 7. The Sox are one strike away from a pennant with nobody on base in the top of the ninth, up by three. Sammy gives up two hits and homers to Bobby Grich and Gary Pettis, the last also with two strikes on him, and the Sox lose the pennant to the Angels." He added that "nobody's heard from him since he walked off that mound."
Carla's mouth stood agape. "Oh, poor Sam."
Norm remarked that "this is a mirror universe. The teams did that in reverse...hey, Cliffy, who won that Series," he inquired, considering his own 1986 season.
As Cliff uttered "Tokyo," A-Cliff glared.
"I knew you'd say something absurd. The Mets," came the authoritative comment. "They did it in five, with Tom Seaver winning two for them before retiring the next spring with arm trouble." A-Cliff leaned forward, as if to confide a secret. "While nobody's actually heard from Sam, I have my spies, and they're positive he's in the mountains of Tibet. I plan to join him if life gets too tough." Another part Diane would disapprove of - my biography of Sam would contain 200 pages of invented stories before revealing where Sam was.
Frazier lit up, considering another reason why all this had occurred. "Say, I just wonder," he mused out loud, rubbing his chin. "Could you all be talking about this so..." As if on cue, Sam walked in hurriedly, ensuring that his companions were here. "Good Heavens, it is! It's Sam Malone," Frazier announced to the bar. As the people from the alternate timeline cheered and raised their glasses, A-Cliff ran and knelt before the ex-hurler, whom he assumed was his world's Sam Malone.
"Oh great one," came the words that made Carla realize this Cliff was just as crazy as hers, "I have worshiped your pitching all my life...well, the last decade, anyway," hedged the ex-postman. Such a great man, and yet to give up such a monumental home run to the Angels...and, perhaps that was even a sign, the fact it was the Angels, A-Cliff thought to himself.
Sam looked around, somewhat confused. "Wait, wait..." he said, looking down. What manner of weirdness is this, he wondered. "Get up, Cliff, you're acting insane."
A-Cliff jumped back. "My goodness, how did you know my name?"
"'Cheers is the place where everybody knows your name, dimwit," remarked Carla, anxious to insult Cliff.
"Of course," Frazier remarked, walking out from behind the bar and greeting Sam warmly. "You planned this whole thing, this stunning re- entrance, right, Sam?" What a way to come back home, it's right out of Hollywood, he thought.
Rebecca looked up from a customer on whom she was waiting and remarked: "I must say, that is a unique emergence. I wonder if Elvis will do it the same way." Woody smiled, trying to recall who in his world was obsessed with Elvis Presley.
Sam suddenly noticed Frazier. "Oh, hey, Fraz. How's it going?" To the others, he said "I don't know what you're talking about, but come on, gather around." Norm, Carla, Jim, Woody, and the Cliffs gather around him. To A-Cliff, who decided to kneel rather than stand, he said insistently: "Not you!"
A-Cliff looked genuinely hurt. "But I shall always be with you, even unto death!"
Woody grinned at A-Cliff's obsessiveness. He also knew it was a perfect place to insert a joke, one of those he used so people wouldn't know when he was clueless about a given situation. Recalling the time one of the Lord's disciples acted particularly cocky, Woody asked Sam "isn't this where you say to Cliff 'you shall deny me thrice before the **** crows'?"
Sam shook his head, barely noticing the question. "I don't care, listen - I can't find Teddy."